I don't have any answers, i keep looking for the whys the what ifs, i could go on endlessly but the more i do the more upset i become. On July 27,2007 i lost my husband my best friend but most of all i lost my soul mate. He was coming home on Highway 4 (in California) and pulled out to pass someone; at the same time there was a driver a ways ahead of him doing the same thing trying to pass someone in front of him. Unfortunately the driver had a poor judgement of distance and had pulled out in front of my husband. Of course the driver pulled back into his lane and hit his brakes and clipped the front end of my husbands truck, sending my husband down the side of the road into the water. All of this happened in a matter of minutes but it seemed like it kept playing over and over again. Lucky for my husband (if you want to call it that) was partially ejected out of his car and he tried to get the rest of the way out but died trying. It has been 11 months this June that he has been gone it seems like just yesterday. The grief counseling helps somewhat, it gives you the tools to deal with things that happen after you loose someone but the pain will always be there. I have had people say it has been 11 months it is time to move on but what they don't understand is that you can't not for the immediate present. To anyone who reads this try grief counseling or you local priest or even begin writing a journal it really does help; and when you look back on that day you can say to yourself " I made it I survived ". I miss my husband so much some days are harder than others, but somehow you get through it. We were married for 30 years and loved riding his Harley and he loved playing music with our 28 year old son. To anyone who reads this the grief of loosing a loved one will always be there, no matter how much time you spent with that person, but with time and faith and family and close friends you will be able to do live on. Lynette it has been three years for your loss of your husband and i send my prayers out to you and your family, you have made it for three years and you can make it by taking one day at a time.
Your story is so sad. I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a husband is so much more than just one loss. Its everything all in one. Friend, lover, protector, confidant, just everything. Thank you for reaching out to me. You are in my prayers also and I hope that some day we both heal.
It was good to hear from you;i guess we have alot of healing to do. I still cry at night wishing my husband was here but God had a different plan. If you would like i can gie you my e-mail address and we can chat if you would want. Respond to me and then when i hear from you i will send you my e-mail, maybe we can both heal in the process.
Dear Diane my heart goes out to you and your family, i can only imagine what your husband is feeling at the loss of his son, it is probably tearing him apart as much as it is you. Iam a hopeless romantic (haha), but i hope and pray that there is a way that you guys can work it out and stay together. I don't know all the details of your break up that is not my place to ask but there has got to be something someone could do, i don't have the answers. The grief counseling we have here in California is through an organization called Hospice, it is great. We are able to sit around and tell our story and learn the tools on how to deal with our loss and the grief that comes with it. Even without you knowing it you have been going on the best way you can with your loss and with everything else you have to deal with; especially with the hearing coming up. Maybe going back to work would not be a bad idea to keep you busy, but you and only you can make that decision and no one else; and maybe taking a walk or calling a close friend you could bend their ear for awhile would be a start. You might want to try talking to your pastor if you are a church going person, or keep looking into different grief counseling groups till you find one that can help you. Sleep is one thing i still have trouble with and now that things have settled down somewhat, i try to get rest when i can and of course do not forget to eat and take care of yourself that is very important. I have a drink once in awhile but i don't rely on it to take the pain away that is not the way to go, nor is drugs. I might suggest to you to try to write a journal from the time of your sons unfortunate death till the end of time. there are times where i write a few words and begin to cry like a baby, thinking what the hell am i going to do with out my husband?. Then when i can compose myself i begin writing again. Once you get all the words down on paper of all your thoughts of your son, what your going through with your husband and whatever else you're going through they are just words they loose their power......and it is a way to be able to deal with the pain and help you to move on. Like i said i don't have all the answers, but these are some of the things that have helped me. If you would like i would be more than happy to give you my e-mail address and we can chat together and it could probably help us both through the grief of the loss we both have. Just think of what your son would want you to do and do things one step at a time or one minute at a time; don't try to deal with it all at once it is too overwhelming for anyone to do. Iam just like you Diane i feel paralyzed sometimes and i don't know how iam going to make it without him, but one thing i have that you have to.......your son is watching out for you just like my husband is watching out for me and my daughter and my son, and i find comfort in that and you should to. Diane i will let you go for now and you will be in thoughts and prayers. No matter what kind of loss anyone might have wether it be murder health or a tragic accident as my husband was, we all grieve we all feel the pain of the loss and we will all heal in our own time and in our own way. And by the way i saw your sons picture and he is a handsome looking boy.
Pamela, thanks so much for the kind words. You have gave me a few tools that i will think about using to guide me through life. I really appreciate your response and suggestions. We went to court today for the sentencing of the young man, ian smith - who killed my nephew. One more hill in life that we have climbed. I am hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel. Life continues even though we want to take a moment to catch our breath. I always say "time has no mercy". Thanks again. God Bless.
Melinda i hope things are going good for you, and i hope the outcome of the sentencing for the man who killed your nephew was what you expected. I can only imagine what you are going through, and time does show no mercy but we just need to move on and do the best we can. Good luck and you are in my thoughts always and God Bless you.
Dianne; My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear about your son. This site really does help to know that you are human and the feelings that you are feeling are valid. Everyone deals with grief different, but we all have the same goal, just to feel whole again, just to be able to get up get dressed and get through one more day. One day at a time is the best. To be able to get through a day without feeling like you are drowning. I have experienced more death in the last year, that everytime i tried to get my self together i was dealing with another funeral.
I will keep you in my prayers. God bless.
Well one thing i used to do is what i want to relate to you .....One is Do not be quick to advise them to discard clothing or other personal effects of the deceased before they are ready: We may feel that it would be better for them to discard memory-evoking objects because they somehow prolong the grief. But the saying “Out of sight, out of mind” may not apply here. The bereaved person may need to let go of the deceased slowly
it has been forty-two days since i have lost my boyfriend, kelvin. he died from sudden cardaic arrest and i am having a hard time dealing with the lost since i was with him when died. i am so much pain because i knew in my heart of hearts he was to be my husband. at times i feel so alone in this journey because i don't have many friends and the people around are afraid to allow me share my feelings, so i cry by myself. then there are some that feel that i shouldn't feel this way cause we weren't married or cause i didn't know him very long (ten months) but when you have a connection with someone does it really matter. i miss him deeply. i don't know what else to say.
Iam so sad to hear of your loss, i lost my husband 1 year ago yesterday to a car accident,and the grief never goes away. If you need a friend i will be there for you; and whatever feelings you have they are normal and don't let anyone tell you different. One thing you need to do is fine one friend that you can really trust and pour your heart out to; or try to find grief counseling or your local priest and confide in them what you are feeling, you should not have to go through this alone. You do not have to be married to grieve the loss of someone, and what makes it even more difficult for you is that you were there when he died.Also to it is not how much time you spend with someone but what you do in that time together. You could also start a diary of the things you guys use to do together how you met and just about everything about your whole relationship. Do you talk to his parents, see how they are dealing with the loss; but quite honestly iam on your side, you had a connection with him and had many good times together and thats all that matters. Keep your chin up things do get better with time ;you will have moments where you will think of him and cry ( a special day, birthday, etc.) and that is part of the healing process, you do what is right for you. One important thing is you need to take care of yourself eat, sleep, shower etc. Kelvin would have wanted that. Try to take one day at a time, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time, give yourself a chance.
thank you so much for your words of comfort and encouragement. yesterday, i visited with kelvin's family and that is part of the reason for me sharing today. although, i was happy to see them it wasn't til i left that i realized how much i miss him cause kelvin was very close to his family (both physically and emotionally). as for his parents, i'm not sure how they are handling the loss cause they are taking care of the details, especially his mom. kelvin has a twin brother and son and both will be going to couseling within the next few weeks. i have started grief counseling and have a session wednesday. i will try writing in a diary of some kind, thank you for your response