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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1232
Latest Conversations: yesterday

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

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The loss of my beloved man.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Margit Pearson Mar 21. 6 Replies

Faking...

Started by Michelle. Last reply by John Rood Feb 13. 35 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon yesterday

Dear Carol,

Thank you for your words. If only those other people knew what a struggle it is for us--the bereaved--to face each new day, how much willpower and courage it takes just to make it through the day without breaking down or bursting out into tears, or yelling at insensitive people for their callous comments. I lost my husband to lung cancer this past August, and the enormity of the loss is overwhelming.

This place is a safe haven for those of us for whom our loss is irreparable and it will take a long time to heal and become "normal" again. So I thank each of you for sharing your stories with the rest of us with honesty, and for showing us compassion and kindness. All this helps us get through the day. Thank you all!

Comment by Elizabeth C yesterday
Another day past another day further from the actual loss, I pray for us all and thank you for your sharing and compassion. God bless.
Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday
Dear Trina. Don't worry about your spelling, it's so easy to do. Often I can't see the letters on my tiny phone keyboard!
Your words ring true Trina and it's difficult to think a professional would say after 6 weeks to give up your deep grief. Do what you need to do, not what others say you need to do.

Hugs,
Carol
Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday
Dear Dianna, first I am truly sorry for what happened to your dsughter and I hope she fully recovered.
I am in my 5th year of loss. My husband died in the year of my 60th birthday. He was 2 weeks shy of his 58th birthday. I am 65 in a couple of months and how I wish it was he and I going on a trip to celebrate!
I've been very lucky in not meeting people who haven't been compassionate but they are certainly out there. They should be saying "there for the grace of God go I".

Take care,
Carol
Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday
Dear Chicago Beard. Thank you for your eloquent reply to that writer. Grief is incredibly personal and until a person has walked in a grieving person's shoes they really don't have the experience to comment. One supposes they can make observations, but they aren't knowledge based on a personal situation.

Carol
Comment by diana ribbenthrop on Saturday

I feel for all of you who are grieving.  I am 5 yrs out  Lost my love   May 2010  from stage 4  lung cancer. .I was 66 . In 2011  my 38 yr old daughter got divorced, lost her job, her home  and savings . In  2012 she had a serious stroke.  People do not realize  most of us are one job or one serious illness away from disaster. Many are harsh &  judgmental without  knowing the facts. Compassion seems in short supply.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Saturday

Sorry, I see I have many mistakes and typos, but I don't know how to edit once it has posted. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Saturday

Sorry, it was supposed to read Chicago Beard.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Saturday

Dear All,

I have been reading the recent lists, and as always reading about the experiences of other bereaved spouses just fills me with deep sadness and I can't stop crying when I read these posts.

Chicago Bear, you did a very important thin by confronting that insensitive claim by a psychotherapist. It's so true about professionals who provide mental heath care to the bereaved don't know about the "real" emotions and the "real" suffering that we face on a daily-basis. What they tell us is book knowledge, unless it is tempted by having lost a spouse, child, or parent, their advice will remain inadequate. When my grief therapist told me that it was up to me to "let go" of the deep pain I was enduring (only six week after I lost the love of my life, my husband and best friend), I knew that he himself hasn't lost a spouse or child. I only told him that I didn't want to let go of my pain yet, that I wanted to take time to grieve. He told me it's okay if that's how I feel.

Going back to all that you all have said here, grieve is not something we can just turn on and off at will. While we can try to find ways of trying to lessen our sorrow and feelings of grief and despair, still grief runs its own course and has its own way that is not in our control, at least not fully.

I think only people who have walked in our shoes can truly understand the depth of our sorrow and pain. They can try to understand us, but until they have experienced it first-hand, they don't know.

I am glad that I am part of this forum; you guys help with cope with my grief and I know that I am not alone in this terribly lonely journey.

Hugs to all. -- Trina

Comment by Steve on Saturday
I lost my beloved soulmate/husband November 30, 2014. I am 67 and still working, am in good health and still so alone. Mark was sick for along time and it broke my heart to watch someone who loved life and knew no stranger slowly get worse. He passed away sleeping next to me, it was our Sunday in bed TV day.
At first I didn't know what to do, except dial 911. The rescue team arrived, the police arrived, finally after 4 hours I was alone with our dog Bella.
We had moved to Dallas because of an offer from my employer from south Florida. Mark saw it as a new adventure and someplace with real seasons. So off we went.
Mark's. Illness was similar to parkensons so he was treated with medication to help control his seizures. Some days he would say lets get out and go anywhere. His favorite was taking the train from Dallas to Ft Worth, for awhile he seemed better. Not having a job and few friends each weekend towards the end he was happy to stay home in bed with me at his side. One weekend he asked me what would I do if something happened to him. I responded I honestly do not know. He laughed and said you would move on, probably move back to Florida to be near your family. Then he outlined what he wanted me to do should he pass first.
I did as he requested, I donated his body to Ut Southern for research. They will keep him for up to 24 months, then they will creamate him and send me his ashes.
It has only been about 4 months. I still go to work, I still grieve, I am keeping myself busy, but there are times when I look at something he painted for me or turn on the flower arrangements he created with lights I sit down and let the tears flow.
Mark was my life and always right, so I keep myself busy and am counting on his wisdom that I will pull myself up and move along in life, today is a gift and tomorrow?
Thank you for this site and hugs and prayers to all of us.
Steve Goodwin
 

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