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Hi Cindy. I truly understand your pain. The holidays remind us how alone we are sometime. The one thing we can be sure of is that God is with us all the time and we are never completely alone. The good thing is that you will be able to see him again. The Bible promises us at John 5:28,29 which says that Jesus will call those from the memorial tombs...they will hear his voice and come out.' The grief and pain we feel now is only temporary. God promises to end all sorrow and pain forever. This promise is at Revelation 21:3,4. I know you have read a lot of books but trying reading a few scriptures from the Bible. I hope you feel better and I will keep you in my prayers.

Cindy said:
I love the book "My time in Heaven" however I have so many books now that I love. I am so nervous about these up comming holidays! I see Christmas trees and I feel tears welling up in my eyes already! This will be my first Christmas withou my husband. I don't know how to handel it. It just comforts me to know that he is fine (I'm not fine but he is ). He will be the first one to meet me in Heaven when I arrive. As far as I'm concerned...I AM still married to him, and always will be. I want to share a few "signs" I have experienced with a few that believen. Because I totally know that it is so possible and real to have signs from heaven, that your loved one is ok. Ect. - I am so thankful for this group, and this site. This helps me so much. Hugs to you!!!!!!!! From. Cindy

Dear Cindy, I'm so sorry for your loss.  It has not been very long for you, has it.  It's been 18 mos since I lost my son Charles, and it still feels so fresh at times.  The holidays and other special anniversary dates are often the most difficult times to get through and so be prepared for that and have as many supports in place as you can, that you know you have access to if you have need of them... understanding ears to listen, understanding arms to hold or hug you, comforting words, someone you can call up and meet over coffee to talk to, etc.  Have you been able to locate a local grief recovery support group in your area yet?  Those have been most helpful to me.  I have made some good new friends through going to the meetings.  And of course, we are always here for you.  Take good care.  Gentle hugs.  Theresa

Cindy said:

I love the book "My time in Heaven" however I have so many books now that I love. I am so nervous about these up comming holidays! I see Christmas trees and I feel tears welling up in my eyes already! This will be my first Christmas withou my husband. I don't know how to handel it. It just comforts me to know that he is fine (I'm not fine but he is ). He will be the first one to meet me in Heaven when I arrive. As far as I'm concerned...I AM still married to him, and always will be. I want to share a few "signs" I have experienced with a few that believen. Because I totally know that it is so possible and real to have signs from heaven, that your loved one is ok. Ect. - I am so thankful for this group, and this site. This helps me so much. Hugs to you!!!!!!!! From. Cindy

Dearest Cindy,

I am in the first Christmas season without my beloved, but I try to think of doing things for “us” that we both did together, like getting the girls their gifts and the 2 grand kids, I think of what Barry would want me choose, and it helps some...and I wear the jewelry he bought me. it’s a roller coaster isnt it? and GRIEF COMES IN WAVES, i think at times we can pretend they are not gone, but staying busy and distracting ourself. I love him so much and learned with this GREAT MONUMENTAL LOSS IN MY LIFE: that we never fully appreciate someone until their gone, even if we love them dearly, its so unexpected when it happens. I LOVE HIM THEN< NOW AND ALWAYS! i also find some comfort in the verse from the book of Romans: Nothing can separate us from the Love of God--and if our love is true, it’s from GOD and that love is being felt even now by that departed loved on. I”VE GOT TO BELIEVE In a life after...it helps me cope! and it gives me hope.

I pray that you find some tiny moments of peace and comfort in the sweet tender memories and endless love you share. 
I know of course, we hurt, we hurt we hurt! I realized this week I was angry. I hate grief, it’s the worst kind of pain.

Blessed Christmas, Vee

Hi Lynette. I was just reading your post. I feel so bad that you are suffering like you are. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I lost my good friend, who was like my sister, about a month ago. It doesn't seem real. You not only lost your husband, but your possible losing your home is a lot. how are the kids adjusting? they probably worry about you more than themselves. Please do know that there are people who truly care and wish that they could elimate your pain and suffering. I am a Bible reader and that helps me get thru the rough times. If you ever want to talk just send me a email and I will gladly respond. 

Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

Dearest Jen, Honey, I am sorry for your huge loss! WOW! so new, so fresh! and not like it is less of  a loss as the months pass. I lost my life companion, best friend, lover, partner, mentor and boyfriend of 11 years this last April. I have had a year of grieving. It comes in waves. I find that as I move through the stages of grief, it seems I have been numb much of the time. The holiday are tough, arent they? 
Allow yourself to feel all of it, grief has to be walked through. No getting around it as you must be realizing each new day without your precious hubby. I find now at the holidays I try to do things that Barry would want me to do for the girls (2 daughters). I wish I would of married him as he had wanted and lament that and at other times feel at peace. 
How are you copoing wiht your grieif? have you seen a grief counselor? have frriends who want to be there?
Jen, it’s really difficult at the 6 month mark, it begins to sink it as real. I realiize now I was numb and in denial and often blocked it out and still do. I MISS My Barry so badly! I talk to him still and have learned most of all--that NOTHING can take love away, not death, not anything! 

God bless ou Jen

Veronica, Colorado, USA

jen sadler said:

hi my name is jen... i lost my husband on nov 12.... 5 weeks ago today he had a massive heart attack and it was almost instant i tried to revive him with cpr but it didn't work he was gone, he looked so peaceful he leaves me with 3 beautiful children aged 12    11   and 5.... they are so heartbroken, but i am going to be the best mum ever... we were abroad when it happened in the canary islands we had been living there for two years and were so so happy..... i just feel my heart has been ripped out and stamped on and it is very difficult coping we had a cremation in fuerteventura and then we flew back to the uk for a memorial service... and i have moved back to uk to be close to fam whats left of them because my dad died 3 years ago and my mum 25 years ago on jan first next year.... i am just finding hard to cope everything is not real

how do you cope when your partner of 18 years dies and it was not really expected,well she was sick with copd since this october 2012,its the holidays and all i do is cry,we were always toghether ,and did everything together,i dont know whats going on any more this is the worst,i have 5 children that try to give me support and im gratefull for that,but i dont think they truelly understand how i feel,would love to talk to anyone that can help

I cry and i talk about Barry every day and my kids let me love him in my words. I feel like my heart is being wrung out and the pain is very intense! I cope by remembering that God has chosen forme, for now to remain behind for now...and I know one day I will be called away as well. It makes me wish I could go back and spent all that time with him over again and again. I want to hug him one more time and say I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! I try to stay so busy I can distract myself but the pain is all too real and all too in front of me always. I dont see it as “Moving on” without someone, I see it as they moved on without us and we must remain here. I also see it as TIME MOVING forward and carrying me with it, even if my heart remains in the past wiht Barry. Time makes me sad becuase I fear as time goes by I’ll forget his smell, his voice, his walk and HIS LAUGH : ( he had the best belly laugh, ever!! I was so naive in life, here i am age 50 and was clueless to grief. Unless one loses a vital part of your daily life or soul, you are clueless to true grief,it’s sooooooooooo paiful! and so empty and so helpless feeling. 
COMING here for support helps me too and when I see others hurting I want to hug and comfor their pain if even ease it by a tiny fragment. I know now that unless we grieve one day we cannot love more fully. I also believe that GOD HAS NOT LET US LOVE TO LET US LOSE IT FOREVER. WE WILL SEE THEM AGAIN. GOD BLESS YOU ELAINE AND ALL OF YOU WHO HURT TOO. 

elaine dodson said:

how do you cope when your partner of 18 years dies and it was not really expected,well she was sick with copd since this october 2012,its the holidays and all i do is cry,we were always toghether ,and did everything together,i dont know whats going on any more this is the worst,i have 5 children that try to give me support and im gratefull for that,but i dont think they truelly understand how i feel,would love to talk to anyone that can help

I agree. The way I have personally found help coping is by trusting in Jehovah God. I have lost 3 of my brothers in the past 4 months, and there is no pain compared to losing someone in death. The first thing I thought when I first lost my brother was "why? Why do good hings happen to innocent people?" (He was tragically killed in an automobile accident) But I know what the Bible has taught me. That we should not blame God when bad things happen, because it is not his fault (James 1:13). It has also taught me that I will get to see them again. That promise is in the Bible, too; at Revelation 21:4,5. I know i can't wait to see them again. I know God's promise is for us to live forever on a Paradise earth. And I know that this hope doesn't fill the void, because nothing ever will. But it keeps me fighting. I hope you  can find some comfort in the Bible, because I know I have. 

My fiance died suddenly of an accidental overdose on Christmas night,  He was only 58 and the love of my life.  I feel dead, numb, anxious, sick physically.  At times it is hard to breathe or get out of bed.  I knew he had alcohol problems but never knew about the drugs.  Regardless, I feel so alone and broken

Paula

Dear Pamela and Lynette,

I'm so sorry about your losses. I myself know that grieving a sudden death is hard. I just lost my brother on September 13,2012 to a car accident. He was 20 years old, just beginning life. I also lost my uncle just last month to a heart attack. he died right in front of me. Death is extremely hard to comprehend and it's not something we were created to understand. And there is no such thing as a time limit to grieve. Lynette, there will come years and you still won't be done grieving. Everyone has their time limit so no one can tell you when to stop. Everything around you will remind you of them, so you'll have moments when you just break down and you have the right to. Pamela, I don't know what it's like to lose a husband because I'm still 22 years old, but i definitely know what it's like to lose someone close to you and feel like life is empty.

There is reason to be happy though. Make sure you hold on to all the good memories of them, so that when you think about them (which will be all the time) you can smile inside. Time does NOT heal, it just makes it easier to cope. It is also important to remember that not only should you grieve alone, you should grieve with people who love you most. You shouldn't isolate yourself because that's how depression develops and I suffer from depression so I know firsthand that isolation does not help.

Also, remember not to ever blame yourself. It is not your fault, no matter how many excuses you try to make to think that it is. It's natural for us to blame ourselves because, as I said earlier, we were not created to experience death.

One scripture that helps me is Psalm 34:18, where the bible says "Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves." This is reassurance that God knows exactly how we're feeling and will help us every step of the way. He'll give us strength to go on from one day to the next. He can help us in EVERY problem we face in life, and the enemy death is definitely something we all have to face in one way or another.

One beautiful promise that God makes for us is found at Revelation 21:4 where he will wipe put every tear from our eyes, and death will be no more. Lynette and Pamela, I completely empathize with you as you're going through this difficult time, and I will keep you in my prayers. Do not hesitate to pray to God because he will definitely help you; he wants to help you. My deepest condolences go to your families because I know this is an extremely difficult time.

I lose my friend Iancu Ciubotaru. I share a discussion with all of you for his brutal death @ http://connect.legacy.com/group/iancu-ciubotaru

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've lost several loved ones in 2012 alone. The feelings of hopelessness and grief can sometimes feel overwhelming. What has gotten me through these rough times are the comforting words found at Psalm 34:18 which says, “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves.” No matter how low and sad we feel, God knows our pain and wants to help us. Remember he lost his son Jesus Christ. However, he resurrected Jesus and he can resurrect your loved ones as well. At Acts 24:15 it says, “and I have hope toward God, which hope these [men] themselves also entertain, that there is going to be a resurrection of both the righteous and the unrighteous.” Just think, you can see your loved ones again, hear their laugh, and hug them. I hope that this message has brought you comfort.

Sincerely,

Tempestt
Jehovah's Witness

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