Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by didi on August 29, 2012 at 5:12am

Good luck in trying to get your life back together. You are doing well to look after your interests.

Barbara Meiborg said:

Well, I got a phone call earlier from the director of the funeral home that handled Bob's funeral. When Bob died I called my older brother and told him of Bob's passing. He said that he was on his way-I didn't ask him, he just said he was coming. As soon as he got to our home, he informed me that he was paying for Bob's cremation and that he was going to help me pack everything up so that I could sell the house, sell all the furniture and made me type a letter to the car dealership returning the vehicle we had bought a few months before. The big problem for me was the fact that we decided to be buried at our local cemetery years ago. but I was in a daze in the days following Bob's passing and I signed the permission slips to have Bob cremated. I finally got my head together and stopped the cremation and proceeded with the original plans-burial.  I, like a million other home owners, am upside down on our home. Add to that fact that we had no life insurance and since I am only 57 I am not eligible to make a claim on my husband's Social Security-60 is the earliest I can make a claim on his earnings.
 We drove truck together for almost 30 years. When Bob wanted to retire and get off the road, we figured that if he got a part time job and between his wages and mine and the Social Security we would be fine. But when Bob got sick, the wages dried up and then when he died, the social security checks stopped. I make about $1000 a month-1.25 more than my mortgage payment. So I decided to go back to work driving-solo this time. I figured it would only take about 3 months to be current on all the bills. But now I have to figure in 1 more-My brother got wind of what I had done and called the funeral home demanding a refund. So now I owe the funeral home the entire cost of Bob's funeral. I will pay it and gladly. But I don't understand my brother's actions. But thank God that Bob taught me well. I have a strong back and 2 hands and a will to do all I can so that I will not lose the home we worked so hard for. I will be strong. I will make Bob proud of me-but most of all I will be proud of myself. I guess anger does have it's use's. Thanks for letting me vent.
didi said:

Barbara you must be going through a very difficult time. You did the right thing don't torture yourself. Cancer is a very unforgiving disease it comes without warning devastates everything in its path and gives us no warning of when it will take our loved ones. My husband passed away in very different conditions the morning of the day he died he was organizing things for work from his hospital bed. I think if I had know that this was his last day we would have spoken of other things. But we never know and therefore we can always find things to feel guilty for. So its better not to make yourself feel worse. Think of how he would like you to be coping with the situation and try to do just that. Be strong.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 29, 2012 at 8:44pm

Hello Lynette, you go on by trusting in "God" - people will always disappoint you.  I had to learn that - in most cases people do not want to extend themselves except for the bare necessity.  God tells us not to put our trust in noble (Psalms 146:3)  We all in some part of our life learn that when no one else is there - that God is always there.  You do not only have to experience the lost of a love one to see how fast people disappear.  Even when you experience unemployment, lost of home and/or car, lost of your bare substance - people at that point will show you who they are......however, if you have one friend that is something to treasure.

You can go on - your love one would want you to care for yourself and your children.  You get your strength from God and the pleasant memory of your love one.  You are different as your life is now different.  Meditate in respects to what you want to do from this point on.....you can face the future with becoming enlighten.  Enlighten into the new reality of your new life.   Be determine to make your path one you can handle.  One with a sense of peace and calm.  Do not put too much emphasis in expecting people to be there ---sometimes it happens and sometimes it does not - however, take the time to get to know you now.   Watch yourself grow....  
 
Lynette said:

I lost my husband Rob on Feb 3, 2005. It has been over three years and I dont feel that I am healing at all. He died in a motorcycle accident in Florida (we are from MA). He was only 40 years old. My life is so upside down. I dont know who I am anymore, it has changed me on every level. I have two boys ages 19, and 17. I dont want to do all of this on my own anymore. I dont want ALL the responsibility. I am in danger of loosing my house because he had no life insurance. I dont even know if anyone will care about this post but I am doing it because it is a way for me to release my feelings. So many people abandoned me when Rob died, everyone was always going to be there but no one is. In one phone call I was told that my husband of 18 years was brain dead and would not live. They kept him alive for 2 days so family could fly to Florida and then it was over. I was the one that had to make the decision to shut off the machine, I was the one that had to plan the funeral, I was the one that knew when that door at the funeral home opened that my love, my partner, my best friend was going to be on the other side on a slab......Jesus, how do you recover from this. How do you go on and live?

Permalink Reply by Cindy on October 14, 2012 at 7:53pm

I'm so sorry to hear this. I lost my celebrity husband here in las vegas ...just 9 weeks ago, and everything seems to have noe purpose. I'm sure you also feel just empty as I do ! I am having a terrible time having any desire to go on. All I do is cry at night with his blanket ect....I pray I will have a dream of him or a sign to know he is fine, I know he is in heaven but now nothing seems to matter to me down here. How does this every ease up when you have lost your soul mate. I have been married over half my life ! I'm just so sad it's painful 24/7
This is my first post.

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on October 16, 2012 at 5:26pm

Dear Cindy, I want to encourage you that it will get easier to bear as time passes, but it takes awhile.  It has been 1-1/2 years since my son died, and I am still very sad, but I am also getting stronger and more able to bear my sadness.  I don't think my sadness will ever be gone, but I am finding the blessings and reasons that keep me going and learning to enjoy my life again.  I trust that this will also be the case for you.  I will say that I have been very active about finding supports to help me through this, which I think has made all the difference.  Take good care, and look for the life supports all around you and take full advantage of them.  Love, Theresa

Permalink Reply by Cindy on October 16, 2012 at 9:25pm

Thank you so much. I was so happy to get a response. I will take your advice. Send up a prayer for me for strength. Luv. Cindy

Permalink Reply by Theresa Sweaney on October 16, 2012 at 10:44pm

I will do that Cindy.  Count on it!

Permalink Reply by Frank Andrews on October 18, 2012 at 7:40pm

Barb, When you wrote this post on August 28th my wife of 40 years was taking her last breath under similar circumstances in the Cleveland Clinic.  It is odd that while you were posting this my wife, Noreen, took her last breath at 7:55.  She was also taken off the ventilator about 40 minutes earlier after I was told there was no hope because of septic shock.  She contracted a C-diff bowel infection from earlier surgery there. I was also given information that she would be all right just the day before she went up to ICU so it was a complete shock and unexpected.

  I too am wondering how this pain and grief will end. I used to look forward to living and now I  do not care about living a long life without her.  Such pain when a spouse passes.  I hope we can all get better.

Barbara Meiborg said:

3 days before my husband's 66th birthday we thought he had a stroke. I took him to the ER and they said the good news is you didn't have a stroke. The bad news is you have a tumour in your brain. He was diagnosed a few days later with primary CNS lymphoma. I brought him home and because of the location of the tumour, it mimicked a stroke. They ended up putting him in a convalescent hospital because I couldn't lift him. When we were told that it was terminal we were also told that they were going to give him chemo to control the tumour. If it worked, we would have anywhere from 6 to 18 months before it claimed him. He went through the first round and we were told that he responded very well and that in about 2 weeks they would do another scan to see if the tumour had shrunk.

The day before he was to come home, I got a phone call from him. He was babbling. I tried so hard to listen to make sense of what he was trying to tell me and I couldn't. God forgive me, I hung up on him and called the nurse. She called me back and said that they transferring him to CCU-he was having some trouble breathing and his blood pressure was kind of low. They told me to come as soon as I could. We live about 2 hours from the hospital, so I got on the road as soon as possible. When I got there, he was hooked up to a ventilator and they had IV's going everywhere. They pulled me off to the side and told me that his organs had all shut down and he was going into sepsis. I didn't know that this is what the body does when it died. I told them to save him if they could, but if it was the cancer run amok and his body was tired of fighting it, to just let him go. I feel so guilty-did I do the right thing? He lived another 15 minutes after they took him off life support. I told him that I was and always will be his wife. We had 5 1/2 weeks from diagnosis to his death. We were together 32 years-I will miss him all the days of my life.

Permalink Reply by Cindy on October 18, 2012 at 9:32pm

Barbara, I totally feel your pain. I was with my husband same amount of years. This saddness in horrible. I just bought a book called "My time in Heven " that makes you understand that they are alright, its just US that are not alright! I thought I might share this with you. I will send up some prayers for you for strength. Cindy

Permalink Reply by Cindy on October 20, 2012 at 11:39pm

Renee,
I'm so sorry and .. I feel every bit of your pain.
My wound is new, only 9weeks, and believe me I wish The Lord would take me right now, so I could be with him ! I know someday we will be re united and this time forever, but I miss him so much and can't even have the energy to do anything. I feel like I'm in quicksand, and can't move. I died when he died. Nothing matters to me, and I know this Christmas and New Years will kill me ! I don't know how I will get through these holidays. I have no family, so maybe just take some NyQuil and sleep a bit until they are over. I will send up a prayer for you and I for strength. Hugs. Cindy

Permalink Reply by Vee Herrera Michrina on November 16, 2012 at 12:39am

dear friend: may the Lord give you peace. I am so sorry for your loss, what a shock to lose your honey so unexpectedly. I lost my beloved this year in April and i am a mess! Icry daily and even feel angry at him for abandoning me. He was so wonderful and I keep his picture by my bed.
Can you get his social security? please stay strong! It’s good you came here for support, it helps me to get some support. 
I have to grieve alone as my honey’s family lives across the country. 
I dread the holidays now without him as we would shop together and laugh and have so much fun. He died in his sleep and he was fine the day before. 
I am so sorry sweetie. Please keep coming here and I pray you get some tender mercies real soon.

blessings, vee, Colorado mom , age 50

Permalink Reply by Vee Herrera Michrina on November 16, 2012 at 12:40am

 how did you like the book “MY TIME IN HEAVEN”? I Need to read something to help me grieve.

blessings and thanks, vee
Cindy said:

Barbara, I totally feel your pain. I was with my husband same amount of years. This saddness in horrible. I just bought a book called "My time in Heven " that makes you understand that they are alright, its just US that are not alright! I thought I might share this with you. I will send up some prayers for you for strength. Cindy

Permalink Reply by Cindy on November 16, 2012 at 2:03pm

I love the book "My time in Heaven" however I have so many books now that I love. I am so nervous about these up comming holidays! I see Christmas trees and I feel tears welling up in my eyes already! This will be my first Christmas withou my husband. I don't know how to handel it. It just comforts me to know that he is fine (I'm not fine but he is ). He will be the first one to meet me in Heaven when I arrive. As far as I'm concerned...I AM still married to him, and always will be. I want to share a few "signs" I have experienced with a few that believen. Because I totally know that it is so possible and real to have signs from heaven, that your loved one is ok. Ect. - I am so thankful for this group, and this site. This helps me so much. Hugs to you!!!!!!!! From. Cindy

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