Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on December 4, 2008 at 9:28am

Stacy i was glad to hear that you made it through Thanksgiving and now Christmas you can do it. Like me not having my husband kills me everyday but i am so thankful for my kids, even though there adults now they are there for me always. like i said before that holidays birthdays or any special days are going to bring all those memories rushing up to the front of your mind, and thats okay. Some people think i am nuts but thats okay; i talk to George at night in my room saying goodnight to him, or when i get up in the morning. My daughter and i on special days and holidays set off a bunch of balloons up to him by his gravesite... it helps. My daughter is 21 and this christmas is bothering her more than the first one last year when my husband was only dead a few months; i feel all the lawyers paper work and visitors have dropped off somewhat, and there is more quite time. It sounds like your parents were awsome people and i am happy they went together and they are watching over you. If there is a sound or something moves in the house or you get the feeling someone is watching you it's your parents. I know it sounds weird but it has happened to me and my kids over the months and at first it scares you but dont let it, it is just a sign that they are telling you they are watching over you. Again if anyone reads this and thinks i am nuts i'm not, these things have happened to where in my dreams i was calling out for my husband ( of 30 yrs.) and i woke up and i felt someone was watching me; and i jut told my husband that i will be okay and went back to sleep. You could also write a journal beginning from the day you got the news of your parents death; and go on from there,talk about there lives together and how they were as parents, it would be like a legacy you can leave for other family members and grand kids that will come along, to read what these two beautiful souls had in common and the love they shared. Take care and i have you in my prayers during the holidays

Permalink Reply by Mary Barker on December 26, 2008 at 2:29am

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At 2:20am on December 26th, 2008, Mary Barker said…
Hi,

My name is Mary and I just lost my husband of 46 years on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:38pm I am so sad. I never thought the day I took him to the hospital he would not be coming home. The closest of our children live 5 hours away. We have 3 sons and 1 daughter. I don't know where I even want to live now.
I must sell our home as we were both on SS and now I have lost mine. I have just enough money now to pay my car note and mortgage. I just don't know what to do........ i am totally lost. He was my rock and my best friend. I must sell what i can and put the rest in storage until I decide. I will sell our home or lose it and with the economy so bad i will be lucky to be able to sell. Can anyone give me any suggestions? My husband "Leon" was cremated and I plan on a celebration of his life next year. He died in my arms at the hospital I am so glad I was there for that, although it was the most trematic thing i have ever been through. I just could not bring myself to a memorial also. I feel like I have a big hole in my heart and I feel like dying a little each day......

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on December 26, 2008 at 9:10am

Oh Mary my heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers on the loss of your husband. I hope your kids have stepped up to the plate to help you, because at a time like this you need family. I know this will sound crazy to you but you were lucky to have the chance to say good bye to your husband, even though he was so ill you had the chance. Why i say that for is I lost my husband of 30 years to a tragic car accident in July of 2007; and i never was lucky as you. I talked to him an hour prior to his death, which i will never forget. Holidays and other special days we spent together are always the most difficult, but if it was not for my son, daughter, and daughter-in-law I don't know where I would be. I don't understand why you would loose your social security but I would fight it, find an attorney or someone you could trust and fight for it. I fought for everything, and it can be exhausting at times but you will know in your heart what is the right thing to do. I live in Stockton California and i agree with you on the economy; and trying to sell a home can be next to impossible, but again maybe talking to an attorney or your kids might give you some insight on what to do. There will be alot of days you don't want to do anything and that is totally okay; because you just lost your soul mate, and i had many days like that and still do at times. One important thing you cannot forget to do is take care of yourself. Make sure you eat even if it is just some toast or fruit or tea, you need to keep your strength up. My husband has been gone 1 1/2 years and this Christmas was the second one without him; which was sad but looking back he was there I could sense it and it came out alright. Take one day at a time and if that seems too hard just take one minute or even one second at a time. I'm sitting here thinking I could tell you so many things you can do but one thing you need to give yourself time to grieve, it will be a long road but with family, friends you will be okay it takes time. I will suggest that you get a hold of a priest or minister to talk to them and even go to grief counseling when you are ready, it will help alot. I know you just lost your husband but think about down the road to write a journal of some kind on your life with your husband. If your husband had any insurance or any policies where you could collect money to help you financially; also see with the mortgage company if there was insurance on the house to where it would be paid off in the event of a death... look into that it might help. I will let you go for now and I will say prayers for you and your family on the loss of your husband, he sounds like a wonderful man, and food for thought if you believe in guardian angels he is looking out for you to make sure your okay, things will be okay in time Mary........... God Bless you

Pam

Permalink Reply by Michele on December 26, 2008 at 7:05pm

Is it normal for a spouse to get into a relationship about a month after his spouse has died? My dad had been married to my mom for 47 years and she died suddenly in June of this year. We found out a few months later that my dad had been lying to us about who he was seeing. He said he was seeing a guy friend of his, when it was actually a woman. We are no longer close to my dad and he has withdrawn from his 4 grandkids and myself and my brother. He feels like a stranger. The only time I saw him grieve for my mom was at the funeral.
He moved his girlfriend in my mom's house in October. We found out he bought her a 2 carat diamond ring and said he was getting married on Jan. 2nd. My poor mother has not been dead 7 months and already he wants to marry this lady. Here is the kicker also.......... She is 44 and he is 68. Her dad is 69. This lady has never had a place of her own. This will be her 3rd marriage. One of her kids has been in prison for grand theft auto. Her and her family are the total opposite from our family. He use to go to church and we thought very committed to God, but he hardly goes anymore. Has something like this happened to anyone and what have you done to get throught this?
Also my dad was diagnosed this past April as having non hodkins lymphoma. He has been taking chemotherapy and the cells have really shrunk down. This girlfriend of his smokes like a chimney and does this around him. If you love someone like she say's she does, how can you smoke around someone who still has cancer????

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 26, 2008 at 7:13pm

sorry for your loss of your mom,i hate to tell you i am 45 just turned 45 and i would never in my wildest dreams go out with some one that was married unless he kept it a secret from the woman,he was seeing this woman while your mom was alive?that is sad to the least.and to not respect what you guys think and go on moving her into your moms house that is sad to.and you all should go in there and tell her this was your moms house and she needs to leave,and the smoking part your dad needs to tell her to smoke outside. or you should go to the store and get a sign that says no smoking oxgen in use maybe that will give her the hint.do you and her kids get along?but i dont know both my parents are stilling living but this is a heart break story.but i hoped you find it in your heart you and your brother to sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel.thanks for listening.kristi

Permalink Reply by A R on December 28, 2008 at 4:54am

Hi I am a Young teenager about to be legal [Yayy] Haha, anyways Things of this nature bring me down alot. I lost 2 people i loved so much. My aunt died almost 7 years ago in the hospital. She was the 'life of the party' type of person, everyone loved her and the saddest thing everyone knew about her passing was that it was a day right after her birthday, barely in her mid 30's and passing away...Her last day on earth was unforgettable to me and i hold a strong feeling of guilt and emotions. She spent nearly 5 days in the hospital and that night of her last day we rushed to the hospital. Everyone from family, to friends, to people who knew her filled up the Lobbys, waiting rooms, and her very own hospital room. I didnt know what they had rushed us for until my uncle came to me and told me to say goodbye i replied to him and asked him for what? He looked down and told me.."she's not going to make it.." During her 5 day period in the hospital her body was shutting down but everyone had hope..First her breathing wasnt right, second she couldnt open eyes or move any part of her body, and on the 3rd day a few the most important organs in her body gave out..she then was placed on LIFE SUPPORT and the only thing she had up and running was her heart. But on her last day my uncle explained to me that her heart was already starting to become weak...It was 9 PM and everyone was awaiting there turn to say there goodbyes..By 9:10 PM my OTHER older aunt told everyone that she wasnt going to make it , she cried and explained and that the only reason she was still alive was because of the medication and life support which my family made arrangements to take the life support on because it wasnt helping and they said "thats not her..."[everyone looks different when there on life support]...I knew, and everyone knew...It was time to say goodbye..The line to her room was long but luckily my older aunt had asked everyone nicely to let the family go through first..This is where i made the most hugest mistake ever, i didnt say goodbye to her..I was a little kid at the time and i was scared....Yes, i know it was a one of the most worst and messed up excuses i made..AND I REGRET IT SO MUCH =[. At 9:15 my family and CLOSEST friends of hers said goodbye..I was missing from the equation. Other than family and close friends, people who knew her said there last goodbyes, tears were shed but only a few...At 9:23 my family-Grandma/Grandpa-Aunts & uncles and the priest were asked to come into the room. Since my aunts room had a window everyone was watching..I sat there with my cousins and my sisters crying. Now Since my aunt didnt have a "DNR" Signed the 'code blue' was called for her. But before at 9:23 i remained in position in front of the hall window..I looked at my aunts/uncles and grandma/grandpa faces and right when i seen my grandma cry..I knew my beloved aunt was gone..The door opened and my older aunt said "shes gone..". Tears filled the hallway and waiting rooms..All i remember hearing was the everyone crying and the intercom sounding accross the hallways "CODE BLUE: ROOM 245 Bed 1.." Repeaditly..I watched and just stood there as they desperately tried to revive her but..she was gone. I fell back and cried and everyone did, it was so unexpected...The reason why my aunt was so important to me was because WE SHARED THE SAME BIRTHDAY..and it was sad to see her leave after our big day.
Just recently My grandma passed away, I didnt want to make the same mistake 7 years before..I said my goodbyes and kissed her on the head and told her i loved her..It flashed right before my eyes after they took her off the respirator..She was gone..But i knew she didnt want to suffer, and she even said too that she was tired..It gave me some relief to correct a mistake about saying goodbye to a loved one..but i still feel the need to punish myself for not saying goodbye 7 years before =/...My name is A..Im to shy to give out any personel info. I am also very sorry f

Permalink Reply by kristi on December 28, 2008 at 10:29am

sorry for your losses AR,yes it is hard not to say goodbye,my 16 year old died 2 years ago from a gun shot wound that his friend did.my family couldnt say goodbye to him because they said he was evidents,i blame the cops for it because we didnt get to say goodbye till the day of his wake,i hate the doctors,the cops,the kid that shot him,we see him once in awhile.his school has been good to us,planted a tree outside the school is doing amemorial page for him because he would of been a senior this year.i feel your pain for you that you didnt say goodbye because we didnt get to.so i am glad you went and said good bye to your grandma,it hurts me inside to know that my son died and i couldnt see him but in a body bag,it still hurts it has been 2 years and i still can not get it out of my head.he died oct 7th,2006.well i am glad you made the decision to go in and see people before they go now.if you need some one to talk to we are here for you because i met a lot of people on here and they are good they help you out in lots of ways and they listen to you to.thanks take care and take care and come on here and talk anytime.if you need to and you feel you need to talk to your aunt or your grandma,take a piece a paper and light a candle and write down all the good memories of them what you did together and everything.i go to a support group because i need to talk.thanks for listening kristi

Permalink Reply by Mickoel on January 12, 2009 at 10:06pm

Dealing with a sibling passing
My brother died today in his sleep and this is the worst even that has happened to me in my life am in the military and gratful it di dnot happen while i was deployed to iraq..I dont know how to deal with this am crying on minute and am okay the next...i have 2 more brother now i cant say i have 3 now i have to say 2 this is crazy this is not how life is suspoe to be he was only 24 just turned 24 less than a month ago..why couldent god take something less meaningful from me then my family,,i jus… Continue
Posted on January 12th, 2009 at at 1030 am he was pronounced dead am in texasmy family is in cali am flying out tomorrw

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 12, 2009 at 10:16pm

hi mickoel my condolenses,i have a son and a daughter and i lost my other son oct 6th,2006.and i dont say i only have 2 kids i say i have 3 and one passed away,if people want to know why than i tell them or they just let it go and just remember him.and my son and daughter bring my son up when they can.i go to a support group and they help me out so much.and i talk to him and i talk to my friends,you are not suppose to hide them in the closet so please dont do that.light a candle and write in a journal that helps,talk to his picture.talk to friends and family alot of my family is still having trouble and i talk to them it smooths them.sorry you couldnt be there,that is a hard thing to because i didnt get to see my son.my son and daughter joke about stuff they did when my other son was alive.he was only 16 and he would of been 18 and he would of been a senior this year.the students have been a great help to us.what you can do in the spring is make a garden i did and it looks so nice and than i go sit out there.thanks and you can write to me anytime.and the crying is good they said that is best to get it out than keep it in.i still cry anytime i want to and people know why.take care of yourself and have a good flight and i hope you can get throu this with the support of all of us on here.and dont hold the tears back.keep in touch

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 13, 2009 at 7:54am

Hi Michoel,my name is Elaine I to can relate to your feelings. I lost me oldest brother out of ten kids. I still say my Mom had ten kids or it was ten of us. We all get together,some laugh and some cry and talk about the good times tht we all shared together. Trust me Mickoel it will be hard,painful and your heart will ache. Just go to GOD and he will be there with you and for you. Remember earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal. If any time you need to talk,we are here for you Michoel. This is why I love Legacy Connet. I will be praying with you Mickoel asking God to give you strength to go through your rough times now. Remember it is OK to cry......Elaine

Permalink Reply by kristi on January 12, 2009 at 10:27pm

hi,i am having a hard time my self,my son died oct 6th,2006 some of you may know my story but i need to tell it because something else happened right were he died.he was 16 years old,he would of been 18 on sept 12th and a senior in high school he got shot by his friend,his friend only got probation till 19 he is 18 now,2,500 for restitution and 200 of community service.so here is the other story that i need to tell you alll that will listen i am having a hard time because one of my sons friend got stabbed yesterday 1/11/09 a block away from were my son was shot and died,.well this kidwas only 17 and he passed away he got stabbed in the eye taken to duluth mn at st.marys hospital were he died.and the kids that did this was from a group home in deer river mn and they were only 16 and 17.i am really having a rough time with this because i knew the kid.my heart is aching for the parents badly.i know what they are going throu.it hit me so hard my heart has not been the same all day,i go to support group and tomorrow i do and i hope it helps because i need it real bad this week.how do you think i should handle this,it is so heart breaking.i dont know what to do i know my son everette and terrell will be able to do what they want in heaven now because they will be together again.r.i.p terrell.
if any of you would like to look it up it is www.wdio.com and it was itasca county ball club stabbing.thank you for listening i hope i still can get throu this thats why i am writing this to all of you.that it was a senceless tradgedy.my prayers go out to the families they are from a big family.take care kristi

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on January 13, 2009 at 7:44am

Hi Kristie,look like we follows the same path. Two weeks after Kris death his school friend that attended his funeral was killed on his motorbike by a drunken driver. I could not attend the funeral because it was at the same church,and the same cemetary. I just could not take it. My heart was so heavy and like you Kristie I knew what the family was going through. So this incident will bring back many memories for you Kristie,but just pray because God would put no more on you than you can bare. My heart and prayers goes out to the family of this young man. Be strong Kristie,even though I know what you are going through. I will be praying for you and that family.....Elaine

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