Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by John M on October 24, 2010 at 7:00pm

Mary,
Thank you for those reassuring words. I believe you are right. The other day, I read a quote by C. S. Lewis;

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.

Thanks again. You are sweet and God bless you.

Permalink Reply by Kathy King Kates on October 25, 2010 at 10:13am

My dear Bill passed 8 months ago today. Lucky for me Bill was "prepared" for his eminent death and made his arrangements during the month before. He asked my sisters husband to do his scattering with just our close family and friends with us. He is scattered along the fencing of our horse corral which is behind our house. He has loved his horses for 25 years so his desire was to remain with them but where I could also know he was right here on our property. We moved here to South Carolina just 4 years ago and he loved the open spaces and forest all around us so wanted that surrounding him for always. I am content with his decision and know that his soul is with Our Father. My daughter knows that my wish is to be scattered here amongst our trees and she is okay about that too. Know that you are the one now making the decision if your spouse wasn't able to share. Do what feels right for you, no one else. Anniversaries, birthdays, Fathers Day, all sound like good choices for those who couldn't do anything right away. Hugs to you all

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on October 25, 2010 at 5:28pm

I had my Kevin's ashes put in a bronze square urn by the funeral home. It has praying hands on the front. When I was preparing my will after he passed away, my nephew's wife (who'll be executor/I have no kids-just my 2 nephews & a niece), asked me what they were to do with my ashes & Kevin's when I passed. She is a thinker, that gal! I first checked with the cemetery where his dad is buried; they were very close, but it would be like $700 plus chgs to open his grave to put his in Dad's casket. I told her that when that happened, to take both our urns to Cancun & spread in the Carribean, caused we liked the beach & vacations so much. She thought that was a great idea. I have his urn on a small shelf on a wall in my living room with a plaque I purchased online that has the praying hands, his full name & dates of birth & death sitting on top. It took me almost a year to put it there though, before I kept it in a bedroom I use for storage, cause it hurt me too much to see it. Now it gives me comfort to know a part of him is there in the room with me & our dogs.

Permalink Reply by Susan Mayer on October 26, 2010 at 12:03pm

Last June, my husband and I were at his mother's family's cemetery plot for the interment of a cousin's ashes. I just happened to ask Steve if he wanted his ashes in the family plot, too. He thought he might. I never, ever dreamed I'd need that information so soon - just 3 months later. But I was glad I had asked. After talking with his three adult children, we all agreed to bury his ashes in the family plot. Steve's mother is there, as are his maternal grandparents, and a few other aunts, uncles, and his cousin. He'll be in good company, and the cemetery is a nice, quiet, non-pretentious one with big trees and lots of geese waddling around. It's a place I'll feel good about visiting.

I was not asked for portions of Steve's ashes. Frankly, I never heard of parceling out ashes to various people. My dad and mother were both cremated and scattered on the water - no one kept any ashes. And I buried all my husband's ashes.

Jo, think you need to do what feels right to you, and I agree with Mary, that if you're not in a place where you can decide that now, then wait until you are ready. There is no rush.

Other memorials can be arranged in other parts of the country, if folks want something near them. My sister and I dedicated a bench at a botanic garden for my parents, for example. We can go there and sit, if we want. Such options are open to you. Decide in your own time, when you're ready.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on November 2, 2010 at 8:47am

My husband died July 2009 and was also cremated. In September of this year I took 3/4 of his ashes and drove up to Mt. Baker in Bellingham, WA and let them go. His sister and best friend were with me. That is what Douglas wanted and that is what happened. The day was gorgeous -- sunny, blue sky, white clouds, and a soft breeze that helped scatter his ashes to the heavens and beyond. What I did notice as I let a handful of my precious husband travel in the breeze was an eagle that was circling above me. That is a true symbol that I was doing the right thing at the right time. Douglas was that eagle! He lived a good life, he was a free and gifted spirit, and this planet is a better place because he was a part of it. I miss him. I loved him in life as well as in death. The ashes I kept are in a special hand made urn that an artist friend made. It is designed like a prayer wheel. Douglas was fascinated with the Tibetan culture and religious lifestyle. How appropriate that he is resting in this beautiful urn. One day I will have a special piece of jewelry made using some of the ashes. The main reason for keeping some of the ashes is so that when I pass and am cremated my daughter can let my ashes go as well and include Douglas. We will be traveling in the breeze together -- again!! So, you do what is best for you and the memory of your husband. No one else knows the feelings we have been left to bear since the death of our spouse. We will take comfort in any shape and format that we can. This is our time for rebirth and finding our new life. We will always include our spouses -- hands down! Take care and find the comfort and love you deserve.

In peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by jeanette williams on November 2, 2010 at 12:10pm

i was asked the same question and i said nooooooooooo. this friday will be one yr with out my beloved Henry.

Permalink Reply by debbie flores on November 5, 2010 at 4:36pm

I've taken my hubbies ashes & built a small shrine for my him in our bedroom, I find loads of comfort in his being here with me. His children have always been more than welcome to come to the house & visit with him. Either in the room, outside, or whereever they feel most comfortable. None of them has visited. At his one year anniversary they asked for more closure, I've worked really hard on my bereavement & greif healing, I've had my closure. Them not finding theirs' is unfortunate.... I sincerely tried to assist them with all of that,the fact that they, grown adults have not,is not p to me.....Nor should anybody be responsible for anothers' healings.... Healing oneself is hard enough...

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on November 7, 2010 at 7:38am

My dear Kris was cremated (not my choice, then again, we had no insurance and my Father-in-law, to whom everything in life is just a business deal, paid for the funeral). She currently sits in a box in our living room, where we spent most of our time. I already have 3 people that are aware of my wishes that if anything should happen to me, she is to be gotten out of the house as quickly as possible and taken to the funeral home. As together as we were in life, we shall be in death and I am going to have her buried with me. Wait and do what you want, WHEN you are able to safely decide.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on November 7, 2010 at 3:54pm

OH HELP you all. This is the weekend my husbands body IS being cremated. I was told the "gory" procedure by the county because they said that was their procedure, guess their procedure was to take my heart and squish it...burn it. I am beside myself. I have no clue what I am to do with the ashes, his remains. I only know that after Monday, Tomorrow, I must phone the funeral home to make arrangements to pick Doug up. The one miracle I need to share is that we had a bougvilla on the patio that froze TWO years ago. Nothing but a twig. I kept believing and fertilizing, it would turn green ONLY. JUST AFTER Doug died, the plant began blooming pink and hasn't stopped. THIS isn't the season. This was really Doug's plant. He loved to put pink flowers in my hair when we went swimming. I BELIEVE he is sprinkling me with pink flowers to let me know he is at peace, free and lovingly watching over me eternally.

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