The loss of a child

Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

• When a Baby Dies

• When an Infant Dies

• When a Teenager Dies

• Youth Suicide: How You Can Help the Survivors

• What Helps When We’re Experiencing the Unthinkable

• Loss of Our Assumptive World

• The Grief of Grandparents

• Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

• After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl Zuvlea on July 1, 2010 at 4:52pm

July 1st 2010 we lost our nephew on May 29th 2010 he was 25 years old. He died suddenly to heart disease when my sister first heard him get sick in the bathroom in fifteen minutes time he went home to be with the Lord. Left grieving for him is my sister (mom), dad, brother, girlfriend and many aunts, uncles and cousins. My sister is in such pain i feel she is going through this in the most pain and sorrow at losing her son and feeling as she didn't do enough. So I had the family over last weekend trying to help but I fear I only made things worse. We talked about Christopher we laughed, cried and then suddenly she said I have to go and she got up and left. I called her the next day to talk to her and she said she wants to feel the pain and loss of her son and that Christopher girlfriend was to upset to talk about it and she didn't want to rehash it. And then she sent me an email saying it is good to talk about him. So I'm left confused and unsure of what to say or not say. I hurt too and I'm grieving in my own way I cry most days and walk up at lot at night thinking it is all just a nightmare and I will see him again. But then I realize I wont not in this life and my heart hurts.The younger cousins are having a tribute for Christopher on Saturday with music at a coffee shop we are all going I just don't know what I should or shouldn't do to help. I guess I'm just writing this to get it out if anyone has any thing that I could do or say please feel free to reply. I had read many of your stories of your children and it breaks my heart at the pain here on this site. God Bless. Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Shirley Gutierrez on July 2, 2010 at 11:31am

amaryllis said:

Dear Kelly, with all my heart i am close to you, i am with you as i keep the memory of the same March 20. A hug and love.

Kelly Farrar said:
I lost my only son who was 5 days away from 31 years old. he was a wonderful son, good kid, had many years playing football, he loved the Pigskin. I am greiving so badly I can understand how NO PARENT wants to lose their only or any child. My son died march 20th, 2010. I think of him 24/7, pictures, trophies line my walls, his baby pictures and all thru are also up. I never thought I would lose my son Ken but I did. I cry non-stop. What could i have done? Nothing he was a grown man. I pray for every parent that has lost an only or any child. It is heart-wrenching, you are never the same, you mourn terrible. I have my sons ashes right next to my head at night when I go to sleep, and many many, fond memories. When my precious son passed away we were getting along so well. I Love & Miss You Son. R.I.P. 3-25-79 to 3-20-2010. Your Mother, Kelly

Permalink Reply by Shirley Gutierrez on July 2, 2010 at 11:32am

Shirley Gutierrez said:

amaryllis said:
Dear Kelly, with all my heart i am close to you, i am with you as i keep the memory of the same March 20. A hug and love.

Kelly Farrar said:
I lost my only son who was 5 days away from 31 years old. he was a wonderful son, good kid, had many years playing football, he loved the Pigskin. I am greiving so badly I can understand how NO PARENT wants to lose their only or any child. My son died march 20th, 2010. I think of him 24/7, pictures, trophies line my walls, his baby pictures and all thru are also up. I never thought I would lose my son Ken but I did. I cry non-stop. What could i have done? Nothing he was a grown man. I pray for every parent that has lost an only or any child. It is heart-wrenching, you are never the same, you mourn terrible. I have my sons ashes right next to my head at night when I go to sleep, and many many, fond memories. When my precious son passed away we were getting along so well. I Love & Miss You Son. R.I.P. 3-25-79 to 3-20-2010. Your Mother, Kelly

Permalink Reply by Shirley Gutierrez on July 2, 2010 at 2:00pm

I am so sorry for all of us who are writing about the losses of their children. I have lost 2 daughters within the past year, of cancer. Linda's birthday was June 10th, she died March 1st this year and Lisa's birthday is coming up on July 15th, she died on August 11th last year, 2009. Sometimes, I think I am handling this OK but other times I realize I'm not. It takes all my strength just to hold on. I have a husband and another daughter and I need to keep going for them but it's very difficult at times.

Permalink Reply by bridget anderson on July 2, 2010 at 3:44pm

ITS BEEN 19 MONTHS SINCE MY WAS MURDER I HAVE NOT BEEN THE SAME YET,I JUS ASK WHY ME HOW COULD SOMEONE TAKE ANOTHER HUMAN LIFE.I SON JUS TURN 23 LAST MONTH.HE WAS 21 YRS,OLD WHEN SOMEONE KILLED MY BABY,I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVER I WAS MAD AT THE WORLD AND EVEN GOD,HOW CAN HE LET SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPEN TO ANY ONE THAT LOSE A CHILD.BUT I HAD TO LEARN IT WASING GOD FAULT.BUT WHEN SOMETHING HAPPEN TO YOU LIKE THIS YOU DONT THINK STRAIGHT.WE US PARENT'S,WE DO NOT SUPPOSE TO BURIED OUR KIDS THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BUIRED US.IT IS HARD TO FOCUS IN LIFE WHEN YOU LOSE A CHILD,THAT IS ABOUT THE HARDEST THING THAT IN LIFE.AND CAN NO ONE TELL YOU NOTHING IF THEY AINT BEEN IN YOUR SHOES.I HAVE BEEN THERE AND I STILL CANT TELL NO ONE WHAT TO DO BUT CRY.WHEN YOU DONT HAVE NO SUPPORT IT IS HARD TO GET ON,I JUS PRAY EVERY NITE AND ASK THE LORD TO GIVE ME THE STRENGTHN HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN SEE YOU THROUGH HARDACES AND TIME.R.I.P [GREG]MAMA LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH.06-14-87,12-29-08.

Permalink Reply by Liz on July 3, 2010 at 8:11am

Cheryl Zuvlea said:

July 1st 2010 we lost our nephew on May 29th 2010 he was 25 years old. He died suddenly to heart disease when my sister first heard him get sick in the bathroom in fifteen minutes time he went home to be with the Lord. Left grieving for him is my sister (mom), dad, brother, girlfriend and many aunts, uncles and cousins. My sister is in such pain i feel she is going through this in the most pain and sorrow at losing her son and feeling as she didn't do enough. So I had the family over last weekend trying to help but I fear I only made things worse. We talked about Christopher we laughed, cried and then suddenly she said I have to go and she got up and left. I called her the next day to talk to her and she said she wants to feel the pain and loss of her son and that Christopher girlfriend was to upset to talk about it and she didn't want to rehash it. And then she sent me an email saying it is good to talk about him. So I'm left confused and unsure of what to say or not say. I hurt too and I'm grieving in my own way I cry most days and walk up at lot at night thinking it is all just a nightmare and I will see him again. But then I realize I wont not in this life and my heart hurts.The younger cousins are having a tribute for Christopher on Saturday with music at a coffee shop we are all going I just don't know what I should or shouldn't do to help. I guess I'm just writing this to get it out if anyone has any thing that I could do or say please feel free to reply. I had read many of your stories of your children and it breaks my heart at the pain here on this site. God Bless. Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Kelly Farrar on July 4, 2010 at 8:54am

Thank You so much for answering me Amyrillis, I did not forget you. I am not sure if you also lost a precious child on March 20th as I did my son. I freaked out and have cried for days & days. I am doing a little better. I'm sad, angry, lonely, hurt, a multitude of things at my son Ken. I see him everywhere even when I look in a mirror. I will continue to keep in touch with you if that is alright. Thank You, Kelly

Permalink Reply by amaryllis on July 4, 2010 at 1:10pm

Hi, Kelly, I do not forget you either. We lost our sons on the same day of the same month -for me it happened in 2009. Hopefully with the Grace of God I could gradually reach a point of hope and calm. He is constantly in my mind though as you say.
It will be so good if we keep in touch with each other!
xxxxx Love.

Permalink Reply by Gerry Fiden on July 5, 2010 at 6:56pm

Dear Scott's Mom,

You know how horrible you felt when your son took his life, please think twice before you cause that pain to the ones "you" would leave behind. Your son looks down and is watching you...make him proud you are his mom. We all felt like you when our children died. I too wanted to die and asked God each and everyday, why him why not me. The truth is, we will not know until we join our children. Everyday you live you are one day closer to being with him again. Come here to talk we will listen.
God Be With You

Scott's lost mom said:

I have lost my son to suicide. My life is over. I am just looking to clean things up and then join him. There is no way I will suffer this way for years. Why is my heart still beating?

Permalink Reply by Scott's lost mom on July 10, 2010 at 5:36pm

Another day without my son. I am screaming in my head. The pain is so intense that I feel faint at times. How could he do this? Why did he do this? What did I miss? How did life turn out like this? I am trying so hard but if one more person touches me, I am going to scream loud. If my husband says one more stupid thing to me "we still have our daughter" "we can still have a life" I might commit murder.

Why don't they leave me alone? My son is dead!!!! My heart is broken, I hurt in every fiber of my body. They eat, they drink, they swim in the pool. I am so close to snapping. My baby has been gone 24 days!!! Leave me alone!!! but they don't.

How do I get them all to go away?

Permalink Reply by Scott's lost mom on July 10, 2010 at 5:50pm

Also, why do people tell me what they think I need. You need to eat, need to sleep, need to remember the joy. I NEED MY SON!!! What don't they get? When will they go away?

Permalink Reply by mary on July 11, 2010 at 11:27am

You do not have to do, think or say anything you dont want to. You can feel any way you want to. Cry, scream, shout, go to your room turn out the lights, turn music up really loud....it's all ok!

Everyone deals with things in different ways...It doesn't seem like life should go on without him...it does however... I walked around in a daze...wondering why people were still laughing, why families were out together shopping, why, why why everything...... I didnt want to eat....I couldnt sleep... i didnt want to be alive and sometimes I feel all those ways all over again and it's all ok!

Please just try and understand that when anyone suggests anything or trys to comfort you they have no clue....none... what to say or do...but that's ok too!
They care about you...they do...no matter how you think they are handling things...at least they are there for you...when you need to scream, cry, etc.
Try to understand this although i know it's really hard.... but don't push them away ... you need them...maybe it seems not right now...but you will.

I know exactly how you feel... it's a whirling pain in your head..anxiety to the highest level.....the thoughts.. the loss...the everything swirls in and out of your head..your body aches everywhere ......it is instinctive...your Motherly instincts are saying ...what if...where is he..is he ok...please God why him, why us, why me.... it goes deep into your soul as a Mother...it affects us differently...they were a part of us... but they still are and always will be.

Please dont push yourself too hard.... let all those feelings come in and try to understand them...it ok to feel any way you do and when you do think of your son and try to think of him in good ways...any way you can.

My two sons died on July 15, 2010 when they drowned together.... I think I am writing this more for me than I am for you. I look ok on the outside...but if anyone could begin to feel what we do on the inside..... well you understand but many others dont.... please take good care of yourself.
Mary

Scott's lost mom said:

Another day without my son. I am screaming in my head. The pain is so intense that I feel faint at times. How could he do this? Why did he do this? What did I miss? How did life turn out like this? I am trying so hard but if one more person touches me, I am going to scream loud. If my husband says one more stupid thing to me "we still have our daughter" "we can still have a life" I might commit murder.

Why don't they leave me alone? My son is dead!!!! My heart is broken, I hurt in every fiber of my body. They eat, they drink, they swim in the pool. I am so close to snapping. My baby has been gone 24 days!!! Leave me alone!!! but they don't.

How do I get them all to go away?