Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on October 28, 2008 at 11:50pm

Hi jeremy,anytime you feel sad or lonely,write us and than sometime I may cry to. But this is why this site is here for us to help each other. Its been a hard two years for me. Jeremy I wish to see my son in my dream. Everyone says God is not ready for me to see him now. Jeremy you know a funny thing happened. My daughter dreams of Kris all the time. But in this dream she and Kris was on the phone talking. She ask him what happened,he told her that he was all right,she said she told him, but that big cut in back of your head,she said he stated that God took care of that when he got home. He hear someone talking and ask her who is that talking to you. My daughter told him that's Teedie,that is what everyone call me. She said he told her don't let her know this is me because I am not ready to talk to her now. Everyone dreams of kris but me and his 8yr.old son Kris Jr. Like you every one is angry because when they wake up no Kris. I guess right now it will blow my mind,I would be crying all day because it was only a dream. But in time Jeremy it will get better. So I will still pray for you and your family for strenght.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Apostolos on October 29, 2008 at 12:35am

Jeremy it will get better but u need to give yourself time. And yes it is true, life does go on, but you are going through something that has not only changed you but has changed all your lives forever. Keep on talking to people, dont keep it bottled up inside, that is the worst thing to do.At times I have tried to be strong when i lost my husband a year ago; but you know it all comes to the surface and i begin to cry and ask why did you take him now. Your mom sounds like a beautiful person to know; if she didn't love you she wouldn't have told you to call her anytime. When you have lost someone this is when family needs to stick together. The holidays and birthdays are the roughest; but what you could do is set off some balloons by his grave site and say merry christmas or whatever comes to mind. I do agree with you that when i am by myself that is when everything comes down at once, it's not easy my husband and i were married for 30 years. Your in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by kristi on October 29, 2008 at 5:37pm

hi maritta,i know how you and jeramy feel,i lost my son 2 years ago and he was only 16 and he would of been 18 this year and a senior in highschool.i keep him alive in his school i dontated to fitness center memberships for a year at the school,they the seniors gave a tree in his memory.we are going to keep his memory going,i got a dopt a highway sign put up in his name.but the first year is hard i know.it took me forever to snap out of what i was going throu,he died oct 7th,2006 his friend shot him and his friend was only 15,i lost my mind for a long time i didnt know anything.the holidays were hard the first year.he had his dream to he wanted to become a butcher he had a application and everything to get ready for when he got his license he would of got his licence the day he died or that monday.it hurts all the things we could of been planning this year for his graduation and stuff.i am sorry to hear about your losses thou thank you for taking the time to listen

Permalink Reply by Linda on November 2, 2008 at 6:46am

The sudden death of my ex-husband, who shaped the course of my life, my children's and grandchildren's lives, yet there was unresolved conflict, is hard for me to put to rest. I have no closure, just many memories, and no opportunity to talk to anyone about it. Part of me wants to send a sympathy card to his present wife and family, just a simple card. It would be an olive branch symbolically.

Permalink Reply by Linda on November 9, 2008 at 7:28am

Yes, I finally found a card that seemed OK, after so many did not. I mailed it. All of that took a long time and many inner struggles.

You are right that the many thoughts of the unresolved conflict go through my mind. I keep second-guessing, should I have done this or not have done that, or said something different or nothing at all? I made mistakes. I talked to my son about an hour and told him one of the big mistakes I made. He tried to ease it by saying not to take on too much guilt over one part of a long conflict. Actually, my son had conflict over being abandoned by his stepfather which he told me about. I still need to talk about it. I had one friend who knew us both when we were married and offered kind comments and she offered to visit at lunch or her home, but she is just so busy we have not been able to talk more than on the phone a bit. Life is so busy.

I am so sorry for your loss of a child. It seems life's greatest tragedy, out of the normal expected order of life and death, gone in the full expectation of what should have been. I hope you will reply again. How did you find a support group?

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 9, 2008 at 9:36am

IT WAS IN THE NEWS PAPER IT WASNT IN MY TOWN I HAD TO GO 15 MILES TO FIND ONE BUT NOW THERE IS ONE IN MY TOWN RIGHT NEXT TO MY WORK.IT IS GOOD TO BE WITH PEOPLE THAT LOST SOMEONE AND WE CRY TOGETHER AND THAN YOU FEEL BETTER AFTER WARDS.BUT YOUR PAIN WONT EVER GO AWAY BUT IT WILL EASE UP ALITTLE AS TIME GOES BY BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS AND IT SEEMS LIKE YESTERDAY.AND THAN WRITE A JOURNAL AND LIGHT A CANDLE THAT HELPS TO.,THANKS AND WRITE BACK SOON

Permalink Reply by Linda on November 9, 2008 at 10:19pm

Kristi, you have a heart. You say that it has been 2 years but seems like yesterday. Hopefully, making some good new memories will help the scars fade. I went walking last week to a waterfall, and as I walked it seemed that God put a song in my heart and lifted my spirit. I said aloud the name of each life affected by this death, and prayed for peace and healing for each one.

The suddenness of someone dying is weighing on me. I feel like God is speaking to my heart to try to keep issues settled on a day to day basis with everyone in my life, because life is so fragile. Somewhere in the New Testament it says, insofar as it lies within you, live peaceably with all men.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on November 10, 2008 at 5:45am

Hi Linda,I justed started walking again on the levee. Just Sunday morning I got up for 6:30AM and was on the levee for 7:00 AM. As I was walking it come to me so plain and clear what my Dad use to say. When he was troubled or worried he would go and look upon the water and talk to God. Well I had that chance. Instead I walked alone the water and was able to see all the beauty that was put here by God. To look beyond and far out trying to see where the water ends it was like a dream. The clouds,sky and even a rainbow was there. How beautiful. I stood there for a moment than starting praying as tears rolled down my face asking God to release the pain and heartache that I am still carring around. It was so peaceful to watch the waves washing ashore,like if the waves had a meaning to them. You know I never took the time to see this,or experience nothing like this before. It was so peaceful. Linda it is so hard when the weight of someone suddenly dies on you. I know and felt the pain and heartache it could bring into your life. So if this is a healing for me,I'm asking God to do it for me right now. When I say right now,I know it may not be when I want it. But it will happen right on time for me. I said once,I wonder do any one else feel the heartche and pain as long as I am feeling it. After joing this site I found the answere. Grief has no cut off date. So now I do take it one day at a time,but with a little more peace. This is what I am asking God for everyone on this site to give them peace and healing to help them to go on forward with their lives.

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 2, 2008 at 10:26am

sorry for your loss.i think you lost a part of you when your ex husband died to,not just his recent family.thats why i dont know if you need to send the other family a card.if your having trouble in a support group they will ask you to light a candle and write in a journal about your happy thoughts about him.on his birthday make a cake and celebrate it,it depends on if you were still close i guess i dont know thou.i lost my son in oct 2006 he was only 16 and i still have trouble so i go to support group,thank you take care and keep in touch thanks

Permalink Reply by Linda on November 9, 2008 at 7:13am

Thank you for your kind and understanding reply. Yes, I lost a part of me. In my heart, I let go many years ago. But my relationship with him was a big part of who I am. I hope you will continue to reply, because you seem to put it clearly when I can't. Maybe I will try to go to some support group. I don't know of one.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your 16-year old son. The death of a child seems much worse to me than any other kind of loss. It just goes against the expected sequence of life, and it seems to me to be the greatest tragedy, gone in the full bloom of life's expectations.

Permalink Reply by kristi on November 10, 2008 at 8:56am

hi linda,you can find a support group in the newspaper or call your social service office they will help you.yes i will reply more.other wise you can always contact me by my email address kristi_armstrong2000@yahoo.com that is my yahoo messanger to if you have it and you want to talk.this is for everyone that is on this site.thanks.yes thanks giving is coming up fast,everyone says i am a strong person and i tell them i show it at work but i dont show it at home.my worst time is his birthday when he died and the holidays.the first year he died i had so much go wrong with me and i said i bet it is my son everette doing all this to me,i had my gull bladder out a month later,i got high blood pressure high chlosterol.all in a year.thats what stress will do to you and my gull bladder got out one month after he passed away and i couldnt cry for him i cried for my self because i was in so much pain.but the crying probly was for him to.but keep in touch to.thanks for understanding

Permalink Reply by Kristen on November 6, 2008 at 7:58am

I lost my dad on August 29, 2008 in Pawtucket, RI. He was walking to his bus stop at around 4am. He did this routine for years. Someone shot him in cold blood. Needless to say this has been quite a shock to me and my family.

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