Bereaved Spouses

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Comment by Vee 1 hour ago

I was so lost and felt like I was suffocating when I came to this site.  I kept hearing all these cliches from family and friends.  I was so angry inside, scared, confused, and in major shock.  I walked out of my house when the man I hold/held so dear was my past, present, and future.  When I returned home my  beauty had turned to ashes, because he was gone--no explanation--just gone to somewhere I can't reach him.

 

I can tell you that when I found this safe harbor here with all the people that have become so dear, who are too numerous to name them all, I found people who understood and shared their experiences with me.

 

I am now four months along the path.  Even though I still, and probably will for a long time to come,  shed tears--I feel that I can go on.  People like Maggie and Nancy and Julie and Carol have helped me so much with their wisdom, their kindness, and their encouragement.

 

To all who just started on this path, this place is so healing for me and for so many.  Why?  Because we all care that we not only get through this journey, we care about each other. 

 

God bless all of us who are wounded, confused, hurt, and loney coping with something that is so final and chilling, grief/mourning.  May we all feel the love of our family, friends, and God to help us make it through.

 

Warm hugs and blessings to all!

Comment by nancy 11 hours ago

Not that I know of Jane.

Comment by Jane Favara 15 hours ago

Is anyone else having trouble viewing new post.

Comment by Melanie Stracner 23 hours ago

I don't know what I would do without this site and you all.  When I come on here when I am having a bad day, which is about every few days, there is always a post on here that has to do with exactly what I am going through or feeling that particular day and it helps me through the pain.  You all are the best and I wish I could hug each and every one of you.  I feel like I am going crazy sometimes.  It has been about 6 weeks since my sweet Jess fell off the boat 9 miles out to sea and no one ever found him, he was a survivor and I still can't believe he didn't survive.  It seems as though the numbness of it all is slowly wearing off and the reality is hitting me and i know there is more reality to come and more, much more, pain.  I try hard to make it to work every day, but it's hard and i pray I don't loose my job.  I just got a new place today because it's too painful to live here anymore....everywhere I look is a reminder of him and the pain is so deep and severe.  I have always been a strong woman but this has brought me to my knees......we only had ten years together but I am so glad I had those ten years than none at all.

Comment by nancy yesterday

Brendan, Sorry you're having a hard time. I find strength through my faith and through support from this site. My husband past 8 months ago suddenly at 55 years of age to a heart attack. 3 mos. later I was diagnosed with breast cancer and am presently going through treatment. I visit this site regularly and it has helped me so much just to vent and ask suggestions and share what is presently working for me. It seemed to be different day to day and week to week. I think I've finally gotten half way over the hump. I've been fairly stable for about the last 4 weeks or so. I know that 4 weeks is huge and I'm very grateful. I pray alot and my friends here pray for all of us too. I also have started going to a loss support group at the Cancer Society. The more I share the better I feel. I know that what gets us through day to day is very individual and very personal but just reading the posts here may help put things into perspective for you. Encouragement from other people going through this hell is key. We all understand here. Good luck with counseling, I hope it helps you. Keep posting. It may help you to see your words and reread them. I know it's helped me to see the "new" me. Prayers and hugs. Peace

Comment by brendan obrien yesterday

Back in grief couseling, 4th time in 4 years. Not working. What now?

Comment by Carol Kayser yesterday

Dear Maggie, thank you for sharing those words, because I can comfortably add mine also.  I have a picture of my sweetheart Jack on the mantle and each night I too talk to him and kiss him goodnight and tell him I love him.  It has become part of my nightly ritual.  I strongly believe it brings peace to me.

 

Sally, we are all part of this journey and it is extremely comforting to know we can come here and share and grieve and be understood.  Call it our "safe place" if you will. 

 

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Maggie Poxson yesterday

Julie, we all feel guilty about something we did or didn't do. When I was having a really bad day with my feelings of guilt, I found a book by Charles Grolier in the library. it was poetry dealing with grief. There was a poem about guilt. It really helped me. I think the authors name is Grollman. He wrote several books on grief. . I wish I had better info for you. I can look it up tomorrow when I go to work.

Comment by Maggie Poxson yesterday

Sally, we all help each other. There were others that helped me through some very rough times. We are all so alone until we come here. Suddenly, we have friends who understand what we are experiencing. Words of suport and understanding are like a balm to our wounded soul. I am pleased to pass that suport on. I spoke with a friend of my mother who lost her husband many years ago. She said she keeps his picture by her
Bed and gives him a kiss good night, and tells him she will see him before long. I have our wedding picture by my bed and I tell Dave goodnight, and trace his face. Some days are easier than others. Hugs to all of you, my friends.

Comment by Julie Larsen yesterday

Tonight at 7:30 it was 5 weeks since Charles died. I went to the cemetery like I try to do every Monday night to sit with him and remember that last breath. At the time, thinking it was the best thing, I remember praying for it after 30 hours and even being relieved. Now it seems like I should have done everything I could to make him

live. That is probably very selfish of me. It’s like that last second put up a glass wall between Charlie and me. I can still see the other side (how everything was before the accident) but I can’t get there. It is so hard to go on with everyday life—I just don’t know what to do. I can only wish to go with him.

 

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