Judy,Any suggestions?Without getting to specific.I think ,just by being here and sharing has helped tremendously.
....I think the idea of " taking control " is comforting-to feel like we can manage our grief-but , in my experience, I am not finding that this is possible.My grieving process makes it clear to me that I am not in control-and that there is no one that guide my boat through these shoals but me.
Release is a fantastic idea-be it balloons or otherwise-but I think it has to be an organic process, determined only by you and your grief process, and will come at its own time- and with its own rhythm.
I am only five weeks out from losing my Liza and am stunned by the depth of my grief. I have suffered losses before and am familiar with the grief process but to lose my significant other is to sustain a loss and grief unlike I have ever known. It is a tsunami that sweeps over me and knocks me prostrate. I spend days sobbing, particularly Sundays (where the world stops and is the day of the week I lost her.)
To " manage" my grief, I see a therapist twice a week and a personal trainer three times a week, plus avail myself of hospice outreach . I also do a lot of reading about grief and found CS Lewis ( A Grief Examined ) and Joan Didion ( The Year Of Magical Thinking) to be very helpful. Plugging in to all of these things-the physical exercise (and Patron tequila) being the most helpful, there are still days I am completely incapacitated.
Whatever systems we employ, whatever friends we are lucky enough to be able to lean on, we still have to do the work around our grief ourselves. Only we know what we have lost -only we can plumb those depths, come back out the other side
and assess our new landscape, our new selves after our loss.
I am praying for you Kathleen, as I am praying for myself-to survive, even flourish, after our losses, to have the capacity to honor our loved ones every day for the rest of our lives by going on. They live within us now...I know I want to sustain Liza's life by going on to do more with mine.
Bless you. Write me anytime. I am here for you,