Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on May 20, 2010 at 11:41am

Hi Kathy, hugs to you and to everyone. Thirteen months since wife died suddenly during a nap. That dreadful time, hearing and seeing her dead, all the towns EMT's in my living room. She hung on for 6 hours to officially die on her birthday. I never had a chance to give her the birthday card. It read......An angel came to me one day........so I married her. Little did I know she would become one.
I died when she died. Am all alone now and I am still just going thru the motions of living on, like a zombie, of course. But, as long as I am here, so is she.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 20, 2010 at 12:09pm

Randolph thank you for keeping in touch.sorry to hear about your loss. it has been 14 months since my husband passed 3/1/09 we all died when our spouses died. i know i am still going thru the motions i still cry still very angry and sometimes go into depression. that i a good way to think by keeping your spouse alive in your heart. keep the good memories alive and you will be ok pray to the angel every night if not prays talk to her she will listen to you. lol keep in touch i went to see a therapist and found out it helped me but i stopped seeing her because of this site i feel more comfortable with this site then talking to a doctor. do not get me wrong she let me do what i wanted to do yell cry anger i would have been married 35 years on 7/27/09 george was not sick he just complained about having pains in the stomach and coughing he passed with a massive heart attack. keep on this site because people are here to help you lol

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on May 20, 2010 at 2:11pm

Kathy, am so sorry about your loss and everyone elses loss. We were married for 44 years. She was my pal. Didnt want to go to a therapist because you know what ? I am the only one who can bear and try to handle my grief. Everyone can try to help but in the end it is still up to you. For the reality is that you go home to your empty and lonely house. It is like my bad back. Only I can handle and deal with it the best way that I can. I am not doing so good at it though.
Hugs to you and to everyone. Hugs are nice and comforting.

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on May 20, 2010 at 3:01pm

My husband died on July 17, 2009. It has been 10 months and 3 days, but who is counting? ME! I miss him every day -- his smile, his laughter, his comforting words and big bear hugs. What I wouldn't give for just one more day with him -- heck, I'd even take an hour! It is interesting how many people tell you to move on, you will get over it, you need to buck up. Well you know what -- I will move on but if and when I am ready, I will never get over the death of this wonderful man, and I don't need to "buck" up!! Grief is an emotion like no other I have ever experienced. Just when I think I have passed the worst of time I get smacked up side the head again with a wave of intense grief, tears, and that all knowing empty feeling in my chest. You all have had that same feeling! The key to healing from the death of a loved one is to allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes. We are all different and will grieve in our own way. But the main thing to keep in mind is that all of us on this site have lost the love of their life -- their spouse, partner, soul mate, and best friend. And we all understand that and are here to support one another. For that I am grateful. Thank you all for being here. And I agree with Randolph, hugs are the best!!

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Connie on May 20, 2010 at 4:04pm

Hi Kathy, I was hoping that I could tell you that I am actually feeling better but that would not be true. I understand your anger and depression and crying. I have the very same problems too. Sometimes I don't even understand why I am so angry. I don't believe that he left me because he wanted to but it hurts so much to be alone and to just visit him at the cemetery. I don't want to feel this way but I have no control. I am taking anti-depressants and the doctor says I just need to get used to being without him. I don't know if I can do that. I have a beautiful family but I just wait for the day when I will be beside him again. Sorry, I wish I could be more upbeat but it just is not possible yet.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on May 20, 2010 at 7:11pm

The 30th of this month will make it nine months since my handsome, brave Hawaiian warrior lost his almost 2 year battle with lung cancer. Like most here, I walk through life in a zombie like state, trying to come to terms as to WHY? It has not gotten any better for me. I don't want to be here. I cry all the time. I sleep a lot because I don't think when I sleep. I have so much to do here at home. There's a major renovation that I must start on my son's apartment. It was in the planning stage before Bo got really ill, but I can't get motivated to do anything! Bo would have been the one to get estimates and to find the right guys for the job. I'm totally lost! I'm just a lump, watching sit-coms all day, crying, on the computer or sleeping. I don't paint a pretty picture, but it has not gotten any better for me.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 6:41am

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Hi Kathy, hugs to you and to everyone. Thirteen months since wife died suddenly during a nap. That dreadful time, hearing and seeing her dead, all the towns EMT's in my living room. She hung on for 6 hours to officially die on her birthday. I never had a chance to give her the birthday card. It read......An angel came to me one day........so I married her. Little did I know she would become one.
I died when she died. Am all alone now and I am still just going thru the motions of living on, like a zombie, of course. But, as long as I am here, so is she.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 6:42am

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Kathy, am so sorry about your loss and everyone elses loss. We were married for 44 years. She was my pal. Didnt want to go to a therapist because you know what ? I am the only one who can bear and try to handle my grief. Everyone can try to help but in the end it is still up to you. For the reality is that you go home to your empty and lonely house. It is like my bad back. Only I can handle and deal with it the best way that I can. I am not doing so good at it though.
Hugs to you and to everyone. Hugs are nice and comforting.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 6:46am

Randolph: i am also sorry for your loss. the reason i deceided to go and get help was i could not handle the loss by myself. i have the boys but i did not want to bother them they have their own family. but when i told them i went to a therapist they said as long as it helps you i went for about 8 sessions but i stopped i felt when i first went i could let go of all my emotions which i did. now i just go home and cry and get despressed thank god i have my family but sometimes i just want to be alone. yes we are the only kones that can bear the try to handle our grief. i pray for you to get thru this rough time: keep in touch

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 6:49am

Connie said:

Hi Kathy, I was hoping that I could tell you that I am actually feeling better but that would not be true. I understand your anger and depression and crying. I have the very same problems too. Sometimes I don't even understand why I am so angry. I don't believe that he left me because he wanted to but it hurts so much to be alone and to just visit him at the cemetery. I don't want to feel this way but I have no control. I am taking anti-depressants and the doctor says I just need to get used to being without him. I don't know if I can do that. I have a beautiful family but I just wait for the day when I will be beside him again. Sorry, I wish I could be more upbeat but it just is not possible yet.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 6:57am

connie i agree with you . it is not easy to be alone i also do not beleive he left me because he wanted to but it was his time: i should have known something was wrong by the way he would be bringing up subjects like i have no life insurance. (which he did) he wanted to paint the apt. which he was into doing the day he passed i was walking on the avenue he called me on my cell phone and wanted to know what i was doing and where i was. i told him i was on the avenue and he said wait for me i will be there i want to walk with you. that night he passed conne do what you have to do keep in touch

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on May 21, 2010 at 7:01am

Brigitte said:

My husband died on July 17, 2009. It has been 10 months and 3 days, but who is counting? ME! I miss him every day -- his smile, his laughter, his comforting words and big bear hugs. What I wouldn't give for just one more day with him -- heck, I'd even take an hour! It is interesting how many people tell you to move on, you will get over it, you need to buck up. Well you know what -- I will move on but if and when I am ready, I will never get over the death of this wonderful man, and I don't need to "buck" up!! Grief is an emotion like no other I have ever experienced. Just when I think I have passed the worst of time I get smacked up side the head again with a wave of intense grief, tears, and that all knowing empty feeling in my chest. You all have had that same feeling! The key to healing from the death of a loved one is to allow yourself to grieve for as long as it takes. We are all different and will grieve in our own way. But the main thing to keep in mind is that all of us on this site have lost the love of their life -- their spouse, partner, soul mate, and best friend. And we all understand that and are here to support one another. For that I am grateful. Thank you all for being here. And I agree with Randolph, hugs are the best!!

Brigitte

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