The sudden loss of someone close to you

Grief support: Tell your story and find out how others cope with the unexpected death a friend or loved one.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 20, 2009 at 2:33pm

Hi Twilla,don't give up on God he is your all and all. He may not come when you want him but he always on time. Don't let yourself slip into a depressing stage. Now is the time to seek professional help and go to God. I know you said he took our sons,but Christ gave his only begotten son so may have right to the tree of life. Twila I cry and I am still having heartaches and pain,but I also know that Gods will must be done and this is part of our prayers if you pray the Our Father Prayer,Let Thy Will Be Done. So it is OK to cry,have heartaches and pain. Because one day God will wipe away all of our tears,heartaches and pain and this is what I pray for every night for the grieving people on this site that God will take away the heartaches and pain and wipe all our tears away. Trust me in God own time he will. Twila think about a Memorial Site for your son. View Kris Site http://www.legacy.com/memorialwebsites/wemissyouKrisJP/homepage.aspx

Permalink Reply by kristi on February 20, 2009 at 3:08pm

elaine it took me a long time to get god back in my life to,because i thought he took my son away from me,but in the long run the devil put the gun in my sons friends hand and made him pull the trigger,thats how everyone says,that should bring god back into my life.and going back to church helped me to.it does help twilla to give him time,it took me a year and a half before i started to believe in him again.but if you are really a faithful person you will forgive him for taking your son like i did.thanks elaine

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 20, 2009 at 3:42pm

Kristie you are right,it was only the devil that had you wih the mixed up and demon feeling. You did right to take and put God back into your Life. Because surely God is the answer and we all need him in our lives. Hope that you are doind fine Kristie. It is getting close to my month and well you already know how I feel,but I think that I am a little stonger now. Even though it still hurts.....Elaine

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 20, 2009 at 3:08pm

Hi Twila,don't give up on God yet. The bible says the Lord Giveth and the Lord taketh away,blessed be the name of the Lord. I went through the Lord taking another son from me. My first born ws taken away at 1month and 18 days. Than God Came back and took my last son. I thought That I couldn't make it,But I am still here. Although I am still crying and still having heataches and pain,but I know one day God will wipe away all my tears,and take away all my heartaches and pain. But in his own time. You might want to start a Memorial site for your son. You can view Kris Site. (http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyouKrisJP/homepage.aspx)

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on February 20, 2009 at 3:29pm

Twila, the site is(http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/wemissyouKrisJP/homepage.aspx)

Permalink Reply by Twila on March 3, 2009 at 11:06am

Hi Elaine,
I know in time I will feel better and will find god again but it will take time and I am starting to get my faith again. I just miss my son so much and the pain is what makes it hard. But I did look at your web page and it was so nice and thank so much for that information I also made a page for my son. I like to share my memories of my son. I really helps to express even if its on the internet. I do understand the heartache and the pain and it does make it hard some days I think I cant make it and when I wake up and see another day I think "ok I made it another day". I know my son would not want me to be this way for him crying but any mom who loses a child will for the rest of their life. I will remember him with not so much pain but I will always remember him with heart ache. He was my baby and I miss him with each passing day. And I know god is there for me he has been many times before this happen to my son. I'm just being selfish I want my son here with me I always thought I was the one to be with god first not my children. But I know there is a reason god wanted him. I try really hard to understand but my heart hurts to much to do anything but try and make it each day without my beloved son here on earth. thank you for your words and my heart also aches for all the mothers who have lost their child. I just want to hug them and say I understand because I do. And that helps me. thanks you once again Elaine.
Twila

Permalink Reply by sue on March 14, 2009 at 11:33pm

Twila, you have expressed my pain. I go through times when I just can't accept this loss and I feel angry and wonder how it could be real. I also know that the Lord loves me and won't let me hurt forever. I don't want to be defined by this. We have no choice but to go on and live because we are alive. I am so sorry this happened to you. I sometimes feel that the lord is walking even closer to me because I am still in pain and he knows it. I have told him how angry I am and I have asked him to show me how to go on with joy in my heart like it used to be and it seems like he just loves on me and I feel better. I don't know how it works but it feels like he becomes even more real.
I have started to do the work to make our house my house. I am not sure how it will work out but it does seem to help. I am going to re do the bedroom and take all the pictures of us out. I realize I will never forget him and I have to watch a dvd or look at a picture of him sometimes but some of the reminders have to be put away for now. There has to be joy. I have so much to be thankful for and I try to focus on that but there are days when it is very hard. I will never think I have the answers for anyone else because I realize until the loss of my husband, I hadn't really known the gut wrenching pain. Now I know. I am so sorry you lost your son. Suep

Permalink Reply by marcia moss on March 3, 2009 at 2:25pm

hi, i am so sorry for your loss. i too lost my life love just one year ago this jan. he was on hospice for 8.5 months after being ill and fighting pain for 7.5 years. i talk to him all the time and can tear up at the most unexpected times, i sleep with the tv and the lights on, and the chair that he died in is in my room and i still havnt sat in it, but its a constant reminder of that time and day.. all i can tell you is just put one foot in front of the other and make it thru each day somehow.. its horrible, and i dont know that ill ever recover even tho i am making an huge effort to do so.. i hope that time will make both of our pain and money shortage bearable but sometimes question that too.. hugs to you. marcia

Permalink Reply by Twila on March 5, 2009 at 5:02pm

Hi Marcia,
thank you and I am sorry for your loss. It is hard and coming on this website helps me alot to read and see there are other people going thru pain like me and how do they make it each day with the heart ache. I know it is hard to live that way because for me it is. My girls and grandchildren help me so much I would go crazy without them. Miss my son so much and now that all the snow is melting makes it harder because its like the snow hides everything. And my son loved the summer and spring he always wanted me to cook outside. Prom and graduation are coming and man its going to be hard my son was going to graduate this year 2009..I am going to have a dinner in his honor and just honor him for that day..

Permalink Reply by sophie on March 15, 2009 at 11:19am

some one in my family died on the 20th febuary 09 i werent really close as when he were born he died (STILL BORN) my lil brother r.i.p

Permalink Reply by kristi on March 15, 2009 at 5:12pm

SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS,I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY OK.THANKS

Permalink Reply by denise on March 17, 2009 at 1:03pm

Hello. my name is denise. i also have loss many that are very close to me. it is a very deep pain. i have learned some practical suggestions that truly help me cope. one is "be patient with yourself" grief often last longer than people in general realize. Yearly reminders of the lost loved one may renew the pangs. Special pictures, songs, or even smells can trigger the tears. God has given us a promise in the Bible regarding death. At revelations 21:3,4 it says "death will be no more" this is very comforting to me knowing that these types of tears will end. God has promised a peaceful new world where we will never worry again, not only that, He has promised to resurrect the dead! (John 5:28,29) These promises are very very real to me. they help me cope and draw close to God.