Thanks so much for your support and help. I need that :( Today I am feeling better like a mentioned to you in my previous reply today, I prayed for Archangel Michael and God yesterday, I couldn't stop crying I was a mess. My daughter and I, went to Starbucks Coffee Shop. and watched movies on TV. Today I was watching Michael Jackson DVD alive show :) which made me laugh for a while. Also I have guilt feelings like you Anita, I feel that I should have done more for my husband, for the times I said something bad to him, or not having much time to spend with him. The worse guilt feeling I had was the night he died, I fall sleeping in the sofa downstair, watching TV. and didn't hear he calling me when he wasn't feeling well. Finally I woke up by myself, and found him upstairs laid down in the carpet feeling very sick and pale. He told me that he was there for 10 minutes like that. Oh God forgive me :( I did everything to safe him but he died 10 or 15 minutes later. I am reading a grief book for loss of a spouse, it says that is normal we feel guilty when we loss a loved one. The book suggest us to write a jornal about our feelings and thoughts. Today I wrote a big letter for my beloved husband John, asking for his forgiviness. Don't feel guilt Anita, I am sure you did everything you could under the circustances, relationships are NOT perfect, we are NOT perfect. Do yourself a big favor, write how many letters you want to Malcolm and tell him exactly the way you feel......I am sure that you will
make you feel much better okay. Yeah, I am looking for a good church right now, I just not have much physical energy to socialize right now. I am drain, it is taking a lot from me mentaly and physically. But I am trying my best :)
I am here for you too.
Take care God bless You.......bye for now!
Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't be of much help I realize since I haven't heard any magic words yet that make the pain and ache of losing your love hurt any less. I just wanted to say I was thinking of you and saying a prayer for your heart to beat normally again someday, for you to have a complete thought and just at least a few moments in which by the Grace of God, for just a brief moment for things to feel some kind of right again. You are in all of our hearts and prayers. I hope and pray every day that my love, Tim, who we lost August 19, 2009 to a tragic car accident that happened right in our driveway, I hope he has some idea of how much of a positive impact he actually had in so many people's lives. My boys and mine in a huge way. I feel cheated out of the time we still needed to learn and grow with and from him. It does honestly get a minute amount better each day I guess. Not better, just i guess maybe acceptable. Right now i am mad at him and God, can't help it. It does help to talk about it though. The more you get to say out loud the feelings you are dealing with, no matter what those are-no wrong or right way to feel, you just feel it whatever that is this particular second...tell a good friend or family. At least for me, my Mother has been like a Saint! She just listens, never offering advice, just wishing she could take the pain on herself--bless her heart! I wouldn't let her do that in a zillion years. I would never wish this pain on anyone!
Hang on with your fingernails if you have to, but just hang on.