It has been 7 months since my beloved Andrew was taken from me. I have had so much going on as my children were also critically injured when he died, but now that they are getting better, and returning to life, I just feel silent. A few months ago I may have thought I wanted this, but good lord, it's overwhelming me and I cannot do anything to make it go away. I feel so alone, as all the people who once were surrounding me have just gone back to their lives ( and rightfully so) but I just feel nothing anymore... I don't know how to get through this, I don't know when I should feel better, because it's as though it's getting worse and worse every second. I am so very grateful that my children survived and will in the long run, have no lasting physical issues from this wreck, but is it wrong of me to say that sometimes that is just not enough for me? I ache so badly that it physically hurts me, I cannot imagine a day that I will not include him in all my planning.. I still cannot believe that he is gone and I am so very very alone. It's the silence, when everyone is asleep, and the world is quiet that it hurts so much that I feel physically ill. I keep saying the same thing over and over, I need to move forward, but all I see is that wreck, I see my beautiful husband laying on a gurney and hear and see him die as I held his very very cold hand. Will this ever end ? Will it ever feel as though I am part of this world that seems to madly spinning around me as I stand still, stuck in April, in a place that I do not know, on a trip that was never meant to end the way it did .. He was 31 years old, we had just barely started our life together, just made it out of the learning and fighting portion of our lives, we really were content, enjoying each other.. and now .. just silence.. When will this stop. I take so much medication just to get through the day, see the doctors, and therapists that they tell me to, and NOTHING IS WORKING .. I just feel like I died that day and my body is just on auto pilot .. I just don't know if I can go on another day like this..