Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Bobbi on April 26, 2009 at 9:38pm

Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

Permalink Reply by melinda stoll on May 24, 2009 at 11:51pm

my name is mindy my grandmother passed on november 4, 2008. she raised me from birth till i was 18 years of age.. the last 3 years i took care of her till my aunt came and got her a week before she died and took her to live with her.. we don't know how she died but many say cancer.. i don't think it is but i know she left the hospital a week before with a clean bill of health.. for i was the one who always took her... well the night she passed away i just got home from visiting her at my aunts when we got a phone call that her health took a turn for the worst when i got there all of us one by one took are turns at goodbye.. but for me i just couldn't do it.. well when the last person was up to go she was afriad to go alone so i walked in with her.. about 10 mintutes of my cousin laying next to her and 4 of us in her bed she took her last breath with me holding her hand as she went.. i will never forget her last words to me which were my baby i love you.. just knowing that i was her baby broke my heart into.. well she was really close to my 3 year old as i was when i was born.. and the night before she died she wanted him to sleep over her last words where my sons name my sons was all i can think how will i tell him gramma is gone.. well i came home and it was late at night by than and i just didn't have the heart to wake my baby to tell him grandma won't be home so i layed down with thoughts of her i just couldn't cry when my son got up from a dead sleep and said mommy grandma gone.. and i said hunny what do you mean he said grandma said goodbye. all i can think is she came to him in his sleep to let him know she didn't want to go but to say goodbye.. two days after she died i fell asleep and there she was walking up my stairs i swear it felt so real she said to me mindy i have been trying to get home and all i could think was she made it home.. my son i can't take him to her grave cause he tries to dig her up and he tells me mommy i just got to see grandmas face.. and he still says she is is hospital heaven i tryed so hard to tell him different but he just don't want to here sorry everyone for your loss i just know how hard it is i still feel the pain worse everyday

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Labelle on May 25, 2009 at 4:56am

Bobbi said:

Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Labelle on May 25, 2009 at 5:11am

Hello I know exactly how you feel my husband left for work on Sept 3 2008 never to return he was killed in a train accident near our home on that day my life too change forever. We did have great insurance so that is not an issue People not being there seems to be the norm, as I too have to do things on my own You pay for the funeral you make all the arrangements and they complain on how things were done So I took hold of my own future I decide when how and where things are going now I am strong enough to hold my own and if you lose your house then you move to an apartment it is just a house and a change could be good as far as the people who have treated you poorly remember two things they might just have a turn at this someday and what i did is I thanked them for being critical in the local newspaper as i said it made me stronger and wiser which gave me closer with that. God has made his choice for us sometimes we dont know why but I know that if I can survive this and i still have some bad days then i can survive anything I know it is tiring and you might want if you can to advertise for a roommate for a while if you want to keep the house. My heart felt deepest sympathy's but I know you too will make it. God Bless

Bonnie Labelle said:

Bobbi said:

Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

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Permalink Reply by sue on May 25, 2009 at 9:28am

Melinda, what a sweet story and I do believe your grandmother came to tell your son goodbye. She loved you both so much and that is clear. You were blessed.
I have a granddaughter that is like my own and having lost her Pappaw 5/22/08 we are even closer. She is my little bud and I am her faithful friend. She knows I will love her forever and without reservation.
I was about 4 when my Poppaw died. He and Mommaw lived with us and he was the one that always put my shoes on in the morning. I had dreams of him and it was just like normal. He would always talk to me in a whisper in my ear as he put my shoes on. We would talk about what I would do that day, running fast in those shoes etc. He always switched knees for the other shoe. (He was disabeled) The dreams brought me comfort and I hope your little guy can dream of grandmother too. I encourage you to help him to talk about her. Kids are so open to the possibilities.
Take care and know you will see her again someday. suep

Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 25, 2009 at 6:02pm

My son Lost his 4 month and 10 day old daughter in a tragic way, And today he get's the new's that his Uncle Randy age 47 yr had killed himself late last night, How do I help him through this time of death. I'am his mother wendy and randy was married to my sister of 24yr.If someone can help me.I would love to hear from you.

Wendy and Dana

Permalink Reply by kristi on May 25, 2009 at 7:35pm

if you have a support group go to that let him talk about his daughter or son,ok they say to talk about whom ever you lost so just keep her memory alive.me i have a graduation for my son who passed away 2 and a half years ago i have been with support group for that long.i cant let him go.he was suppose to graduate this sunday and that is going to be hard,but the kids all want me there.i got them all buttons of my son to wear.well this is the best support,it will take time it might take months it might take years,hopefully your always there for him.and my husband does grieve in a different way i think men do grieve in a different way they said.thanks for listening kristi

Wendy Perivolotis said:

My son Lost his 4 month and 10 day old daughter in a tragic way, And today he get's the new's that his Uncle Randy age 47 yr had killed himself late last night, How do I help him through this time of death. I'am his mother wendy and randy was married to my sister of 24yr.If someone can help me.I would love to hear from you.

Wendy and Dana

Permalink Reply by Wendy Perivolotis on May 25, 2009 at 10:38pm

Dear Kristi
Thank you for responding to my message, We live in a very very small town, and I really dont know how to go about getting him to go to a group. He very much need's to talk about his Daughter and his Uncle. Everyone is so worried about him, As Iam too. He lives with me till he can get on his feet, and he talk's to me..But I think he need's more then just me..May God Be With You Through Your Tough Time, And I Will be praying for you. God Bless you and your family.

AlwaysBlessingNeverLosses

Wendy

kristi said:

if you have a support group go to that let him talk about his daughter or son,ok they say to talk about whom ever you lost so just keep her memory alive.me i have a graduation for my son who passed away 2 and a half years ago i have been with support group for that long.i cant let him go.he was suppose to graduate this sunday and that is going to be hard,but the kids all want me there.i got them all buttons of my son to wear.well this is the best support,it will take time it might take months it might take years,hopefully your always there for him.and my husband does grieve in a different way i think men do grieve in a different way they said.thanks for listening kristi

Wendy Perivolotis said:

My son Lost his 4 month and 10 day old daughter in a tragic way, And today he get's the new's that his Uncle Randy age 47 yr had killed himself late last night, How do I help him through this time of death. I'am his mother wendy and randy was married to my sister of 24yr.If someone can help me.I would love to hear from you.

Wendy and Dana

Permalink Reply by kristi on May 26, 2009 at 8:50am

hi wendy,is there another town close by you were you live?i live in a small town but they just started one here.other wise i would have had to go 15 miles to one.other wise is there a hospice around in another town?that is were ours comes out of.and they will even come to your house.are you from minnesota?i can give you my support group ladies number and she is so good to talk to she can give you some tips and than she might even have a number were you can reach someone in your home town.her name is stephine stevens her number is i will give you the toll free number and the other one just in case ok.1-218-327-8780 or 1-800-650-8520 she might even send you some stuff you havent got hospice in your community.or if anybody reads this and needs someone to talk to this is the number if you dont have a support group in your community you can always call her she will talk to you night or day.or look in the phone book for first call for help and they might help you to.and give you some tips.let him talk thou it helps.i went 37 hours with out doing anything eating or talking or anything thats how much it hurt me.everyone was worried about me and i lost my mind on top of it.i sometimes still cant rememeber anything.its like a blank.but here i will tell you somethings that they will say talk like she was still there,on her birthday go out to the cemetary with her favorite food and make a cake and take it out there and celebrate her birthday sing happy birthday to her.on the day she passed will be hard,i went a got adopt a highway sign and now me and my family and friends go 2 times a year and pick up the high way,in may we did it and a eagle was flying over and we said it was everette.well he can write in a journal for 5 minutes about his feelings for her,light a candle when he is doing this.well thats mostly what i learned in support group the first time i went.i hope this helps and i hope you keep me in touch on how he is doing.my husband sits on the computer thats how he deals with his pain.because they use to play warcraft all the time now he sits on it all the time.he comes home from work thats all he does till he goes to bed.keep in touch thanks for listening

Wendy Perivolotis said:

Dear Kristi
Thank you for responding to my message, We live in a very very small town, and I really dont know how to go about getting him to go to a group. He very much need's to talk about his Daughter and his Uncle. Everyone is so worried about him, As Iam too. He lives with me till he can get on his feet, and he talk's to me..But I think he need's more then just me..May God Be With You Through Your Tough Time, And I Will be praying for you. God Bless you and your family.

AlwaysBlessingNeverLosses

Wendy

kristi said:

if you have a support group go to that let him talk about his daughter or son,ok they say to talk about whom ever you lost so just keep her memory alive.me i have a graduation for my son who passed away 2 and a half years ago i have been with support group for that long.i cant let him go.he was suppose to graduate this sunday and that is going to be hard,but the kids all want me there.i got them all buttons of my son to wear.well this is the best support,it will take time it might take months it might take years,hopefully your always there for him.and my husband does grieve in a different way i think men do grieve in a different way they said.thanks for listening kristi

Wendy Perivolotis said:

Permalink Reply by Marlen on September 11, 2009 at 9:23pm

I lost My Ex boyfriend three weeks ago in a tragic accident. We were together for 4 years and lived together for 3 and a half years. We broke up last year but remained very good friends. I just don't know how to deal with it. The super happy person that I was before is not nomore. I think I have become depressed. He was only 25. I cry everyday. I can not smile. All I do is think about him. i have a new bf now who is absolutely amazing but I just can not get this tragic loss out of my mind. I miss him. I miss his calls and text. i spoke to him a few days before his tragic lost. Everything in my house reminds me of him. I think i need help. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time... How do i deal with this... :..(

Permalink Reply by Andria on September 12, 2009 at 5:30pm

Marlen, i know how it is to loose someone very close to you. you just want to die with them. you get so mad at the lord because he took away a loved one. but you have to hold your head up high and give it time. god must have taken him when you guys broke up because he knew that he didnt want you to feel any worse than you would have to. god works in weird ways. just use coping skills to get through this terrible situation. like, writing poems, or praying, or reading the bible, or going for walks. anything can help you. you just have to want it.

Permalink Reply by Marlen on September 15, 2009 at 1:31pm

I know I have been writing poems and taking long walks.. I doesn't help my sadness... But when I read all the cards and poems he wrote for me. I feel so happy... then again I get sad. I wait for my phone to ring and hope that it's him. I know it sounds crazy but I just can't help it. His sis is coming over my house on thurs. He had left all his clothes there, so she is coming to pick some up. It's going to be very hard for us. Well thanks for listening...



Andria said:

Marlen, i know how it is to loose someone very close to you. you just want to die with them. you get so mad at the lord because he took away a loved one. but you have to hold your head up high and give it time. god must have taken him when you guys broke up because he knew that he didnt want you to feel any worse than you would have to. god works in weird ways. just use coping skills to get through this terrible situation. like, writing poems, or praying, or reading the bible, or going for walks. anything can help you. you just have to want it.

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