TODAY

Today, I want to give everyone hope. It was 17 months yesterday that I lost my husband, Mike, we were together 32 yrs. married almost 17 yrs. and 7 months ago I found this web site and when I did I was in such a deep depression and so lost my life was over. Mike had been sick for 10 yrs. he had emphysema, and it is a progresave, Illness, and to live 10 yrs. with it getting worse slowely was not easy to watch let alone live with it. To watch your soulmate and the love of your life go from being ok one minute, and with that I mean breathing ok with the oxygen to in a second not being able to get your breath and the gasping for air, the fear in his face and the look in his eyes pleading for you to help him and all you could do was turn up the O2 and try to keep him calm till help got here, then the hospital and begging him to not give up, was a pure living hell. and one I would do again in a heart beat if it was possable. I want to give you all some hope, hope that 7 months ago I would have never ever thought or dreamed could happen and I didn't want to happen as my life was over. Today I want to tell you that because of this web site and all the careing and encourgement and ONE very special friend, I am at a better place and at peace. In the last year Mike was alive I had to retire because of health issues and the plans we had made for the things we wanted to do once I was straigtened out enough health wise didn't happen. May was the month everything money wise was to kick in for me, and we were excited to be able to get going in fact the morning Mike died we had coffee on the porch came in I was getting on the puter to make plane reservations and he was going to lay down and take a nap and in a matter of seconds he was having the heart attack and just quit breathing and was on life suppoet for 4 days and my world ended.. Today I am living again thanks to the above mentioned, and I am going to live what time I have left doing what we had dreams of doing. To feel alive again is just wonderfull to listen to music to remember with smiles, to laugh, To miss him and be greatfull for my life with him is something I never ever thought would have happened, so I'm praying everyone here will at some point feel some joy and happiness again, There is HOPE for us all, god bless and HUGS to all

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Permalink Reply by Virginia on September 30, 2010 at 9:14pm

Colleen, thank you, I truely never thought I'd be here. I didn't want to but I guess I'm being lead in this direction so I'm going to give it all I can, I hope everyone finds some kind of comfort and peace. hugs
Colleen said:

Thanks Virginia - I appreciate this post from you. It's been 7 months for me. I go through some of the motions of living (I go to work, I take my dogs to the park, occasionally I visit my kids and grandkids) but I haven't found any semblance of happiness yet. Sometimes I'll think of something Gary would say or do and at first I smile and then I think too much and remember and the tears come again. It's really, really important for me to know that someday I might feel alive inside again. I know I'll always miss him and that I'll always feel cheated that he didn't get to stay with me. But I am really hopeful that at some point I can say that my life didn't end there. He would never have wanted that. This gives me hope.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 1, 2010 at 7:18am

Cindy, I'm sorry i didn't answer you last night but was a bit busy, and thank you, I can tell you and everyone here I never wanted to or thought I'd ever be where I am today I couldn't wait to die, but I will tell you this, Mike would be happy for me and I know he is guiding me. We had many conversations thru out our lives not only when he was sick but before when things would happen to friends or family that involved lossing a spouse, or partner and I'm glad we did because I knew what he thought and it is a comfort to know how he felt. so all i can say one day at a time and each one must do whats best for them. hugs
CINDY POWELL said:

VIRGINIA, THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE HOPE THAT YOU ARE GIVING TO ALL OF US. IT WAS 7 MONTHS FOR ME ON THE 26TH. I STILL FEEL DEEPLY DEPRESSED AND VERY PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE.I WANT TO ENJOY WHAT EVER TIME I HAVE LEFT BUT AT THIS POINT I DONT REALLY THINK I KNOW HOW.I AM JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I SINCERELY DO MEAN THAT.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 1, 2010 at 8:43am

Thank you,as wonderfull as it is I don't know where it will go or how long it will last, as we know you get to a good place then you get smaked in the face and have to start all over again I'm praying that dosen't happen because the pain is to much and to have to relive it would probally do me in forever. So I need everyones prayers. thanks again, hugs
Lois Taitague said:

Virginia, what a wonderful thing for you to have made it through the tunnel into the sunshine once again. What a message of hope for those just starting on the journey. I read quite awhile ago that most people think grieving should last just a few weeks, but when it happens to us, reality is a terrible shock. It's a long, dark road but one that has to be traveled all the way to the end. Hope is about the only thing that can help us through it, and knowing that it's possible is so important to each one of us. It's also a journey that can be easier with friends who also are making the trip.

Permalink Reply by Marlena on October 1, 2010 at 11:40am

Virginia,

I have seen the progession in you since you first joined us here and you are an inspiration to many. As hard as it is to imagine, life does go on and we must keep moving along with it. I love reading your stories and comments to everyone...you always tell it like it is. I am so glad things are looking brighter for you. I think it's so important that the things we do now become ways to honor our love. That's how I feel I can keep moving forward, because everything I do, I do to honor Tom and everything he was and still is to me and our kids.

We'll never get over our loves, but we will somehow get through to a more bearable and managable existence. Thanks for sharing the hope.

Hugs to you!

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 1, 2010 at 1:44pm

Marlena, thank you and yes moving ahead is a honor to them because, my thinking has become if WE enjoyed living life then, then I must try to continue to live and do the things we loved and had dreams of doing. and to know he will always be beside me and giving me the courage to move forward. hugs
Marlena said:

Virginia,

I have seen the progession in you since you first joined us here and you are an inspiration to many. As hard as it is to imagine, life does go on and we must keep moving along with it. I love reading your stories and comments to everyone...you always tell it like it is. I am so glad things are looking brighter for you. I think it's so important that the things we do now become ways to honor our love. That's how I feel I can keep moving forward, because everything I do, I do to honor Tom and everything he was and still is to me and our kids.

We'll never get over our loves, but we will somehow get through to a more bearable and managable existence. Thanks for sharing the hope.

Hugs to you!

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 1, 2010 at 8:08pm

Thanks Lois, I'll keep diggin in as long as I can hugs
Lois Taitague said:

You are so right, but after awhile it becomes two steps forward and one step back rather than sliding all the way back to the beginning. The important thing is to get that traction that can keep you going forward. I've found that setting my focus on a goal in the future is helpful.

Virginia said:

Thank you,as wonderfull as it is I don't know where it will go or how long it will last, as we know you get to a good place then you get smaked in the face and have to start all over again I'm praying that dosen't happen because the pain is to much and to have to relive it would probally do me in forever. So I need everyones prayers. thanks again, hugs

Permalink Reply by bc on October 1, 2010 at 9:58pm

Virginia, thanks for your words of hope for everyone. Next Tuesday it will be 14 months since Brad left and I love him and miss him everyday, but I now know that he wants me to live life and not be unhappy. Yes, I still have those days that it feels like I can't go on but somehow I come out of it stronger than before. Everyone on this site is a blessing to me and we can all get through this one step at a time. Bless you!

Permalink Reply by Gregory C Williams on October 2, 2010 at 12:30pm

Virginia,my name is Greg, i`m new to the group. I lost my wife Carol 2yrs7 months ago from respitory faliure. She was in the hospital for 1 month, then she went to a advanced care unit for 5 weeks when she was kicked out. Carol then to a nursing home for rehab.After 6 weeks Carol was informed by nursing that she was going to be discharged in 2 weeks. On monday night i always call her when i get home which was 8:30pm,i got a call at 2:15am that Carol had passed away. I had a very hard time accepting her death because i didn`t get to say god bye. I went to The Hospice of Dayton for group counciling after 4 months because i was having a hard time I still miss Carol even thou she was sick for 6 out of our 13 years of marriage.

Permalink Reply by bc on October 2, 2010 at 1:30pm

Hi Greg, welcome to the group. I'm sorry for your loss, hoping you are having some positive days. I lost my husband Brad very suddenly in August 2009. He left the house to go to the store (1st time I wasn't with him) and 30 seconds later had sudden cardiac arrest at the wheel. No chance to say goodbye. It is very hard to go on without him as we spent 24/7/365 together. As a gift to him for everything he ever gave me, especially a life that not many are lucky enough to have, I told myself I'm going to be positive in between my meltdowns. I've gotten a new job (as we worked together also) and that is keeping me very busy. Less time to think.....Glad you joined the group, everyone is so supportive and caring, after all we are all going through the same kind of life.

Gregory C Williams said:

Virginia,my name is Greg, i`m new to the group. I lost my wife Carol 2yrs7 months ago from respitory faliure. She was in the hospital for 1 month, then she went to a advanced care unit for 5 weeks when she was kicked out. Carol then to a nursing home for rehab.After 6 weeks Carol was informed by nursing that she was going to be discharged in 2 weeks. On monday night i always call her when i get home which was 8:30pm,i got a call at 2:15am that Carol had passed away. I had a very hard time accepting her death because i didn`t get to say god bye. I went to The Hospice of Dayton for group counciling after 4 months because i was having a hard time I still miss Carol even thou she was sick for 6 out of our 13 years of marriage.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 2, 2010 at 3:40pm

Hi Gregory, I'm so sorry for your loss and welcome, That must have been very hard for both of you.I was able to keep Mike at home and was very greatfull for that, believe me I still miss him everyday but I know in my heart this is what is good for me at this time. I hope you will stay with us we need each other. hugs
Gregory C Williams said:

Virginia,my name is Greg, i`m new to the group. I lost my wife Carol 2yrs7 months ago from respitory faliure. She was in the hospital for 1 month, then she went to a advanced care unit for 5 weeks when she was kicked out. Carol then to a nursing home for rehab.After 6 weeks Carol was informed by nursing that she was going to be discharged in 2 weeks. On monday night i always call her when i get home which was 8:30pm,i got a call at 2:15am that Carol had passed away. I had a very hard time accepting her death because i didn`t get to say god bye. I went to The Hospice of Dayton for group counciling after 4 months because i was having a hard time I still miss Carol even thou she was sick for 6 out of our 13 years of marriage.

Permalink Reply by Virginia on October 2, 2010 at 3:44pm

Hi Barb, thank you and yes there will be meltdowns but as you said I'll handle them when they come, I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as always hug
Barb said:

Virginia, thanks for your words of hope for everyone. Next Tuesday it will be 14 months since Brad left and I love him and miss him everyday, but I now know that he wants me to live life and not be unhappy. Yes, I still have those days that it feels like I can't go on but somehow I come out of it stronger than before. Everyone on this site is a blessing to me and we can all get through this one step at a time. Bless you!

Permalink Reply by Gregory C Williams on October 3, 2010 at 12:58pm

I started to volunteer for hospice of dayton by doing caregiver relief, visiting patients in nursing homes, and I call familes to follow-up on their progress since the lost of their love ones. Since hospice`s grief support help me out a great deal, I wanted to give back by volunteering.I can`t work right now due to my back,I have alot free time to go visit. Next month will be 1yr anniversary since I started volunteering My grief support group ended last november due budget cut backs but we wanted keep going.