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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Latest Activity: 28 minutes ago

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Faking...

Started by Michelle. Last reply by Tonya Janowski 1 hour ago. 10 Replies

Survivor Guilt?

Started by Vickie. Last reply by Tonya Janowski on Sunday. 9 Replies

I feel lost

Started by Kim Henry. Last reply by MJ Sep 29. 8 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H 28 minutes ago

Elvira ...  You are welcome and it appears many of us are going through some rough times of it.  Your grief is still very raw and time is the healer.  Even now after 3 1/2 years of Ernie's passing I can feel as if he was here just yesterday and then some days I'm doing OK on my own.  It certainly is a roller coaster ride and the big question for most of us is 'when with this cruel agonizing pain of grief leave us?'  No one has the answer to that, but we're all hanging in there so far and it's just got to get better.

Prayers and love coming your way hon.

Marsha H

Comment by Marsha H 31 minutes ago

Dear Stacey ...  I'm so very sorry you had to put your dog down as I have two of my own 10 and 12 and I don't look forward to that day coming as they've been my loyal companions. 

Here is a bit of tip that may give Damien a little peace regarding his dear dog ...  phone the vets and asks them to do two plastic casts of the dog's front paws.  Many people here do that and have their name if the dog put on as well.  I hope this helps you.  You did the right thing by not letting your pet suffer (people who are terminally ill and wish to go quickly should be so lucky.) 

Oddly enough I was coming on the forum as October has not been a good month for me and I'd like to rip it right off the calendar if it would do any good.  I had that flu bug and was coming around when I got a phone call this morning (yes, one of those no so good calls early in the morning) to inform me that my 60 year old brother-in-law passed away suddenly from a heart attack this morning.  I have not kept close to the family, but his ex wife only had my phone number and it was nice of her call.  Of course it was a shock.  I had to get in touch with Ernie's estranged family and my anxiety is super high right now and like you, feeling bull low and almost afraid to open my eyes each morning.  I don't know how much of this sadness I can take either.  This didn't seem to be going on when our spouses were with us.

My prayers and heart go out to you Stacey.

Hugs

Marsha H

Comment by stacey 3 hours ago

Hello everyone.

Well, I thought things were looking up for me for a while and bam right back down the hill again. October 7th it marked 2 years for the passing of my husband I got through that safely and calmly and Monday I found out my dogs was really sick and I ended up putting her down this morning. I think I want to take October  out of my calendar year it doesn't seem to be a good month for me. I don't know how to tell Damian he was so attached to her. I'm not liking this roller coaster much anymore I do so good for a while and bam brick wall something bad happens again I'm not sure how much more I'm supposed to handle. I hanging in there for now I know I did the right thing by not letting her suffer or hurt for to long its just hard again. 

Comment by Elvira Castellanos 11 hours ago

Thank you Georgia & Marsha for your words of support, like previously stated, this month is horrific for me, on the 19th it was 41 years I began dating Pablo & next Sunday will be even harder since it would have been our 34th wedding anniversary, it has been 8 months & to me it feels as if it was yesterday, some days worse than others, I pray for some peace & acceptance but it's not coming, thank you all for your words of encouragement.

Elvira

Comment by janeo 21 hours ago

Michelle,

You be surprised on how many people do.

Comment by Michelle 22 hours ago

I am glad I am not the only one chattering to a spouse.

Comment by Carol Kayser 22 hours ago
Janeo, thank you so much for those beautiful words:). I do feel very connected to Jack through Abby.
I am so glad you talk to Richie anytime now. I'm always nattering away to Jack!
Hugs!
Comment by janeo 23 hours ago
Mark,
Someone once told me that you can talk to them anywhere you are. I used to go every Saturday morning now I can talk to Richie any time without going to him. And yes guilt is part of grieving but thats normal. And I'm glad your back posting again.
Comment by janeo 23 hours ago
Carol,
I believe jack is around Abigail . And jack is also with you as well. Just by the love you and Abigail share. That's a beautiful thing. I think we will always grieve we just have to learn how to cope. Your words of wisdom is appreciated by all.
Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday

Hello to all who have written lately, I really feel some comments have really touched me, 4 years now since the loss of my beloved Jack.  It's true, I don't cry as much, but when I do it is for something random that just brings those tears.  There is also the anger about why it happened, and on it goes.

Barbara, you alluded to feeling needed and doing things to help your family and your grandchildren.  I truly think that is why I am here, both my sweetheart and God discussed it (smile) and decided I need to be there for my sweet Abigail!  Just the other evening my daughter said to her "you will be mine forever" and little Abby (3 years old) said "but you will have to share me with grandma"!  We are definitely very close and this I feel is my commitment to my husband, that I love Abby for both of us.

We absolutely try, as Marsha says, to reinvent ourselves, but that is a tall order.  After all we have lost half of our essence of who we were and how do you take that other half and remold?  It takes a long time, if indeed it does happen at all.

I know that there is incredible sadness "out there" and even though tears may not fall as readily, there is grief for the loss of the rest of our "together lives" as Elvira says, of the planning, the trips, the small pleasures not be experienced.  That I think is where I am now, as I get older, the regret of the rest of that part of life.

We can only take one day at a time, and that is ok for us.  We don't have to place undue pressure on ourselves to be "better" and "fine".  We can just be who we are now.

Big hugs,

Carol

 

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