Cynthia, I'm so sorry for all of your losses. There is no rhyme nor reason as to why these things happen. It hurts deep inside, I know. You ask where do you go from here. Have you asked God for help to heal your broken heart? There is nothing on this earth that can help us, we need the supernatural power of God to put us back to a whole person. On this Thanksgiving Day, I pray that you can reach deep inside and find the good things to remember, thoughts that would honor your loved ones whom you are missing so very much. Maybe on this one day you can replace the sorrowful memories with happy memories. It's our choice where we allow our thoughts to go. Consciously try to make a positive choice and see if that helps a little bit to relieve the pain. Have you had any grief counseling? It seems that you are stuck in grief and need to do some healing work to get through this. We never get "over" the loss of our dear loved ones, but we can get through it and become a whole person again. Maybe with some support you can see where you can go from here. I pray you find that peace. May God bless you and fill your spirit with comfort and joy.
hi i lost my beautiful daughter kiera aged 11 on the 3rd sept this year of acute asthma, it was so sudden and quick. she hadnt been ill previously had a very active day the night before she died, i just dont understand the term acute asthma. kiera had asthma ezxema and allergies, she was quite ill when she was young especially with her skin, but as she grew older it improved greatly. she had an epipen for a severe allergy to raw egg but thankfully we never had to give it to her. she was happy soo looking forward to life, why her? i didnt see her before she died but my partner did she said she couldnt breath but she oftten did this during the night she would take her inhaler and was fine. i feel soo guilty that i didnt react quicker maybe could have saved her, though doc said nothing could have saved her she was gone in minites. she died in bed with her younger sister who was very close to kiera. its such a tradety and we as a family are finding it very difficult to coe to terms with. dreading xmas too ust dont want it to come but have to try and make an effort for my other kids. nothig is the same how can it be i dont want to do anything its such a chore sometimes ust want to be with her. i find i cant cry much but my heart yearns for her and i feel a total numbness. time is a great healer they say is that true, prob too soon to tell.
I LOST MY HUSBAND UNEXPECTEDLY 12/18/09.HIS SON WAS 7 WHEN HE PASSED, NOW 8, I HAVE A 9YR OLD BOY AND A 10YR OLD GIRL.WE HAD JUST WON TEMP. CUSTODY OF HIS SON ON 12/15/09...WE FINALLY HAD OUR FAMILY TOGETHER, BUT ONLY FOR A DAY...MY DAUGHTER HAD BEEN ILL THAT DAY,AND THE 3 DAYS B4 AND OUR BOYS WERE AT SCHOOL (CHRISTMAS PARTY DAY),MY NEIGHBOR HAD TAKEN MY HUBBY 2 THE DOCTOR THAT MORNING FOR SOME INJECTIONS IN HIS BACK (HE WAS INJURED ON HIS JOB IN 9/09 AND HAD BEEN DEALING W/ BACK INJURIES)...I WAS AT THE DR W/ MY GIRL WHICH WAS IN THE HOSPITAL...I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT 1030AM,HE WAS ON HIS WAY HOME...HE WANTED TO COME WAIT W/ US,I TOLD HIM TO GO HOME AND GET SOME REST...I DON'T REMEMBER IF I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED HIM...I TRIED TO CALL HIM AROUND 11, NO ANWER THEN I TEXT HIM TO CALL ME WHEN HE COULD,HE NEVER DID...MY GIRL WAS GOING TO GET HER BLOOD TAKEN...MY NEIGHBOR CALLED ME,SAID HE WAS WAITING FOR THE AMBULANCE,I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND...HE SAID MY HUBBY WAS SICK,I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT EARLIER THAT MORNING...I HEARD THE EMT'S TALKING,I ASKED IF HE WAS BREATHING...I KNEW HE WAS GONE,BUT I DIDN'T WANT 2 BELIEVE IT...I STARTED SCREAMING CALL LIFE FLIGHT, THE LADY SAID THEY COULDN'T IF THERE WAS NO PULSE...I COULDN'T HEAR THE AMBULANCE,THEY PUT ME IN A WHEELCHAIR & TOOK ME 2 THE ER W/MY DAUGHTER,A LADY CAME AND TOOK MY DAUGHTER 2 THE CAFETERIA,THEY TOLD ME TO HAVE SOMEONE COME SIT W/ ME,I HAD NO FAMILY THAT LIVED CLOSE...I CALLED MY BOSS...I STOOD IN THE HALL OF THE ER,BUT NO AMBULANCE,THEY WANTED TO PUT ME IN A ROOM BUT I KNEW IF I WENT IN THERE THEY WOULD TELL ME HE WAS DEAD...A LADY CAME AND LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID,MARY WE NEED TO WORK ON YOUR HUSBAND AND I NEED YOU NOT TO SEE HIM RIGHT NOW BUT I PROMISE I WILL COME AND GET YOU WHEN I CAN,PLEASE LISTEN TO ME...SO I DID,I SAT IN THAT ROOM BY MYSELF FOR WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE FOREVER...I DON'T KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT,I DON'T KNOW IF I PRAYED,I JUST SAT THERE...MY BOSS CAME IN,HE HAD TEARS IN HIS EYES AND HIS FACE WAS RED,I BEGGED HIM TO TELL ME WHAT HE KNEW,BUT HE SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW...BUT I KNEW,I TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS GONE,HE TOLD ME TO HAVE FAITH,BUT I HAD NONE.IT WASN'T LONG AND THE LADY OPENED THE DOOR,THERE WAS A DOCTOR AND A NURSE 2...MY BOSS HELD ONE HAND AND THE LADY HELD MY OTHER HAND,THEY ALL KNELT DOWN AND HAD TEARS IN THEIR EYES AND TOLD ME THAT THEY DID EVERYTHING THEY COULD BUT MY HUSBAND WAS GONE...THEY ASKED ME IF I HAD ANY QUESTIONS,I DON'T KNOW IF I ASKED ANY...MY TEARS NEVER STOPPED...I WANTED TO SEE HIM.THEY TOLD ME THAT THEY HAD TO CLEAN HIM UP AND THEN I COULD.I HAD MY BOSS CALL MY HUSBANDS SISTER,SHE DIDN'T WANT TO COME 2 THE HOSPITAL 2 HEAR THE NEWS,SO HE HAD 2 TELL HER OVER THE PHONE.THE LADY WENT WITH ME 2 SEE HIM,HE WAS DRAPED W/ A WHITE SHEET FROM HIS SHOULDERS DOWN,THERE WAS A BLUE TUBE COMING FROM HIS MOUTH,HIS EYES WERE SHUT BUT I COULD SEE HIS BEAUTIFUL GREEN EYES,JUST A LITTLE,HE LOOKED BLOATED,HIS SHOES WERE ON,HIS PANTS WERE CUT ON BOTH LEGS AND SO WAS HIS SHIRT IT WAS HIS FAVORITE BROWN POLO...HE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MAD,HE HAD AN IV IN HIS RIGHT HAND AND ON THE LEFT SIDE OF HIS NECK,HIS BALD HEAD WAS SPLOTHED WITH DARK RED AND PURPLE AND GOT DARKER WITH EVERY MINUTE THAT PASSED...I KISSED HIS FOREHEAD...HE WAS SO COLD,HE WAS HOT NATURED NORMALLY.I ASKED THE LADY 2 GET HIM ANOTHER BLANKET,AND SHE DID,I SAT ON HIS RIGHT SIDE AND HELD HIS HAND,JUST AS HE WOULD ALWAYS HOLD MINE,I SAW MY NAME TATTOED ON THE INSIDE OF HIS RIGHT WRIST.I LAYED MY HEAD ON HIS FOREARM HOPING HE WOULD MOVE,AND SEVERAL TIMES I THOUGHT HE DID...I COULD SEE HIS WHITE TEETH PLACED OVER THE BLUE TUBE AND THOUGHT ABOUT HOW HE WOULD MISS HIS DENTAL APPOINTMENT HE HAD SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT WEEK,I NEVER LET GO OF HIS HAND...I CLOSED MY EYES AND PICTURED THE FIRST DATE WE HAD,WE SAT ON A PIER AT THE LAKE LATE AT NIGHT AND TALKED ABOUT OUR KIDS AND HOW MUCH THEY MEANT 2 EACH OF US,I WONDERED WHAT I WAS GOING TO TELL OUR KIDS,SHOULD I WAIT,SHOULD I PICK THEM UP FROM SCHOOL,HOW DO I TELL 3 INNOCENT BABIES THEIR DADDY WAS GONE,I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHY HE DIED.OUT OF NOWHERE I HEARD HIM TELL ME...GET THE BOYS,BUT I COULDN'T LEAVE HIM,SO I ASKED MY BOSS TO GET THEM...MY HUBBYS DAD AND BROTHER WALKED IN...THEY WANTED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED,BUT I COULDN'T TELL THEM,I DIDN'T KNOW WHY HE WAS GONE...MY HUBBYS MOM CAME IN AND DEMANDED THEY TAKE OUT THE TUBE,THEN SCREAMED AT ME SAYING GET THAT WHITE TRASH PIECE OF SHXX AWAY FROM HIM,SHE KILLED HIM...THE STAFF TOLD HER TO GET OUT,AND JUST LIKE THAT EVERYONE WAS GONE,IT WAS ONLY ME AND MY LOVE...I SAT THERE FOR 3 HOURS HOLDING HIS HAND,IT GOT COLDER AND COLDER,THEN THE JP CAME AND THE FUNERAL HOME CAME,THEY WANTED ME TO EMPTY HIS POCKETS AND TAKE OFF HIS WEDDING RING.WHEN I LET GO OF HIS HAND,IT FELL TO THE SIDE OF THE BED SO LIFELESS,I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO,WHEN I GATHERED HIS THINGS,HIS PHONE STARTING RINGING,I DROPPED IT ON THE BED...I SAW THAT THE LAST TEXT I SENT TO HIM WASN'T OPENED,HE NEVER KNEW I CALLED HIM...I WALKED WITH HIM TILL THEY PUT HIM IN THE HEARSE,AND THEY DROVE AWAY.MY BOSS CAME AND GOT ME,HE HAD PICKED THE BOYS UP,THE KIDS WERE TOGETHER AT MY JOB...WHEN I GOT THERE,MY STEPSON WASN'T THERE...MY HUBBYS MOTHER AND BROTHER CAME AND TOOK HIM...I CALLED THE POLICE...WE HAD JUST WON TEMP CUSTODY OF HIM FROM HER...I SAT DOWN AND TOLD MY DAUGHTER AND SON HE WAS GONE,WE ALL CRIED FOR A LONG TIME...NOW MY HUBBYS PARENTS WONT TALK TO ME AND HAVE BEEN VICIOUS WITH WORDS AND HAVE KEPT MY STEP SON FROM SEEING ME AND MY KIDS,ALL BECAUSE OF AN INSURANCE POLICY...THEY CALLED MY HUBBYS EMPLOYER 3 HOURS AFTER HE DIED JUST TO SEE WHO THE BENEFICIARY WAS,HOW SAD IS THAT...I PROMISED MY HUBBY I WOULD LOOK AFTER MY STEPSON,IN MY EYES,I HAVE FAILED...WHAT DO I DO?
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on Dec.18, 2009 from a blood clot. It was completely unexpected as was Ryan's. A lot of the first 6 months after my hubby passed away was quite a blur. I had many emotions that were and still are almost completely dibilitating. I have a step son that is now 8, a son that is 9, & a daughter that is 11 (my 2 were from a previous relationship). My advice to you, is to not do what I did, as it has not worked...reach out to your family, but expect that their lives will return to what you see as normal, & you will be standing there just as you were when he passed away, you will be sad, angry, you may lose your faith, you may deny his death, & as soon as it gets a little easier you fall completely apart. If you ever need to talk, I am here, it may not seem like much, but it may help you. Stay strong for your boys, and know that Ryan is not gone...he will live on thru your babies & in your heart, forever.
I did the same thing you are doing, I would play back everything that happened the last days of my hubby's life over & over again, I thought maybe I missed some sign or I could have said one more thing, or done something differently, but reality is harsh...he is gone, I can't go back & change anything or tell him that I love him one more time...his son & my kids will never get to know him the way I do, he won't be at their graduations or birthday parties, or weddings, he won't be their at their games or school functions, the last thing that they will remember is that he kissed them goodnight & told him how happy he was & that he loved them...I am thankful for that, but so devasted that that's the end...where do we go from here? He was my soulmate, we did everything together when he wasn't working, we didn't have friends, we had eachother & that was what we wanted...so now who am I without him?
Everyone grieves differently & don't let anyone tell you differently. One day at a time & the days can feel like forever, you just have to know that your babies need you. I look at my kids everyday, I know they need me, but I still don't feel, I just know that I have to be here, & that one day, I will figure out who I am again. I am so sorry for your loss, I wish I could take you & your families hurt away or help you find comfort in some way. I am here for you.
courtney lee gregory said:
hi mary thank you im sorry about your husben yes every day i feel different sometimes angry sad confussed night i cant sleep its still so unreal to me the ryan is gone he went to work and never made it home he was only 10miles away from home when the accident happen i watch the news clip over and over and your right family is your support but everyone else gose on with there life and it feels like your stuck feeling the same alone lost i dont just hurt for me i hurt for our boys and ryans parents that morning when his mom called to tell me that ryan died in car accident 99 north tipton im still lost for words