Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara on June 26, 2008 at 1:43pm

Lynette,
Thank you for writing back. I can't help but think of you because when we go through such a great pain as we have, it gives us a heart for others who also suffer pain and loss. I'm glad you will give some thought to reaching out. You will know when the time is right for you. In the meantime, the daily email connection is something you can do alone in the comfort of your home so I hope that you will sign up for that right away. They do not bother you nor give out your information. They also have excellent resources you can see on line that might help you along on your journey. The website is www.griefshare.org You just click on "daily emails" and sign up. I assure you it is safe and very helpful. You will be amazed when you read some of them, how they are speaking directly at you, your heart will be touched.

As far as being insightful and strong, well that is not me personally, that is the Holy Spirit working in me. That is where I gain my strentgh from and how I get through life. I don't know how people do it without God's spirit. I could not do it on my own. I'll look forward to hearing from you along the way, when you have time or need to reach out. I am here for you! Take care.

Barb

Permalink Reply by denise on March 17, 2009 at 1:20pm

it is understandable. anger comes with the grief. Anger can be another sympton of grief. Here is what has helped some to live through grief when this happens. One person said "without realizing it, i unconsciously made the decision to go on with my life. Keep this in mind though, It still can hurt deeply yet this does help.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on June 23, 2008 at 8:15pm

Lynette i have not seen you on for awhile and i was wondering if you are coping with things okay. If you would like i would love to talk to you some more if you need a friend iam here; maybe we can both heal through helping one another. my e-mail address is pamapostolos@comcast.net. Like i said iam here with a friendly ear, also ask your sons for help (which they probably already have been helping you), and any family that might help you. If you have not tried it yet go into grief counseling or talk to a pastor or someone that you can dump all this stuff on, and keep in contact with your mortgage company to see if they have or could put a plan into place so you wont loose your home. I don't care what anyone says you don't need to go through this alone, and there are things out there to help you the hard thing is to ask; i have the same problem after i lost my husband in a violent roll over car accident July of 07, so i do understand what you are going through. That had to be the hardest decsion you had to make when you pulled the plug, and i praise you for your strength in doing so because he is not suffering anymore. I don't know if i told you or someone else, but have you considered writing a diary?. I know it sounds a little bit silly but i have been doing it since my husband was killed; because once all your anger and fear and whatever other feelings are put down on paper they loose their power and it might help you in the long run. Also to another thing to remember is to take one day at a time or even one minute at a time and you be surprised that you can do it. I handle one day at a time but then when things get too overwhelming i go back to one minute at a time. We both have lost our mates so hang in there you can do it i have faith in you. God Bless

Permalink Reply by Lynette on June 24, 2008 at 2:52pm

hi Pam,
i havent been on for a while. Thats what I always do, start talking about this accident and then ignore it. I go back and fourth. I dont have any family to turn to. I grew up with my mother and grandmother. Only child. My grand mother passed away years ago and my mom is fighting breast cancer. It is just me and my boys, thats it. I have always been a loner. I am not one to open up at all and I never do ask for help. I just feel like I am loosing my control and honestly, I want to loose it, I dont want the responsibility anymore, Im tired. I will contact the mortgage company and see if there is anything they can do for me. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, you sound so strong. I am still so angry and drained by all of this. I can only handle one minute at a time so thats all I do. I hope you continue to be strong, you are in my thoughts.
Lynette

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on June 24, 2008 at 3:12pm

Dear lynette it was good to hear from you. It has been almost 11 months since my husband was killed and i still get angry and tired of the whole crapy mess, and when i have quite time i still ask now and then about why...why did you take him from me so soon?.I sometimes to don't want the responsibilty anymore either so you are not alone in our feeling the way you do. I have to honestly admit that i sound strong but iam not always that way, the grief will always be there no matter if it is 5 months a year or 3 yrs. plus; you will always grief for the one you lost.If you need a friend iam here for you and you are in my prayers...my e-mail address is pamapostolos@comcast.net if you need someone, we might be able to help each other heal in the process.Lynette you don't have to go through this alone it is too overwhelming to deal with by yourself...strength in numbers, God Bless you

Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on June 25, 2008 at 10:29am

Pamela, the question "why" has haunted so many of us. But I hope you feel comforted knowing that God is not to blame and is our only hope for a solution. You are a strong person because you have not let this defeat you and you can only take this one day at a time. Please e-mail me at ldpegues@yahoo.com and we can talk about why this is happening to us and what we can expect in the future.

Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on June 24, 2008 at 1:56pm

Lynette, I must commend you for keeping everything together for your family. I am so sorry that you feel that you that you must handle everything alone. However, I would like to share an encouraging thought with you. At 1 Peter 5:7 we see that God wants us to throw all our anxiety upon him, because he cares for you. With that in mind I encourage you to go to him in prayer and rest assured that you are not alone because you have God to turn to if no one else.

Permalink Reply by Lynette on June 24, 2008 at 2:54pm

Thank you for the words Latasha.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on July 6, 2008 at 11:01pm

my dearest Margarita it is too soon to try and figure out what to do with the rest of your life, you just lost your husband and soul mate; take one minute or one hour at a time, you know when you will be ready. You need to take care of your kids and the business at hand, wether it be financial or funeral arrangements, or whatever you need to do.....but the most important thing of all is you have to take care of yourself i know i lost my husband in a tragic car accident July of 07. I will be coming up on his 1 year anniversary in a few weeks and looking back i cannot believe it has already been a year; you will get through it have faith in family and friends but most of all have faith in God he will be there always for you.I don't know what type of relationship you had with your husband but i hope it was a wonderful one. As far as your relationship with your husbands family i don't know that either...that is personal; but they must be grieving to at the loss of their son, everyone is hurting and maybe no one knows what to say or do at this point in time, and that is the key word time and prayers plus patience. May i suggest to reach out to them if you can and go from there, but if they decline to do so don't force it but just keep that line of communication open how ever small it may. I have you in my thoughts and prayers for you and your children that you will get through this (and you will) and may your husbands family get through it also. it is too soon to begin but you will know when you are ready but consider grief counseling (whatever state you are in), it gives you the tools and means to cope with the loss i went through it and it helped alot. Also to you might want to consider writing everything down in a diary about your life with your husband the good times you had together and the day to day emotions you may be feeling that helps also. Again iam so sorry for the loss of your husband and father to your children... God Bless.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on July 7, 2008 at 12:24pm

Margarita iam so glad that you wrote back; it not only helps you because you are reaching out to someone but it also is helping me to deal with my grief. Like i said before the loss of your husband is still to new in your life and you need to take time for yourself; and take each day as 1 minute at a time then you could move up to 1 hour at a time and so forth. The one i experienced is people tried to be very helpful and understanding, but at times it did more harm than good. For instance they told me that it is time to move on that my husband would not want me this way etc. . But you know looking back to July 27th when i was told he was killed up to the present day i think my God how did i get to this point?. That is the key word God; my family and friends helped me but after awhile when that stopped i relied on God to get me through everything.I won't deny i still do have days where i cry that i wish my husband was here and he is I can feel his presences. I know that sounds silly to some but until you have lost someone like we all have at some point in our lives they will never know. Grief counseling helped me to a point especially with my daughter there, who to this day still cries for her dad but there is also a smile in those tears.The grief counseling gives you the tools and means to deal with your grief and also connects you with other people who have been through the same things you have been going through. I fully understand about not washing your hair or take a shower, and the Tylenol PM routine....but that to will pass in time. Think about writing the diary like i told you earlier, it really might help, even if you just say why all down the page, you be surprised what will star flowing onto the paper. Please you need to wash your hair and take a shower put on some fresh clothes and try to eat a little something you need to keep up your strength for yourself and your kids. Also you need to make sure all of your financial business is in order (insurances pensions 401K etc.) that your husband may have had through his job to make sure your financial future is set. Also to check on your house to make sure there was an insurance on the house in case of his death,social security pays out his money if you don't work and i think they do if you are working iam not sure on that one. I apologize for bringing these things up, but they have alot to do with your future. And if you do have any good size amounts of money coming to you talk to someone you can trust ( a financial advisor from a bank), i did and it was the best thing i did. I know these are things that you probably not thought of and that is understandable, that is why i thought i would tell you.Also to i dont know what the details of your hubands death but it would be a good idea to get a copy of the autopsy report along with the death certificate, and make copies credit card companies etc. might need it. Like you said in your message it has only been 8 days and it is going to take time, and you really need to take care of yourself. I don't know you but i love you and my prayers are with you and your loss of your husband...God Bless

Permalink Reply by Lynette on July 7, 2008 at 8:11am

margarita,
your loss is still so new. please take some time for yourself. i dont think that my thoughts were clear for months after the accident. i dont speak with my husbands family anymore, they made no effort to help me with the arrangements and they continue to make no effort to me three years later. thats fine with me, you will find your strength and pull through this. be strong for the kids they will turn to you. im so sorry for you.
Lynette

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 10, 2008 at 9:46am

Thats so True Lynette....Even if through the computer...Talking can be a helpful release talking can be a helpful release.........Putting experiences and feelings into words often makes it easier to understand them and to deal with them. And if the listener is another bereaved person who has effectively dealt with his or her own loss, you may be able to glean some practical suggestions on how you can cope...I lost my brother to a motorcycle accident...and it was very painful.....Nevertheless....One thing i know lynette...I will see him soon.....Through the Hope we have.....And what a Blessing.......

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