Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1235
Latest Conversations: on Friday

Just a reminder to all of you over these next few days. The weather reports all over are talking extreme heat. Those of you out West have even warmer temperatures than here in the Midwest or East. Please keep well hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Hopefully all of you have air in your homes. If not, please find a friend or relative that has air and see if you can go there. Otherwise, find out where the cooling centers in your neighborhood or town are and use them. Please take care not to over exert yourself and check in here.

Discussion Forum

Mirror Therapy

Started by Chicago Beard. Last reply by Barbara Sullivan Apr 11. 1 Reply

Closing an estate feels like betrayal

Started by Miguel. Last reply by Elizabeth C Apr 8. 9 Replies

Poem I.

Started by Janka Huljaková. Last reply by Jane P. Apr 7. 1 Reply

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Comment by Marsha H on Friday

Elizabeth C ...  I'm glad you enjoyed the link.  I'm happy to hear you are taking your daughter to Disneyland.  Take one book if need be, but more than ever just go and have some fun with your daughter and create some memories between the two of you.  Try not to take death on your holiday.  What I mean is that enjoy the vacation even though there will be a few teary moments because your sweetheart isn't there to enjoy it.  As you have said he is in a better and happier place without pain, but you have to try to do the same thing for you and your daughter.  Yes, God is there for you and still has plans for you both and happy ones.

Comment by Elizabeth C on Friday
proven stress reducer #7
Pollyanna Power ! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10, 50 or 100 blessings. Count them!
True. We are alive on this planet, a gift from God, it is a miracle. And we only know things that go wrong not all the things it takes for the rest to go right. I am thankful for my time on this planet and that God gave me life even in my greif.
Comment by Elizabeth C on Thursday
Good link Marsha, thank you. I am preparing on a road trip to Dineyland with my daughter, my husband and I were going to take her there for her first trip, so I will bring some books like the ones mentioned on that link, don't know if I will have time to read though. Doing pretty good, I think what is wrong with me? I just don't believe it still, this can not be the rest of my life, sometimes I feel ok and sometimes...I can't even describe the loss it's a combination of vomit, hell, no, silence, loneliness, can not comprehend, death death death feeling. Haven't dealt with this traumatic loss for 30 years and it came 30 years from loosing my mother. I was glad to see 30 years as it felt like the further away it is the less painful, like some weird accomplishment. I'm ok then the gravity of it comes bringing a tide of death, that is the only way to describe it. Ug I just can't believe it. This is so stupid. Today I got a strong feeling, it was how during Christmas time I was so in love with my husband I had such a high from it, I guess that is the best way to describe the feeling of such love. I mean every Christmas I had this feeling really strongly, the most wonderful time of the year and to feel such a deep love to the person you are married to is really undescribable, such a joyful heart. I really miss that I won't have him with me when I feel that flood of emotion. I really miss everything about him, I adored, admired and was head over heels for him, he was a lucky guy to have had such love such a shame it took him so long to get it, but he did at least. Wish I could talk to him now. I would say " you aren't going to beleive it, you died, I love you and I miss you. What's it like there? I need you and I need you to help me raise this child. I don't want her to have no Dad and I don't want her to have a step Dad." There is no fixing this. But I will soldier on with my hope and faith in God. God is comforting me through this, I feel his presence, his joy even in my sorrow. I don't know why and Godsvways are not my ways. Sometimes it doesent make sense to us, that's where faith comes in. We are not here for long, eternity awaits us.
Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

Dear Steve ...  It seems God works in mysterious ways by taking me to that particular link and I can't take all the credit because of that.  I am so thankful you found the prayer and I enjoyed your story of saying that prayer previously in your life and that it brings you peace.

We are all God's children and what is more important is the type of people He wants us to be ... being kind, caring, loving and helping others when they can't help themselves.  Being loyal to Him and those in your life you love.  I am a Christian and I know already that no one has the right to judge another regarding their lifestyle because otherwise we'd miss so much good by ignoring such people.  In fact, when I was in the midst of divorcing my ex (before I met Ernie) it was gay male friend who helped me through the worst of it and was forever thankful to him.  I had helped him in the past during the 60's when being gay was hidden and he was very confused and almost giving up on life.  This proves that God sends people into our lives for a reason when we are at our lowest.  |When my beloved passed away I was stunned, wanted to join him and cried for days and weeks until I found this forum and I do believe it was by the grace of God that He led all of us to this wonderful forum. 

I hope you have a good day Steve and print out that prayer and stick it on your fridge and each day read it.  There are many who appreciate and love you. 



Comment by Steve on Wednesday
Marsha H,
My alarm went off this morning as usual, followed by an alert from my gmail account, it was your link that you shared with all of us. I followed the link and found a prayer that I had prayed so long ago when I was 14 and still going to church. I prayed this prayer a second time in my life when I was 30 and confused about my lifestyle and how it collided with church views on being gay.
Last night I fell asleep in a place of overwhelming sadness and loneliness.
This morning I followed the link, followed the instructions, one oh which is to share what I have done with someone else.
Since Mark's passing I pray a lot, and I still feel God's presence in my life, after reading the prayer this morning I feel not so alone but I feel hope has returned. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reminding me that we are not alone and we are loved no matter where we are on our path thru this life, God's love is unconditional and forever!
Today is a good day, no matter what!
Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

Elizabeth C ...  Please don't rush your grief and push it aside because it will catch up to you sooner or later.  Grieving is a necessity of life.  Cry when you need to, talk to someone, get grief counseling and if you really are enjoying something then enjoy.  Grief is a sneaky green monster that can come out of nowhere when you least expect it.  I'm not saying to sit around and just cry or give up, but go with your emotions and don't hide them.

Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

Elizabeth C ...  I was raised in Vancouver, British Columbia, but now live out in the burbs about 27 miles away.  We really aren't that far apart and our weather patterns are very similar.

I understand why you would want snow, rain or stormy days.  The spring and summer is far more active and we see families or couples going away on holidays, holding hands, or just laughing and it brings a flood of memories back to us that we use to be the same way with our spouses and suddenly that has come to a grinding stop.  I use to love the spring and summer when Ernie was here as we did so many things together and now, if lucky I can go out with a girlfriend or keep myself busy gardening and volunteering or going to different programs trying to keep myself busy.  It does get better hon as the years go by and I've basically accepted the fact this is my new life like it or not.

Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

TO ALL ...  I thought this link would be helpful to all of us:

Comment by Elizabeth C on Wednesday
Marsha, Where in Canada are you? I'm near Seattle, Washington state. The weather here has been so warm all winter and a sunny warm early spring. It's nice but emotionally I feel like it should be stormy, pouring rain and strong winds. It's kind of like my thought on Christmas Day here, I woukd prefer snow, or at least clouds. This is one day I don't want sun! And so now although the winter and early spring have been beautiful, I don't want beautiful I want hurricanes. Misery loves company.
Comment by Elizabeth C on Wednesday
I think this loss is so big I just kind of skip ahead, like I can't really deal with this so I will just give in accept it and jump ahead. It's a hard thing to explain, it's like I can have a fit over something small but when it's big I just become paralyzed, numb or blank...and time moves on. Maybe like the story of a frog or a lobster being boiled slowly, I'm in a pot a water getting hotter (pain) but don't notice (shock) but instead of boiling to death the water cools down and time moves and I slowly slowly move through life again in a different way, I acclimate. The loss will always be with us till the very end, till I say God, I am coming now to meet you and see my loved ones.

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