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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1271
Latest Conversations: 22 seconds ago

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Facing a birthday, hoilday season alone and frightened

Started by Charles E. Nelson. Last reply by Trina Mamoon on Wednesday. 32 Replies

Hard days

Started by Gretchen Goldhammer. Last reply by Marsha H Dec 10, 2015. 3 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H 22 seconds ago

Christina ...  So true we can come on here and spill our guts to those that understand.  We all cope with grief in a different manner, but the basics are the same.  This forum kept my sanity throughout the tough years and still does.  All of you help me, even those in raw grief.

I am so proud of you for finding the strength to go on for the sake of your children.  I wish Ernie and I were able to have children, but it just wasn't meant to be.  I know you will have some fun filled trips and great memories not just for your kids, but yourself because you'll get the joy out of seeing your kids enjoy themselves and Joe would want that.  Know that Joe is always close to all of you.

I too don't cook like I use to when Ernie was here and I do eat a lot, but try to find things that are easy to basically 'fill the hole' and I too have to smarten up. 

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 5 minutes ago

Steve ...  Thanks so much for that passage as it rings true for all of us.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 6 minutes ago

Chicago Beard ...  Nice hearing from you and the poem said it all. 

Thanks so much.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Christina Marangolo 8 hours ago

I love that poem!  How true it is and a great reminder.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson 9 hours ago

Hello Chicago Beard,

Yes indeed - this says it all - thank you for sharing. I needed some way to describe this new place I'm in to others, and now you have given me the perfect way to do it.

Be well,

Chuck 

Comment by Steve 13 hours ago
Grief never ends but it changes.

It’s a passage not a place to stay.

Grief is not a sign of weakness

Nor a lack of faith…it is the price of love.”



A price all of us would be willing to pay

Don't remember who posted this last year, thought it might help to pass it along.
Comment by Chicago Beard 13 hours ago
Comment by Christina Marangolo 14 hours ago

Marsha, I get it - for me I really just need someone to spill my guts to...who gets it.  All the feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, etc.  You all understand.  Everyone else doesn't quite know what to say.  I mean, all of us deal with it differently but still the feelings are similar.  There are certain things that I won't stop doing - like showing my kids the world.  They have the love for travel as much as I do and Joe did, so I want to keep that going.  As much as it hurts going on without and doing all these trips without him I need to go on for the sake of my children.  I seriously do not know how I would cope without them in my lives. They are for sure keeping me strong and giving me something to live for.  I see a bit of Joe in each one of my kids. 

Before Joe got sick, I used to cook a home-cooked meal every night.  I can probably count on 2 hands how many times I've cooked in the past year.  I think I need to get back to that b/c I know it's important for my health. And now my daughter is showing in interest in cooking so I can teach her.

Comment by Marsha H 15 hours ago

Dear Carol ...

Sounds like you have a bit of a flu bug.  Take a Q-tip and warm oil and gently clean your ears out.  Also put your hair dryer on low on warm and let it blow into your ear and it does work.  I have had this problem before and it helped me.

I am honest and yes, I too am envious of couples planning a holiday or even going out for dinner for their wedding anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc.  I also have a few friends whose marriage is not doing that well and they complain over the silliest of things, but like you I zip my lip and say nothing.  They don't know just how silly it all is and here we are wishing we had our beloved spouses back if even for a day.  Still, it's human nature and I remember getting after Ernie for leaving finger prints on the frame of the hallway door when he came home from work and now I would give anything to see them again.  Lesson learned!  Now I'm much more tolerant of others.

I think sometimes our problems are all about putting others before us for so many years and now it's time to reinvent ourselves and be kind to ourselves for a change.  One shouldn't feel guilty thinking that.

Hope you are feeling much better Carol. 

Comment by Marsha H 15 hours ago

Dear Christina ...

I'm so happy you have made plans for 3 trips and I know you will enjoy yourself.  I am hoping to go to Vegas for 4 days with a girlfriend, but that won't be until September.  I need a holiday badly and to see new scenery for a change.  Ernie and I planned on a trip as well and of course he never made it.  I have only had a 3 day holiday in 4 1/2 years and feeling very weary right now so it's time to do something different.

I found personally this forum and the wonderful members on it helped me more than counseling did because we understand each other here and what our grief feels like.  I shouldn't say this, but psychiatrist/psychology is just text book and I believe you have to go through the experience of losing a spouse for anyone t help out.  Please believe Christina you are not going backwards in your grief, but grief is simply a part of life no matter how ugly the journey is, but it does come to a dull roar where you can cope with life, even enjoy yourself with hope for the future.  You will laugh again and gain peace and each day you are getting stronger even on the days you think you are going crazy because many of us can feel like that and actually I'm going through that right now after almost 5 years only because of my fragmented family and feeling very frustrated about parts of my life.  I know I'm strong and this too shall pass.  I am so proud of you and you're going to make it just fine.

Hugs

Marsha

 

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