Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Leesa on September 9, 2008 at 1:43pm

Sept. 28th will be one year since i lost my 21 yr. old son. There are still times when i stop what i'm doing and actually gasp...i just can't believe he is gone. i just can't imagine my life without him and its been a year since he left. i've gone to support groups and i bet i've bought 15 books on grieving. i'm a single mom and it's just my 14 year old daughter and i now. my son's dad is remarried and my mom is old school...you know, from the past when people weren't suppose to talk about the person who died and grieving was something you did quitely, at home, alone. she has given me all the support she knows how to give, which isn't very much. i don't know...i just feel like i'm in this by my self. it's just that i miss my son sooooo very much that sometimes i can't stand it. he died in his sleep, at home, in his bed. i found him the next day. this is the first death i've ever experienced except for my grandparents who died after a long, full life. i've been forced to know death and go on with life and i don't think i'm doing to good. or maybe it's just that the one year anniversary is coming. whenever i read or hear about someone losing a loved one it breaks my heart. they have such a long, hard road ahead of them...
i was searching the internet last night and came across this website. i read some of the things people have posted and have found some comfort.
well, thanks for letting me tell my story.

leesa

Permalink Reply by Barbara on September 9, 2008 at 4:55pm

Dear Leesa,
I do the same thing, catch my breath and not believe the reality that I now live with. My son was murdered 1 year ago on August 29. The whole month of August was filled with tears. There is something about the one year mark. I don't know what it is, but it's real and different than at other times. I don't know about your faith, but my faith is what keeps me going. There is this really cool pastor I listen to on my radio when ever I drive someplace, his name is Greg Laurie. My son who passed, and I have listened to him for years. Anyway, his son was recently killed in a car accident and he has this website blog at www.harvest.org. It is really, truly uplifting and full of hope and promise. You might want to check it out. I wrote in it yesterday because I just feel the pain of their loss so much. Like I feel yours. Someone told me right after Jimmy had died, that I am now a member of a club I never wanted to join. It's true. Parents aren't supposed to lose their childrend. My dad died in 1999 and my brother in 2006. Those were difficult, but losing Jimmy was the worse. I know life will never be the same. But I also believe in my heart, that if I allow God's comfort to surround me, which I do all the time, then life can at the least be lived out for the purpose I was put on earth for. And then, after I serve my purpose here, I get to go be with my son and my God forever and ever and there will be no more pain. Well, I hope you get through this month okay. I will be praying for you. God bless. Love, Barb

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 9, 2008 at 10:39pm

Hi leesa, I feel what you are feeling. I don't know if you read my story yet. But it has been two years for me. My son was killed in a fatal car accident. Leesa it has been two years now since Kris death and I still feel the pain and heartaches. April this year looks as if Kris died this year,this is how my sons death hurts me so much. In April my dad died 4-04-my mom 4-09-Kris 4-09-all of them in the month of April. This year I was so depressed. I have a Legacy.connect memorial site for him,also a Legacy.com Guest Book and a In Memory Book for him. When I am feeling depressed or down I go to either site. Look at many words of comfort that was given to me in the Guest Book or the Memory Book.I even get a chance to just write to him letting him know how I feel as if he was right next to me and I'm talking to him. Last but not least I have my many friends right here on this great site to talk to because they all know how we feel and what we are going through. So when ever you feel like talking write us somebody will answer you.

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 13, 2008 at 4:33pm

hi leesa,i lost my son 2 years ago on oct 7th,his birthday was yesterday and he would of been 18,my heart was aching my yesterday because i want to know what he looks like and stuff,but my heart goes out to you.i go to support groups and it helps me around his birthday and the date of his death.i lite a candle and write good thoughts about him for 5 minutes.yesterday i baked him a cake and celebrated his life like he was still here.the support group that i go to tells me to do that,my prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 9, 2008 at 6:37pm

hi leesa,my name is kristi and i lost my son almost 2 years ago on oct 7th \,2006 he was only 16,his friend shot him.he didnt count the bullets when they were coming out he pointed at my sons chest and killed him,the worst part is that the kid wanted to run away but my son told home to stay till the end.and he did.and he told the police and the kid that shot him that to tell my mom and dad i love them if i dont make it,it breaks my heart knowing that they heard that and i didnt,he would of turned 18 on the 12th of sept and my heart has been aching all weekend and week.but i have been going to a support group and talking about this because i am hurt.so you should try going to a support group they do help.there they tell you to talk about the death if you want to or talk to friends and family dont put them in the closet,light a candle and write down for 5 minutes the joys you had with your son.they tell you to talk to his picture that helps me,and when his birthday is they tell you to make a cake and celebrate his life.i went to support group to day and they bought some cup cakes and we celebrated my sons birthday and his life that he would of had.but your not alone were here for you ok.it doesnt get better my friends say i am strong but you know i dont show it on the out side but my heart is breaking and stuff.it is normal to cry they say well i feel imbarressed when i cry but i cried at church sunday,and i told my friend next to me see i am not strong.but they were talking about death and i cant handle stuff right now either because i dont get to see my son how he would of looked now that he would of been 18,a senior in high school.thank you for the time to read this.my heart goes to you and your family.keep in touch.kristi

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Labelle on September 13, 2008 at 7:09am

My Husband just died a week ago as the result of a tragic train accident , he was 50 yrs old and he loved life he was so funny and so loving to everyone so it is not just myself that this affects
it has sent our small town reeling . I just don't know how to fill the empty hrs that we used to spend having coffee and making plans with our business and I have to run the business besides
I spend a lot of time in the house as people bother me right now and the man that was in the van with my husband was a little hurt. His family however are after me for my ins info which I will only give to him and I am sure that they are going behind his back as he is my husbands best friend and he can talk for himself . It has only been a week and the fultures are already coming out that's why I stay in.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on September 13, 2008 at 2:11pm

First of all I want to send my thoughts and prayers to you and your family on such a tragic loss; I lost my husband 1 year ago and I miss him just as much as I did the day he died. I know what I am about to say might hurt but please forgive me; first and foremost you need to get a good attorney and get a copy of the police report and every piece of information you can get our hands on to help build a case. But most of all if you have any close family or even friends you can trust sit down and plan your beloved husbands funeral. It was very difficult for me but I had someone help me through the whole process and it was great to have someone to lean on. I don't what the nature of the accident was and I don't want you to have to go through it again. You are worried about how to fill the empty hours; don't worry about that for now, all you need to do is take one day at a time, and if that is too much you need to take one minute at a time, whatever suites your life at this point. Your husband must have the love of trains, so did my husband and......so did I. He sounds like a wonderful man, and your life is changed forever. Everyone goes through grief a different way and all you need to remember ( maybe not right now) you will get through it in your own time and own way. I know what I am about to say seems impossible, but very important for you to do; above everything else you need to take care of yourself, that means eat try to get some sleep shower etc. . I know that sounds silly but you be surprised what you forget to do. When the time comes start a journal, write anything and everything about your life before you met your husband and when you married him and the life you had with him and his kids. I just hope and pray things work out for you and your friends and town. I don't know if you are religious or what but pray to God ask him for help he will be there for you; and maybe you can talk to your local minister or even a support group when you are ready don't go through it alone.


God Bless Pam

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 13, 2008 at 4:30pm

sorry for your loss,bonnie.i lost a son he would of turned 18,he has been gone 2 years on oct 7th and it will be hard,but i have been in a support group for 2 years,i go when i need it and the time is when his birthday is around and the annivesary.but put your head up and look at all the good times you had together.my prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by Margie Nunley on September 23, 2008 at 2:15pm

I lost a great friend and confident. She was the one I could talk to about anything, she excepted me for who I was. She was always there for me, in good times and bad. She also was my aunt. We spent alot of time on the phone together and in person together. She meant the world to me. She died on 9/11/08. Her family honored me by asking me to write and read at her celebration of her life. I dont know what to do!

Permalink Reply by Margie Nunley on September 23, 2008 at 2:24pm

I also lost my mothers older sister. 4 days after the first aunts death. We were at the grave side service when she died at the hospital. Same side of the family. I just feel numb. Worried about their husbands my uncles and their childrenThey were both so special.

Permalink Reply by Lee on September 23, 2008 at 8:38pm

I'm so sorry, Margie. Your aunt sounds like a lovely person. Here are some web sites that talk about eulogies:

http://dying.about.com/od/funeralsandmemorials/ht/write_a_eulogy.htm
http://www.eulogyspeeches.net/
http://hmoverflow.com/search.asp?text=eulogy&forwarded=true

Permalink Reply by Margie Nunley on September 24, 2008 at 4:58pm

Thank you, She was a unique genius ahead of her time. Thanks for the great sites. They will be most helpful. It was really kind of you.

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