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Dear Hurting,
I feel your pain and I would wish for you and everyone that we would not have had to go through this. I've been thinking all day that today being June 22nd it was 5 months ago since January 22 that my husband Dan has been gone. I am still heartbroken, and longing to leave this earth if only just to stop this aching heart and heal the bittersweet memories that have passed. Everything I do are just temporary distractions until the day I will be gone too. I still have moments of grief and sadness and crying because he isn't here to tell me to "take care of my arthritic knee, you really should have that checked out" or that he's "worried about me because of the pain I feel from an abdominal muscle when I turn a certain way" or in the middle of the night when I get a muscle cramp in my calf or my foot as he would massage my leg, and only he would be able to relieve me of the pain. He also used to give me a foot massage and I remember laughing because he used his own idea of a rolling-pin technique. Now whenever I laugh when I'm at home alone, I can't help but cry by myself because he's not here to laugh with any more. Now I am so alone and I'll never see him again in this life and he'll never see me, he'll never give me an embrace for no other reason than he happened to be close by so it was the only thing to do. (an inside joke of ours) And it always happens when I "forget" that he's gone and I'm in deep in thought when I'm doing research on something important or not so important and when I'm done and ready to talk to him about what I've been doing on the computer I burst into tears because then I remember he's not here. I could go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the pain that only we can know. I always remember hearing that we are not going to live forever and that we are all going in the same direction. But at the age of 61 he and I had so much more life left and so much more to do and now I just hope I don't have to live past 56. I know I won't be celebrating any more birthdays because when Danny died, I did too, so now I will forever be 56 in my eyes because Danny will always be 61. May you and I and all of us have peace with the rest of the life we have to live.
God bless you,
Suzanne
Suzanne I am so sorry for you. It's so freaky that every post I read feels like somebody looked inside me and wrote my sentiments down. I can see myself in each line of longing, sorrow and pain. Till now I never knew it could hurt so bad.
Suzanne said:Dear Hurting,
I feel your pain and I would wish for you and everyone that we would not have had to go through this. I've been thinking all day that today being June 22nd it was 5 months ago since January 22 that my husband Dan has been gone. I am still heartbroken, and longing to leave this earth if only just to stop this aching heart and heal the bittersweet memories that have passed. Everything I do are just temporary distractions until the day I will be gone too. I still have moments of grief and sadness and crying because he isn't here to tell me to "take care of my arthritic knee, you really should have that checked out" or that he's "worried about me because of the pain I feel from an abdominal muscle when I turn a certain way" or in the middle of the night when I get a muscle cramp in my calf or my foot as he would massage my leg, and only he would be able to relieve me of the pain. He also used to give me a foot massage and I remember laughing because he used his own idea of a rolling-pin technique. Now whenever I laugh when I'm at home alone, I can't help but cry by myself because he's not here to laugh with any more. Now I am so alone and I'll never see him again in this life and he'll never see me, he'll never give me an embrace for no other reason than he happened to be close by so it was the only thing to do. (an inside joke of ours) And it always happens when I "forget" that he's gone and I'm in deep in thought when I'm doing research on something important or not so important and when I'm done and ready to talk to him about what I've been doing on the computer I burst into tears because then I remember he's not here. I could go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the pain that only we can know. I always remember hearing that we are not going to live forever and that we are all going in the same direction. But at the age of 61 he and I had so much more life left and so much more to do and now I just hope I don't have to live past 56. I know I won't be celebrating any more birthdays because when Danny died, I did too, so now I will forever be 56 in my eyes because Danny will always be 61. May you and I and all of us have peace with the rest of the life we have to live.
God bless you,
Suzanne
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