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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1287
Latest Conversations: 30 minutes ago

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It still doesn't seem real

Started by Danny Davis. Last reply by Danny Davis 30 minutes ago. 13 Replies

Another long and empty day

Started by Sara Murphy. Last reply by Deb S 2 hours ago. 20 Replies

Lost Wife now feel Lost Myself

Started by Harold McKinstry. Last reply by Dennis Bux on Friday. 23 Replies

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Comment by Charles E. Nelson 21 hours ago

Hello Sara,

I'm so happy for you that you will be seeing Matt Fraser. I have changed my way of thinking concerning just about everything since losing Larry - things I thought were wishful thinking, or just plain rubbish, I now view from a different perspective. There have been way too many things happening to and around around me to allow chalking them up to coincidences. I'm not someone who  believed that mankind had the capacity to "know" our reason for living or what comes next - I always said everybody's playing a guessing game and dressing it up in the guise of religion, psychic phenomenon, ESP, or whatever happens to be the latest fad.

I no longer feel this way, and believe that when we are led to certain places, people, and occasions that it's being directed somehow for a greater purpose. You are meant to be there that night, and whatever happens I believe that Ken will be there and wants you to know that he's with you.

I too will be anxious to here of your experience - I hope you have a good week, and am always thinking of you my dear friend. 

Love,

Chuck   

Comment by Deb S on Monday

Sarah, I am excited for you and am glad that you have scheduled something that you are looking forward to.  I can't wait to read all about it.  Debbie

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Sunday

Hi Sara going to see Matt Fraser sounds like fun, who knows he might pick you. Even if he doesn't it sounds like a fun evening. Anymore I don't question things as much as I use too.

Comment by Marsha H on Sunday

Hi Sara ...  I am so happy you're looking forward to seeing Matt Fraser the psychic.  I hope that you are chosen to be read.  We all search in different ways to hear from our loved ones.  Let us know how things go.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Sara Murphy on Sunday

Hello Friends.....I finally have something to look forward to.  I know this may sound strange to some, but Matt Fraser, a psychic and medium will be in my town in July.  I had been to a Medium a couple of years ago and my great Aunt and Grandfather came through (very specific information was provided).  The tickets were not very expensive and I couldn't pass up the possibility that Ken may come through.  So for now I look forward to July in the hopes Ken will tell me he's okay and watching over me.   

Comment by Marsha H on Saturday

Dear Harold ...  Your post brought me to tears because it reminded me so much as to how I felt.  We have much in common, our dogs, family, gardening and some friends that decide to stay with us.  Anger is a normal reaction when your spouse passes through no fault of either of you and suddenly you are left behind pining for your spouse.  I was angry too and still can get that way off and on.  I blamed God at first, then myself and then after crying buckets I was so worn out I had no one to blame and it's just life whether we like it or not.  It's a hard hit of reality.  Rely on Diane as I know she is there and try to get your faith back even if it's at a slow pace (that's where I am at right now.)  I only wish I had a magic wand to take away everyone's pain on here, but grief is part of life unfortunately and it does make us stronger.  Please believe me I tell you that you are not going backwards at all, but baby steps forward.  Every day you get out of bed and do one small thing you are living for Diane.  Diane would want you to go on and to keep her memory alive.  I do this for my beloved Ernie.  It does get easier with time.

Here is a tip when I leave the house and have to come home to a silent house with the exception of the dogs; I either leave the radio or TV on so I hear a human voice and I go to sleep with the TV on as it lulls me to sleep.  I also remember that I felt there was no future for me and that I was just existing through this strange world without Ernie and I felt terrified, lonely and heart-broken which made me even angrier.  It was that anger that got me through the rough days and the anger subsided and as time went by things became clearer to me.  Oh yes, I still have some rough days and I'm older than most and know if I want to have some enjoyment in life I have to get going pretty fast and it's not always that simple.  I keep trying as I know Ernie would want me to and sometimes it works out and sometimes not.

It is true if we didn't feel sadness we wouldn't know what true joy is; if we didn't know anger we wouldn't know peace.  Lean on us my friend as we are always here for you and know exactly how you feel. 

I'm praying for you and others here every single night and I know we're all going to get through this.

Lots of love

Marsha

Comment by Deb S on Saturday

Harold, Thank God for our pets.  I also have dogs. In the beginning, they searched everywhere for my husband.  I think they accepted his loss much sooner than I did.  

You are right.  Our pets need us to take care of them. They provide a bit of consistency and so much love.  We are lucky to have them.  Debbie

Comment by Deb S on Friday

Sarah and Harold, Please know that I said the same thing about living another 30 years . . . Can't happen . . . no way, no how.

For me, narrowing my focus helped.  Can I get through tomorrow? I think I can do that. Can I commit to attending the baptism of my great-nephew?  I can do that.  Can I commit to a casual invitation for an event on Sunday.  Why not?

I still can't focus on 30 years. I don't have the strength to foresee that future.  I can focus on the next few days. I can maybe focus on the next month.

Slowly, we get stronger.  Until then, my heart and prayers are with you.  Debbie

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Friday

Deb

I'm pretty free on talking here, Pastor or classes, not so much to family and friends. They just seem too feel bad because they don't know what to say. I have the TV on all night too some shows I will actually watch, others to fill the silence. If it wasn't for my dogs ( I no longer say ours or we) I would have a harder time getting up in the morning. They need to go out get fed and take for walks, there sweet loving dogs, I'm glad I have them. Last night I felt so bad Sadie was laying on the floor curled up, I laid down next to her curled up with her and she put her head on my arm went back to sleep. I did feel better after awhile. Diane and I weren't big planners, just being together was what made life worthwhile. Now that she is gone not sure what life is about anymore. I guess I have to figure it out as I go along. Your right about narrowing my focus day by day, I didn't have a problem with that a while ago but have been having a hard time doing that lately. Hopefully I will feel like I am making some progress in the future. Thanks for the response they do help and are appreciated 

Comment by Harold McKinstry on Friday

Sara

I'm the same way I go through the motions doing the stuff I need to do. There is no particular joy in what I do, or life in general. Hopefully like Deb said we can find some joy to life, I don't see that happened for me any time soon either. Knowing that we have to go through the pain and grief for awhile is awful depressing. Like you said what choice do we have. Hope you find some peace and a reason to go on.

 

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