Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on June 22, 2010 at 7:30pm

Dear Hurting,
I feel your pain and I would wish for you and everyone that we would not have had to go through this. I've been thinking all day that today being June 22nd it was 5 months ago since January 22 that my husband Dan has been gone. I am still heartbroken, and longing to leave this earth if only just to stop this aching heart and heal the bittersweet memories that have passed. Everything I do are just temporary distractions until the day I will be gone too. I still have moments of grief and sadness and crying because he isn't here to tell me to "take care of my arthritic knee, you really should have that checked out" or that he's "worried about me because of the pain I feel from an abdominal muscle when I turn a certain way" or in the middle of the night when I get a muscle cramp in my calf or my foot as he would massage my leg, and only he would be able to relieve me of the pain. He also used to give me a foot massage and I remember laughing because he used his own idea of a rolling-pin technique. Now whenever I laugh when I'm at home alone, I can't help but cry by myself because he's not here to laugh with any more. Now I am so alone and I'll never see him again in this life and he'll never see me, he'll never give me an embrace for no other reason than he happened to be close by so it was the only thing to do. (an inside joke of ours) And it always happens when I "forget" that he's gone and I'm in deep in thought when I'm doing research on something important or not so important and when I'm done and ready to talk to him about what I've been doing on the computer I burst into tears because then I remember he's not here. I could go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the pain that only we can know. I always remember hearing that we are not going to live forever and that we are all going in the same direction. But at the age of 61 he and I had so much more life left and so much more to do and now I just hope I don't have to live past 56. I know I won't be celebrating any more birthdays because when Danny died, I did too, so now I will forever be 56 in my eyes because Danny will always be 61. May you and I and all of us have peace with the rest of the life we have to live.
God bless you,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 22, 2010 at 8:05pm

The pain sometimes is unbearable. The sadness just overtakes you. Life really stinks. My husband would, if he was in another room, he would call "Hey Hon" when I would go in to see what he wanted he would just want to know what I was doing. Sometimes I would get so tired of getting up for no good reason, that I would tell him not to call me Hon anymore. Then he would call "Hey Toots" for no reason. I would give anything to hear him call Hey Hon or Hey Toots again. I am so lonley without him. Father's Day was bad but then every day is bad. I just cannot get over wanting to call out to him to tell him what is happening. We got a new puppy on Friday evening. She is really cute and he would really like her. The kids named her "Tootsie". Now we all call out "Hey Toots" when we are calling the puppy. She is a diversion but nothing can take away the hurt and pain. I wait for the day that I am with him again. That is when I will be truly happy again. I don't understand why God has to take one and let the other suffer so much pain. I really believe life is hell on earth.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 22, 2010 at 10:53pm

I knew a few people who really believed that living or being born is our hell. The emptiness,sadness,lonliness,along with all the other symtoms, prevail like a big floodlight. Dont know whats ahead, dont know if it will ever be any better. I dont see how it can be better until we are with our love one. In the meantime its just unbearable. Only we on this site can relate to the things we are going thru and completely understand our situation. Other people "just dont get it" !!!
Hearing "how are you" and "if there is anything I can do" makes me breakdown. Yeah, bring my wife back 'cause I am not fine. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 23, 2010 at 7:05am

Randolph, I can totally agree with you. The "how are you" makes me sick. How in the heck do people think we are. Somebody just reached in and pulled my heart right out of my chest, how do you think I feel. People don't understand and I think you cannot understand until you are faced with the reality of the situation. "Is there anything I can do for you" I want to say yea, just bring my husband back to me and I will be fine. I hate to be so down on people but "they just don't get it". Hope you are having a good day. I got a new puppy on Friday and I have to take her to the vet this morning. She is a sweetheart and makes me laugh a little. Hugs back to you!

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on June 23, 2010 at 7:32am

hurting: grieving is such a hard thing to go thru especially when we loved someone and lost that person. it would be 16month 7/1/10 and i am dreading it. you see my anniversity is 7/27/10 and my birthday is 7/29/10 at that time every year would be the same we would go to wildwood and celebrate both with our children one 34 and 31 my grandaugher would come down and swim in the pool with george but no more. i am not taking vacation this year because i know all i would be doing is just laying around and being depressed. i still talk to george i do not care who hears me i just want to keep him updated with my day. i still talk to his picture on my cell phone everymorning. i remember coming home and saying honey i am home when he first passed. i miss that i wish george could come and ask me what is wrong. i had a dream once about him that he came to me and questioned me what happened to him i told him and that was that i guess he accepted that i thank god he took him fast and he did not suffer see he died of a massive heart attack. i still cry when i hear a certain song on the radio which i had at his funeral which was by celine dion you beleived in me. my son told me mom i can not listen to that song and the song the wind beneath my wings hurting i am sorry to babble on but i had to get this off my chest sorry but i am tearing up as i am writing this to you. be good and god bless

Permalink Reply by MARILYN HOLLY on June 23, 2010 at 9:40am

DEAR HURTING, I TOO HAVE HIT THE SIX MONTH MARK ON JUNE 4TH, IT SEEMS SO MUCH HARDER NOW, MAYBE BECAUSE THE SHOCK IS FADING AWAY. WE WERE MARRIED FOR 37 YEARS AND I DON'T THINK I EVER REALLY KNEW JUST HOW MUCH OUR LIFE TOGETHER MEANT TO ME, IT WAS JUST ALWAYS THERE. NOW I WAKE UP WITH THIS ACHE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT AND ALWAYS ON THE VERGE OF TEARS. I HANG ON TO A DREAM I HAD OF HIM HEALTHY AND STRONG, HE'S WAITING FOR ME, TAKES ME BY THE HAND AND LEADS ME THRU AN ENTRANCE TO A BEAUTIFUL PLACE. MEANWHILE, I HAVE TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER EACH DAY AND MAKE IT THRU. I'M KNEW TO THIS SITE AND JUST PRAY I CAN FIND A LITTLE STRENGTH TO FIND ME AGAIN.
MARILYN

Permalink Reply by Fernandohulya on June 23, 2010 at 11:05am

HURTING I am thinking of you all day today and I am dreading mine on Friday. The fact is that it is it will never end. I just do not know what to do because I know my husband would be so mad at me for not living life to the fullest but it is hurting so much. Suzanne, 5 month is a long time. It feels like yesterday I was together with him. Yes, please bring my Baby back!!! Connie, we got a Labrador , Lilo, nearly four weeks ago, she is now nearly 3 month. Sometimes I think what a mistake but she is a distraction and makes me laugh and cry at the same time, my Baby would like her naughty side. I expect him any day coming throught the door but I had the realization that I will be the one that comes throught the heavens gate (if heaven does exist) and he will be greeting me and showing around or the truth is we just lay beside them, but why so long! My daugther keeps telling me that Dad would not like how I am so upset and she is so right because we have talked about it. The fact is talking is one thing and when it happens in another! I JUST WANT HIM BACK,PLEASE!!!! FERNANDO, FERNANDO, FERNANDO I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 23, 2010 at 11:38am

Connie and to all, boy I miss my wife whether she's at the table reading or at the computer. We never called each other by a certain name but I used to say..How ya doing kiddo? Because it was always "me and you kid". When all fails and lets you down, we could always count on each other. Now its just me. But you know what, its still "me and you kid". We all have that little kid in us. I miss her sooo much.I died when she did. Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Connie on June 24, 2010 at 11:16pm

A puppy is quite a diversion and she does make me laugh a lot. I love her so much but she is a little tiger in a small package. My husband always wanted a dog even though he was not raised with pets at home. I always had a dog when I grew up. She makes me laugh a lot but I wish that my husband was here to see her and enjoy her. Life really stinks and I cannot wait for it to be over. Good luck with Lilo!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Hurting on June 24, 2010 at 11:26pm

Suzanne I am so sorry for you. It's so freaky that every post I read feels like somebody looked inside me and wrote my sentiments down. I can see myself in each line of longing, sorrow and pain. Till now I never knew it could hurt so bad.

Suzanne said:

Dear Hurting,
I feel your pain and I would wish for you and everyone that we would not have had to go through this. I've been thinking all day that today being June 22nd it was 5 months ago since January 22 that my husband Dan has been gone. I am still heartbroken, and longing to leave this earth if only just to stop this aching heart and heal the bittersweet memories that have passed. Everything I do are just temporary distractions until the day I will be gone too. I still have moments of grief and sadness and crying because he isn't here to tell me to "take care of my arthritic knee, you really should have that checked out" or that he's "worried about me because of the pain I feel from an abdominal muscle when I turn a certain way" or in the middle of the night when I get a muscle cramp in my calf or my foot as he would massage my leg, and only he would be able to relieve me of the pain. He also used to give me a foot massage and I remember laughing because he used his own idea of a rolling-pin technique. Now whenever I laugh when I'm at home alone, I can't help but cry by myself because he's not here to laugh with any more. Now I am so alone and I'll never see him again in this life and he'll never see me, he'll never give me an embrace for no other reason than he happened to be close by so it was the only thing to do. (an inside joke of ours) And it always happens when I "forget" that he's gone and I'm in deep in thought when I'm doing research on something important or not so important and when I'm done and ready to talk to him about what I've been doing on the computer I burst into tears because then I remember he's not here. I could go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the pain that only we can know. I always remember hearing that we are not going to live forever and that we are all going in the same direction. But at the age of 61 he and I had so much more life left and so much more to do and now I just hope I don't have to live past 56. I know I won't be celebrating any more birthdays because when Danny died, I did too, so now I will forever be 56 in my eyes because Danny will always be 61. May you and I and all of us have peace with the rest of the life we have to live.
God bless you,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by judy on June 25, 2010 at 5:31am

Totally understand, it's been five months for me on the 26th. Tim used to get up in the night when I had foot and leg cramps also and massage and worry about me. What I think is we were first in one another's lives. We adore our children but that is a different relationship. The pain I felt when our son died was overwhelming but when we healed we still had one another. Never again, after 47 years, will I ever be first in any one else's life. You can't be that way in your children's lives, it would not be good for them or you. I miss the partner aspect, just sitting in the room together, sometimes both of us reading or watching TV, just the being close. And when you are together for so long you grow together now a part of us has been ripped away. It will take a life time to get past this but I do so very much think we will be together again. I know he would want me to help the kids and grandchildren have happiness and I know, because we discussed it, he would want them to have good memories of me enjoying them so I will try to continue to give an Academy Award performance. I do let them know I am sad and miss their granddaddy, so do they. The girls miss their father, they were very close to him. But their worlds will go on,as they should, my world is shattered. How this will continue we will see.

TotHurting said:

Suzanne I am so sorry for you. It's so freaky that every post I read feels like somebody looked inside me and wrote my sentiments down. I can see myself in each line of longing, sorrow and pain. Till now I never knew it could hurt so bad.

Suzanne said:

Dear Hurting,
I feel your pain and I would wish for you and everyone that we would not have had to go through this. I've been thinking all day that today being June 22nd it was 5 months ago since January 22 that my husband Dan has been gone. I am still heartbroken, and longing to leave this earth if only just to stop this aching heart and heal the bittersweet memories that have passed. Everything I do are just temporary distractions until the day I will be gone too. I still have moments of grief and sadness and crying because he isn't here to tell me to "take care of my arthritic knee, you really should have that checked out" or that he's "worried about me because of the pain I feel from an abdominal muscle when I turn a certain way" or in the middle of the night when I get a muscle cramp in my calf or my foot as he would massage my leg, and only he would be able to relieve me of the pain. He also used to give me a foot massage and I remember laughing because he used his own idea of a rolling-pin technique. Now whenever I laugh when I'm at home alone, I can't help but cry by myself because he's not here to laugh with any more. Now I am so alone and I'll never see him again in this life and he'll never see me, he'll never give me an embrace for no other reason than he happened to be close by so it was the only thing to do. (an inside joke of ours) And it always happens when I "forget" that he's gone and I'm in deep in thought when I'm doing research on something important or not so important and when I'm done and ready to talk to him about what I've been doing on the computer I burst into tears because then I remember he's not here. I could go on and on but I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling the pain that only we can know. I always remember hearing that we are not going to live forever and that we are all going in the same direction. But at the age of 61 he and I had so much more life left and so much more to do and now I just hope I don't have to live past 56. I know I won't be celebrating any more birthdays because when Danny died, I did too, so now I will forever be 56 in my eyes because Danny will always be 61. May you and I and all of us have peace with the rest of the life we have to live.
God bless you,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on June 25, 2010 at 6:55pm

My name is cindy and yesterday was my first day on this site.I have noticed that everyone of us seems to know exactly how the others are feeling. It will be 4 months tomorrow since I lost my husband and best friend. It isnt getting any easier for me and I feel like I am only existing. I definantly am not living. I never expected to be a widow at 55. But I guess we never know what life has in store for us.My husband told me that he felt very sad for me because he didnt want to leave me alone. About a week before he passed he told the chaplain in the hospital to pray for me. He was a very special person who loved life. I cant understand it. I think my husband would have coped better if i would have passed away first.Everytime I think about finding out about his cancer and then trying to have hope, and then realizing that they gave us a time frame for him to live and then seeing him suddenly start declineing so quickly all seems like such a bad dream.I often feel like how much longer can i go on like this,because the pain is such so intense that i dont know how long i can go on.People say it gets better with time, but does it really??