I thought I was doing ok, until 2 days ago when I felt like I had a breakdown. I know that the first 2 weeks I was numb (planning and attending the funeral in IL-we live in CA so there was travel involved), and then the following 2 weeks I was planning Brandon's memorial service (in CA) so I was extremely busy.
Too busy to grieve right?
Well, now it's caught up with me and I lost it all day at work on Friday. I'm feeling so much pressure- financial (how am I going to make it without him?, how do I settle everything?), cause of his death (what happened to him that morning? I have been an amateur CSI/detective trying to help the coroner), emotional (how will my heart ever heal?) and my daily life (how do I keep going on day-to-day when my day-to-day has changed so dramatically?).
I read on other posts here that after the memorial service most people are not around anymore. I have unfortunately found that to be true for me too.
I'm lost, scared, lonely and am having trouble sleeping again because I'm so worried...I have sleeping pills but am afraid to use them. I feel like a train has hit me. I hate what my life has become.
Thank you all for being here....you are the only ones who really understand and that makes me feel a little less lonely today :)