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HI ELAINE,I DID GO TO THE CEMETARY AND IT WAS HARD I GO ALONE OUT THERE ALOT BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE GOES OUT THERE WITH ME,MY DAUGHTER WILL BE 21 ON DEC 1ST AND SINCE MY SON HAS BEEN GONE SHE HASNT BEEN OUT THERE I THINK SHE IS REALLY HURT OVER THIS AND CANT BEAR TO GO OUT THERE OR SOMETHING.SHE TELLS ME TO STOP GOING OUT THERE BUT YOU KNOW HE IS MY SON AND I WILL DO WHAT I WANT I TOLD HER.MY OTHER SON HE DOES THE ODDEST THINGS TO GET ME SMILING HE WILL EVEN DO STUFF EVERETTE USE TO DO.I USE TO TELL EVERETTE THAT HE LOOKED CUTE WITH THE MUSTACHE AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW HE WAS COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM SHAVED SO I TOLD MY OTHER SON IM NOT DOING THAT BECAUSE I LEARNED MY LESSON FROM EVERETTE.ELAINE THE HARD PART IS GOING CHRISTMAS SHOPPING I ALWAYS FORGET THAT I CANT BUY SOMETHING FOR EVERETTE.IT IS SO HARD TO GO INTO A STORE FOR CLOTHES AND NOT GET HIMSOMETHING.WELL THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LISTENING AND I WILL KEEP IN TOUCH THANK YOU VERYMUCH AND YOU KEEP IN TOUCH OK.THANKS KRISTI
Hi Kristi,I went to my pastor gand-mother funeral on Tuesday. It was like a celebration because she was 86 yrs.old. Some parts sad,than other part was so encouraging. Thinking how Kris was so young 28 look at her age 86. I was thinking they had something to celebrate,but I didnot feel that way with Kris,Why I felt like it was nothing to celebrate to me. His death brouht me so much pain and heartache. I say maybe he was so young. But Kristi I still miss that boy so much. Well christmas is coming up,I will really be needing lots of prayers now. Well Kristi,just thinking of you. Keep in touch Elaine.
thank you elaine.i will keep you in my prayers and thoughts to as we approach christmas.we are really getting alot of snow and the roads are bad.they probly will cancel school tomorrow if it gets any worse.yes i went to alot of funerals after everettes funeral and i told my husband it is to much i cant go to any more for a while it was like everyo ther week we were going and i said i cant handle it anymore i have to give myself sometime to get on with grieving for everette before i can go to anymore.but i hope christmas goes good for both us.keep in touch ok.
Hello Lynne,
I just wanted to share my story with you. This pass September 11th, an ex-boyfriend of mine, my first boyfriend, passed away due to a motorcycle accident. What I find interesting about your situation and mine is that he too was named Andy. Not only that but the date of his birth was on May 31st.
I know it may all be a coincidence, but none the less extremely interesting. I wish for you the best in all the world in your time to come. Remember, your Andy would have loved to see you happy, and I know it only gets worse before it gets better, but just know that things happen for a reason. And one day everything will be okay.
I keep my Andy close to my heart, as do all of the people who loved him and wish he was back home with us. This situation has just taught me to appreciate life without any hesitations.

God bless.
-K.
Lynette, I too lost my husband 5/22/08 suddenly and with no warning. It was a brain aneurysm. He was 54. There was no warning, no headaches, nothing. I had talked with him about 15 minutes prior and he had just come from the dentist and had novacane and was feeling no pain as he said. The shock as you well know is unbelievable. The fall out after is so confusing and it hurts to much to even be able to explain to anyone. Nothing really helps but to know that we will see them again someday. I truly believe that.
I have no words of wisdom as I am at times in so much pain that I can hardly stand it but I know that my lord loves me too much to allow this pain to last forever. I cry and push on. We had no children together but we did have grandchildren. I was attacked by my step son in court and coming to my property and stealing everything he could get. I didn't know for several months and when I stopped it he came after me legally. In this state it is considered a cival matter and the step child has some rights and if they can steal it and hide it, you can't do much about it. It cost we a lot of money to just get him out of my life. Money I didn't have. My husband had no will. Bad mistake for all. He had a poor relationship with this son because of the sons lifestyle and after his dad died I was treating him like a son, feeling I was doing what my husband would want if he knew this was his last day on earth. This man was just using me and abusing my grief and this still hurts. I feel I couldn't even grieve until it was settled and then I can't seem to stop. It was so unneccesary since I would have given it all to him to help him. Now I try not to hate him. It is hard. He was cruel and mean and sneaky. This was my husbands son treating me like this at the worst time in my life.
I guess for me I am grateful that we had that time together. He and I had something special and it was a healing experience for us both. He was a love I knew to be real and trustworthy. I miss him and wish this hadn't happened every day of my life. I will never forget him but I know I have to go on. I have good days and bad but mostly I think of him everyday and when I run across something of his, or a picture, I just have to have a good cry. For the longest time I couldn't even cry as I was angry that he left me in such a mess. My husband was self employed and had no life insurance either. I probably am experiences some of the same concerns you are. I am trying to figure it out.
Lynette, you are alive and that is how it is supposed to be. I know how much you hurt but you have these sons and they must be hurting too. It does feel at times like you are all alone and no one cares but that is because we are trying to carry this burden alone. People do care, and they will help you but you have to allow them and let them in. I too struggle with this and have lost a close friend, at least for now, because I just wasn't grieving the way she did. (she lost her husband two years prior but from a long time illness). I make myself let others in at times even when I don't want to because I know I will die if I don't make myself go on living. I know it will get better because it has to.
You have to go on and live because it is in the plan for your life. You are valuable and you are here for a reason, many reasons.
YOu may not even see this since it was May last when you wrote this but I encourage you or any of you to press on and take care of yourself and know that you are supposed to be alive and embrace life and it will help your healing process. Read Psalms 139. You were no accident, you were planned. Suep
My name is Denise. How i hold your heart as i read your words. yes this is difficult. The loss of a marriage partner is a trauma, especially if both led an active life together. it can mean the end of a whole life-style that you shared of travel, work, entertainment and interdependence. The grieving process works differently with everyone. Grief is a normal reaction to loss, and it is not wrong for your grief to be obvious to others. Talking helps release grief, writing, communicating your feelings. Something else hellps me. crying. the bible says there is a time to weep (Ecc. 3:1,4) God really cares for us. He helps us when our heart is broken. Psalm 34:18 says God is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves. Try not to be unduly anxious. You may find yourself worryint. Live more on a day-to-day basis really helps me. "Never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties (Matt. 6:25-34)It is very important to let yourself grieve no matter when, no matter how long. God has made us a promise in His word. Revelations 21:3,4 He will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain. These promises are real. We do not recover on our own but God has promised to never ever leave us. It is true that people leave us when someone dies, this can be heartbreaking, but God and Jesus, never will abandon you and your prayers can be heard and answered by God as he promises to be the hearer or prayer (Ps. 65:2) may you be comforted. prtdep@aol.com
Sorry to hear of your loss. I continue to search the computer for some type of guideance to get me through the days of feeling lost. It all started a little over a year ago when we lost our nephew of 19 to a drunk driver in April of 2007, then my father-in-law (14 days later) unexpectually in May of 2007, then my father who was my best friend who i lost to cancer in June of 2007. In August of 2007 we lost my father-in-laws brother unexpectually on a cruise and that was a big ordeal to get him back to the united states. Trying to catch my breath and being a year later when the nighmare started, i received news this morning my cousin died of lung cancer at the age of 51. They told him he had a year, and was gone six weeks later. It just does not stop. My mom and dad are my best friends. Loosing my father has be so devistating to me. I feel like i am drowning and just can not come up for air. I know one thing the person who says time heals, i think needs to be punched. The only thing time has helped for me is that it gets easier to hide your feelings from your family and kids. I continue to struggle with the day to day and i do not make it through a day without tears and it has been a year later, but i will keep trying. My father was a hugh part of my life, from a father, friend and my rock in my life. I talked to him about 10 times a day. My mom and dad and my family did everything together. Its hard to keep on living and do what is expected of us, but we need to do it for our children. That is what i keep telling myself. And i do know that my father taught me to take things as they come head on and do not give up. So with his wisdom i hope to gain strength to keep going. Thanks for listening.
Thanks for sharing, Melinda. You and your family have had a difficult and traumatic year. My family has had a similar couple of years, one unexpected death after another. A lot of sadness and many tears. I don't think time heals wounds, but somehow we keep going. I'm sure your dad is very proud of you and misses you as much as you miss him.
Dear Melinda my heart goes out to you and your family, over the losses you have had. I don't know what state you live in but where i live in California they have grief counseling which i have been involved in for the past month. The grief never goes away over the loss of a loved one, but they give you tools and information on how to deal with the day to day struggles that you might be having. Also if you belong to a church and you could talk to a priest on the religious level it might help you alot. Sometimes if you have a really good friend you could call and talk to that helps; but what i have done is i had my son install in my Macbook a program called Clover Diary and it is a diary that you can write your day to day feelings and what your going through. It sounds silly but when i can't sleep i open up the diary and i start to write. Nobody has all the answers, i just gave you a few tools that might help; and why i say that is because i just lost my husband of 30 years in a car crash. He has been gone almost 11 months but it seems like yesterday, i just take one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time thats all i expect of my self.The drowning feeling is part of the grief and you will be able to get through it; just try to do one thing at a time and not all at once, never give up God has a plan for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
Melinda, you should be commended for being able to stay "afloat" for the sake of your children after all that you have been through. One place that you can turn to for comfort and guidance is the Bible. In 2 Timothy 3:16 we see that the bible is inspired of God and beneficial for all things and at Isaiah 48:17, 18 we see that God teaches us for our benefit and if we would only listen to his commandments our peace would flow like a river. I encourage you to look at www.watchtower.org because it helps us to find answers on a variety of subjects including dealing with the loss of loved ones.
Dear Melinda, you certainly have had your share of loss, more than your share. I know the feeling you explain of not being able to catch your breath. My dad passed away right before my oldest son graduated from high school, a few years later my brother died of an unexpected heart attack and last August my son was murdered by an escaped gang member. My son's death was the hardest for me. It's coming up on one year and I am starting to feel worse. The best thing you can do is check out the grief share groups that are all over the country (do a google search for Grief Share). We attended one last year in New Mexico where we were living and I just signed up for another one at our old church back in California. It is very healing. It helps you put your focus on good things instead of drowning in sorrow. Yes, there are good things to think on but if you let your mind go to the sadness and loss you will contintue to suffocate in pain. Hiding your true feelings is not healthy. In the grief share program you do weekly journaling and reading. It is very good to let these feelings out even if it's just on paper and no one else will ever read them if you don't want them to. I still have moments when it hits me hard that Jimmy's life was cut short, but I also have times that I can function, laugh, be a wife, mom, daughter, friend, a person again. This all comes by way of accepting what happened, surrendering my life to God who is ultimately in control, to living one day at a time and mostly to hanging on to the promise that I will see my beloved dear ones again. And the next time we are together, it will be forever in a place where there is no more pain and loss. I read an excellent book you might like reading, it's called One Minute After You Die. Very powerful and encouraging reading. You are right, it's hard to keep on. The truth is we are all going to die and our life here is short. It's the eternal life we should be focusing on and while we are here, living for that life that God has for us. He can use you here to help others. He will use your experiences, including all the wisdom your dad gave to you. You can honor your dad by sharing yourself with others, your compassion that you've earned from your pain and loss, your life experiences that have brought you to the place you are at right now this very minute. God can turn all things to good, even things we think are awful. We just have to surrender to Him. I will be praying for your heart to lighten as the days unfold. Please keep in touch with me and let me know how you are doing.
Jessica, Thanks for the kind words, they really mean alot to me.

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