Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Vote of thanks.

Started by Janka. Last reply by Sara Murphy on Saturday. 6 Replies

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Comment by Deb S on June 24, 2016 at 7:45pm

Harold, This is such a happy post.  I look forward to your update after the races and to photos whenever.  Debbie

Comment by Harold McKinstry on June 24, 2016 at 7:40pm

Thanks Chuck

Diane designed and we plated it together she always was proud of it as she should have been.I was overthinking what to do for her until it hit me, she loved the garden and I sit out all the time on the deck enjoying the yard. Thanks for the picture of the butterfly it was beautiful.

Comment by Harold McKinstry on June 24, 2016 at 7:35pm


I'm sure I will enjoy the races, have been going to Drag Races since my teen years at local strip. I talk to Diane also, but then I have always talked to myself or the dogs. So I figure she might hear me or I'm talking to myself whatever. I have a few things ordered, will post pictures when I'm done. 

Comment by Deb S on June 24, 2016 at 6:25pm

Repines, I am so sorry for your loss. Your love will stay foremost on your mind minute to minute and your ache for you will miss your love profoundly. At some random point, your mind will begin to calm and the ache will begin to rescind. 

My gentle hugs and prayers are with you today. Debbie

Comment by Deb S on June 24, 2016 at 6:15pm

Marsha, Two White Russians?  GOOD for you! Relaxation, laughter, and fun is restorative. It is good for the soul.

I have learned an important lesson since the death of my husband. We lived a high stress, workaholic, work hard/play hard, complicated, heavily scheduled life. I have learned to be kind to myself. I no longer live under any time demands. This is a huge positive step. Guess what?  Things are still happening, deadlines are being met, while stress is history. 

It is different not to have a plan for the future that is set in concrete. Yet, "our" future plan is for naught. Perhaps it is a good idea not to have a plan until we are able to embrace it. I love that you are going with the crest of the waves.

I will hold your post and revisit it on July 22. Thank you for your support and sentiments.  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on June 24, 2016 at 5:57pm

Harold, Enjoy the races! I am so happy that you opted to go and hope you have a good time. I can commiserate with your desire to share your experience with your precious Diane. This feeling is common. At some point, I decided to share away. Sometimes I talk out loud and sometimes I talk silently. It is always a conversation where responses are registered. Call me a crazy old lady, but it works for me.

I love what you are doing in your gardens. I'd love to see photos if you are so inclined.


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 24, 2016 at 5:33pm

Hi Harold,

Your  butterfly garden for Diane is such a good way to do something to honor your beloved wife, and the plans you have for the personal touches are something she and you will love sharing. This photo is one I took in the yard a few years ago - it stayed put long enough for me to dash inside to get the camera, Larry asking what I was rushing around for - then as soon as i took the picture, it flew off. I honor Diane with it today, and you, my friend, for coming such a long way in so short a time. Safe journey to Ohio, Harold, and enjoy the races.

Your friend,


Butterfly for Diane.jpg

Comment by Harold McKinstry on June 24, 2016 at 5:23pm


I wanted to welcome you to the site and hope you post often, it has helped me. I lost my wife January 29th, it's a daily strugle  to keep going on and not to give in to the grief and depression. People that haven't gone through the loss of a lovedone have no idea of the grief that it brings. Everyone here understands what you are going through and is is non judgemental. We all want one thing to get help and support to deal with the loss and grief. Whatever you are feeling don't be afraid to post.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on June 24, 2016 at 2:25pm

Hello Reponsa,

I am so sorry for the loss that has brought you here - We all here are familiar with your feelings first hand, and I sincerely hope that you will find some comfort and peace through your sharing with us, just as I have found since losing my husband a little over a year ago. The people who have welcomed me, and accepted me unconditionally, have truly been a God send, and there is always someone who listens and can give support, share their own journey and experiences, or simply give you a shoulder to cry on. Here, you are not alone - the first and most important thing I learned when I joined this family. I can offer for you that, as devastating and debilitating your fresh grief will be for you, with time you will find ways and paths that help guide you through the roughest of times. We will be here to help in whatever ways we can - that's what this special place is all about. I send you my prayers for some peace to be yours today, and will keep you in my thoughts,

With love, Chuck

Comment by Reponsa Bias on June 24, 2016 at 11:03am

The love we had stays on my mind day in and out. Never knew I could miss some one so much.


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