This is going to be so hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Friends,

The holidays are upon us. This is going to be my first holiday without my soul mate. November is my birthday and this celebration usually starts the holidays off. November 19 makes it 2 months 20 days without him. There's a pain where my heart is that does not go away. I'll be praying for all of you during this time, especially. May God give us the strength to carry on.

With Warm Aloha, Linda

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Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 20, 2009 at 6:26pm

Yep, Linda, it's very hard - my husband died on 29 June 2009; he was in so much pain, my poor sweetie, from the severe psoriatic arthritis, the muscular deterioration and the liver disease.
I took care of him the last 2 years of his life, and there were those times I wanted him to die, because he was in so much agony, and I was so tired of bathing him, changing him, trying to get him off and on his mobility scooter, and to his office (he insisted upon working at his psychology office until 10 days before he died)
My birthday, 25 July, was hard, this year, because I just kept thinking, "oh, he didn't make it to my birthday".
He didn't like the holidays, because he liked to be busy, but we usually went out to dinner for Thanksgiving, and hung out together on Christmas. I miss his soft, warm voice, his manly smell, his arms around me. I miss teasing him, I miss looking into his eyes that could be light brown, or hazel or green or even gold, at times.

One thing I found so helpful is that the hospice (he was put in hospice four days before he died) had a "Light Up A Life" ceremony - the staff showed pictures and read biographies of loved ones who had died, then lit a candle - of course, when they came to my sweetie, I just broke down and sobbed, but I was also so proud of him, because of his accomplishments and degrees, etc. His nurse was there, to comfort me, as well as other staff, and they served some very nice light comfort food, afterwards - it was so helpful to me to have his life recognized (he didn't want a funeral or church service, so he was cremated)

I would say that if you could have such a ceremony, or do one - it will help a lot at this time of year - blessings and peace be upon you all - yattwood

Permalink Reply by Lucy-Jo Collins on November 20, 2009 at 6:31pm

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Today it has been 1week since my husband Frank has left us, and his birthday is sunday. I just feel so empty inside.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 20, 2009 at 6:44pm

Diane, I am very lucky to be surrounded by many, many family and friends. I celebrated my first birthday without him yesterday and family and friends kept me busy. They knew I'm having a hard time with the holidays upon us. I'm very grateful for that, but when all the presents are opened and the cake is all eaten, you go to an empty bed and cry. Diane, whatever you chose to do, I pray God gives you peace in that you were loved and loved in return. That love stays with us, always. Always remember, you are not alone. The lovely members here on this forum are all taking one step at a time to move on. We often stop and cry, but we walk on. God Bless you, dear heart..............Linda

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 20, 2009 at 7:13pm

Lucy Jo, my heart goes out to you and I send a warm hug your way. People can tell you they understand, but unless they've been where you are, they can never in their wildest dreams understand the pain and loneness we feel. May God give you the strength to carry on. I pray everyday for that strength and when I fall, please Lord, pick me up and set me on my feet again and if I get weak, please let me lean on HIM till I'm ready to move on.

Yaca, I too prayed that the Lord would take my Bo and relieve him of his pain and suffering. In his last days, I begged my Bo to go "home" and that I would be alright. He did everything for me and he was very worried about me.

Bo was in hospice for 11 days. I just made a donation for them to put a laminated star with his name on it to be placed on one of the Christmas trees that will be on the hospice grounds. They will have a lighting ceremony on the 11th.

Permalink Reply by Showbiz Kid on November 20, 2009 at 7:14pm

Hi Linda - I am so sorry for your loss....I wish I could give you some magic
potion...but I can't. It sucks. The first year is the worst and that's just
how it is. :( I am so sorry sorry sorry.....

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 20, 2009 at 7:19pm

SK..........Thank you.