Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by JulieC on August 12, 2009 at 8:29am

Thasia, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can Identify because I lost my Fiance 17 months ago, and then my mother died 5 weeks ago. The situation was made more complicated because My mother was the only one who acknowledged that Will was worth grieving. My sister actually said to me at one point less than a year after he died, "aren't you over that yet?" My father said "I'm sorry you had to go through this, but that guy was taking advantage of you". People can be cruel. A friend of mine thinks i should be hospitalized. Why? so i can not get out of bed there instead of at home? To make mattters worse since i was only his fiance i had to apply to probate to get possesion of his body. it took me 3 months to find his family because at 28 he went back to his birth name and i didn't know his other last name. His family was wonderful at first then quickly lost interest in any contact. He always told me that i was his only family and now i know why. a family like that is worth lossing touch with!!!

Permalink Reply by Bonnie Labelle on August 12, 2009 at 2:52pm

Hello Maybe you can explain this too me as I too lost my husband 11 months ago however You were his wife which makes you his next of kin only you have the power to remove his body from anywhere however if it is her plot and now she wants it back which sounds harsh to me Lift up your head tell her she cant do that without your signature let her have her plot and make your own arrangements I had him cremated as was his wish but i also had him placed in a beautiful urn and he now sits on my dresser so that no one can take him anywhere I dont want them to. I hope this gives you options you need the cost of all of this is around 700.00 but it could be less Bonnie Labelle

Permalink Reply by Thasia on August 12, 2009 at 2:58pm

I have been trying to make sense of this. She has it all in the works. I'm sure the laws are different from state to state and this state is allowing it. I have thought of cremating him and that would solve some of the problems since I am going to be moving out of this state and would like to take my husband with me.

Permalink Reply by Mary Jane Stark on August 12, 2009 at 6:28pm

What a cruel person she appears to be. My step daughter, who never once came to see her Dad the whole 3.5 years we were together, and could not be bothered to come to his funeral, called me about 6 days after my husband passed and wanted some of his ashes. He was cremated. I could not believe that she had the nerve to ask for something.

Thasia said:

I have been trying to make sense of this. She has it all in the works. I'm sure the laws are different from state to state and this state is allowing it. I have thought of cremating him and that would solve some of the problems since I am going to be moving out of this state and would like to take my husband with me.

Permalink Reply by Steve on September 26, 2009 at 10:10pm

I think what you're experiencing is quite normal. I lost my wife of 20 years about 4 1/2 months ago and my dad about 13 months ago as well. About 3 months after my wife died, I was the same as you- I could not function- was not eating or sleeping well. I have 6 six kids under the age of 19 depending on me. -I felt at if I was going crazy - I too went to the Doctor and he gave me some medication and suggested that I go for counseling. Thank God, I'm getting relief with the medication and the counselor is helping as well. My wife was my whole world and I didn't really have any close friends that I could count on to help support me. The counselor encouraged me to reach out and make to friends to help build myself a support network. My family and I are also attending a 10 week Grief Support program that is designed for families with children. It is through the combination of these things that I am seeing some relief and am working through my grief. I was fortunate, the I was at home with my wife for her last 5 weeks providing hospice care and I was with her when she died. We were able to talk. She was such a strong woman- full of faith. She told me that she knew that I would be sad for awhile, but that she wanted me to move on. She said that she would be okay.

I don't know if you and your husband were able to talk about this, but try to think what he may have wanted for you. I don't think the pain will go away completely, and you will still continue to love him no matter what. I believe that it is possible to move on, but you must first come to terms with your loss. That's going to take some time- and don't rush it. You will never forget him. I know that you're heartbroken, but I don't think that he would want you to spend the rest of your life in misery either.

Permalink Reply by mmg on September 26, 2009 at 11:39pm

I was so sad to read this. I lost my Dad and seven weeks later my husband. My Dad had lived with us for 10 years. Grief is shock. I remember not being able to remember things. The feeling of being almost out of body like. Your sister-in-law is being callous. You have certainly not failed. She is maybe doing something out of the grief she feels or fear of her own mortality, but that is still awful.

Medication can be helpful as well as counseling. I went to support groups and read a lot of books about grief so I understood what I was facing. Yet, I still stumbled. I am 4 years down the road and am stronger but still miss him.

Cremation is sometimes a hard thing for people, it seems so "extra" final but death is so final and in the first months and years it is hard to accept. My husband was the first in his family, as per his request. His family was not comfortable with it but had to honor his wishes. If you decide to do it remember the body is just the vessel that carries the persons spirit. Our loved ones are no longer bound by a body. I like to believe they are angels watching over us. My prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on September 28, 2009 at 3:06am

My husband was cremated and we had his services last night. It was a celebration of his life. He wanted no tears, just laughter and music. It was a magical night, just the way he wanted it. I brought him home after the service and it was the first good night's sleep I've had since he was ill. My Baby is home.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Stricklen on September 28, 2009 at 7:09pm

honey there is no such thing as being strong enough when you loose your loved ones. Good grief just getting up in the morning and trying to get through the day makes you strong. I can't believe how insensitive some people even family members can be where is the compasion one wonders. Anyway just hold on and thing will be better, my name is sharon and i am here if you want to talk

Permalink Reply by doeremeu on February 24, 2010 at 2:07am

Ditto husband of 25 years on 5-25-09 and mother all my life on 9-8-2009