Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara on August 16, 2008 at 2:35pm

Dear Claire, I know the feelings you describe. These things are so hard to bear and you have had to deal with a lot of loss in such a short time. Life just doesn't make sense sometimes. It might do you and your husband some good to join a support group. My husband and I attended one called Grief Share when our 26 year old son was shot and killed by an escaped youth in a random drive by shooting. August 29 will be one year. I still have a hard time believing he's gone from my sight. I have a strong faith in God and that is what carries me through. I know I will see my son again one day when I leave this earth. And then we will be in a place where there are no more tears and no more suffering and no more evil. But being here without him is still very difficult. If you are interested, you can look up Grief Share on a search engine and find one near to where you live. It is a weekly class that runs for 13 weeks. You watch a video and share with one another and at home you do some writing. The writing and reading has helped me tremendously to understand the feelings and emotions that run their gamut through my mind and my heart. Sometimes just having friends to talk to and knowing that you're not alone can be a huge help. I wish you peace during this difficult season of your life. And God bless you for caring for your elderly father. I know that is one more thing to do, but you will be rewarded for your efforts. God sees those acts of kindness and you will wear a special crown in heaven for being so loving. We take care of my 84 year old mom too. She is a huge blessing to our family. Take care and I hope you will seek companionship as you get through this huge trial.

Permalink Reply by kristi on August 16, 2008 at 9:06pm

hi claire,sorry for your loss.i lost my son he was only 16,on oct 7th,2006 his friend shot him and he was gone,what i did was went to a support group and what i learned is that everyone knows how you feel if you loose someone close to you,so what i learned light acandle for 5 minutes write in a journal and think about happy thoughts.on there birthday make a cake and celebrate there birthday like they were there.and the best thing that i learned was dont hide them in the closet,talk about them to your friends family loved ones any one that will listen,my friends and family will listen to me because this is the first child out of our family that has passed that young.talk to there picture to.he would of been 18 years old on sept 12th,he would of been a senior in high school this year.thank you for listening and i hope you keep in touch.thanks my prayers are with you kristi

Permalink Reply by Frank Brittingham on August 22, 2008 at 4:47pm

Dear Mitchum Family,
Harold and I played in a band together back in the 70's and he was just one of the finest human beings/musicians I ever knew. We spent countless hours practicing our parts as guitarists for a band called "Fat Sam." During the many years that I knew Harold whether playing together or just hanging out I had never once known anyone who didn't get along or share a great friendship with him. Music was definitely Harold's life and love. Although I had not seen him in maybe twenty-five years or so I thought about him often and the sudden news of his passing just made my heart sink the day I heard about it. Harold will forever remain in my heart as a special and more than wonderful friend. We were "Brothers in arms" in the music business and I will miss him very much. I believe he is with God, our ultimate Father in life and in death. God bless you and keep you close to His side forever Harold. I will think of you everytime I pick up my guitar and your memory shall be part of my inspiration.
You will be forever missed and loved.
Frank Brittingham

Permalink Reply by Toni Jabas Ross on August 23, 2008 at 4:00pm

My big brother died in a snowmachine accident May 10. Yesterday was his 29th birthday. I've been reading everyone's posts looking for wisdom. It is so reassuring to know that other people do know what it's like. He had just reconnected with God a month or so before the accident. I've prayed for him for years, and it's crazy to have God answer those prayers but then take him to heaven so soon. Not that I think God killed him. Or planned on him dying. I know that nothing takes God by surprise. That all of Karl's life, God has known the day he would meet him in heaven.
I'm just mad that I don't get to share all those adventures with him that I'd planned on. Karl picked out my husband for me last fall. He was so happy when we got married last October. Right after we married my husband left for Iraq. His unit came home early, which is one of the many miracles in all this pain, because two weeks later Karl was gone. I guess part of the shock was that our whole family had been praying for Rocky to make it home safe. And he did. So we thought life was going to be beautiful for a while. That everything was going to be ok.
My brother is still my hero, and one of the greatest men I'll ever know. And I can't wait to see him again. It's like the world became a bit faded without him here. Like I'll do my best and live and love God, but there's no way this can ever truly feel like home again.
I've been reading a few different books. Maybe some of you have read them already. "I wasn't ready to say good-by" helps with the sudden death part. Then this book called "heaven" and "the journey of desire" by John Eldredge. The last two talk about what heaven will be like. Those especially have helped my mom a lot.
Why does it seem like the news of a loved one dying comes in the night? Karl had told my dad the day before that he was going on his last ride of the season. I've never seen him happier than when he was riding his sled. It was like heaven for me to see my brother so full of life and joy. I know that's how he must be in heaven right now.
One of my favorite Bible verses is in Isaiah 43. It talks about walking through fire and not being burned and crossing through rivers and not drowning. I kept thinking of that verse the first days after Karl went to heaven. Actually, I ranted at God and told him I'd rather drown or be burned up. That I couldn't stand the pain. That I just wanted to be where my brother was. But God didn't listen. And I know it will just be a blink until I see him again, and never have to say good-bye.
Anyway, thanks everyone for sharing your stories and wisdom. I've been praying for everyone as I've been reading. I think you're all pretty amazing :)
Toni
P.S we made a cake for his birthday and had close friends over. Some people said it would keep my mom from moving on. I don't think that's true. Because Karl lives in heaven we can celebrate his life now and in the future. One thing I read that stood out to me was a pastor talking about his son dying - I think. He said he realized his son was no longer in his past, but in his future. I love that.
T

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 23, 2008 at 5:50pm

Hi Toni,I can understand where and how you and your Mom feel. It felt like I had only a little piece of my heart left. Toni I know how it feel to loose a Good brother and a Good son. I lost both a brother and (2) sons it is very painful. Also my Mom and my Dad. But Kris death I just couldn't shake this one death. It brought so much heartaches and pain to me. Its been 2 yrs. for Kris,he would have been 31 this year. I still feel the pain. Even when I pass a fire truck or see the firefighter in the super markets buying food. It brings back so many memories. Thank God for this Web Site because there are so many people who knows how and what you are feeling. So when ever or what ever you are feeling say it to us because we understand. We will pray with you and your Mom and ask for strength to carry us through this.

Permalink Reply by Barbara on August 23, 2008 at 7:01pm

Wow Toni, reading your words felt so close to hearing myself think. Friday, August 29, will be one year since my beloved Jimmy, at age 26, was taken from me - in the night on his way home from work. He, too, was at his happiest. He had spent a little time with his girlfriend after work that night and she said he was on top of the world, the happiest she had seen him in a long time. He had just graduated with his masters degree in June and told her he figured out what he wanted to do with his future. Then someone who didn't even know him, shot him in his car. Like you say, life on earth will never be the same. Yet we know we will see our loved ones again one day. And we know they are in a happy place. My son loved Jesus. Now when I feel sad about missing Jimmy, I just ask Jesus to tell Jimmy for me that I love him and that his momma misses him so much. I know the message is getting through. Jesus is my lifeline. Your writing was so refreshing to read. I don't know how people get through this without faith. God bless you as you continue doing God's purpose for your life. My youngest son, Jason, who is in the photo with me, he misses his big brother so much. They were best friends. The day Jason came to tell me about Jimmy, he cried and said "we were going to grow old together." It broke my heart for his loss. Sometimes it doesn't seem real, but I know it is. And I know it is a reality for all of us to leave this earth. Thank God we have a wonderful place to go to. Take care. Love, Barb
P.S. I think you are pretty amazing too!

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on October 14, 2008 at 8:42am

I was deeply moved by reading your passage. I too have experienced death of a family members, and the one thing that has brought me comfort is the Bible.

One thing that I did notice in reading your passage is that you are a Bible reader, and you do believe in God, and that is so important during times like these.

So when you get a chance, open your Bible and read Luke 7:11-17, Luke 8:49-56 and John 11:1-45. Jesus resurrected at least three persons, thus demonstrating that there is hope for the dead.

When our loved ones die unexpectedly it from what the Bible says at Ecclesiastes 9:11 "unforeseen occurrence".

Death was not part of God's original plan, and contrary to what many have been taught, God does not take our loved ones either. Because if you really think about it, the Bible says that "God is Love" 1 John 4:8, so why would a loving God do something so hurtful, and so mean?

Not only does God not take our loved ones, but he has made a way that we can see them again by means of a resurrection.(Revelation 21:4) The dead will come back to life with the prospect of living forever. John 5:28,29 states " The hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his (Jesus) voice and come out. This hope is an expression of God's love.

So i hope reading these scriptures bring you some hope and comfort.

Permalink Reply by kristi on October 14, 2008 at 9:00am

CHERYL,I READ THE BIBLE ONCE IN AWHILE,BUT OK I WAS BLAMING GOD FOR TAKING MY SON 2YEARS AGO,BUT MY FRIEND SAT ME DOWN AND SAID TO ME WHY ARE YOU BLAMING GOD FOR TAKING MY SON AND I SAID BECAUSE HE TOOK HIM TO YOUNG,THIS YOUNG KID PUT A GUN IN HIS HAND AND SHOT MY SON AND HE DIED I SAID,AND I SAID GOD PUT THAT GUN IN THIS KIDS AND HANDS AND MADE HIM PULL THE TRIGGER,AND SHE SAID NO THE DEVIL DID AND YOU KNOW SHE WAS RIGHT,BECAUSE GOD IS GOOD SHE SAID AND THE DEVIL IS BAD AND I GOT TO THINKING AND SHE WAS RIGHT,MY FRIEND IS ALWAYS RIGHT WHEN IT COMES TO THAT STUFF.BUT THAT IS A LOT OF BIBLE VERSES THAT YOU PUT ON HERE YOU SHOULD DO A COUPLE AT A TIME NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT A TIME.I HAD THIS OTHER LADY DO THAT AND SHE SAID TO ASK HER NOT TO DO TOMUCH ON THE BIBLE VERSES SO SHE HAS DID JUST A COUPLE AT A TIME.I HOPE THIS DOESNT HURT YOUR FEELINGS.THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ THIS

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on October 14, 2008 at 11:32am

I'm sorry if you feel that there were too many scriptures in what I wrote, however the purpose of the scriptures are to bring comfort to whoever reads them. You do not have to read them all at one time, if you like you can write them down and read them at a time better for you.

For example the three that are there that speak of Jesus raising the dead, those are three different occasions, and what that shows is the amount of love that Jesus had while he was on the earth, and how he was moved to help others. He raised the dead then and he will do it in the future.

So like i said the scriptures are there to help and assist those who want to read them from their personal copy of the Bible.

Permalink Reply by Sean on September 6, 2008 at 10:03pm

My sister died several weeks ago. I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this post because I find myself reading the comments often. I find comfort in the fact that others have dealt with similar issues. I am thankful that you are willing to share your trials & struggles with others so they may gain strength from those experiences.

My sister was killed when a man driving stolen pickup trucks lost control & slammed into her house, killing her as she lay in her bed. She was 47 & and has 3 teenage daughters. What is left behind is many lives turned upside down & a lots of unanswered questions. I know God fits into this situation somewhere but I struggle with the same questions I am sure many of us have when these types of things happen so suddenly.

I just wanted to drop everyone here a note to say Thanks!!!!
Your words give me strength at a very difficult time.
God Bless you!
Sean

p.s. I have included a link to an article the Baltimore times did about my sister’s life.

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/baltimore_county/bal-md.co.s...

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on September 7, 2008 at 7:38pm

Hi Sean, We are just returning back to the city of New Orleans. We had to evacuate the city because of the hurricane. Sorry to hear of your lost. I have six sisters,for now I don't know the feeling of losing a ssiter. I can't say that all deaths feels the same because it don't. I can only encourage you to pray and read your bible,and keep reading this site because it will give you strength to go on. There are so many differnt oppions on how to servive doing these crisis. It has helped me in many ways. Especially knowing that you can express yourself on how you feel,and what you are feeling. Just knowing that someone cares,listens and acknowledge your feeling goes a long way. I say that we are a family now,so just call us when you need someone to talk to. Its been two years for me and I am still crying,heartaches and pain. So just type yours words of feeling and I bet you someone will answere you. I will keep you in my prayers. Your sister dedication was beautiful. Tell the girls I said that we will pray and ask GOD to strengthen them. Tell them to remember that EARTH HAS NO SORROW THAT HEAVEN CANNOT HEAL.

Permalink Reply by kristi on September 7, 2008 at 1:35pm

hi,i am sorry for your loss,everyone says it gets easier and i have been throu it for 2 years now and it doesnt get easier knowing that what he or she would of looked like or anything.but sorry for your loss.that was a good article,my sons is in the duluth paper for oct 7th 2006 probly the 8th or 9th it would of been in.

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