1 month today since he's been gone

today is the 1 month anniversary of the day that my Honey died. It still doesn't seem real. I expect him to come through the door at any time or to pick up the phone at work and it being him on the line calling to see how my day is going. We were married for almost 28 years, since I was 16 years old. I've never been alone and I'm having trouble adjusting. Does it get any easier soon?

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Permalink Reply by Dee on April 12, 2010 at 7:23pm

Hi Lorie,
You sound like me. I would also like to know if it gets any easier! My husband of 28 years, died of a brain aneursym 5 weeks ago. Do you have kids? We have 12 kids, and they do make it easier to take my mind off Bud being gone. Once in a while they will say "Daddy didn't do it like that" because now I am trying to fill very big shoes by doing what I have always done and now also what daddy used to do.

We cry together, we joke about silly things daddy did. We are going to try going on a cruise that Bud and I had planned and the kids said that we will have fun for daddy.

I still hurt for him everyday, I miss him more than I thought possible. How did your husband die? I was glad my husband didn't suffer, yet going so fast we were not able to say good bye. Dee

Permalink Reply by kathleen caylor on April 13, 2010 at 7:30am

Lorie,Today is 7 months since my husband died.He came home from work and just went,no warning and no history.Massive heart attack.I can't say it gets easier ,just different.I,too,was married at 16.we were together 46 yrs.and married 44.he was 65 and I'm 60.Still have that hole in my heart and the constant knot in the belly.I never envisioned life without him in it.The really dark days are less often and I can talk about him without crying now.Thank goodness my kids are grown.I still have to keep a strong front for them.They were all devasted ,too.But I smile a little more.So there is hope we will survive,just not in the fashion we envisioned.Stay in touch,there are some wonderful people on this site.Hope you find some peace,Kathy

Permalink Reply by R. Gary Haggett on April 13, 2010 at 1:56pm

Hello Lorie, My heart goes out to you. Three years ago, Friday the 13th, 2007, my beloved Cathy passed away. In answer to your question, "Does it get easier soon?" I am afraid, as in my case, the answer is "NO". I was a basket case and did not return to work until after more than 2 months had passed. Seeking support at this terrible time is important. That support need not come from immediate family or friends, they to are struggling. I am sure the world has changed for you. It has taken me up until this last winter to shake off the terrible sense of loss, things left unsaid, things we wish we could have done better, to start to remember about the times we shared with fondness, instead of the hopelessness which you may be experiencing now. We do the best we can with what we have at that time.
I found people out there who also were burdened by loss of thier loved one. Luther, one such friend, is still affected by the loss of his wife 7 years ago. The blossoms of spring will forever remind me of those final weeks in hospice. Along with thier arrival came the memories.
Remember, those same blossoms represent "NEW LIFE". Be thankful for the time the two of you shared. Remember, he would not want you to suffer in this life. Live and experience it. Go on. Smell the flowers. Keep him by your side. In your mind. Some day you will be able to genuinely smile again. Thank you for allowing me to share my experience.
w/ heart felt condolances, gary

Permalink Reply by Lorie Reid on April 13, 2010 at 9:40pm

Lorie Reid said:

Dee said:
Hi Lorie,
You sound like me. I would also like to know if it gets any easier! My husband of 28 years, died of a brain aneursym 5 weeks ago. Do you have kids? We have 12 kids, and they do make it easier to take my mind off Bud being gone. Once in a while they will say "Daddy didn't do it like that" because now I am trying to fill very big shoes by doing what I have always done and now also what daddy used to do.

We cry together, we joke about silly things daddy did. We are going to try going on a cruise that Bud and I had planned and the kids said that we will have fun for daddy.

I still hurt for him everyday, I miss him more than I thought possible. How did your husband die? I was glad my husband didn't suffer, yet going so fast we were not able to say good bye. Dee

My husband had a major heart attack in 2006 that killed 3/4 of his heart. Since that time it's been one thing after another. He had a surgery in Oct. 2009 that went wrong and he never made it back home. We have 2 kids and 3 grandkids and they're all that keeps me going

Permalink Reply by Lorie Reid on April 13, 2010 at 9:42pm

kathleen caylor said:

Lorie,Today is 7 months since my husband died.He came home from work and just went,no warning and no history.Massive heart attack.I can't say it gets easier ,just different.I,too,was married at 16.we were together 46 yrs.and married 44.he was 65 and I'm 60.Still have that hole in my heart and the constant knot in the belly.I never envisioned life without him in it.The really dark days are less often and I can talk about him without crying now.Thank goodness my kids are grown.I still have to keep a strong front for them.They were all devasted ,too.But I smile a little more.So there is hope we will survive,just not in the fashion we envisioned.Stay in touch,there are some wonderful people on this site.Hope you find some peace,Kathy

Thank You Kathy. I can only hope that it will get easier---I still can't make it thru a day without crying. I too never thought I would be left here all alone. I just miss him so much

Permalink Reply by Lorie Reid on April 13, 2010 at 9:46pm

R. Gary Haggett said:

Hello Lorie, My heart goes out to you. Three years ago, Friday the 13th, 2007, my beloved Cathy passed away. In answer to your question, "Does it get easier soon?" I am afraid, as in my case, the answer is "NO". I was a basket case and did not return to work until after more than 2 months had passed. Seeking support at this terrible time is important. That support need not come from immediate family or friends, they to are struggling. I am sure the world has changed for you. It has taken me up until this last winter to shake off the terrible sense of loss, things left unsaid, things we wish we could have done better, to start to remember about the times we shared with fondness, instead of the hopelessness which you may be experiencing now. We do the best we can with what we have at that time.
I found people out there who also were burdened by loss of thier loved one. Luther, one such friend, is still affected by the loss of his wife 7 years ago. The blossoms of spring will forever remind me of those final weeks in hospice. Along with thier arrival came the memories.
Remember, those same blossoms represent "NEW LIFE". Be thankful for the time the two of you shared. Remember, he would not want you to suffer in this life. Live and experience it. Go on. Smell the flowers. Keep him by your side. In your mind. Some day you will be able to genuinely smile again. Thank you for allowing me to share my experience.
w/ heart felt condolances, gary

Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts. I just try to take 1 day at a time, and some days I can't even do that. I was married to him for 2/3 of my life and I'm just not sure if I know how to do it without him.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on April 13, 2010 at 9:47pm

It does get easier, but 7 months down the line, I still fall into the deep black hole every once in a while and I'm back to the sadness of day one.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on April 13, 2010 at 11:46pm

Tom, been there, done that. Cried at everything, smelled everything, hugged everything, and then let go. I did keep a few special things, but the things I donated to the homeless veterans home went with my blessings and fulfilled my husband's wish.

Tom said:

Cleaned out one closet of Loni's clothes and all her shoes today and took them to the thrift store. Now I feel like down again. Tom

Permalink Reply by Robert Klar on April 14, 2010 at 4:25pm

I'm sorry Lorie. The love of my life died 29 days ago.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on April 14, 2010 at 4:55pm

{{{Robert}}}, my deepest sympathy. You are among friends.
Robert Klar said:

I'm sorry Lorie. The love of my life died 29 days ago.

Permalink Reply by Hurting on April 14, 2010 at 7:40pm

I am so sorry for you Lorie! My husband passed away on Dec 23, 2009. I am still expecting him to walk in any moment. Hasn't become any easier yet and if it wasn't for the children I would have given up. I will pray for you, me and all of us suffering.

Permalink Reply by judy taylor on April 15, 2010 at 10:58am

My husband died 11 weeks and 2 days ago. We had been married 47 years, married when we were 18 and 19. We met in the fourth grade and went together all the way through high school. It is hard. We lost a 17 year old son 27 years ago and that was also hard. I know that we grieved our way through our son's death, I went back to school and became a counselor, it was a long trip through the valley of the shadow. However, this grief is pretty awful. I am grateful I have two grown daughters and three grandson's but right now everything hurts. He died of a sudden heart attack while working on a project with our 12 year old grandson.