Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jacky on June 21, 2012 at 12:44pm

I am so thankful that this was a help, Thank you God!  Your welcome! Glory to God, for leading me to help you!

Permalink Reply by Renee on August 2, 2012 at 5:37am

My husband died June 6, 2007. Unexpectedly at the age of 44. And it still feels like just yesterday. I came home during my lunch break to have lunch with him. Aside from him feeling alittle under the weather, he was fine.. I came home from work a few hours later only to find him face down in our bed. He had suffered a massive heart attack. He was not only my husband, he was the father of my children, my best friend. We were still very much in love after 24 yrs of marriage. We had worked so hard to get where we were. I feel cheated. I miss him so much, some days it's almost unbearable. I find myself consumed with his loss.  I don't want to do this anymore, I don't feel like it's getting any easier. His death has certainly changed me in every sense of the word. Shortly after Wayne died. His family whom I was very close to, just stopped talking to me. My mother in law accuses me of killing my husband, She says I should have paid more attention to his diet, and if I had he'd still be here today. And tho I know It was none of my doing. Just knowing she feels that way, is very upsetting. Our children are grown and living their own lives. They try to be supportive of me. But they don't really understand what I'm going through.  How does someone heal from the death of a spouse. How does anyone heal from the death of anyone so close to them.. I've lost both parents, that was hard. In 2004 I lost my sister, and that was gut wrenching to loose a sibling. Then my husband. How am I suppose to move on without him?

Permalink Reply by Hallie on August 2, 2012 at 2:55pm

It's so sad how this catches people in life.  I don't care the circumstance, losing a loved one still catches you off guard and changes who you are forever.  I think grief counseling is important as you are with people that have a better sense of what you're going through and certainly can provide an invaluable resource and presence.  It's important to find something, some sort of path.  Maybe volunteer work will help or something along those lines.  I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and your pain and I hope with time your heart begins to heal!
 
Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

Permalink Reply by Shell on August 4, 2012 at 12:10am

At 6:31pm yesterday, August 3, 2012, I received a call from my father telling me my 28 year old brother shot himself in the heart.  He didn't survive.

 

I am still in denial.  I've cried.  I've yelled.  I hit a door.  I went to church.  I prayed for family members that have moved on to help him in his passage.

 

I'm still numb.  I keep thinking he's gonna call and ask me "well, what are you doing?"

 

I need to know how to maintain "normal" for my family....this hurts so badly and all I want to do is be alone and cry.

 

A part of me died yesterday too, he was my best friend.  Who is gonna finish my one liners from movies now?  Or pick on me about stupid stuff we did as kids?

 

I just needed to talk.... doesn't matter if anyone replies or not.  Thanks for reading though.

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on August 6, 2012 at 10:35pm

Dear Shell, I'm afraid there is no way to "maintain 'normal'" - it is a very horrific experience to get through.  Don't stuff your need to grieve, or disguise it.  People need to know it's okay to show our pain.  You and your loved ones will need lots of love, support, and understanding from people in your lives who love and care about you.  Reach out, accept the support that is offered.  You will all need lots of supports to get through this.   My son died in 2011 from a self-inflicted gunshot wound as well.  I am still grieving daily, though it is not unbearable now like it used to be.  You're in my thoughts and prayers, Shell, you and everyone suffering from the loss of your brother.

Shell said:

At 6:31pm yesterday, August 3, 2012, I received a call from my father telling me my 28 year old brother shot himself in the heart.  He didn't survive.

 

I am still in denial.  I've cried.  I've yelled.  I hit a door.  I went to church.  I prayed for family members that have moved on to help him in his passage.

 

I'm still numb.  I keep thinking he's gonna call and ask me "well, what are you doing?"

 

I need to know how to maintain "normal" for my family....this hurts so badly and all I want to do is be alone and cry.

 

A part of me died yesterday too, he was my best friend.  Who is gonna finish my one liners from movies now?  Or pick on me about stupid stuff we did as kids?

 

I just needed to talk.... doesn't matter if anyone replies or not.  Thanks for reading though.

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Stell on August 11, 2012 at 9:12am

I losted my partner of 9 years on 17 June 2011
He was aged 25, and died suddenly in a motor vehicle accident.
being together from the age of 16 he is the only life i know, we had built a life together and had 'our' dreams. For the last 14 months i have been searching for companionship. I feel so lonely and miss that closeness you can only achieve with a partner.

I currently have an amazing male friend who i love spending time with and to some extent fills that painful void. However i am finding myself becoming extremely emotional and jealous when he spends time with some other females. Jealous is an emotion that is new to me, i have never experienced it and i actually HATE it, i think it is a useless emotion. I just can not seem to stop it and stop my attachment to him. I do not feel ready for a relationship so why am i so caught up in it and acting like i do ?
HELP 

Permalink Reply by Mendy Neal on August 12, 2012 at 8:21pm

My husband Matt died July 11, 2012 when our house caught fire. My cat woke me up about 2 am and i couldnt breath i looked around our bedrood and couldnt see anything but smoke. I grabbed my glasses and headed downstairs to get my girls and my kids. When I got downstairs there was nothing but darkness and smoke and heat that you can not describe the pain of breathing. I saw my husband asleep in his chair and tried to wake him up while heading to my kids room. Once I got there I realized they were not home, THANK GOD, and went back to get my husband. I shook and yelled at him several times before he opened his eyes then i told him we had to get out of the house that it was on fire. The roaring noise of the fire from the kitchen and the sounds of crackling popping and snapping along witht he thick smoke were almost unbearable. I finally got him to respond and he said he was coming for me to go on. I went outside but he never came out! There is not a paid fire department only a volunteer. not to mention that there wasn't a fire hydrant within a half mile of our house. Before the fire department could gain control of the fire to get Matt out the house full collapsed into our basement. It took more than 10 hours before with the use of heavy equipment they could get my hubby out of the house. I was never allowed to see him once they did. We have been married for 4 years and he has been the only dad that my girls have had. Not only have they lost their dad but their home....i have lost my husband, best friend, confidant and home. I have a few good days but more of them feel like i am just a walking zombie. i dont sleep more than a few hours i cant be still and all i can do is go through the motions with my kids and friends so that they all dont understand what i feel or am going though. any advise

Permalink Reply by didi on August 28, 2012 at 6:59pm

Barbara you must be going through a very difficult time. You did the right thing don't torture yourself. Cancer is a very unforgiving disease it comes without warning devastates everything in its path and gives us no warning of when it will take our loved ones. My husband passed away in very different conditions the morning of the day he died he was organizing things for work from his hospital bed. I think if I had know that this was his last day we would have spoken of other things. But we never know and therefore we can always find things to feel guilty for. So its better not to make yourself feel worse. Think of how he would like you to be coping with the situation and try to do just that. Be strong.

Permalink Reply by Kathy on August 28, 2012 at 10:45pm

I don't know if I am doing this right or even if I want to.  My husband of 29 years died on May 27th of this year.  Death certificate actually says 12:05 a.m. May 28th but I know when he died - I was standing there.  His heart just stopped.  We were in Idaho working on property we have been developing as our retirement site.  Our kids live there as well.  My husband, Jack had a defibrillator but it never went off and he had been fine in terms of heart issues for pretty much the last 12 years since he got the defibrillator.  He wasn't acting quite right one day though, breathing kind of labored it seemed.  I told him to go to Quick Care. He balked but went.  They told him he had mild pneumonia.  I thought that was really random. He was given antibiotics.  We were staying in our 5th wheel in Moscow ID.  After a couple days he did seem some better, still complaining about soreness in neck and shoulder - (had told doctor this as well).  But then he started to feel worse one morning and by 4 pm that day his defibrillator went off.  He was taken around the corner to the local hospital but they didn't have a cardiologist.  They didn't act like he was in any great threat but planned to air ambulance him to Spokane but weather was bad so they took him by ground ambulance.  Next  day, after doctors dosed him with medications all night, they said he could go home.  They actually told us to just go see his doctor when he got back to California.  I was astounded.  I said do you have any idea how long of a drive it is and how much baron land there is between here and California?  They didn't seem concerned at all.  My husband was released against my wishes and his as well.  Something was wrong!  They talked about cardiac cath and other things but I guess determined it was easier to ship him back to California rather than deal with him there.  We went back to Moscow.   That same evening he got worse again and went back to local hospital and was then life flighted to same hospital in Spokane.  Same thing all over again. Tweaked meds and told us to see doctor in CA.  I/we were livid!  My husband was released again and we came back to Moscow.  He was there about a day and a half and began having same symptoms but was now having very difficult time breathing and was obviously not well.  I called and talked to doctor on call - who ended up being physician's assistant on call - and said we wanted him taken care of - we weren't going back to California!  He told me then I should call their office on Tuesday after Memorial Day (it was Memorial Weekend) and set up an outpatient appointment.  Later that same evening my husband's defibrillator went off six times before the stupid ambulance could find us from just around the corner.  He was life-flighted back to Spokane.  It was late on the 26th and he died about 10:30 on the 27th.  My dad died the same day 21 years ago. Life is strange.  I am absolutely lost.  Some people stuck by me for a little bit but apparently I am supposed to be over it now and moving on. My own kids aren't talking to me and can't seem to understand my sense of loss.  I don't know if I am a reminder or what.  I am so surprised by their shutting me out.  They called all the time until my husband's death.  Now they are not there for me.  They seem to think I should get it together and deal - quit feeling sorry for myself - I didn't act like I cared when he was alive.  How hurtful.  We had our fights and our differences by I LOVED AND STILL LOVE MY HUSBAND. My kids have always been good, kind, compassionate kids and this is such a surprise.  They weren't the greatest to their Dad at times.  Does a person have to die to be revered?  I want to talk about my husband and remember him.  Everyone else seems to have moved on or just doesn't want to talk about "it."  If one more random person in a store tells me to have a nice day, or asks me what I am doing this weekend, I may lose it completely.  I can't function.  My husband and I were married for 29 years but knew each other for 43.  We had our issues but I loved the man to pieces.   I still do. 

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on August 29, 2012 at 1:51am

I know I'm proud of you Barbara, and I don't even know you!  I'm sure your husband is proud of you too.

Permalink Reply by didi on August 29, 2012 at 5:03am

Kathy it sounds like you are going through a very hard time. Your children are probably also grieving in their own way. I cannot say the same for my boys they have been very supportive but they do not talk of their dad in the past and do not like to go to the cemetery. They carry on as if dad was still with us. So be strong and understand that they have also gone through a loss. I hope they will come round to being more supportive.

Kathy said:

I don't know if I am doing this right or even if I want to.  My husband of 29 years died on May 27th of this year.  Death certificate actually says 12:05 a.m. May 28th but I know when he died - I was standing there.  His heart just stopped.  We were in Idaho working on property we have been developing as our retirement site.  Our kids live there as well.  My husband, Jack had a defibrillator but it never went off and he had been fine in terms of heart issues for pretty much the last 12 years since he got the defibrillator.  He wasn't acting quite right one day though, breathing kind of labored it seemed.  I told him to go to Quick Care. He balked but went.  They told him he had mild pneumonia.  I thought that was really random. He was given antibiotics.  We were staying in our 5th wheel in Moscow ID.  After a couple days he did seem some better, still complaining about soreness in neck and shoulder - (had told doctor this as well).  But then he started to feel worse one morning and by 4 pm that day his defibrillator went off.  He was taken around the corner to the local hospital but they didn't have a cardiologist.  They didn't act like he was in any great threat but planned to air ambulance him to Spokane but weather was bad so they took him by ground ambulance.  Next  day, after doctors dosed him with medications all night, they said he could go home.  They actually told us to just go see his doctor when he got back to California.  I was astounded.  I said do you have any idea how long of a drive it is and how much baron land there is between here and California?  They didn't seem concerned at all.  My husband was released against my wishes and his as well.  Something was wrong!  They talked about cardiac cath and other things but I guess determined it was easier to ship him back to California rather than deal with him there.  We went back to Moscow.   That same evening he got worse again and went back to local hospital and was then life flighted to same hospital in Spokane.  Same thing all over again. Tweaked meds and told us to see doctor in CA.  I/we were livid!  My husband was released again and we came back to Moscow.  He was there about a day and a half and began having same symptoms but was now having very difficult time breathing and was obviously not well.  I called and talked to doctor on call - who ended up being physician's assistant on call - and said we wanted him taken care of - we weren't going back to California!  He told me then I should call their office on Tuesday after Memorial Day (it was Memorial Weekend) and set up an outpatient appointment.  Later that same evening my husband's defibrillator went off six times before the stupid ambulance could find us from just around the corner.  He was life-flighted back to Spokane.  It was late on the 26th and he died about 10:30 on the 27th.  My dad died the same day 21 years ago. Life is strange.  I am absolutely lost.  Some people stuck by me for a little bit but apparently I am supposed to be over it now and moving on. My own kids aren't talking to me and can't seem to understand my sense of loss.  I don't know if I am a reminder or what.  I am so surprised by their shutting me out.  They called all the time until my husband's death.  Now they are not there for me.  They seem to think I should get it together and deal - quit feeling sorry for myself - I didn't act like I cared when he was alive.  How hurtful.  We had our fights and our differences by I LOVED AND STILL LOVE MY HUSBAND. My kids have always been good, kind, compassionate kids and this is such a surprise.  They weren't the greatest to their Dad at times.  Does a person have to die to be revered?  I want to talk about my husband and remember him.  Everyone else seems to have moved on or just doesn't want to talk about "it."  If one more random person in a store tells me to have a nice day, or asks me what I am doing this weekend, I may lose it completely.  I can't function.  My husband and I were married for 29 years but knew each other for 43.  We had our issues but I loved the man to pieces.   I still do. 

Permalink Reply by didi on August 29, 2012 at 5:10am

Mendy, my heart goes out to you. The only thing I can do is listen to you, share your pain if it makes you feel better. You have to stay with it for your children, they will be the continuation of their father. Seek help anywhere you can, family, friends, medical staff, or more organized groups. You are numb and the pain will carry on so it is best to accept whatever help is offered, even if it appears trivial.

Be strong, God bless.

Mendy Neal said:

My husband Matt died July 11, 2012 when our house caught fire. My cat woke me up about 2 am and i couldnt breath i looked around our bedrood and couldnt see anything but smoke. I grabbed my glasses and headed downstairs to get my girls and my kids. When I got downstairs there was nothing but darkness and smoke and heat that you can not describe the pain of breathing. I saw my husband asleep in his chair and tried to wake him up while heading to my kids room. Once I got there I realized they were not home, THANK GOD, and went back to get my husband. I shook and yelled at him several times before he opened his eyes then i told him we had to get out of the house that it was on fire. The roaring noise of the fire from the kitchen and the sounds of crackling popping and snapping along witht he thick smoke were almost unbearable. I finally got him to respond and he said he was coming for me to go on. I went outside but he never came out! There is not a paid fire department only a volunteer. not to mention that there wasn't a fire hydrant within a half mile of our house. Before the fire department could gain control of the fire to get Matt out the house full collapsed into our basement. It took more than 10 hours before with the use of heavy equipment they could get my hubby out of the house. I was never allowed to see him once they did. We have been married for 4 years and he has been the only dad that my girls have had. Not only have they lost their dad but their home....i have lost my husband, best friend, confidant and home. I have a few good days but more of them feel like i am just a walking zombie. i dont sleep more than a few hours i cant be still and all i can do is go through the motions with my kids and friends so that they all dont understand what i feel or am going though. any advise

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