Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1241
Latest Conversations: 10 hours ago

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

The loss of my beloved man.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Janka Huljaková May 16. 7 Replies

Mirror Therapy

Started by Chicago Beard. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan Apr 11. 1 Reply

Closing an estate feels like betrayal

Started by Miguel. Last reply by Elizabeth C Apr 8. 9 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H 10 hours ago

Janeo ... it's wonderful to see you post and I miss you!  I agree with everyone here as well as Jane P. 

I will never forget how I felt when I first had to cope with Ernie's passing and the difficult road of grief we all seem to have to go through.  It hurts my heart when I see so many grieving and we are all family here.  All of us give good sound advice and I am so proud to know the new members who are grief-stricken and hurting so badly, yet still encouraging everyone on this forum.



Comment by janeo 21 hours ago
Like Jane P. I don't post as much but always reading them as well. This family here will always be a part of us. Steve I echo everyone here take your time. To everyone I pray and hope your finding peace. To all the who's been here like Marsha god bless you for being there for the newly grieved.
Comment by Jane P. 21 hours ago

Steve, I don't post often but I do read posts and if there is one thing this site instilled in me was to not make any major decisions within that first year. These wonderful people gave you some great advice but until you feel ready, take your time in making any decisions.    Follow your heart and Mark will lead you into making the right decision.  Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by Marsha H 23 hours ago

Trina ...  Thank you for your beautiful post.  I am happy it gave you some peace and that you are finding you are not grieving so intensely 100% of the time. 

Even though I am Canadian I did take time out to say a prayer for those Americans who have passed and those still fighting and pray they soon come home.

I believe this forum is a life-saver for all of us and certainly for me, but also realized how it humbles all of us and we begin to share in our grief and it only makes us wiser and grow stronger.

Comment by Marsha H 23 hours ago

Bill ... what a beautiful poem and it says it all.  I like to think when the breeze flies through my hair that's my Ernie or, he's walking right beside me even if I can't see him. 

Comment by Marsha H 23 hours ago

Dear Steve ...  Don't fear your reaction if you decide to take Mark's cremains.  Of course there will be tears, but that's to be expected.  I have my Ernie's ashes in a beautiful wooden box and I say good morning and good night to him every day since he passed away.  My feeling for me at least is HE'S HOME! 

I would suggest that you take the ashes and then just take your time deciding what to do with the ashes as there is no rush.  I know from your past posts just how much you loved each other and think you would feel closer to Mark.  The members here have given you some good ideas and you also could buy a small medallion that opens on a chain and put some of Mark's ashes in that; you could spread Mark's ashes at some of his favorite places he loved, you could keep the ashes until you pass away and request both of your ashes are spread at your favorite place you both enjoyed.  Ernie and I chose the latter.  It is what is in your heart that counts.

With Ernie's ashes here I get him a card for each Valentine's Day, our wedding anniversary and of course Christmas and each time place one red rose on top of the card.  May sound crazy to others, but it makes me feel closer to him.

Steve, you are not alone because we are here!  We know just how you feel and all the decisions that have to be made after a spouse passes.  We share in your tears and grief and we're praying for you.  None of us can see or touch each other through cyberspace, but the heart knows no distance.

Big hug (because you need it)


Comment by Barbara Sullivan yesterday

Steve -- If you can't decide -- don't.  Perhaps you could have Mark's cremains sent to a friend or family member who is willing to keep them for you until you are ready to make a decision.  I think this is a better option than being forced to make a decision that you may later regret.  

I had portions  of my husband's cremains put into silver heart-shaped containers and sent one to each of his children in Canada.  A funeral home can arrange that for you, if you think that is something you would care to do -- keeping a portion and sharing some with others.

I have the remainder of my husband's cremains in a very tasteful carved wooden urn, on a beautiful table that he made.  He loved working in wood and since I want our cremains to be placed together when it is time, this was my choice.  I placed a photograph of him on the table, as well as a candle holder and a lamp.  On holidays, anniversaries and his birthday, my daughters like to put flowers on the table, too.   For now, it seems to fill our need to have a special place to remember him and express our love and respect.

But, you should certainly do whatever feels right to you.  And, again, if you believe you need to put off making the decision for awhile -- do so. 



Comment by Steve yesterday
Thank you both, my first gut feeling was to go pick him up and bring him home, I didn't think about releasing some and keeping some. What a wonderful idea!
Thanks again
Comment by Rolland Wood yesterday
Nice poem Bill..
Comment by Rolland Wood yesterday
Bill, I did both.....kept her and released her...that's the good thing about can have your Kate and Edith too. ;-)

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