Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on June 5, 2012 at 5:39pm

Dear Judy, I haven't been on here very often, but I just saw your post today for the first time.  I'm so very sorry for your loss.  It is times like this that make a person have to grow up much too fast.  You sound like you were very close to your grandfather.  I'm sorry you were not able to go back home to see him again one last time.  You mentioned having plenty of years ahead of you, but that it feels useless to you now.  Hang on sweetie, with time and healing you will regain purpose and meaning again for your life.  All my best to you.  You are in my prayers, you and your mom and family.

Judy Kim said:

I'm only 13 and I just felt the most miserable pain yesterady. I lost my grandpa just yesterday night. I really didn't know what was happening at first, my mom bursted out her room in tears and started shouting at the phone. My grandpa lives hundreds of hundreds miles away (Korea from America). My mom started mumbling out words when i rushed down to see what happened. All i heard was "Gra..nd..pa p..ass..ed a.wa..y". At first i didn't know what she was saying and suddenly i fell to the ground and started pouring out tears. My mom still was trying to contact her sisters and my relatives in Korea but her hands were shaking she just couldn't. I didn't know what to do, my brother and dad didn't know what happened. My brother was out playing basketball and my dad out working, and in all honesty i'm not a really a "helping" person. I suck at making people feel better so all i did was leave my mom downstairs and started rushing up to my room. At first I didn't know what was happening, I almost fainted. I fell on my bed and started shouting at God to help me, to help my mom, to let the pain go away. I felt horrible for leaving my mom crying downstairs, but that was all i could do.

I was just a normal 13 years old girl until this event happened. A day passed and today here I am. I know "only a day passed, It'll be better" but no. I know for sure I won't be back to my normal hyper self for a very long time. My moms on the plane right now flying to Korea and i really wanted to go and see my grandfather's face for the VERY last time until he lies on the ground below me and until I meet him up there, but school and testing got in the way. Even at school today i felt so miserable I even asked the principle today if i can be alone in the libaray. I bursted out crying, for 3 periods straight. ( About 3 hours). My eyes were puffy and when i got out, everyone asked me what happened, and i answered by crying some more. I just wanted to be alone and cry out my whole heart. I miss my grandpa now, i always will. Help me please.    I haven't seen my grandpa since 3 years ago and I was planning myself to go next summer and be with him 24/7 and now, hes gone. Gone, gone from my life.  I have plenty of years left of me but now it feels so useless now.

Permalink Reply by Jacky on June 13, 2012 at 4:04pm

Judy honey, I am so sorry for your loss. Keep crying out to God, that's all we have to do, when we have no control over life and situations. I have no answers to you why...it's agonizing intense pain. And I am so sorry you at such a young age, experience this pain and suffering. I am going to ask God to help you, and fill you with His peace and comfort.

It is good you came here, you did no wrong by running up to your room. Your mom understands. You were in shock, just as much as she was. You didn't desert her, you ran to God! He helped her. It is His job to care for her, not yours. You are still so young, that moment in time, you did all you could do. You did well.

Try to honor your Grandfather someway in your life. Keep him always a part of you! Never never never let him out of your heart. And talk to God. Ask Him for help, to guide you.

Lord bless you dear, Jacky

Permalink Reply by Jacky on June 13, 2012 at 4:12pm

Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. Such devastation. Such a shock. So unfair...how do we make sense of any of this?.

Do as I am, take 1 minute at a time. It's too much to bear. My husband left quickly as well, but it was at least 2 days.  Although we didn't expect it. We had our belief in God, without a doubt, that he would be ok. I miss him soo much, I know you can feel this pain. How do we function? What are we to do know. I too feel as if I could die of a broken heart. I tell God, I am sorry, as I know this is a sin, but He knows my heart, so He sees it in there anyway, even if I don't speak it.

God help us. I hate this! I can't believe I am even on here, a grief site. The thought of it makes me sick!

I hope we can help eachother in some small way. I will pray for your peace and comfort and Our Lord to give you strength to make it throgh this, in Jesus Name.
carol eaton said:

I lost my husband on 5/16. He pulled his truck into the driveway, and died. I found him. he was 54. In that moment, my world ended. I feel as if i am just now tying up loose ends for my kids and then i will die of a broken heart. or at least, that is what i am hoping and praying for. i am reading all of your stories, and i am so sorry for all of you. it is as if we are all trapped in this awful nightmare and trying to help each other out of it...i have never felt so alone...or so lost...

Permalink Reply by joss thompson on June 19, 2012 at 5:26am

I am so sad to read all of your stories on here, and yet also grateful to have found this site so as to realise i am not alone in my grief also, and that many walk this painful journey called grief.

My beautiful daughter died a month and two days ago, and i am just devastated, and don't know what i will do without her in my life. She had drinking problems and died in the Intensive Care Unit at the hospital of end stage liver disease. I am so angry that she wasn't told before this, the severity of her illness, so she didn't actually know what was wrong with her, and the doctor told her it was ok. to have an occasional drink. I had been living in the States for the last few yrs., as i am an Aussie married to an American, so had no idea my daughter was ill until my son called me to say she was in hospital with liver and renal failure. I immediately flew home to be by her side, and had a precious two weeks with her, until her death. I just can't believe it, it all feels so surreal, and i have now lost two of my children to alchohol. My eldest Son was killed by a drunk driver in 1995. Life is just so unfair, and sometimes i wonder how i will go on without dying of a broken heart.

Permalink Reply by joss thompson on June 19, 2012 at 5:28am

Forgot to say my Son was 23yrs. old and my Daughter was 37yrs. old, when they died. They are now together in Heaven.

Permalink Reply by Jacky on June 19, 2012 at 1:58pm

I am sorry Josh and Ashley for your losses. I don't have any answers, I don't understand this. I am seeking God for help, I pray you do as well. It is unfair. And the hurt is so intense. So many unanswered questions...that is why I ask God, knowing that nooneelse in this world we are stuck in, can answer them. But He can, because He knows. I am thankful for finding this site, and am truly saddened there is so much grief and loss out there. And Here I thought I was all alone.

I pray we all find our way through this, and maybe, I can be of help to someone.

My heart is so heavily saddened, it is unbearable. I only know to pray, pray for peace, pray for comfort, pray for understanding, pray for strength, pray for God's grace an mercy upon us all, in Jesus' Name! Amen!

Permalink Reply by Diamond on June 19, 2012 at 9:59pm

I feel the pain that we all feel when we loose someone that we love. We do have God. You say, you believe and pray to God - you have got to trust that - God is love and will comfort us in our time of need. We are all suffering the consequences of Adam and Eve sin which resulted in death to all of their children. I hear the pain expressed on these pages and see that so many of the members here have a spiritual foundation. That is the only things we know we can count on all of time and that is the love of God. He is never too busy for us. I've lost my Brother and I've lost my Dad - both whom I love very much - however, I am able to cope only through the many promises I read in he Bible. So, yes, continue to pray and to petition for direction in doing his will and to give you the strength to continue to love your love one and to live your life in the presence. (1 John 4:8)

Permalink Reply by joss thompson on June 19, 2012 at 10:10pm

I am heartbroken for you and your little Son:(  My previous hubby died Nov. 2000 after heart surgery, and my youngest was only 6 yrs old at the time, i had him when i was 41, a big surprise he was.

The first year or two of grief is the worst, and it is hard to say the least, to come to terms with the reality a loved one has died. My hubby said if the worst should happen he would want me to go on and find love again. Easier said than done, but i did eventually find someone i have been remarried to for a few yrs. now.

Initially when we are deep in our grief it is impossible to see anything beyond it, but we do go on, we aren't given a choice really, especially with a young child to take care of. Your little boy needs you, and i know you will find the strength within you to go on for his sake. I hope you have a good support network to help you on the really bad days, and if not maybe you could find others in your area that have gone through a similar experience of the loss of their partner, and to just have someone you can talk to and maybe get together with to help you through. We all need that when we are grieving to be able to reach out to others to share our pain.

I Pray for your strength to get through this most awful time in your life, take care. 

Ashley said:

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. I lost my husband on 5/26 to a motorcycle accident. He left the house and it happened only a few blocks from my house but I didn't find out until 24 hours later. He was only 32 and very healthy. Our son will be 4 next month and also misses him very much. I had to explain to him what happened and my heart broke even more when he asked "my daddy is dead?". I don't know how to go on without him, I'm very angry, very depressed, I think of him all day and dream of him every night. He is the love of my life, my best friend I knew how much he loved me it was beautiful to actually know and feel it. I miss his hugs he was so warm and would squeeze me and I felt so safe, his kisses, his voice, his phone calls his corny sense of humor that always made me laugh, and the way he'd look me in my eyes and say he loved me everyday, and above everything else I miss him as a father because he was the best. And all of it was taken from me I truly don't know how I'm suppose to live without him its too lonely and hurts too much. I know my son needs me but right now I wish God would just take me too. I juat don't see how this pain can ever go away.

Permalink Reply by joss thompson on June 20, 2012 at 1:10am

I just wanted to share my total experiences with you all as i am no stranger to grieving, so here goes.

My journey of grief started in 1995. In Nov. of that year my dear father died after complications from colostomy surgery after colon cancer. About a month later on the 22nd. of Dec my beautiful eldest son was killed in a vehicle accident involving a drunk driver. I had my mother diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in 1998, she died from the disease in July 1999, her sister, my aunt, died in June, a month before that from a pulmonary embolism.

The following year in Nov. 2000, my then 48yr. old husband of almost 30 yrs. died after triple bypass surgery a couple of days later, leaving me a widow with a young 6yr. old Son.

This year just about a month ago my one and only 37yr. old daughter, died from liver and renal failure.

So as you can see i've been through it. Sometimes i think and wonder how i have managed to get through it all, but i am still here, and i guess there is some reason for it.

I had a thought recently from something i heard, and it was along the lines of maybe this thing here that we call life, is really death, and life comes after this when we leave this world.

It kind of makes sense to me, because we are all eventually going to die, we can't escape that, it is inevitable for all of us, and a lot go sooner rather than later, but to me they are just gone for a while, and i like to think we will be reunited with them one day. Its the in between time that's so very difficult.

Permalink Reply by HAM on June 20, 2012 at 10:24pm

My Father died suddenly in a motorcycle accident about on May 28.

He saw a lot of himself in me (interests, personality traits, physical appearance), and he was proud of my adventurous lifestyle as an expat in several locales. However, since I've been away for the majority of the past several years, I feel that I missed out on opportunities. I am lucky that when I was home in December, I had some deep conversations with him about our Father-Daughter relationship and about me.

I'm sure I would be feeling even worse if I had not had those experiences, but I did not see him in the final months of his life. I was very busy, and I pushed him away by barely responding to his emails and requests for information. Now he's gone. I married a foreigner under intense circumstances, so I had to go have a fast notary ceremony in his country last summer. My Dad never met my husband. My Dad was planning to visit us and was planning a US wedding celebration, sort of a second wedding. Now I have to live with the fact that he never met my husband and none of those plans will come to fruition.

I am happy to be back with my husband now and am not feeling depressed, but I AM feeling deeply empty at times and a bit lost.

How do you cope with the feeling of having had "unanswered questions"? Any input or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. I cannot believe I even joined this group, in a way. I guess it's a sign that I really need some help.

Permalink Reply by Jacky on June 21, 2012 at 11:14am

Ham , I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Daddy 30 years ago, I was young then. 

I heard once, it is never too late to say all you want. I heard of someone, putting an empty chair next to them, or accross from you. Invite God in the conversation, ask him to help with your dad. Then sit there, picturing your dad in that chair, and talk away, tell him all you wanted to, even have your husband there as well, have him converse to your dad, introducing them.I read this was very beneficial to the survivors, in their coping, and sanity in being able to express your heart. Ask God for help, He will guide you. Blessings

Permalink Reply by HAM on June 21, 2012 at 12:23pm

Thank you. That is an excellent idea. I should particularly try this with my husband as you suggested. I will.

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