Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on July 29, 2008 at 10:39am

Iam glad to hear that things are moving along okay. I can only imagine what Kelvin's family is going through, because you never dream that your child will go before you, they must be hurting so much. It might be a good thought to see if you could just go along with Kelvin's mom when she is making all the arrangements to give her moral support and to keep kelvins son occupied because even as a child you are hurting to and wanting to know why our dadddy is gone. Like i said before it has been a year this past Sunday since my husband died and i hurt for him everyday. Hang in there and keep on writing in it does help and you will be suprised what you begin to write on the paper.

Take Care Pam

Permalink Reply by Erika on July 29, 2008 at 8:09pm

i have offered my help but it is difficult because i live about an hour and a half away from kelvin and his family. and of course i feel guilty because i do live so far away and am not able to be more of a support to his family.

Permalink Reply by Kelly Carta on July 28, 2008 at 11:48pm

Hi I am new here but I have been going through the gammet of feelings for over a year now. My 23 year old (baby) boy was killed in a motorcycle accident. he was in a store parking lot gong 20 miles an hour. It was a freak accident. I have had the support of his many friends who still come over and visit and have dinner with us. Just like it was when Josh was here. I know he is in a happier but that doesnt mean I don't miss him every day. He was in the ICU for 6 days but due to traumatic brain injury he never woke up. I at least got to be with him and sit and talk to him. The doctors told us from day 1 he would never wake up and if he did he would be a (Vegetable). At first I asked God why, but after seeing so many things on the news about people living from shootings and an area plane crash where 3 people walked away, I realized it really was just Josh's time. Another hard part was the day before he died he started going down so rapidly that they couldnt use any of his organs, because he wanted to be a donor if anything ever happened to him. That was almost like another loss because I didnt want another parent or family to go through what we were enduring. We also had to deal with the fact there was no insurance to help with funeral expenses. We are still paying on that. It took a few weeks before I could try to start my life back and get to normal. But for me normal will never be the same. I dont hear him clomping down the stairs in the morning, or him heating stuff up when he came in late at night. My biggest salvation is that Josh has a 5 yr old son. With the amount of time we had him for visitation I felt like I was raising brothers. I have been doing ok, May was a horrible month. First Josh's birthday was May 4th, then Mothers Day, then the 21st when he had his accident, then the day he died was May 26th. Needless to say I was a basket case most of the month. Then back in March my grandsons mother took him away from us, or our regular visitation. She is only letting him come over once every 2 weeks for 24 hours. So again I am going through another heartbreak and missing him so bad I cant stand it. She is even wanting to change my grandsons last name to the name of the guy she is with now. Anyway I an sympathize with everybody on this board and some more than others. I know losing a parent or husband or sibling is hard, but I don't think anything compares to losing a child. But for those of you talking about writing, I did start doing that. I started it with the knock we got on the door at 4:00 that morning, through all of our hospital stay until the day we buried him. I think that really helped to, plus I wanted his little boy to be able to read it when he is old enough. Thanks for listening to my story and like you I know what youre going through. It sucks but we have to go on for those around us.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on July 29, 2008 at 10:59am

My dearest Kelly:
Iam so sorry for hearing of your loss of your son. Any loss of any kind wether it be a child, a spouse, or a friend the grief and depression that comes along with it can at times be so unbearable you feel like you don't want to go on. A year ago just this past Sunday i lost my husband of 30 years to a horrible car accident. He went quickly and iam thankful for that; but at times i feel like time has stood still for me, but in all reality time kept moving on. Iam sorry that your grandson's mother won't let you see him not too often; i don't know how that feels but i can only imagine. She is probably hurting too and is probably trying to get some type of normal routine going...i don't know what else to say because i really don't know the whole situation, but maybe you can try to reach out to her and maybe to the boyfriend to see if an agreement can be made so you can see your grandson and keep some type of normal routine not only for the adults but mainly for the little boy in this whole sad situation....because everybody being so wound up in everyday duties they tend to forget that a child has lost his father. Life will never be the same as you knew it when your son was alive, it is going to be different, and that this is a time that family needs to stay together and help each other as much as they can. Take care of yourself and try to eat and get some rest and hug your grandson. Starting the diary is a god thing, you can start like you did with the knock at the door and you will be surprised what flows from your fingers down on paper. Talk about his childhood and the many fun things you guys use to do together.

God Bless and Take Care
Pam

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 7, 2008 at 1:46am

Hi Kelly, Than you know what I am feeling. Its been 2 yrs. for me with my son death. Kris was killed in a fatal car accident. My daughter have to see this on the news about a SUV flipped over and the driver killed. Than she was pregnant at this time. When I called the State Troopers and asked. I had to tell them that my son name was Kris spelled with a K and not a C,his white Denali Yukon with dark tinted glasses,Firefighter sticker and and the N.O. Saints emblem on the back window. I worked at Charity Hospital for 26 yrs. in the Emergency Room and the Admit and Registration Dept. So you know I do know the procedure when a patient die. You can't tell a family that their love one is dead or died. The State Trooper states Ms. Phillips yes that was your son truck,but this is all that I can tell you. I stated Sir thank you so much but I know that my child is dead. He says Ms. Phillips I am so sorry. I can hear this over and over again,I am sorry. Kris left behind 2 sons. Now I gets to see them a lot. It was a little bitterness at first,but it changed after my brain aneurysm. I have so much for the boys to remember their Dad with. Kelly at least you had a chance to say good-bye I didn't. This is another thing that hurts. We all need a lot of prayers,and God in our lives to help heal the pain that we are still feeling. Now we are all here for each other.

Permalink Reply by marcia moss on March 3, 2009 at 3:12pm

elaine my husband was mike moss in charitys er did u know him? i am marcia mike worked 11 to 7 am he was tall, sorta grey hair i know teri. gretchen,and mike vergis, and lots of people who worked there. if you want to email me im mmossrn@aol.com hugs to you

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 6, 2008 at 6:04pm

hi,I READ YOUR STORY AND I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS,I LOST A SON IN 2006 TO A GUN SHOT WOUND AND I COULDNT DEAL WITH IT EITHER,WHAT I DID WAS I LOOKED IN MY PAPER AND I WENT TO A SUPPORT GROUP WERE PEOPLE KNOW HOW YOUR FEELING,IT HELPS THEY TELL YOU TO TALK ABOUT YOUR LOSS WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY,THEY TELL YOU TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR 5 MINUTES AND WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS,THEY SAY DONT HIDE YOUR LOSS IN THE CLOSET.IT HELPS BUT HOLIDAYS AND STUFF LIKE THE BIRTHDAY ARE HARD FOR ME,THEY SAY TO MAKE A CAKE FOR HIS BIRTHDAY AND THINK ABOUT HIM AND SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND STUFF.I HAVE A 20 YEAR OLD AND A 12 YEAR OLD,MY 20 YEAR OLD GETS BYE SHE TALKS ABOUT MY SON TO RELIEVE HER PAIN,MY 12 YEAR OLD HAS BEEN BORED AND STUFF I AM GOING TO TRY AND GET HIM A BIG BROTHER THIS YEAR,BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAYS HE IS BORED.BUT PEOPLE SAY TRUST GOD,AND I SAY WHY HE TOOK MY SON AT A YOUNG AGE.BUT I AM GETTING BACK TO WERE I NEED HIM SOMETIME.THANK YOU

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on August 6, 2008 at 7:43pm

My dear Kristi, Iam so sorry that you lost your son to such a tragic end. Writing things down is a very good way to heal and also to you can look back and see how far you have come. The grief never goes away it is always there; especially during holidays and other special events. It has been 1 year since my husband was killed in a car accident. On special days holidays etc. my daugther and i set off balloons to send them up to her dad and to tell him we love him. I hope your kids are doing well especially your 12 year old son, he must have looked up to his brother. It does help to talk about it but at the same time time it hurts and you work through it as best as you can. I went through a support group to and the things you are talking about is what our group told us to do to. Last September my husband and i would have been married 30 years, that was a hard one but i know when it comes around this year it will be easier to deal with. Have you ever considered getting counseling for your son and even your daughter, sit down and talk to him and see what he would like to do; maybe start a journal about the times he had together with his brother that might help. Well take care Pam

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 7, 2008 at 3:13pm

THANK YOU PAM FOR WRITING BACK AND I HOPE WE CAN KEEP IN TOUCH WITH EACH OTHER,I WANTED TO GET ON HERE AND SEE IF I CAN GET SOME PEOPLETO TALK TO BECAUSE ITHELPS.AND I WILL TALK TOMY HUSBAND AND SEE WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT MY SON DOING THAT GETTING SOMEWERE AND TALKING ABOUT HIS BROTHER,IT MIGHT HELP HIM TO.THANK YOU AND HOPE TO TALK TO YOU SOON,KRISTI

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on August 7, 2008 at 9:05pm

It was good to hear from you and i hope all is well with your family. Another thing might be good is find out if your son likes the beach or amusement park and spend a whole day with him; this is a time family needs to stick together, and there will be times that everyone will want some time alone and that is fine to. I would love to send you my e-mail address is: pamapostolos@comcast.net and would love to chat back and forth, it would heal both of us in many ways.
Take Care Pam

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 10, 2008 at 9:17am

my email address is kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com that is my yahoo messanger im to.and than i got im messanger for myspace it is kristi_hobbit ok any body that would like to add me and be my friend is helpful thanks

Permalink Reply by claire phillips on August 16, 2008 at 2:18pm

I lost my niece to suicide in april .July 22 ,her mother, my sister who lived with us died very suddenly in her bathroom.She was disabled but independent, she was complaining of a stomach pain, within one hour she was gone. My husband and i are lost, we feel we can not go on, to top it off we care for my eldely dad, 96 years old, he is on hospice.Our life has been turned upside down,my husband is so depressed and so am I. We just sit and look at each other, sometimes not even talking. Just going through emotions of taking care of dad.

claire phillips

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