Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen Mitchell on October 25, 2009 at 11:56pm

Linda
I know what you mean about the holiday's. I am really dreading them! My husband died March 7, 2009, but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Lately I have been crying more. Maybe the thought of the holidays, plus December 1, is our anniversary. We would have been married 30 years, this year. He was so upset last year when he couldn't go shopping for a gift. We went out for dinner, but he was so sick then (pancreatic cancer) he couldn't eat very well without it going right through him with lots of cramping. So the memories keep pouring in. I would like to skip right over to January if I could. Maybe I could sleep through it. I wonder if I will ever be able to carry on normally again. My kids are a great support and I have twin grandchildren that bring me so much joy. But I still miss him so much. lately I have been angry at him! Pray does help, but there is still the loneliness. God bless you! I will be praying for you too!
Karen

Permalink Reply by Ann on October 26, 2009 at 2:29pm

Hi Linda,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your loss is so new, so fresh. I lost my husband Jan. 2008 after 27 years of marriage. I just wanted to tell you that that pain will go away someday. One day you will be OK. And yes, the holidays will be sad, but they will not be un-bearable. You will get through it. I am so sorry ..... I look back only after 2 months and remembering thinking how will I ever get through...but you will. God will never leave you alone, you may not think He is there, but He is. I lead a Grief Share group in Round Rock if you would like to come sometime.....The number is 255-3454, they have all the information. Take care....you will smile again, I promise. Ann

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on October 26, 2009 at 3:41pm

Ann, thank you for the encouraging advice. Yes, God is holding me up and my husband is always here for me to talk to. I have his urn in my living room and he watches over me just as he did for 29 years.

Your grief support group sounds great but I live in Hawaii. Blessing on you, Ann.

With Warm Aloha, Linda

Permalink Reply by Pamela Thomas on October 28, 2009 at 6:35pm

Hello Linda,

I understand how you are feeling. My husband passed away 2/7/09 at the age of 45. Grief is a process. I think at times we focus so much on the holidays, just live one day at a time. If you want to celebrate the holidays then do it, if not just do what you feel like doing, if anything. At this time, I'm not planning anything.

Permalink Reply by Pamela Thomas on October 28, 2009 at 6:36pm

Karen Mitchell said:

Linda
I know what you mean about the holiday's. I am really dreading them! My husband died March 7, 2009, but sometimes it feels like yesterday. Lately I have been crying more. Maybe the thought of the holidays, plus December 1, is our anniversary. We would have been married 30 years, this year. He was so upset last year when he couldn't go shopping for a gift. We went out for dinner, but he was so sick then (pancreatic cancer) he couldn't eat very well without it going right through him with lots of cramping. So the memories keep pouring in. I would like to skip right over to January if I could. Maybe I could sleep through it. I wonder if I will ever be able to carry on normally again. My kids are a great support and I have twin grandchildren that bring me so much joy. But I still miss him so much. lately I have been angry at him! Pray does help, but there is still the loneliness. God bless you! I will be praying for you too!
Karen

Permalink Reply by Tric on November 9, 2009 at 7:24pm

I too am dreading the holidays, I lost my husband last Jan. 09, and I would be ok if we just jumped right to February. Our 25th anniversary would have been on the 23rd of Nov.. I was just thinking today about what I need to do for Christmas this year with our family. We have 7 children and 6 grandchildren (one is just a couple weeks old) but my finances are so not what they used to be, so that is adding extra stress that I know I shouldn't worry about. I guess I will just keep moving forward. I have to keep reminding myself that it will all be ok. I will have to try and make some new traditions for my family I guess. It is so sad, but good to know that I am not alone. My heart goes out to you all, and through the grace of God we will get through this. Thanks for letting me share.
Tric

Permalink Reply by Margaret Clare Sanders on November 9, 2009 at 7:46pm

My husband died suddenly one year ago today. I remember last Christmas as a kind of blur and all I can think of today is how on earth I am going to get through the holidays without falling apart at the seams. The truth is that all one can do is try to remember the happy times you shared and develop an attitude of gratitude for those years you spent together. Today my son came over and we went out together just so we would not be in the house at the time that it happened. I was not sure that I could even come down to this room where it all happened either but I told myself that instead of thinking about myself I would write a little note to all of you and wish you strength and courage to move forward and live your life in a way that is meaningful because you have the good memories your loved one to help you live on.
We have all been very blessed to have had someone special in our lives for how ever many days that was.
My best to all of you on this journey

Margaret

Permalink Reply by Tammy Cekovich on November 14, 2009 at 5:20am

The holidays will be difficult for me as well. I lost my husband April 20, 2009 due to a subdural hematoma from a fall. He had been suffering from chronic back pain and kidney failure but this fall was a total shocker. We would have been married for 30 years come August. I know he is in a better place now. It seemed the doctors could not make him better and just keeped him doped up on pain pills. I feel he's always with me. I cry, but usually alone. I wish everyone peace for the holidays. God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Wendela on November 15, 2009 at 10:50am

Linda, I'll be praying for you too, and for us all. We are planning to be out of the house for the actual holidays. We need to go spend Thanksgiving with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law, although it will be hard being with David's family without him. My sisters sent us plane tickets to spend our whole Christmas vacation with them, which is such a blessing! We really need to be out of this house, where I constantly hear his footsteps or expect to see him. Anything we can do that is different, is good. My kids started coming up with different ideas for supper, like spaghetti tacos or inside-out-hamburger bun grilled cheese sandwiches. We trying to start new traditions, even if they're silly. We won't be decorating for the holidays, since we won't be home, and I don't have the heart to decorate anyway. I realize that I'm actually looking forward to going to my sisters' for Christmas; it's the first time I've looked forward to anything since David died. My prayers are for all of us, "strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow." God bless and hold us all.
Wendela

Permalink Reply by Mary Leaver on November 19, 2009 at 9:25am

Dear Linda: Your year of firsts is ALWAYS the hardest...the first birthday, the first Mother's Day, the first Father's Day, the first wedding anniversary...and now the first Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's becomes only a day to mark off the ending and beginning of another year without him. This time of year is especially hard because we all had "things" we did together to mark off the holidays...family traditions...special things like a special gift exchange between just the two of you on Christmas Eve.

SOOoo, start some new traditions...make special Christmas cards to your children with rememberances of special times, or your lives together...a great Christmas present for the kids/friends to open on Christmas Eve (to replace the ones you might have exchanged with him) would be a framed photo with your love and that person...could even be a Christmas theme photo frame. Perhaps this first Christmas without him, plan a special time like Christmas Eve afternoon or Christmas morning at the cemetary with a special wreath as a family.

And don't be afraid to ask for/seek help from grief support classes/groups during this time of the year. Asking for help to get through the holidays is a very healthy thing. I'm SO BLESSED to have had so much support from my family/friends and the groups/classes I've participated in...I'd never have survived these last 4 years (Jan 14th) without them. GOD BLESS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

If you need a shoulder, there are MANY here...and I am here for you as well. We are all now part of a sisterhood that many now belong...PLEASE KNOW it gets easier...not better...easier.

BIGGEST HUGS to you from Mary

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 19, 2009 at 4:34pm

Mary, your post was wonderful. Thank you. Today is a "first". It's my first birthday without him. I will miss his silly, lovely game of hide and seek with my special card. He did that with birthdays, anniversaries and valentines day cards. It would be under my pillow or by my toothbrush when I get up in the morning or by my computer or on my make up table. My present this year is a box full of cards that I have saved that I will read again tonight before I go to bed.

Saint Francis Hospice is having a donation fundraiser called "A Simple Christmas". We donate whatever we want and they will put a laminated star with his name on an out door tree and have a lighting ceremony. He will have a star.

"PLEASE KNOW it gets easier...not better...easier." That's good to know because right now I'm having a very hard time.

With Warm Aloha, Linda

Permalink Reply by Diane on November 20, 2009 at 5:39pm

Linda, I totally understand. Do you have family close by? I only have one sister and my daughter is out of state so this is my first holiday season too and I am going to stay by myself. Do not know if that is healthy or not but how do you go amongst others who are so jolly.

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