Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Lonely and depressed in Maryland...

Started by Bill Fair. Last reply by Steve Cain Nov 12. 9 Replies

Lost my husband Feb 12, 2016

Started by Ethel Keller. Last reply by Harold McKinstry Nov 4. 6 Replies

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Comment by Harold McKinstry 5 hours ago

Hi Sara

Not so much that I have more ambition, Seeing that I'm retired it gives me something to do. If I was working none of this would be getting done. I even have time to take a nap most days.

Comment by Marsha H 10 hours ago

Gretchen ...  I am so happy to hear you and Ethan and had to giggle about your 'kid' crying on Santa's lap.  It reminded me when my Goddaughter Emily was about 5 years old and I took her up to see Santa.  She sat on one side and Santa insisted I sit on his right knee (silly fool didn't know I'd gained 30 lbs at that time  LOL)  Emily freaked, not making a sound and slid down Santa's knee like a wet noodle and I could see the pain Santa was in so got off his right leg fast as I think I cut off the blood flow.  LOL  I do love lights and I really miss the times Ernie and I would drive around different neighborhoods looking at the beautiful lights, but don't do that anymore. 

I am so proud of you for setting up that little tree and hanging Ethan's and your stocking and a wreath on the door.  That's a really good start.  Boy, do I know how frustrating it is when trying to bring in my artificial Christmas tree from the garage and have to get either my girlfriend or neighbor to help me drag it inside along with the decorations that are difficult to get to and so far I'm lucky.  You are going in a very good direction and it will give Ethan some solid ground to continue on as best you can throughout Christmas.

I wish you peace and a beautiful Christmas full of new memories hon.



Comment by Gretchen G yesterday
Marsha - hope you get the squirrel out soon!!

This past weekend was a busy-ish one for me. Took Ethan to see the lights at the zoo on Saturday night with some friends and then got my "kid crying on Santa's lap" picture of him the next morning.
Finally made the decision last night to put up my little tree in the kitchen window with a couple Santa's, put the wreath on the door, and hung my and Ethan's stockings. There's still the big tree (which I can't get off the garage shelf by myself) and 4 boxes of decorations / ornaments that aren't going up, but at least I feel like I'm going in the right direction.

Hope everyone is doing well & know that I'm thinking of you all during this time of year!
Comment by Sara Murphy yesterday

Hi Deb,   I'm trying to catch up on my reading here.  I just read your post about Bob visiting you while you were working in the dining room.  What a fantastic experience and proof that our loved ones are always by our side.  A friend of mine gave me a half hour private session with a Medium for my birthday and I went a couple weeks ago.  Ken came through (as well as one of my grandfathers) and the things the Medium was saying from Ken were spot on...things she wouldn't have known.  I would love to have an experience like yours where I can feel him through my body. 

You and Harold have much more motivation than I have.  The only home improvement project I'll be doing anytime soon is to have the roof done.  This is something Ken and I had been planning to do when he recovered from the kidney surgery.  Now, I'm on my own with it and will probably look for contractors in the spring.  I haven't let my house go that much so I don't have a lot of picking up to do. 

Hope you're having a good day.


Comment by Marsha H on Sunday

Deb S ...  Thanks so much Deb.  However, some things are still not working out well.  I never see my Great-niece and she is growing like a little weed.  It's my nephew's little girl and he and his girlfriend live just over a block away from me and I only would want to see her once a month if that's all the time they can spare.  My nephew is a stay-at-home mom and his wife works so tired of course when she gets home and then weekends she is busy.  I have even offered to take my nephew and great-niece for lunch, but no bites, but he'll travel over an hour to his parent's place quite often.  It does hurt and I've pretty much given up on that one.  When I do see my sister-in-law she talks a lot about her granddaughter which is understandable, but it only makes me realize how many cute things I'm missing while she's growing up.  At least over the holidays I'll get to see her twice.  I should count my blessings.

I am feeling a bit better and did try to get into the Clinic as my doctor is away (of course) and was stunned when I got there that they were closed.  I asked the pharmacist next door why they were closed and he said each doctor there had met their quota of 35 patients thanks to our lovely government.  I live just outside of Vancouver, British Columbia and our medical care leaves much to be desired.  If I went to ER it would be the same thing there.  Horrific!  Thankfully I can hang on for Tuesday when I get to see my doctor.

It is sunny out today (Sunday) and the first sunny day in 3 months so I'm off to get the dogs their pictures taken with Santa and then will take them for a walk.

Have to tell you, Santa left me an early Christmas gift and I have a blasted squirrel in my wall behind my sofa and what a racket he's making so I'm going to have to phone pest control on Monday (ching, ching, ching.) 

I hope you are having a wonderful day and all the blessings you can handle.


Comment by Deb S on Sunday

Sarah, Like Marsha, I commend you for attending this party. I hope that Harold's observation proved correct and the anticipation was worse than the event. How did it go?  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on Sunday

Marsha, I am so relieved and happy for you that issues have improved with your SIL and Christmas is on again. Your yesterday sounds wonderful. Thank goodness for our pets. They are indeed special gifts from God. How are you feeling physically? Have you recovered from your sickness?  Debbie

Comment by Marsha H on Sunday

Harold ...  I knew you would understand about the dogs; my saving grace.  The tree is all lit up tonight and they are playing together and having a good old time so I got down on the rug and played with them and that was sure a bonus for them.

I always think prayers for the other person can move mountains.  You are right that is could just be a band aid, but, I have to grab onto that chance and ride with it.  If it happens again you trust me in saying I will not put up with the nonsense and all hell will break loose.  I am patient, but do have my limits.  If someone is having problems I'm a good listener and better understand what they are going through and may be grouchier, but being 'nasty' is a whole different issue. 

I can just see your dogs sticking their heads into Terry's bag because yes, they do thing everything is for them.  If I get a white stuffed toy for Tootsie and a brown one for Booker like kids they look at each other's toys to see which one is the best one.  LOL  Humans have much to learn from not only dogs, but other animals.  You gotta love them.

No, having Christmas without our spouses is just not the same, but I honestly believe they are right there with us.  I hang onto that belief.   

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Sunday


Hope your Party was tolerable and maybe a few smiles and laugh or two. I have found like Marsha said sometimes the anticipation is the worst and the event isn't too bad. Hope your finding some way to make the Holidays your own and still keeping Ken in them. The Holidays will suck without our spouses in them put have to try to get some Joy out of them.  

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Sunday


Glad you are feeling better and things are better as far as Christmas for you. The fact that you prayed for your sister in law shows what a sweetheart you are. Might be a band aid on the problem but at least it's some progress. My dogs are the same way when Terry got here he had a bag with his clothes in they of course had to stick there heads in to see what was in there. Of course everything is for them isn't it. Everyday should be Christmas as far as being kind and giving. Everybody should be more like dogs with there unconditional Love and excitement for everything. 


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