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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

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Mirror Therapy

Started by Chicago Beard. Last reply by Virginia on Saturday. 5 Replies

The loss of my beloved man.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Janka Huljaková May 16. 7 Replies

Closing an estate feels like betrayal

Started by Miguel. Last reply by Elizabeth C Apr 8. 9 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Steve  ...  You are most welcome.  I am so proud of you for going to church and I have done the very same thing as you.  It's normal for the first few times to go to the service and leave right after, but eventually you'll become more use to it.  Yes, it does take the energy right out of you and those emotions fly all over the place, but the more you try the easier it gets.  Be proud of yourself for even going to church and please don't be so hard on yourself.  I do truly believe our loved one is very close to us and every new step we take makes us stronger and makes our spouses proud of us.  Remember, no one knows that you are experiencing grief so meeting new people is a good thing.  Take your time and you'll know when you're ready to meet those new people.

Hugs (because you need it)

Marsha 

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Dear Carol ...  It's wonderful to hear from you after so long.  It's my pleasure to try and help as I know just how each one on here feels because after over 4 years I still miss my beloved Ernie, but the pain isn't as deep as it use to be.  I appreciate those that help as well and if it weren't for this forum and all the members I wouldn't have made it.  It's kept me sane to know we are all taking that journey of grief even if we walk through it with the beat of a different drummer.  I too talk about how much the site has helped me, but of course mention no names. I am honored to know each and every member on here because whether they realize it or not they are heroes in their own right going through the battlefield of grief and even though they hurt themselves they always help others. 

I agree we have changed since our loved one has passed away and it has given us wisdom, strength we didn't know we possessed and knowing how important it is to tell the loved ones still around us how much we love them.  Although a difficult way to learn some of life's lessons grief has taught us many good things. 

I know you realize how lucky you are to have your granddaughter Abby and she is such a sweet wee girl and so wise for her age.  I remember telling you when I saw her picture that she looked like an 'old soul.'  I am blessed with many things myself, but still miss my Ernie as much today as in the past.  However, it's time for me to move on and make him proud of me.  I don't know if I'll accomplish much or what the future holds for me, but I'm trying.

We must get together for lunch when you have the time.  Construction isn't as brutal now.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday

Dear Renae, this is a difficult and yet bittersweet time for you and your family.  Happy and sad times rolled into one.   It's best if you can find quiet space, breath, take one moment at a time and know that your darling is around sharing in the happy events, just from a different place now but still in your heart and in your lives.

I wish you peace as you go through these days ahead and some moments of joy too!

Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday

Dear Marsha, you are such a blessing!  I think about you a lot, and while I haven't been on the site much for so many reasons, I always in my heart appreciate everyone for their love and guidance.  I honestly talk a lot about the site and how it helped me through those very heart wrenching times. 

The other evening I met a widow, five years also for her.  We chatted a little and we could have mirrored our conversations of how we are feeling, it's good to share.

I read the article you posted and absolutely, grief is a very personal journey, and I also listened to a seminar and it was the very same thing.  It is healthy to see how we are today as opposed to "yesterday".   I just still miss my darling as much as when he left and our future together.

Today though my little Abby and I believe her "Poppa Jack" is sending her messages from above worked her magic telling me she was trying to make me laugh, that she wants to take care of me when she is 15 and many other little tidbits!  I am pretty lucky!

Hugs,

Carol

 

Comment by Steve yesterday
Thank you for the link it gave me more hope. Today I finally fulfilled a goal I set for myself, I went to church. It has only taken me two months to go alone. I enjoyed the service and then headed straight home. I wasn't sure how I would react to meeting new folks so that was one reason for hurrying home. The other was seeing happy couples, I felt happy, sad and selfishly jealous all at once.
I got out and made it to the car before my emotions took over. Now I feel tired and worn out, so nap tim.
I to believe our loved ones keep watch over us.
Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Dear Renae ...  I am so sorry you are over-whelmed with dates and your wee grandson wanting his 'Bumpa.' 

Even after 4 years of my husband's passing I still celebrate our wedding anniversary.  I find that a good way to do this is to get a helium balloon and write messages on it, take the balloon to perhaps a favorite place your husband enjoyed and let it sail to the heavens and don't hesitate to bring the family as well as your grandson.

I am a great believe that our loved one is very near when there are special events and I think you're husband is going to be right there throughout the wedding.  This is a very true story.  My husband and I use to take wedding pictures and when friends of ours had a chapel wedding we took pictures.  When I was doing them on a photo shop and editing them I noticed that all pictures I the chapel had 5 round orbs around our friends.  I printed out the pictures to show my girlfriend and asked her if she wanted me to edit out the orbs, but she demanded I leave them in and rattled off her parents, grandparents, etc., who were deceased.  All other pictures taken didn't have the orbs in them.  Call it what you may, but my girlfriend truly felt it was those she loved being there to see her married. 

May I also suggest with your grandson or any of the children in your family that you get a helium balloon and let them write in permanent ink messages to 'Bumpa' and that he would get them in heaven.  Children at very young ages are more aware of death than adults realize and often they fear that if 'Bumpa' went to heaven and isn't coming back that 'Grandma' or their parents may well go to heaven and leave them alone.  This is an important subject to discuss with young children.  Here is a very good link that will you and your family deal with the young children in your family.  http://mommyshorts.com/2011/08/how-to-talk-about-death-with-a-child...  May I also suggest that sitting down with a younger child with crayons and paper (letting them draw) will let them express their feelings such as any fears they may have and help the parents to deal with those fears.  Death should never be hidden from children as they see we're sad and sometimes cry and they are very aware of it and can be little worry warts, so it's best to keep things out in the open. 

I hope hon this has helped you cope and remember, children are resilient and they often get on with their lives must quicker than we do. 

Hugs (because you need it)

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Jane P ...  Very happy you enjoyed the link and got something out of it.  It puts things into perspective.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Jane P. yesterday

Marsha, What a great link!  I will print it out and yes it is true that is one of the only times it is good to look back to see just how far we have come.  But after looking back it is great to look forward in order to progress.  Hugs, Jane P

Comment by Renae McKee yesterday

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN TO MY HUSBAND HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 61 YEARS OLD. TODAY IS HARD!! LAST SUNDAY WAS HARD BECAUSE IT WAS FATHER'S DAY, THEN TODAY, THURSDAY JULY 2ND OUR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER GRADUATES NURSING SCHOOL, FRIDAY THE 3RD MARKS 9 MONTHS SINCE HE PASSED AND MY OLDEST DAUGHTER, WHO IS RECENTLY ENGAGED, BROKE DOWN YESTERDAY SAYING "MOM DAD WILL NOT BE HERE TO WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE OR EVER SEE ANY CHILDREN I HAVE". I TRIED TO COMFORT HER AND SHE SAID AFTER SEEING HOW BAD HER LITTLE NEPHEW BEAU(4 YRS OLD) IS GRIEVING, SHE WAS GLAD SHE DID NOT HAVE CHILDREN RIGHT NOW. PLEASE PRAY FOR MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON, HE LOOKS AT HIS "BUMPAS" PICTURE AND JUST CRIES, TELLING US "I WANT MY BUMPA TO COME BACK DOWN FROM HEAVEN".  IT BREAKS MY HEART. TOO MANY EVENTS OVER A 3 WEEK PERIOD HAS THROWN MY GRIEVING WAY OFF. 

Comment by Marsha H yesterday

Now where are my angels on this forum?  I am praying most of you are enjoying the summer as best you can, but still worry about each and everyone of you.  I came across the wisest article I've read in a long time and I know already some of you will really relate to it and this website helps put your grief in order.  I pray it helps each and everyone of you.  You are special, you are loved and you deserve the best in life!  Like the song says, 'I'll do it my way.'  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/carole-brody-fleet/spouses-death-why-...

Big hugs to all of you

Marsha

 

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