When your husbands family shunn you at the funeral.

My husband passed away Aug.29th, 2009 after fighting with throat cancer. We were married 8 years but we knew each other for 28 years. John Mello Sr. was a wonderful head strong person, but had a wonderful heart. And when this man loved you boy you were in for a wonderful time of your life. It wasnt always easy, our relationship but we made it through. When the cancer came into our life it changed it forever. Unfortunately with death comes alot of pain that is unexpected from the in law side. I was told i didnt take care of him well enough, that i moved the funeral up a few days to get remarried, and that i changed his will in order to keep everything just to mention a few lies. I was heartbroken of losing my love of my life, my soul mate and to hear these things being told well my heart sank. I had always been very proud to be part of this proudful family, and come to find out i was horribly mistaken of their true nature. My children and i couldnt even mourn johns death properly. During the funeral which i paid with our money, i was never approached with sympathy as the wife. I pray that this never happens to anyone. Thank God i have my God and my faith in him and in him i will find my peace.

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Permalink Reply by BoLynn on September 22, 2009 at 11:47pm

Lupe. Who cares what other people say. You and John know that your marriage was wonderful. Do not........repeat do not let what others say tarnish what you had together.

Permalink Reply by Peggy on September 23, 2009 at 1:56pm

Lupe....I too am going through rejection from some of my late husbands family and i understand the added pain, sense of bewilderment, and abandoment this can cause, Linda has a very good point and that is to know what you and your husband had together was unique to you and they can not take that away from you....they are grieving as well, and some people want to place blame on others, sadly, it is their only way of feeling better themselves. I am sorry to read this has happened to you too, no one deserves that.

Permalink Reply by Mary W on September 26, 2009 at 12:00am

Boy can I relate to this. Not only was I shunned at MY husband's funeral by his family, my one sister-in-law made it known to anyone in earshot that they had no say in the arrangements. She then proceeded to make a very derogatory comment in a roomful of people about one of my sisters. This one sister volunteered her time to take me out to make the arrangements. She even stood by me and held my hand when I was able to have a private viewing of my husband the day before the visitation. I really don't have any contact with them. However, if my daughter wants one she can as she is over the age of 18. I've told her in no uncertain terms that the way they treated me that day I no longer want any contact with them unless absolutely necessary. It just never occurred to me before my husband died that they would be this way. I'm sure they would have preferred if it was me and not my husband. I understand they are grieving. But I was the one with him during the sixteen months he struggled with his cancer. They all lived in denial when he was sick and really didn't get involved until I informed my mother-in-law that I had to place him in hospice in our home. Then all of a sudden they wanted to be involved. I think they felt guilty. Too bad...so sad.

Permalink Reply by missmylove27 on September 26, 2009 at 12:27pm

i went threw the same thing even though we werent married. we were togather fro a yr. the best thing u can do is ignore the ignorant an keep the love u had for ur husband an focus on your children.

Permalink Reply by Liz on September 28, 2009 at 11:52am

Lupe,
I am so sorry that you also went through this.It is hell on earth losing one's husband- be it suddenly or through a battle with illness... no one deserves that treatment on top of it. You deserve happiness. Please hold your head up high and never let those children forget what a great father they had.

Permalink Reply by Lupe on September 28, 2009 at 11:01pm

I hoped that their were others here that understood and also went through this terrible ordeal. We are still hurt but life does go on. We've learned from this experience that life is very precious and we must learn to turn the other cheek and still pray for their salvation.

Mary W said:

Boy can I relate to this. Not only was I shunned at MY husband's funeral by his family, my one sister-in-law made it known to anyone in earshot that they had no say in the arrangements. She then proceeded to make a very derogatory comment in a roomful of people about one of my sisters. This one sister volunteered her time to take me out to make the arrangements. She even stood by me and held my hand when I was able to have a private viewing of my husband the day before the visitation. I really don't have any contact with them. However, if my daughter wants one she can as she is over the age of 18. I've told her in no uncertain terms that the way they treated me that day I no longer want any contact with them unless absolutely necessary. It just never occurred to me before my husband died that they would be this way. I'm sure they would have preferred if it was me and not my husband. I understand they are grieving. But I was the one with him during the sixteen months he struggled with his cancer. They all lived in denial when he was sick and really didn't get involved until I informed my mother-in-law that I had to place him in hospice in our home. Then all of a sudden they wanted to be involved. I think they felt guilty. Too bad...so sad.

Permalink Reply by Karen on September 29, 2009 at 11:27pm

It is with death that you get to see people for who they truly are. Sad but true. Similar things happened to me. You have the best of him, you know his every like and dislike, what he wanted, where he had been and where he was going....you're his wife. There's no one closer than that...

Permalink Reply by Drue Johns on October 2, 2009 at 1:35pm

That is so true Karen so true. I think that in laws sometimes forget that. I have a wonderful group of in-laws and I am very blessed for that. They have been wonderful to me. Take care Lupe and God Bless.
Karen said:

It is with death that you get to see people for who they truly are. Sad but true. Similar things happened to me. You have the best of him, you know his every like and dislike, what he wanted, where he had been and where he was going....you're his wife. There's no one closer than that...

Permalink Reply by linda woodbridge on November 21, 2009 at 8:53pm

HIYA LUPE,
OH MY GOSH I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU HONEY.WHAT AN AWFUL THING FOR THEM TO DO TO YOU.MY HEART IS BROKEN FOR YOU LUPE. HOW ARE YOU DOING NOW. I AM SURE YOU DONE YOUR VERY BEST. HOW COULD YOU NOT YOU LOVED HIM DEAR. ONE DAY AT A TIME, THIS IS WHAT I AM SO TRYING TO DO TO. TODAY MARKS ONE YEAR THAT MY BOB PASSED AWAY. BAD DAY FOR ME, I SPENT IT ALONE AS I WANTED TO. I AM SO NOT READY TO STEP OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD YET. I HOPE YOU WILL BE FINE SWEETIE.HAPPY I FOUND THIS PLACE. IT IS JUST SO NICE AND REAL GOOD PEOPLE TO.YOUR FRIEND, LINDA

Permalink Reply by Lupe on November 21, 2009 at 10:57pm

thank you Linda, it is really nice having this this place to be able to speak to people that are going thru the same pain.

Permalink Reply by Teresa on November 23, 2009 at 12:37pm

When my husband died suddenly of a heart attack, he had been feeling bad, but he kept canceling dr. visits, my whole world turned upside down. My step daughter and step son went to a lawyer to see what they could take, all we had was debt, so they didn't want that. The farm machinery the step son borrowed, he sold, the step daughter accused me of posioning him, but his son was with him th whole day at the er room. His family told everyone that would listen I was having an affair with a guy I went to school with. They offered no help with the funeral expenses, they just said they were all poor. They did hold a benefit for his tombstone, but they shunned me because I went with my children and a male friend, I guess they thought I didn't need anyone at all to lean on. I am a firm believer that people will always see the bad side when it comes to things like this. I know in my heart what went on. I don't have to answer to any of them. Keep your chin up and know what you know. What goes around will come around to them.

Permalink Reply by Melissa Smith on November 23, 2009 at 2:11pm

Wow how amazing reading this was like hearing my own story. I lost my husband in 2007 and the way that the in-laws acted and supported me and my daughters during his illness period and even after my husband passed was unbeleivable. But it's okay because it sounds like you have a relationship with God and that's all that matters. He will take care of us widows and I'm quite sure as long as you keep God in the center of everything you do you will find happiness and peace even with a new relationship. I never in a million years would have believed the behavior of my in laws and the lies to I experienced what has left a bitter taste in my mouth for them. But because I know God i can forgive them for their ignorance but it doesn't change the love that was lost! Happy Holidays and good luck t o you.