Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by bc on May 29, 2010 at 9:40pm

Pamela, I agree that the grief never goes away, there's not a minute every day that I don't think about my husband and wish that he was here with me to make all of our dreams and plans come true. We spent all of our time together 24/7. We had something that alot of people never find and for that I am grateful, but it hurts so bad. Its been 9 months now and people do say I have to move on, I dont have to do anything I don't want to do or am not ready to do. I like your suggestion of the Clover diary. How do I do that. It helps to write feelings down, I have pieces of paper all over but it would be nice to have that on my computer to go back to whenever I feel like it. I pray that God gives you the strength to get through each day and to help you put your broken heart back together someday.

Pamela Apostolos said:

Dear Melinda my heart goes out to you and your family, over the losses you have had. I don't know what state you live in but where i live in California they have grief counseling which i have been involved in for the past month. The grief never goes away over the loss of a loved one, but they give you tools and information on how to deal with the day to day struggles that you might be having. Also if you belong to a church and you could talk to a priest on the religious level it might help you alot. Sometimes if you have a really good friend you could call and talk to that helps; but what i have done is i had my son install in my Macbook a program called Clover Diary and it is a diary that you can write your day to day feelings and what your going through. It sounds silly but when i can't sleep i open up the diary and i start to write. Nobody has all the answers, i just gave you a few tools that might help; and why i say that is because i just lost my husband of 30 years in a car crash. He has been gone almost 11 months but it seems like yesterday, i just take one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time thats all i expect of my self.The drowning feeling is part of the grief and you will be able to get through it; just try to do one thing at a time and not all at once, never give up God has a plan for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Permalink Reply by carole Bisson on May 30, 2010 at 10:23pm

My sister's nine year old daughter, Andrea Rose passed away suddenly fromsomething she ate. Went into shock and died. She was with her care giver. I live in RI. They live in Florida. My sweet Andrea came to visit us with my sister and her sister, Julia two years ago. She was here for several days and stayed with me. Over the yeare, I had many phone conversations with her. I feel so very sad and having a hard time. I feel the hurt and pain my sister is going through. I have only spoken to mt sister once since this. I do not know what to say to her. I do not even want to believe this. I cry all the time and that is one reason I can not call my sister. I do not want to make her feel worse then she feels already..

Permalink Reply by Lynda Lenell on June 14, 2010 at 10:12pm

It's been nearly a year now since I recieved the call from Continental Airlines telling me my husband Captain Craig Lenell had died in flight coming home from Brussels, Belgium. It still doesn't seem possible. This was my husband of 36 yrs, the father of my children and the man I was going to grow old with. They had to tell me by phone because the news was breaking on the TV. This private, quiet, sweet man was put on display for all to see. He died doing what he loved best and I know that should be some consolation but it still doesn't seem to help. My mother died a year ago today and he was on his way back home to go with me to take her ashes to W. Virginia and I never really mourned her because 4 days later he was gone. I understood losing my Mom. She was 85 and suffering from cancer but Craig was 60. He was never sick. There were 5 Doctors on board his flight. There was a defibrillator. One Dr was a cardiologist, so I keep asking why, but there are no answers. Now people say I should be moving on with my life but they don't understand he was my life. Our kids are grown. We had built our lives around each other in the last 10 yrs, traveling, our farm and rescuing dogs. His Dad just had his 91st birthday. His grandparents were in their 80's and I took for granted he would be here another 30 yrs too. I would give anything for 5 more minutes to tell him he was the best person I ever knew. He was kind to everyone. I know I always tried to show him how special he was, but I heard from hundreds of people at Continental saying that he was the best pilot and man they ever knew. I didn't know how he had touched other lives until the cards and letters poured in. On his stone I put "Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings. Reached out my hand and touched the face of God". I hope all of you find the peace you seek. I know how hard it is to keep going on when it would be easier to quit. I hope this next yr is easier.

Permalink Reply by Tammie Howell on June 15, 2010 at 2:43pm

I lost my first husband when I was 19 years old . I am married again but it is still so hard for me . Why is it hard like this I should be loving my husband more then I do but I find myself thinking of my first husband .

Permalink Reply by Barbara on June 15, 2010 at 3:22pm

Dear Carole, I'm so sorry about your niece. How tragic for all of you. You said you've only spoken with your sister once because you don't know what to say and you would cry and feel that would make her sadder. As a mother who lost her son, I can tell you that your sister would love to hear from you and have the two of you talk about Andrea together and cry together. Your sister is crying anyway, your crying won't make matters any worse. In fact the opposite is true. Crying is a big part of moving through grief and part of the healing process. So is talking. When someone talks with me about my Jimmy or cries with me, I feel connected and loved, I feel they understand my pain of loss and broken heart. Try and do your sister and yourself a huge favor and pick up the phone and talk to her. If you can manage a visit in person, all the better. Julia should also be a part of your conversations. Many times the siblings aren't acknowledged in the grieving process. I've been through a great 13 week support group for grieving called grief share, it's nationwide. You can find a local group in your area on their website www.griefshare.org It was such a blessing to me that I now help facilitate a group at my church. I will pray for peace and comfort for all of you. Please reach out, you'll be glad you did. God bless. Barbara

carole Bisson said:

My sister's nine year old daughter, Andrea Rose passed away suddenly fromsomething she ate. Went into shock and died. She was with her care giver. I live in RI. They live in Florida. My sweet Andrea came to visit us with my sister and her sister, Julia two years ago. She was here for several days and stayed with me. Over the yeare, I had many phone conversations with her. I feel so very sad and having a hard time. I feel the hurt and pain my sister is going through. I have only spoken to mt sister once since this. I do not know what to say to her. I do not even want to believe this. I cry all the time and that is one reason I can not call my sister. I do not want to make her feel worse then she feels already..

Permalink Reply by Stacy on June 18, 2010 at 5:34pm

My husband took his life in 2005, we where married for 15 years, leaving me with three children to care for. as the years when on I found life was getting good in 2007 an old friend came back into town and we started talking. We began a relationship the has just grown so strong over the past 3 years. I love him so much a love I never thought I would feel love again after my husbands suicide. I really could say I thought my life was great. Until June 11,2010 when a lady didn't look twice and killed my Boyfriend of 3 years on his motorcycle. I am so lost right now and don't know what to do how to feel or even for that matter understand why this has happened again to me in my life. I found a great love a person that brought me back from somewhere and showed me life. and now he is gone in a split second taken from my heart and life and the life of my kids. I just dont understand I am going nuts trying to figure it all out. I really dont remember it hurting so bad. Someone please shed some light on why this is happing again
tHANK'S

Permalink Reply by Liza Smith on June 18, 2010 at 10:55pm

Stacy said:

My husband took his life in 2005, we where married for 15 years, leaving me with three children to care for. as the years when on I found life was getting good in 2007 an old friend came back into town and we started talking. We began a relationship the has just grown so strong over the past 3 years. I love him so much a love I never thought I would feel love again after my husbands suicide. I really could say I thought my life was great. Until June 11,2010 when a lady didn't look twice and killed my Boyfriend of 3 years on his motorcycle. I am so lost right now and don't know what to do how to feel or even for that matter understand why this has happened again to me in my life. I found a great love a person that brought me back from somewhere and showed me life. and now he is gone in a split second taken from my heart and life and the life of my kids. I just dont understand I am going nuts trying to figure it all out. I really dont remember it hurting so bad. Someone please shed some light on why this is happing again
tHANK'S

I have a very similar situation. I lost my husband, Gary in October 2006 then after two very hard years I met Jim. Jim was my heart and we loved each other very much. He and I had been together almost two years and he died suddenly just eight weeks ago. I too am at a loss as to why this is happening to me all over again. My grief for them both is overwhelming. All I do is cry and cry and cry.

Permalink Reply by Stacy on June 19, 2010 at 8:24pm

Yes thats all I do is cry I have cried so much my eyes are so foggy. I just dont understand why this is happing again.I am very angry so so angry. I let my heart open and he is gone I feel so empty and lost. Everyone says Tj wouldnt want me to be sad and remember all the good times well thats when I cry remembering I great times and how much he loved me and I loved him. He truely was amazing and helped me become what I am after John's death. I just dont know why It hurts so much more

Liza Smith said:

Stacy said:

My husband took his life in 2005, we where married for 15 years, leaving me with three children to care for. as the years when on I found life was getting good in 2007 an old friend came back into town and we started talking. We began a relationship the has just grown so strong over the past 3 years. I love him so much a love I never thought I would feel love again after my husbands suicide. I really could say I thought my life was great. Until June 11,2010 when a lady didn't look twice and killed my Boyfriend of 3 years on his motorcycle. I am so lost right now and don't know what to do how to feel or even for that matter understand why this has happened again to me in my life. I found a great love a person that brought me back from somewhere and showed me life. and now he is gone in a split second taken from my heart and life and the life of my kids. I just dont understand I am going nuts trying to figure it all out. I really dont remember it hurting so bad. Someone please shed some light on why this is happing again
tHANK'S

I have a very similar situation. I lost my husband, Gary in October 2006 then after two very hard years I met Jim. Jim was my heart and we loved each other very much. He and I had been together almost two years and he died suddenly just eight weeks ago. I too am at a loss as to why this is happening to me all over again. My grief for them both is overwhelming. All I do is cry and cry and cry.

Permalink Reply by Rachelle on June 20, 2010 at 1:03am

Hi , well I had experience many times the death of close friends, that died unexpected.. and I tell you it is the hardest thing for me, because these people that passed were like my play aunties,/uncles. play brother.. etc.. and it hurts because some died of sickness, one of them were murder, and it is like I dont want to question God ,on why they had to die but I find myself doing it.. because it is hard for me to still accept.. this is all I can say right now for this moment.. but I thank you for posting this for people to write their thoughts.. I hope many will join in the discussion to talk out whatever grief they are experiencing.. God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Stacy on June 21, 2010 at 3:37pm

Thank you so much I just dont understand why he is gone. I feel so lost and empty a great deal of sadness I miss him so much

margarita chacon said:

hi stacy iam so sorry i know your feelings my second husband of 13 years pass on june30 08 also on a motorcycle accident and its very hard to get over if you need a friend to talk you can email me at maggiech1@hotmail.com. and againg iam so sorrry for your lost.

Permalink Reply by marianne nicholas on June 21, 2010 at 10:43pm

Stacy,I too lost my fiance of 3 yrs to a sudden accident on May 30,2010. I had been through so much loss and suffering in my life (lost my mother,father,sister,brother) and Bob walked me through it all. I,too can't make sense of this. I have so many unanswered questions...Why him? A sweet,shy tenderhearted man who NEVER had a bad word about anyone....Why did this happen to me AGAIN...hasn't there been enough loss in my life?
Although I don't have ready answers for you...I am here and willing to help talk us both through it...we can help each other...as only those that have felt what we feel, can TRULY understand this devastating pain...sheppardsoon@aol.com

margarita chacon said:

Stacy said:

My husband took his life in 2005, we where married for 15 years, leaving me with three children to care for. as the years when on I found life was getting good in 2007 an old friend came back into town and we started talking. We began a relationship the has just grown so strong over the past 3 years. I love him so much a love I never thought I would feel love again after my husbands suicide. I really could say I thought my life was great. Until June 11,2010 when a lady didn't look twice and killed my Boyfriend of 3 years on his motorcycle. I am so lost right now and don't know what to do how to feel or even for that matter understand why this has happened again to me in my life. I found a great love a person that brought me back from somewhere and showed me life. and now he is gone in a split second taken from my heart and life and the life of my kids. I just dont understand I am going nuts trying to figure it all out. I really dont remember it hurting so bad. Someone please shed some light on why this is happing again
tHANK'S

Permalink Reply by Tomeka Mcneil on July 10, 2010 at 2:05pm

On August 4, 2009 my son was murdered, his so called best friend left him there and didn't care to help him. All my son wanted to do is keep the peace. He had no intention of starting trouble. His so called best friend would always tell him what these guys are saying about him and my son would go and confront them. Nate was what he prefered to be called. He always came down to see his family and check on us. That night I saw my son he came and saw me we talked etc.. My daughter was out there talking to a girl that he had brought down to see her. My daughter told me that he was arguing with a guy in front of the door, I didn't hear anything with the airconditioner and surround sound movie. Next thing I know my daighter comes in the house with a piercing scream and stated Nate was shot. My heart dropped I just saw my son, I couldn't believe that this had happened. His so called friend left him there to die and didn't help him at all. My son loved to dress he had mostly everything that he wanted. These guys were jealous of my son and they wanted what he had, even his so called best friend. My son had their back but when it came time for them to have his back they just left him there. I do believe what goes around comes around. I lost my son and I cry all the time, my pain can't be describe he was my first born, well he will always be my son and my first born. I miss him soooo much, I miss him bringing me flowers and stuffed animals. He was a good son and he will always continue to live in my heart. I'm going to continue to take care of his beautiful daughter, who looks just like him. It's just sad that when this happened to my son everybody was out to get what they could take from him. But being that I was his mother I didn't allow them to take all my son's belongings, I made sure that I go and take care of his personal processions even though this was not what I was worried about. I was more worried about my son and how these people left him to die like that. Nate had his own mind and no one could stop him from doing and visiting where he wanted to go. I mean no one, he was stubborn, he did what he wanted to do. Nate, mommy misses you and loves you baby, you will always be mommy's first born. I'm proud of you Nate being that you took care of your daughter while you were here mommy will continue where you left off and continue to support your daughter. We miss you everyday, every minute, every hour, but I know someday we will meet again. Love you!

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