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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1330
Latest Conversations: 3 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

On the last day of our vacation my husband died.

Started by Andrew Berenyi Jr.. Last reply by Russ Macaluso 8 hours ago. 32 Replies

My love is gone...

Started by Chris Sky. Last reply by Mary. Jane on Sunday. 15 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

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Comment by Steve 3 hours ago

Hello Russ,

My name is Steve, I lost the love of my life, Mark, on November 31st, 2014, at the young age of 50, I was 67 and our life together measured 25 years.  February of 2015 is when I stumbled onto Legacy, and as Marsha stated, this is truly a site of angels.  All members usually have their email accounts set so they get notifications when someone posts, so no matter what you want to say or need help with, or just need to vent, you have found the right place for help and understanding.  Below is a poem I found in my first year with Legacy and I like to share it from time to time, especially when someone new joins.  My prayer is that you will find some comfort from this anonymous poem,

For those who believe:

I wish I could tell you of all that God has planned
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t understand
But one this is for certain though my life on earth is o’re
I am closer to you now than I was ever before
And to my very many friends, trust God knows what is best
I’m still not far away from you, I’m just beyond the crest
There are rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it taking one day at a time
It was always my philosophy and I’d like it for you too
That as you give unto the world so the world will give to you
If you can help somebody who is in sorrow or in pain
Then you can say to God at night my day was not in vain
And now I am contented that my life was worthwhile
Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile
So if you meet somebody who is down and feeling low
Just lend a hand to pick him/her up as on your way you go.
When you are walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind,
I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind
And when you feel the gentle breeze or the wind upon your face
That’s me giving you a great big hug or just a soft embrace
And when it’s time for you to go from that body to be free
Remember you’re not going you are coming here to me.
I will always love you.

Anonymous

Please come back and post, we are here with you and we will all keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Sending hugs your way tonight, cause you need some...

Comment by Charles E. Nelson 3 hours ago

Dear Russ,

Allow me to add my welcome, as well as to share with Marsha my sorrow that your loss has led you here. I lost my husband Larry in April of 2015, so understand completely when you say it feels like yesterday. Marsh is right - there are angels here, or at least i think of the many accepting and compassionate people I have met here as such. There are things I say here that i know the "outside" world would never understand. Instead, my  Legacy family as I call them listen without judgement, offering only support and immeasurable outpourings of comfort and love. I would not have made it this far without this place, and still lean on everyone here when I find myself down and feeling lost and confused, Even two years + later this can happen easily and unexpectedly, but I don't need to tell you that - you are living it just like I am. On August 27th Larry and I would have been celebrating our 34th anniversary of the day I proposed to him. It will mot be any easier this year than last or the one before I fear to approach that day and the memories it is already awakening. But I do know that my family will be here to listen and hold me up if it gets to be too much. no one can or should have to go through our grieving alone and feeling isolated and misunderstood. Thanks to this blessed site, no one ever has to - including you Russ, our new friend. So again, I welcome you to our family, and as Marsha so beautifully said, there is always someone here to listen and help however we can.

Love, (don't freak out - I sign all my posts that way to everybody)

Chuck 

Comment by Marsha H 8 hours ago

Welcome Russ ....  I am so sorry you have to join this grief forum, but thank heavens it's here.  You are on a special bereaved forum right now when you posted.  I have been on this forum since my husband passed in 2011 of pancreatic cancer and it really helped me get through the worst part of my grief.  The members here are terrific (angels) and you can say anything on a post that you feel without fear of judgment.  We basically are all in the same boat.  There are several men who also come onto the site. 

This is the forum you should be on to connect with many members and if you want particular friends on a private section of the forum look at the top of the page (in blue) and click onto 'Friends - invite.'  This will go to anyone you click on to ask if they want to be friends with you and no one thus far has declined.  If you click onto the name above a post it will take you to their private postings after you have been given permission to become friends.  This way if you connect with someone that you feel would understand your situation better you can exchange email address' or simply speak privately.

You will learn much from the members here.  Some have a lot of red tape to go through after a spouse has passed away and all of will offer help as well as get you through the rough spots as far as how difficult this may be for you.  Some have difficulties with family or friends understand our grief while others find special holidays or long weeks difficult to get through.  Many of us just release our tensions by leaving posts about what we are feeling on a given day.  I have learned many things here to help me in my grief.

Hope you keep posting and if you need further help just leave a post again and someone will answer you.  Generally there is always someone here to help.  I live in British Columbia, Canada so the time zone is different from the U.S.

Regards

Marsha

Comment by Russ Macaluso 9 hours ago

I have just found out about the Bereaved Spouses group. Is it just a matter, to participate, to sign on to "Legacy Connect"? ...and then click on Bereaved Spouse? Are there any personal meeting groups for bereaved spouses? Thanks for any direction...

Comment by Mary. Jane yesterday
Thanks,Micheal! Yes, they are a great group, and the POETRY of the lyrics to all their songs is amazing. Unfortunately, since they are so young, most of the lyrics relate to much younger people than myself, but the harmonies, and the upbeat style is awesome.
I am so happy you responded to my post about them. (Sadly I think the lead singer, Nate, went out on his own...cuz I haven,t heard anything new from them)
Comment by Michael Smith yesterday

Mary Jane, 

I love that song. i would listen to it when I was feeling down even before Melanie passed. It is very up beat.

Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday
I spent yesterday listening to music I had forgotten about,and that I really loved. There is a group named FUN, who's songs I LOVED, but hadn,t listened to since before Bob got sick. One of their songs is called Carry On, and I,d like to,share the chorus lyrics:
WHEN YOU'RE LOST AND ALONE
AND YOU'RE SINKING LIKE A STONE
CARRY ON ON ON ON ON..
LET YOUR PAST BE THE SOUND
OF YOUR FOOTSTEPS ON THE GOUND
CARRY ON ON ON ON ON
CARRY ON! CARRY ON.

I,mean, honestly, what choice do we have?
Comment by Mary. Jane on Thursday
STeve, I think I will have to print your post about tornadoes..I just read it again, and once more your words have given me comfort...than, and my friends Mr. WELLER and Ms Gingerale..but only a single shot...Direct TV is a waste of money, just when the storms are the heaviest, we loose satellite service. This is the 3rd storm in as many days..and all the weathermen say they have NEVER seen weather like this in August..maybe it has something to,do with the upcoming eclipse? Gods way of telling us humans to straighten up and stop worshiping the $$$$ and be kind to one another? Cuz I think we really need a kick in the a$$. I am writing now to try to not be so afraid..
So, thanks again, my friend.
Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

Dear Chuck ...  I am so happy this link came to you at a good time.  It makes sense and makes us less doubtful as to where our lives are going.  You and Steve have also enhanced my life more than you will ever know.  Both of you will be in my life for a lifetime too.

Love

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on Tuesday

Dear Marsha,

Thank you for that wonderful link! I don't know how you  it, but ever since I joined this family you have said or shared something that goes straight to my innermost feelings, and always at times I find myself needing to hear your message. You have come into my life for a reason...and as far as I am concerned for a lifetime as well. God Bless You.

Love,

Chuck

 

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