Grief support for all coping with the loss of a child

Share your story and connect with others who are coping with the death of a child.

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Replies to This Discussion

Robbie, my sympathy to you. Next week will be fifteen months since I lost my 45 year-old son, and only in the last few days have I been able to tidy up a tabletop full of papers, and my dresser that I hadn't dusted since the hospital days in the fall of last year. It is so unbelievable.  I just wanted to phone Heaven to see if he has a place to stay, and someone to look after him.  So stupid, but what can I say?

Please look at my page, David, Bernie's Dad, scroll down to see some words that might begin to help you.

One day we will be together with them again, forever!

David.

I cannot find the original post from Robbie but I lost two sons at the same time and it was and still is very, very difficult.  Some how knowing that they are together helps me but I find myself thinking about one and then saying wait what about the other.......  

The holidays are terrible.... just terrible without them. My family will never be the same again. I have two older sons one just got married and has a little boy and although at first when I held him all I could think about is how I held my sons when they were babies and I sat in the rocker and cried inside rocking him to sleep.  I see so much of my one son who died in him though it is amazing. He is also telling us he sees Angels...blue Angels and even said an Angel plays the drums...Stephen my son who died did.  I was changing him one day and he rubbed a bracelet that my son had on when he died and said that's Stephen..."I run away from Angels". He was 18mos at the time he said that.  Recently, my son and his wife were in the bathroom giving him a bath and he repeated that he saw the Blue Angel playing the drums to them. He has said it many times and drew a picture of the blue Angels ...he is now 2 1/2.  He wakes up and tells his mother he said good bye to the men in his room. Also a shelf in my sons garage toppled over and missed hitting him by inches and the other day he said the Angel saved him.  
I really don't know what to make of it, but I do feel that it is very real as no one ever even mentioned the word Angels to him before he said it himself nor did anyone really ever talk to him about my sons who died. 

Robbie you are lucky to have a part of your son with you. My sons who died were only 21 and 19 and didnt have a chance to live their lives or have children.  Hang on to those children tight and they will help you and their mother get through this.  You don't have to be strong.... you don't have to be anything you don't want to be... I still just go with the way i feel each day...that is all I can do.

May God grant us Peace in our hearts.

Mary



Debra Marie said:

Awww Robbie when I read this my heart went out to you. I am truly sorry for your loss. I am going through losing one son,I can't imgine losing two at once.Yes you do have to be strong for your Grandchildren! I went 11 months like a zombe after the death of my son. I have two sons still at home who did not have a mother. I have been trying to make it up to them. Anyhow I have a suggestion for you. Get a little photo album for the 18 month old starting with the front of the album label it "My Daddy" starting with the first page put some baby pictures of his or her's father then continue it with pictures of your son as he grew up through the years. Label each picture how old,what he was doing etc....Have the mother or you read it every day to him or her,then as the 7 day old as she or he grows do the same thing.You can also do another one for your other son who was their Uncle. I will hold you in my prayers. Deb
 
Robbie Carey said:

I have recently lost both my sons in a car wreck. My heart feels so broken nothing seems to make sense. To only be 40 any have to live the rest of my life without them seems unbearable. To live with this feeling of loss is almost like dying too. Everyone says I have to be strong for the two children my oldest son left behind his youngest was only 7 days old, the oldest is 18 months. The thought of my grandchildern never knowing what a great dad they had or funny uncle hurts so much. I just hope that with time the grief is more managable
Dear Michael, I am truly sorry for your precious loss, the loss of your 5 year old daughter. No amount of words can take away the pain you are feeling at this moment. Your daughter was taken away from you in a such a senseless and violent way. What a cruel loveless world we live in (2nd Timothy 3:15). Michael, we will not have to live much longer with the uncertainties and insecurities that this life promotes today. Our loving God and Creator, Jehovah has given us His sure promise: "As regards the wicked, they will be cut off from the very earth; and as for the treacherous, they will be torn away from it (Proverbs 2:22). Mankind will then be able to live out his days: "....every man under his vine and under his fig tree; and NONE shall make them afraid" (Micah 4:4). God has also purposed that you see your loved one, your daughter again. What a beautiful future awaits those who have died and those of us who are privileged to be there when Jehovah calls there name to stand back up to life again (Isaiah 26:19; Acts 24:15; John 11:1-44). Michael may you find comfort and peace in the coming days ahead.
Try, though it may be difficult, but try and keep yourself with sufficient rest, healthy snacks and meals, fresh air and positive people in your life. Remember that God is near to those with a crushed heart and He will give you, Michael the needed strength to make it through the coming days ahead (Isaiah 41:10 and 13). You have my sincerest belated condolences.
Jackie

I wrote several years ago regarding the death of my only son, Phillip Pound.  I would like to bring you up to date on this journey that is my reality.  On Sept. 29, 2010 my beloved husband of 44 years died.  His health since Phillips death was on a down hill slide.  He died at home, with me beside him of heart and kidney failure.  His belief was that he would join Phillip in heaven and that they would be together again.  He hated to leave me and Phillips 2 sisters and the 5 grandkids but as he said at the last "I have to go now, I will wait for you". 

7 months after his death I was called by my eldest daughter to tell me her sister, my middle child Amy, had died in her sleep of Lupus.  I cannot remember much of that day, other than the feeling of darkness.  She had suffered from Lupus for over 15 years, and only wanted to live long enough to see her three boys grown.  The youngest was 15 at this time.  I know that the three of them are together with the Lord and are happy and healthy, but oh how my heart cries for them.  My faith keeps me sane and I do experience happiness and peace, with out the Lord I do not know how anyone can survive losing their kids.  This journey that we are called to take is not for the faint hearted, it comes with a strength that helps us to walk in the light each day.  Please know that no matter what happens to you in your life, if you just have faith you will not fail. 

 

 

Peggy, just woke from my late-afternoon nap to find your good words. How true they are. After twenty one months I still ask myself if my son really died. Surely we all know the old words, 'Only the good die young!'

If it wasn't for my faith in the Lord, and belief that we shall meet again, I don't know how I would have dealt with this. Bernie's good dogs, his vines and his flowers and friends are my company and reassurance.

Thank you for your wise words, and I wish you peace,

David.

II lost my only son, Steven ,aged 24yrs old to Colon cancer on the 24th April 2011,we tried eveything to save him Chemotherapy,Radiation,etc but we were told that he had stage 4 cancer with a Tumor that couldn't be removed,and what he had was a rare type of Colon cancer 'Familia Polyposis' that he inherited from his late Father who died from the same cancer when Steven was 9yrs old,and we were kept in the dark at that time . I am still struggling to accept that Steven died that way now almost 3yrs on, and God gives me the strength to cope, I would really appreciate it if anyone else who has had a similar experience could leave me a reply- Thank you.

The second anniversary was June 22 and burial was the 25th. These two years have flown by but at the same time gone in slow motion. Her husband has a girlfriend now and I don't know how I feel about it. I am happy that he is finding some measure of happiness in his life but at the same time it makes me sad/unhappy. She is playing with the dog my daughter picked out, cooking in her kitchen, etc. This should be her life.

We lost our daughter on June 22, 2012. She was 25 and married and they were trying to start a family. She was full of life. She was our oldest child of three.  I remember going numb when I got the news. We got a phone call from the hospital when we were walking out the door to attend a show my husband's band was doing. The phone rang again and our youngest was stranded in Richmond with car troubles. We were not given any indication on the phone how bad the accident was so my husband was making arrangements to get our youngest home and I went to the hospital. I was alone when they told me. No family or friends around to hold me up. I remember a feeling of numbness coming over me, like I was looking down on myself. I do think it is the minds was of protecting you and allowing you to function and get through the next few days and weeks. I think I would of lost my mind otherwise. Each one of you is in my thoughts and prayers.

Brenda, I am so sorry, what a terrible way to find out... Any way isn't good, but to be alone...My son passed on June 22 2009, that day will be forever etched in my mind. Sending you many hugs and prayers.



Brenda Ambrose said:

We lost our daughter on June 22, 2012. She was 25 and married and they were trying to start a family. She was full of life. She was our oldest child of three.  I remember going numb when I got the news. We got a phone call from the hospital when we were walking out the door to attend a show my husband's band was doing. The phone rang again and our youngest was stranded in Richmond with car troubles. We were not given any indication on the phone how bad the accident was so my husband was making arrangements to get our youngest home and I went to the hospital. I was alone when they told me. No family or friends around to hold me up. I remember a feeling of numbness coming over me, like I was looking down on myself. I do think it is the minds was of protecting you and allowing you to function and get through the next few days and weeks. I think I would of lost my mind otherwise. Each one of you is in my thoughts and prayers.

Oh Peggy! I am so sorry about all of your losses! So much for one person. I believe in Heaven, I believe we will all be together some sweet day, please know that I am thinking of you.




Peggy Pound said:

I wrote several years ago regarding the death of my only son, Phillip Pound.  I would like to bring you up to date on this journey that is my reality.  On Sept. 29, 2010 my beloved husband of 44 years died.  His health since Phillips death was on a down hill slide.  He died at home, with me beside him of heart and kidney failure.  His belief was that he would join Phillip in heaven and that they would be together again.  He hated to leave me and Phillips 2 sisters and the 5 grandkids but as he said at the last "I have to go now, I will wait for you". 

7 months after his death I was called by my eldest daughter to tell me her sister, my middle child Amy, had died in her sleep of Lupus.  I cannot remember much of that day, other than the feeling of darkness.  She had suffered from Lupus for over 15 years, and only wanted to live long enough to see her three boys grown.  The youngest was 15 at this time.  I know that the three of them are together with the Lord and are happy and healthy, but oh how my heart cries for them.  My faith keeps me sane and I do experience happiness and peace, with out the Lord I do not know how anyone can survive losing their kids.  This journey that we are called to take is not for the faint hearted, it comes with a strength that helps us to walk in the light each day.  Please know that no matter what happens to you in your life, if you just have faith you will not fail. 

 

 

Carolyn, how terrible, we are dealing with my nephew that is 21 in the final stages of Leukemia, we too have tried everything. I hope that you can find some answers here...
Sending you Hugs and prayers for a healing heart.

,

Carolynn Dyer said:
II lost my only son, Steven ,aged 24yrs old to Colon cancer on the 24th April 2011,we tried eveything to save him Chemotherapy,Radiation,etc but we were told that he had stage 4 cancer with a Tumor that couldn't be removed,and what he had was a rare type of Colon cancer 'Familia Polyposis' that he inherited from his late Father who died from the same cancer when Steven was 9yrs old,and we were kept in the dark at that time . I am still struggling to accept that Steven died that way now almost 3yrs on, and God gives me the strength to cope, I would really appreciate it if anyone else who has had a similar experience could leave me a reply- Thank you.

There are things you cant write on Facebook because nobody really wants to hear your feelings about your lost.  They have already heard it so many times before.  But to me it's real and new all over again,  the grief of losing my son Scott.  My first  love of my life was my first born son. I was only seventeen when he was born so it was us learning together.  Scott died at 37 accident at his job and he died at the hospital. I have accepted his death.  I know God has a plan for all of us we might not understand his plans but it's not for us to understand.  It's God's will and it will be done.  I believe in the afterlife and I believe Scott's spirit is always near.  He hears me when I talk to him.  I love this boy so much so I give everything I have to the Lord so one day I will see and hold Scott in the my arms again.  Amen

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