Hi, My name is Sharon. My son Brad took his life July 19 2010. It has not even been 2 months yet. I knew he was in alot of pain and depression but I never thought He would ever do this. He lived in Washington D.C. and was a Lt. in the coast guard. He had a beautiful wife and 2 daughters and seemed like he had everything going for him. His Dad had manic depressive illness and Brad didn't show any signs of depression until he was in his early 30's. He started abusing alcohol to medicate his depression. He started having explosive outbursts with his family then he would go into a deep depression. When he past away I started reading up on bipolar depression and he had every sign! I can't get over this terrible guilt that I didn't pay closer attention to the signs. Maybe I could have done something to prevent this. Then I had a friend to tell me to quit feeling sorry for myself; and to stop being selfish. it really hurt my feelings. She said I have grieved long enough. How do you stop grieving? He was my Baby!       Sharon, Dallas, Ga.                                                                                                                                         

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Sorry Sharon for your loss. I lost a very close friend(partner) to suicide who was diagnosed with bipolar. I am still feeling the guilt of missing the signs an episode.You see I knew about bipolar and yet still I missed the signs. The worst is I miss being able to pick up the phone just to say hi. I still haven't wrapped my head around the loss. Your friend couldn't be a good friend to say you should be done grieving. No one has that right to tell a person it's time to stop grieving. Take care of yourself during this raw period and keep posting here...
thanks runtrat for your post. I was also familiar with bipolar but yet I just let them slip right by me. I didn't dream that he would ever do this. I must have been in complete denial. I am also tormented about his soul, where did it go and is he ok?

Runtrat said:
Sorry Sharon for your loss. I lost a very close friend(partner) to suicide who was diagnosed with bipolar. I am still feeling the guilt of missing the signs an episode.You see I knew about bipolar and yet still I missed the signs. The worst is I miss being able to pick up the phone just to say hi. I still haven't wrapped my head around the loss. Your friend couldn't be a good friend to say you should be done grieving. No one has that right to tell a person it's time to stop grieving. Take care of yourself during this raw period and keep posting here...
He is with God!! He was sick and hurting and God understands this. That is something you can have peace with!!

Sharon A. Ramsey said:
thanks runtrat for your post. I was also familiar with bipolar but yet I just let them slip right by me. I didn't dream that he would ever do this. I must have been in complete denial. I am also tormented about his soul, where did it go and is he ok
?

Runtrat said:
Sorry Sharon for your loss. I lost a very close friend(partner) to suicide who was diagnosed with bipolar. I am still feeling the guilt of missing the signs an episode.You see I knew about bipolar and yet still I missed the signs. The worst is I miss being able to pick up the phone just to say hi. I still haven't wrapped my head around the loss. Your friend couldn't be a good friend to say you should be done grieving. No one has that right to tell a person it's time to stop grieving. Take care of yourself during this raw period and keep posting here...
He is with God!! He was sick and hurting and God understands this. That is something you can have peace with!!

Sharon A. Ramsey said:
thanks runtrat for your post. I was also familiar with bipolar but yet I just let them slip right by me. I didn't dream that he would ever do this. I must have been in complete denial. I am also tormented about his soul, where did it go and is he ok
?

Runtrat said:
Sorry Sharon for your loss. I lost a very close friend(partner) to suicide who was diagnosed with bipolar. I am still feeling the guilt of missing the signs an episode.You see I knew about bipolar and yet still I missed the signs. The worst is I miss being able to pick up the phone just to say hi. I still haven't wrapped my head around the loss. Your friend couldn't be a good friend to say you should be done grieving. No one has that right to tell a person it's time to stop grieving. Take care of yourself during this raw period and keep posting here...
I am going through the same kind of emotions because of the death of my husband. The what ifs never seem to stop. Today is my husband's birthday as well as the 10 month anniversary of his death. I keep thinking that if only I had done more, loved him more...well you get the idea. Like you, I had 2 relatives ask me if I was still grieving and that I needed to move on. They are the ones with the problem. We loved the one we lost and will grieve for however long it takes. I'm beginning to think that the grieving never stops but does change. I will keep your family in my prayers.
"I'm beginning to think that the grieving never stops but does change."This is so very true. I'm the old one here I think. (it's been 21 years) There important dates will always be hard. But you will learn how to get though them. (and you will) and then there will still be days as hard as when you found out. Just try to be easy on yourself and remember it is not your fault and you could not change what they did NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK.
May god hold you all in his hands at this time of need.

Kaye said:
I am going through the same kind of emotions because of the death of my husband. The what ifs never seem to stop. Today is my husband's birthday as well as the 10 month anniversary of his death. I keep thinking that if only I had done more, loved him more...well you get the idea. Like you, I had 2 relatives ask me if I was still grieving and that I needed to move on. They are the ones with the problem. We loved the one we lost and will grieve for however long it takes. I'm beginning to think that the grieving never stops but does change. I will keep your family in my prayers.
"I'm beginning to think that the grieving never stops but does change."This is so very true. I'm the old one here I think. (it's been 21 years) There important dates will always be hard. But you will learn how to get though them. (and you will) and then there will still be days as hard as when you found out. Just try to be easy on yourself and remember it is not your fault and you could not change what they did NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK.
May god hold you all in his hands at this time of need.

Kaye said:
I am going through the same kind of emotions because of the death of my husband. The what ifs never seem to stop. Today is my husband's birthday as well as the 10 month anniversary of his death. I keep thinking that if only I had done more, loved him more...well you get the idea. Like you, I had 2 relatives ask me if I was still grieving and that I needed to move on. They are the ones with the problem. We loved the one we lost and will grieve for however long it takes. I'm beginning to think that the grieving never stops but does change. I will keep your family in my prayers.
Sharon,
Im so so sorry for the loss of your son. I get what you are saying about not recognizing the signs. My dad believed my brother may have been bi-polar also. Im not sure if he was or not, Im not sure why he did this either. I do know that without them asking for help and recognizing that they need help, we their family are helpless to do anything to fix it. As for your so called friend...let her go, frankly not worth one centilla of your time or energy. You will always grieve, you will always miss them, you just learn to live with it. This is my eighth year without my brother, 8 and my life has continued on even tho apart of me has not. Its just how it is. You are not alone Sharon, my thoughts are with you.
Sue
Sharon - I lost my only son on May 26, 2010. He is my baby as well. Please don't feel guilty over this. Who ever told you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and that you were being selfish, well I think is not really a friend. I don't know how anyone could say something so cruel to a mother that has just lost her child.

You will never stop grieving, some days will be better than others. This has been a very emotional week for me. I almost feel as if I am only begining to grieve. My son was in the Army and he as well didn't show any signs of depression. Like you, I have those same thoughts of maybe I could have done something, but the reality is that I couldn't. Keep feeling your feelings, good and bad, don't stuff them. You are not alone and my heart and prayers go out to you. Just keep those sweet memories of your sons smiles and laughter with you at all times and know that he knows your love and most of all know that child loved you.
Jackie
Sharon,
your friend doesn't know what she is talking about. Unless you have lost a child to something as terrible as suicide you really don't know. My son Mikey died 15 years ago on May 5th and I can tell you 2 months of guilt is nothing and you will eventually get through this. I went to a support group for parents who lost children and it helped alot. please find one for yourself. Everyone there might not know about suicide but they know about the loss of a child no matter how old he was. And you have to remember your son was in alot of pain and he is nolonger suffering
Sandy, Kentucky
Your friend is not a friend at all. I still grieve over the loss of my Grandma and Brother and Mom. My son shot himself Oct. 5 2010. I am all messed up. I know my son was depressed and tried to get him help, but when you dont have insurance and not much money, you cant get anyone to talk to you. I tried to help my son the best I could, but he was in another town where his baby lives and he would not tell me the truth-only what he wanted me to hear. Everything is alright. Our boys dont want us to worry, but when they do what they have done *they didnt think that far ahead as to what we would be feeling. Now what? right? How do we deal with this pain and loss? I cry everyday nearly all day, I am having a hard time doing my job. But I am to the point I dont care. I told my boss when I came back that I wont be much good. Anyone that has never been our shoes needs to be quiet, and pray that it never happens to them. I get angry when I hear people say get over it or stop feeling sorry for myself. In my opinion we never stop grieving! it will never end. We will just learn to handle the loss somehow. Not sure at this moment, but we will someday. My prayers are with you!!
Sharon
Well I think your friend has never been through something like you are going through. That really upsets me that she had the gaull to say quit feeling sorry for yourself. It might take you years. No one griefs the same. Your still in shock, you don't know what to do with yourself. You will never stop griefing over your baby, your still lost. Sharon I know you think you might have been able to help him.Even if he went to a Dr. and got medicine,that doesn't mean he'd take it. He promably didn't even realize that he was as depressed as he was. Some people turn to alcohol , other to drugs.My daughter turned to drugs. The first four month after her boyfriend killed himself. While she was talking on the phone to him. She was breaking up with him and he killed himself. All she could say was I should have taken him back.He was really depressed and I had told my daughter that I was going to call his dad two weeks before this happened.. She said no mom, he will get really mad. I wish I would of called his dad. My daughter thinks he had been planing to kill himself for a while. That day he begged and begged her to come over. The policeman told my daughter"your lucky you didn't come over to his house." They think he was planning a murder suicide. When she left the house that mourning, I told her not to go to his house since they fought on the phone till 1:00 in the mourning. And I am so proud of her, for once she did what I said to do.Thank You God.
Sharon, some people just don't know what to say. So they ended up saying something that they shouldn't.I will pray for you . Next time you see her you might tell her how she hurt your feelings. Maybe she will never say that to another person that has lost a child. You stay strong. And be strong for your son.He would want you to feel better.I know he didn't think about how much he was going to hurt the people that loved him.He was in so much pain, he just choose the wrong path. May he rest in peace now.

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