November 30 will make 3 months since I lost my Darling. Many of his things are just where he left them the last day he was home. His watch, his cell phone and his wallet. Last week I just started boxing his clothes to donate to the homeless veterans shelter. That was his wish. I did two big boxes and I had to stop. Every shirt and pair of slacks had a memory. There are so much more to pack, but I will wait till after the holidays. If you don't mind my asking, how long did you wait before you started this process?

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Hi Linda,

Thanks for the reply. We both are survivor spouses of two honorable Veterans. My husband was from army. Did you get the american flag after his funeral?

Olivia

Linda said:
Missmylove,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm happy I found this forum. I find I am not alone, and I grieve along with all of you.

Yes. my Bo was a veteran. He served during the Viet Nam war and he was in the Air Force.
Yes, I did get his flag at the service. You could hear a pin drop in the chapel when the Air force did taps and the flag folding. Here is Bo's urn with the flag behind it. I will be getting a flag case soon.

Missmylove47 said:
Hi Linda,

Thanks for the reply. We both are survivor spouses of two honorable Veterans. My husband was from army. Did you get the american flag after his funeral?

Olivia

Linda said:
Missmylove,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm happy I found this forum. I find I am not alone, and I grieve along with all of you.

Yes. my Bo was a veteran. He served during the Viet Nam war and he was in the Air Force.
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We're all different, and don't let anyone rush you into any changes before you really know you're ready. My sisters came to help me in the first month after David died 9/2/09, but they were very sensitive to my wishes. Nothing was given away if I had any sentimental feeling about it, or if I could derive any shred of comfort from it. We found and saved every scrap of paper in the house that had his handwriting on it, even just a grocery list. I wear his wedding ring on my hand right next to mine, and on weekends I wear his shirts. I found that for some reason I had no problem giving away his pants and shoes, and throwing away medications and dentures, but I couldn't part with any of his shirts or coats. His many hats (he was known around town as 'the man in a hat carrying a book,') are still hanging on hat racks, furniture and banister posts throughout the house. At his memorial service, I placed on the table in front of the pulpit David's Bible with its many ribbon markers, open to a favorite passage, with a framed photo, one of his hats beside it, and his glasses laying on the open page. To me, looking at his things as if he might pick them up and use them again gives me comfort somehow. Anything that gives you comfort or solace, keep it as long as you want to. Only you will know when it's time to give something away. Don't let anyone try to pressure you into hurrying this process, no matter how well-meaning they are. They don't mean any harm, they just want what's best for you, but only you truly know what's best for you at this time. Trust your instincts.
God bless you, and God bless us all as we keep putting one foot in front of the other through the holiday season and beyond.
Wendela
Hello Linda. There is no time frame. I lost my Malcolm just 5 weeks ago and I still wear his shirts to bed. I was told that if it is painful, don't do it. There is no hurry to move on for gief has no expiration date. Take your time. May I ask? Have you started feeling like yourself again? Going out with friends again? I just want to feel good again, smile again and to have the desire to take care of myself again.
Anita, I think I will never feel myself ever again. Half of my life is gone. Yes, I do go out with my best girlfriends and I do go out with my sisters and daughter, but no mater where I am or who I am with, the emptiness is still there. I went to Las Vegas for a very short trip with my Mom, but I saw my Bo everywhere.

Thank you all for your feed back. I will take my time and do what I have to do when I am ready. I come here to read and grieve with all of you when I need to know that I am not alone. Thank you all.

Linda B.
Anita Simmons said:
Hello Linda. There is no time frame. I lost my Malcolm just 5 weeks ago and I still wear his shirts to bed. I was told that if it is painful, don't do it. There is no hurry to move on for gief has no expiration date. Take your time. May I ask? Have you started feeling like yourself again? Going out with friends again? I just want to feel good again, smile again and to have the desire to take care of myself again.

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