You don't stop grieving, you just learn to live with it. Do not feel guilty. People with bi-polar commit suicide. That is just what they do, and there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. Their mind is ill, the same as if they had cancer or something like that. I know how you feel, and I wish I could take away your pain. The friend who told you to stop being selfish is very cruel, and I would probable re-evaluate my friendship with her. Time does kind of numb things. I am grateful when I get a few hours when I don't think about it, and, I can laugh again. You are very new to this, and the biggest hurdles are coming for the holidays. All I can really say is I will pray for you and your family.
Sharon, I know it's hard and the pain can be unbearable at times. I lost my son one month ago to suicide. I've chose not to feel guilty because I don't think I could have changed the outcome. And it really doesn't make sense to me to think about it because I can't go back now and change anything. I'd only be hurting myself more by thinking what if.
I suffer from chronic depression and I know the depths of it. I know that my son chose to die because of the awful pain that he felt. And I wouldn’t bring him back to suffer with it any longer because I know that he is happier now than he could ever be here. I also know that he is alive and well and doing things that he could never do while here. I think if my son had died from an accident or had been killed it would have been so much harder to deal with because I would always think, he wasn’t ready and he didn’t want to die.
I’m really sorry that your friend said those things to you. I don’t know her intentions. I can only guess that she has never lost anyone that meant the world to her. Your grief is your own and everyone grieves differently. Only you will know when you have grieved long enough.
Know that you are in our thought here as we go through the same losses. You are not alone. There are many people here that will help you.
I can really feel the pain and weight of the guilty you are placin on yourself. I lost the love of my life and my guilt consumes me some days all my time and efforts are tryin to see the signs. replayin all our arguements cause he was so lost in his sorrow that he pushed me and the girls away. I sometimes even go up into thought so much I begin to be so deep in misery I begin to think He would want me with him. I hold dear to how I knew him so much he pushed me away cause he wouldnt want me to be around that or the girls to be around all his pain and the times I dont want to accept that reason I hold close to the fact that he is no longer suffering in side his deep misery or sorrow. I have to hold on to whatever helps me at that time cause i am causing my self to suffer too much. I know all he ever wanted was for me to have a wonderful life and i hold dear to that to pass on his love to the girls and so they can hear all the silly moments or so they can know his morals and his beliefs and truely honor the part of their father they carry. I dont know much of what to say and noone does I just share what helps me. I carry guilt to the point I feel I am the whole reason that he took his life and feel the family blames me also. I pray this helps cause I know my burden is heavy. my love and prays
To Jeff's Wife, Thank you so much for your helpful message. It helps alot to hear other people's stories. I know things will get easier with time. I am doing alot of reading about Bi-polar depression and that seems to help me. I talk to Brad every day, hoping by some chance he hears me. My boys are everything to me but he was that special one that always made me laugh. I miss him so much!