Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Genevieve L on July 24, 2014 at 10:22am

Hi, I lost my dad to Lake Michigan two years ago. Here's an article on from the Huffington Post about it. I loved him so much and was so sad to have lost him. Because I found a lack of resources for bereaved teens who have lost a parent, I decided to create an online resource and site for people similar to my situation: hence www.slapd.com was born! (SLAP'D: Surviving Life after Parent Dies)

It will be officially launched soon, but you can still check out the site. at www.slapd.com.

The Twitter is www.twitter.com/slapd_teen

Our Instagram is www.instagram.com/slapdnonprofit

Our Facebook is https://www.facebook.com/SurvivingLifeAfterAParentDies

Please do not hesitate to give me feedback, or ideas on how to improve it. We have forums, ask columns, interviews and articles, and a place to create a tribute page or memorialize your loved one. :)

Sorry, I don't mean to spam. I just want to help others like me. Loved my dad so much. 

Permalink Reply by Rosario on August 27, 2014 at 7:21am

First I will tell you that I am Hispanic and my English may not be that good. But I want to share what I feel with someone that does not know me. My grandfather died in 2012, he was 84 years –old. Many will consider this normal since he live a long life. For me, his loss is something from what I can’t recover. My relationship with him was very different from other grandparents-grandkids, I think. When I was born my grandparents took care of me until I had 13 years, then I went to live with my mom. My grandmother died when I was 17, and it was so hard, I almost dropped out of my first year in the university. After that I got even closer to my grandpa, he was in good health, up until he got cancer in 2009. Even then, he recovered and just continue to get old, but he was ok. I think this may be common, but even if it is normal for old people to die, for me this was the worst time in my life. Since, I have not been able to be completely happy. My grandpa was more like a father at first, and a great one. Then when I moved with mom, he was like a grandparent, but when he began to deteriorate, he became someone I took care of, that was so fragile and vulnerable. I felt it was my duty to protect him, and many will not believe or understand this, but he felt like a son too. While time passed ,he experience like a regression, I don’t know…his mind was fine, but he could not walk by himself, or eat, he became more afraid of things, and became also sweeter like a child. I grew accustomed to take care of him, and I was so happy when doing this. Most people feel their elderly are a burden, but for me he was everything that was right in the world. The love I felt grew, transformed, developed into a feeling that is very hard to explain. I felt so at peace with him, I genuinely laugh at his old person’s jokes, I did not got grossed out by cleaning him, changing his diapers or his colostomy bags… I wanted to do this things other people did not want to do. I know it sounds like a cliché, but I really would have done anything for him to be happy, and the best thing is he loved me a lot too. I will never have the connection I had with my Grandfather with any other person, because he was unique, special, so different from any other family member or person for that matter. I always felt his support and love, so when he died, I was left with so much sadness. I still feel the void. Sometimes when it is really bad I have flashbacks to when he died, I was beside him at the hospital when he stopped breathing. That feeling, seeing some you love so dearly die is so awful and complex, because you are unable to help, you can’t do anything. I felt cheated, because I was so careful with him, I protected him from everything and everyone I could, but at the end no matter how hard I tried to keep him safe, he died anyway, just in an instant. I never thought that day would be his last. I can say I am better now, almost 3 years has passed but I have never been the same, I feel alone. The thing I miss the most is how it felt to hug him, it was the most peaceful and happy moment in any day. I continue grieving, some days is just fine, others I don’t want to get out of the bed or even bathe, but I hope this will get better eventually. I wonder why things happen the way they do, but I guess there is no answer, some people are meant to suffer more, others less. I get that there are many other people suffering in the world for different reasons so I don’t want to sound like this is the worst that can happen to someone, but in my particular life experience it was. Even if it hurts so much I am happy for being able to feel what selfless love is, that was what my abu and me shared. I will remember him always and miss him forever.

Permalink Reply by Kathy Gonzales on June 2, 2015 at 1:49am

I lost my baby brother Joshua Gonzales on 4/10/15 at the age of 24 years old. He passed away in police custody and their not giving us any answers. I'm so lost without him here. I miss him so much and I quit my job and can hardly sleep and drink more often than I use too. I miss him, I still can't cope with the fact that he's gone/that I'm not going to hear his voice for a long time. (until I see him again in Heaven). I miss him so much I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I don't know what to do with myself. Even though we are 2 1/2 years apart we were very close. ughhh I miss him and love him so much.

Permalink Reply by Brittany S on June 17, 2015 at 4:00pm

Hey Kathy!

Reading your post touched me. I guess I could feel the raw emotion. Please know that here you can find comfort because all of us have lost someone, and while no situation or feeling is the same, there is comfort in knowing that others have an idea about how you feel. I am so sorry to hear about your brother, especially in this case of injustice. I am a Bible reader and your post made me think of when Habakkuk asked how much longer he would have to be surrounded by violence and injustice. (Habakkuk 1:2-4) Please know that you have a support system. For me, God was a huge help and he literally gave me the strength I needed to endure. I applied Philippians 4:6,7 A LOT and prayed for that calming peace. It is still a struggle for me ten years later. Death is so unnatural! But remember the memories of your brother and write in a journal if you can. Think of what your brother would be wanting you to do and use it as an impetus and motivation.

Kathy Gonzales said:

I lost my baby brother Joshua Gonzales on 4/10/15 at the age of 24 years old. He passed away in police custody and their not giving us any answers. I'm so lost without him here. I miss him so much and I quit my job and can hardly sleep and drink more often than I use too. I miss him, I still can't cope with the fact that he's gone/that I'm not going to hear his voice for a long time. (until I see him again in Heaven). I miss him so much I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I don't know what to do with myself. Even though we are 2 1/2 years apart we were very close. ughhh I miss him and love him so much.

Permalink Reply by VanessaMc on September 22, 2015 at 3:54pm

I am so very sorry for the loss of your loved one suddenly.  I too have lost a loved one suddenly.  My step dad died suddenly after suffering from a massive stroke.  Although this was extremely tragic for me and my family, I was able to find comfort in what the bible says.  At Acts 24:15 the bible says that “There is going to be a resurrection.”  This truly brings comfort to me, it brings me freedom from a morbid fear of death, and also it brings me an assurance and a real hope of being reunited with my dead loved ones and I wanted to share this hope with you.  God has resurrected humans in the past and he is eager to do it again, I look forward to this hope each day, and I pray that this message brings you and your family comfort.   

Permalink Reply by Steven Petrie on January 22, 2016 at 8:38am

                                  "The Loss Of A Person So Close To You"

I lost a very close friend, it was a year ago Jan. 7, 2016. I took her to the doctor at a local clinic the 26th of December 2015, they advised I take her straight over to the hospital emergency room. Now I'd like to take you on a short but important trip through time. This friend was a person that I believe GOD put into my life at a very critical point in my life. I was down on my luck to say the least, yet I had my new found faith that God would guide me through the course to get my life right on track.

Then one day at a homeless shelter I met this remarkable women, a true heart of gold and compassion. We became friends, and I don't make friends easily, You know I helped her with things I could do to help her and at the same time she taught me what real honest love was. As Neva would say " we helped each other" To me the things like making sure her grass got mowed, her driveway got shoveled , and pretty much any other need I could fulfill for her, I tried my best to fill it. The years past and she was much older then I by about 20 years or so, this friendship became rock solid, in fact, became like family! I never once forgot a birthday, Easter, Mother's Day or Christmas, you get the point... This beautiful lady and friend helped me after I reconnected with my two young daughters, I told Neva, I don't know how to be a Dad Neva, her answer was simple, I'll help you Steve don't worry. The help she gave to me no amount of money could ever buy, the love and compassion she provided, nothing could come close, to paying such love back. Now nearly 12 years past, where did our time go? Now back to the day I took her to the hospital. Neva called me from the hospital the very next morning, she said they did some tests and found she had inoperable Cancer, I went right to the hospital to be with her, I took my youngest daughter with me, for she also loved Neva. Neva began by saying the doctor said the cancer has run wild and I'm going to die soon, of course I asked what is soon? she said days, my heart just crashed as I fell on her bed to hold her, almost as a child holding on to their Mom.  Now two days later they let her come back to her home. I gave her a day to get situated with Hospice and her own children, all grown who came to be with her. When I went the next day Neva was up and sitting in her chair in the living room, her daughter let me in and I went over to Neva and sat on the floor at her feet like a child and we talked about how beautiful our friendship and love for each other was and how many years seemed to quickly pass us by. There were many tears on both sides. Now two days latter I went back to see her and she couldn't even speak, but she could hear and understand, I asked to be left alone with her for a few minutes, as so I could pray with her and lead her to the LORD Jesus. I believe she accepted the LORD that day I believe. The next morning around 11:00 am I got a call from Neva's Son, he said I'm sorry Steve Neva Passed away this morning around 3:00 am.  I thanked him for the call and hung up, and totally broke down, shaking and crying , a million thoughts running through my head, I'll never hear her voice again on the phone and we talked many times during each week. She'll never stop by to visit my girlfriend Dawn and myself again for coffee and yes a cigarette, she always had a cup of coffee and a smoke. Neva had just turned 79 that October, now she's gone.

I tried to do things that would keep her spirit alive, such as honor her with a beautiful flower garden in our back yard and I made a beautiful plaque and called it "Neva's Garden" . It has now been just over a year and I have gotten somewhat better emotionally, but brother let me tell you when they say Time Heals All Wounds, well not true, love escaped is a love that's lost. I still struggle daily, I have a counselor and a psychologist and a wonderful girlfriend to help me through the tough days and there will always be tough days... believe me. But I guess in the end the sum of this is to say keep your loved one ALIVE and never feel like people think your nuts for holding on, especially when the one you loved was so special and important to your life. That's about the best I can do for advice. I hope this will some how give a person in this situation a little comfort. God Is Good, All The Time!

God Bless,

Steven 

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• My Little Neva.jpg, 5.4 MB
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Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on January 22, 2016 at 10:23am

Touching Story.... God puts people in our life for a reason.... Glad you were able to reconnect with your family...I know Neva is in God's memory.... 

Permalink Reply by Steven Petrie on January 23, 2016 at 4:43am

Thanks T.C.

I miss her every single day, My life will never be the same without her in it.

God Bless,

Steve P    I have a song I wrote for her on my website, The song is called " I Know We'll Meet Again In Heaven"  give it a listen if you'd like , here is the web address:

www.reverbnation.com/stevecarlyle

Permalink Reply by Melissa Shuler on March 3, 2016 at 6:31pm

I lost my boyfriend just a couple weeks ago to suicide, and then got left in a state where i dont know a soul. not a dollar to my name, and had to cycle off all 4 of my physc meds, since my state insurance, goverment insurance, wont cover outta state refills. ive cut off all my hair and dont even remember.

im lost, i miss my boyfriend, and the pain wont just ease up a little bit. it doesnt make any sense, this isnt how its suppose to be

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• jace.jpg, 53 KB

Permalink Reply by shirley zurschmeide on March 20, 2016 at 10:18am

It really started before my son Scott died, it just got worse with my middle son.  Always poor me and what can you give me was his motto.  Well years and years of this something happened, that we both did to cause my husband to make him move out. He was on drugs and slept in parks. Now I guess he is in a better place.  His father died and Corey inherit all his father's stuff. So now he could care less about his mom.  I reported him to the child support division for his 16 year old grandson.  My second grandson Alex is six lives with his mom who has a learning disability,  something she said to a social worker got her mother is all kinds of trouble because her mother is in charge of Dana her daughter,  Alex's mom.  Now I am in court because they want to take custody away from Alex's mom who has done nothing wrong. She cares for my grandson very well.  Dana's mom used some of her daughter's money for her own use and now everybody is in court.  Now for my nephew who is 5 years old was molested by a neighbor we have know live next to for 8 years.  Because he would not talk to the detective about what happened and there was no physical evidence they are doing nothing.  I confronted this man and of course he denied it.  I have Peyton on tape talking about it but the detective said it wouldn't stand it court.  Peyton is in therapy hopping he will open up to somebody.  This morning my husband told me he wasn't ready to move from this neighborhood. I am thinking this is the last straw.    Wanted to rant, may the Lord help me in all my decisions.

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