Life Can Be Good Again

It is such a great feeling to celebrate our loved one. Everytime I start talking about Douglas I smile now, I even laugh at some of the antics he pulled, and I still cry when necessary. Eight months ago I never dreamed that I would be at this point in the grief process. Baby steps, that is what it takes to get to where I am now. The Celebration of Life party is coming along great. Many friends are so eager to help with the planning. I am having it at a very special resort in my home state (Washington) and so the buffet will be hosted by the facility. But the music will be provided by his friends (Douglas was a musician and recording engineer) and we will dance and sing, wear our tie-dye and groove on out!

Do I miss him -- absolutely and always will. I have accepted that I miss the "physical" Douglas because the spiritual Douglas is and always has been with me. That will never go away. We have all been blessed to have loved and been loved by these incredible people. They are out of pain, watching over us (and you all know that that is a FULL time job -- some of us are more challenging then others!), and they are preparing a place for us once we have finished what we were meant to do on this earth. My Douglas finished his mission on July 17, 2009 -- he always had to be first! I am not searching for my task on earth but living every day to its fullest. That is what he did, what he wants me to do, and the Celebration of Life will continue once I join him.

Things get easier to accept and deal with as time marches on. We will cry, scream, laugh, and look confused, but we will all be doing it together. This group is excellent and I am so very thankful for each of you as I pass through the many stages of grief. Friends -- who could ask for better?

In peace,

Brigitte

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Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on March 14, 2010 at 12:11pm

So was my husband,Ernie.Every night it was popsicles,bowls of ice cream and jelly beans.One time the kids tricked him with the nasty flavored ones,the ones that taste like dirt and vomit and every disgusting thing imaginal.Well he ate all of them and never said a word.Yuk!!It's so funny you said that about not being able to get away with it forever.I had switched to low fat diet and he was begging me to buy REAL milk!Well the low fat milk didn't help one bit when he was buying chicken tenders and french fries for lunch everyday!His autopsy showed "critical coronary atherosclerosis" imagine that!I guess I should have just bought him the whole milk.Oh well,he did enjoy those things.

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on March 14, 2010 at 2:05pm

O.K. a flying airboat??Did you do a lot of drugs in the sixties???I think it might be a flashback!!It is so nice to be able to laugh with all of you!!Thanks,Kathy

Permalink Reply by Colleen on March 14, 2010 at 7:02pm

My Gary loved ice cream...I had taken to buying Skinny Cow treats, which are pretty darn tasty, but he wanted regular, full-fat, scoop-it-yourself ice cream. I had never known him when he was a thinner man, he had been heavy all of our time together but I've seen photos of him from 20-30 years ago and he wasn't heavy, just a bit stocky maybe. His kids told me they only remember him ever being happy after he was with me. They each told me he had always been so very unhappy before that. I can't imagine him being that way - he was so quick with a joke and a laugh while I knew him. I think that depression was where the weight gain and bad health started.
Today I thought of something he had said and I smiled. For the first time since he passed I actually had a memory and smiled about it. I'm crying right now, but I smiled once today.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on March 14, 2010 at 7:19pm

Colleen,

Remember, baby steps! Today you smiled over one memory and tomorrow it will be two. I smile more every day when I think of Douglas. It will be 8 months on the 19th. I am feeling anxious about that but I am not crying all of the time now. That is a good feeling -- to be able to think about the most incredible man I have ever met and not cry but smile -- and giggle a little bit. Skinny Cow -- love them!!!!!!!!!!!

Peace,

Brigitte

Colleen said:

My Gary loved ice cream...I had taken to buying Skinny Cow treats, which are pretty darn tasty, but he wanted regular, full-fat, scoop-it-yourself ice cream. I had never known him when he was a thinner man, he had been heavy all of our time together but I've seen photos of him from 20-30 years ago and he wasn't heavy, just a bit stocky maybe. His kids told me they only remember him ever being happy after he was with me. They each told me he had always been so very unhappy before that. I can't imagine him being that way - he was so quick with a joke and a laugh while I knew him. I think that depression was where the weight gain and bad health started.
Today I thought of something he had said and I smiled. For the first time since he passed I actually had a memory and smiled about it. I'm crying right now, but I smiled once today.

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on March 15, 2010 at 9:28am

It's all a moot point,isn't it?I was mad at him then I was mad at myself,and the end result is still the same.So now I can picture him sitting on the couch eating his icecream and smile.We live in Fl.so alot of residents are part time.Well he decided his "vacation home would be behind Dairy Queen!!"He loved banana splits.Always thinking.Just have to smile,he left me with alot of them.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 15, 2010 at 10:43am

It does seem as though our men did love the high fat sugary foods. Did we contribute to the problem by having them in the house? Probably. Would we change anything? Probably not. It made them happy. Do we wish they would have taken better care of themselves? Of course we do. But all the woulda, shoulda and coulda's in the world won't change anything. I know my Larry enjoyed his food. Yes he did over eat. He loved his steaks, ice cream, and snack foods and lets not forget cheese. We always bought a 2 pound block of cheese every 10 days or so. I didn't realize how much he was eating, now I buy that same block of cheese and I have to grate if up and freeze it or it will mold on me. I guess what I am saying here is that we have to pick our battles. Yes we did talk about him cutting down on these foods, but it would work for a while then he would be right back where he started. He has had an issue with food his entire life. He loved my cooking. I smile thinking of him enjoying a good meal. They are probably all sitting together up there eating their ice cream etc. and looking down on us and saying yummmmmm good. Have a big BBQ guys and gals and enjoy. We love you and miss you.
Yvonne

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on March 15, 2010 at 11:07am

OMG!don't forget the gravy and biscuits!

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 15, 2010 at 2:15pm

It hurts too much today. I can't get organized and can't concentrate. I have a lot of things I should be doing, but I just want to go back to bed. I sit here and cry and type. I am so lonely. Hope for a better day tomorrow
Take care all Yvonne

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on March 15, 2010 at 2:44pm

I hear you, (((Yvonne))))).

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on March 15, 2010 at 3:02pm

Lois,Can I help??I'm pretty good at slapping!

Permalink Reply by Charles on March 15, 2010 at 4:13pm

Brigitte, Kathleen and others,
This beautiful and important post received zero response for several days until
Kathleen and I posted here.Now its up to three pages.
Personally I think everyone on this site should be required to read this post and every response to it because it shows that even tho we have broken hearts, even tho we lost that everything with that soul mate,even tho we cry and grieve each day, even tho we feel as tho we died ourselves.
LIFE CAN BE GOOD AGAIN.Thank you BRIGITTE

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on March 15, 2010 at 9:32pm

Thank you Linda I needed that. Yvonne ((((Linda))))