"Arrrggggh.....widower/widowhood just MIGHT be contagious! If I asymptotically acknowledge and empathize with YOUR loss, it just might happen to ME!"
So, others fear us, hold us at arm's length - they don't call, write or visit after a certain period. Most of them want to, but their fear overwhelms everything else - and so we are left with those who walk the same road as us, who water the ground with our tears, who know the long moments of life, the fearsome silences, the empty beds, the pictures that seem like shadows of a life lived.......
All of us are like Frodo the Hobbit at the end of "The Lord Of The Rings" - we have carried a heavy burden; we have been marked by grevious wounds, and although in time and through process, we emerge into a place of healing, nevertheless, as Gandalf told Frodo: "Alas, there are some wounds which cannot be (completely) healed"
May the Lord grant all of us strength to bear our love, freedom to express our grief and grace towards those who do not walk as we walk
Yaca Attwood Perkins
I am new to this site and have been reading these particular comments. I lost my husband in Nov/09. He was 55 and I am 51. It has been very difficult but I am coping the best I can. What disappoints me the most is the lack of support from people. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in June/09 and there was lots of support throughout his illness. I started a Caring Bridge site and received lots of support there. Now, nothing. I thought I would like to move back home to my family. I moved away 24yrs ago. After returning for a visit this summer, I felt like I would be taking a giant step backwards. Plus..my mother is not very supportive. I told her today how lonely I am and it's too quiet and she responded "imagine how I feel". She's 80 and has been widowed for 18yrs. I really expected more support than that. Also,it was our 25th wedding anniversary while I was home to visit and she never said a word to me. My in-laws called and cried on the phone with me, but nothing from my mother. My sister wants to compare her son breaking up with his girlfriend to my loss. She was very close to the girl and feels the loss and tells me she knows exactly how I feel. It was a girlfriend... not a spouse!! Plus, she seems to think the best thing for me would be to move back home. As if I need her to make decisions for me. She says it's what she wants. It's really all about her. My husband saw this from the moment he met her. He was always kind to her, but did not really like her. Now I am seeing what he saw. I miss him so much it hurts. He was wise and I have the common sense. I miss him having the answers when I can't see them. I miss talking to him. I know I'm rambling, there's just so much I've had to deal with and no one seems to understand. I live in an area I don't like and have been trying to get my husband to move for years now. I don't fit in here. I have acquaintances, but no real friends. I have always been a people pleaser and most friends just suck the life out of me. It's always about them and I don't have the desire or energy to care anymore. Thanks for letting me get some of this out. It's like you are thrown into this whole different realm that no one else can understand.