Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by abel washington on November 30, 2009 at 12:12pm

this sounds funny just as a kid asking dad how are babies made of, do dad give birth?. the fact here is you can think for the death though we all have our inner spirit which our creator put in every one of us called soul. you are among the living. let your mind be occupied with your daily life. remember reading your bible

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on November 30, 2009 at 5:29pm

Dear Anita,

I have wondered about these things, as well - I know my husband (he died on 29 June 2009) had faith, and was a believer, and yet I also know that he was very, very angry with God over the pain and suffering he endured.

That being said, I believe the Scripture that says, "mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13); I believe that God is big enough to deal with my husband's anger, and that my husband has found forgiveness, healing and health with God. I believe that he is young, handsome and beautiful, again - that he can walk, leap and run (he hadn't been able to walk for the last two years), and that I will see him, again.

The last six months were truly horrible - he had hepatic encephalopathy, which meant his brain was affected - he could be sweet and loving, but he could also be nasty, irrational and angry. He said some hurtful things to me, out of his intense agony and suffering, and I replied in kind. However, just as I have fully and freely forgiven him, I feel his love and total forgiveness for me.

In Mark 12, verse 18 (I am using the New American Standard translation), a group of Sadduccees, Jewish scholars who did not believe in resurrection, asked Jesus about a woman who had been married seven times - to her husband and his brothers. Their question in verse 23: "In the resurrection, when they rise again, which one's wife will she be? For all seven had married her". Jesus replies that people "do not marry, nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven" (verse 25).

So, He seems to indicate that there is no marriage in heaven, but that we are alive. That being said, I do believe that we will recognize our loved ones, and they us, and we will have some kind of relationship with them, but I am not certain what it is.

That your beloved is aware of you - I do believe, because my husband did ask me to promise him (several times) that I would not commit suicide because I didn't want to live without him. I don't quite know just _how_ aware he is of me, but that he is aware of me and still connected with me, on some level - I am sure of.

Oh, I long to know all kinds of things - are there babies in Heaven (I sure hope so - I want to play with them!), are there pets or animals in Heaven - again, I sure hope so! I think whatever we find when we get there, it will be more than we can imagine or think of, here on Earth.

Blessings and peace be upon you - Yaca Attwood

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on November 30, 2009 at 7:09pm

Yaca, thank you for your response. My mind is so consumed with curiousity of heaven and what my fiance is doing there. Babies and animals die and I do believe they do go to heaven. I believe we go through a transition before it is decided where will be going and we are given an opprotunity to fix things but it is a choice for us to make. I just knalso believe that if we commit suicide we wllow that when I die that I so want to be with my fiance. He is the love of my life. Some have told me they believe God has 1 person chosen for us and that we will be with them in heaven and we do know who that is when are time comes. I don't know but right now, with all my heart and soul, Malcolm was my soul mate and there is only 1. Only God knows. I also believe if we kill ourselves we will not go to heaven. I thought a lot about doing that several times in the early days of Malcolm death but it always stopped me knowing I wouldn't be with him. You have been such a great comfort in your answers and have helped. Thank you. How are you doing since he passed? It's been a little over a month for me and my days are very hard. I go through a lot of self pity and anger but I try not to be selfish and asking God to let him come back to me is being selfish cause there is no more aches and pains, stress or heartach for him. He is happy with his father and to bring all the bad back into his life cause I want him here with me is selfish. I don't want to be like that.
Please take care of yourself and I hope you find comfort and peace real soon.
Yaca Attwood said:

Dear Anita,

I have wondered about these things, as well - I know my husband (he died on 29 June 2009) had faith, and was a believer, and yet I also know that he was very, very angry with God over the pain and suffering he endured.

That being said, I believe the Scripture that says, "mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13); I believe that God is big enough to deal with my husband's anger, and that my husband has found forgiveness, healing and health with God. I believe that he is young, handsome and beautiful, again - that he can walk, leap and run (he hadn't been able to walk for the last two years), and that I will see him, again.

The last six months were truly horrible - he had hepatic encephalopathy, which meant his brain was affected - he could be sweet and loving, but he could also be nasty, irrational and angry. He said some hurtful things to me, out of his intense agony and suffering, and I replied in kind. However, just as I have fully and freely forgiven him, I feel his love and total forgiveness for me.

In Mark 12, verse 18 (I am using the New American Standard translation), a group of Sadduccees, Jewish scholars who did not believe in resurrection, asked Jesus about a woman who had been married seven times - to her husband and his brothers. Their question in verse 23: "In the resurrection, when they rise again, which one's wife will she be? For all seven had married her". Jesus replies that people "do not marry, nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven" (verse 25).

So, He seems to indicate that there is no marriage in heaven, but that we are alive. That being said, I do believe that we will recognize our loved ones, and they us, and we will have some kind of relationship with them, but I am not certain what it is.

That your beloved is aware of you - I do believe, because my husband did ask me to promise him (several times) that I would not commit suicide because I didn't want to live without him. I don't quite know just _how_ aware he is of me, but that he is aware of me and still connected with me, on some level - I am sure of.

Oh, I long to know all kinds of things - are there babies in Heaven (I sure hope so - I want to play with them!), are there pets or animals in Heaven - again, I sure hope so! I think whatever we find when we get there, it will be more than we can imagine or think of, here on Earth.

Blessings and peace be upon you - Yaca Attwood

Permalink Reply by J on December 2, 2009 at 7:51am

Anita-

Yes! This has actually been a subject in my therapy sessions for a few weeks now. I worry about where my husband is, if he's happy, if he can see me etc. The other major question I have is what did he experience in that moment of death?Did his life flash before his eyes? Did it hurt? What did he think of?
I worried about my husband in life, and now that has carried on to worrying about him in death.

I'm so curious to know the answers and I know I won't have them until I die (hopefully anyway). I'm not a religious person so it's really hard for me to imagine what happens after life.

I'm guessing that questions like this are probably 'normal' in the grieving process. I'm wondering if it might help if you wrote down all of your questions. Do you keep a journal? I find it helpful to write my questions, worries and frustrations down. It can also help you see how much progress you've made over time too. Of course, coming here and getting answers from others in your position is also a great idea :) I know I was relieved to read your post since the questions you listed are ones that have been coming fast and furious for me lately!

Jennifer

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on December 2, 2009 at 3:42pm

Thank you Jennifer. I have been asking so many people for I constantly worried about Malcolms heslth. I believe he is happy with no pain and with the ones he loved that already passed on. I don't believe in all my talk with people that they can see or hear us cause if they could they would be in so much pain watching ours and knowing that can't do anything about it. Adam and Eve in the bible lived what I believe our loved ones are, peace, contentment, beauty, joy, happiness and no pain. I go to church since he died yet did attend years prior and I believe that, but there are still several un answered questions. We'll never know but they don't go away, do they.

Jennifer Whitehurst said:

Anita-

Yes! This has actually been a subject in my therapy sessions for a few weeks now. I worry about where my husband is, if he's happy, if he can see me etc. The other major question I have is what did he experience in that moment of death?Did his life flash before his eyes? Did it hurt? What did he think of?
I worried about my husband in life, and now that has carried on to worrying about him in death.

I'm so curious to know the answers and I know I won't have them until I die (hopefully anyway). I'm not a religious person so it's really hard for me to imagine what happens after life.

I'm guessing that questions like this are probably 'normal' in the grieving process. I'm wondering if it might help if you wrote down all of your questions. Do you keep a journal? I find it helpful to write my questions, worries and frustrations down. It can also help you see how much progress you've made over time too. Of course, coming here and getting answers from others in your position is also a great idea :) I know I was relieved to read your post since the questions you listed are ones that have been coming fast and furious for me lately!

Jennifer

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on December 3, 2009 at 1:36am

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;
there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor
crying. There shall be no more pain, for the
former things have passed away."
                                    ( Revelation 21:4 )

Permalink Reply by kathy arocho on December 3, 2009 at 9:54am

Anita I don't know the answer but I think if he was the love of your life you will be together again. I was luckly to have off the wall comments like not to live with the kids and he would wait for me. He told me months ago that I should not marry. He questions also about is there a heaven and my answer was there are lots of people who gave up there life for religion.I believe there is a heaven. My husband was sick and in the hospital every month this year. He had a rough time in breathing that we found him in the freezer at 3 a.m. to get air. Medicare wouldn't pay for oxygen unless his saturation was 88. At the doctors it was 90 but at night 75.So look into your loves conversations to find some of the answers. God Bless

Permalink Reply by Anita Simmons on January 16, 2010 at 11:42pm

To everyone who has replied to this, thank you. My thoughts are still strong on how Malcolm is and what he is doing in heaven. I miss him more then I ever thought I could miss someone and I still wish every day he'd come back to me but I know he's not. Maybe I just haven't accepted that he is gone for good. That he is dead. I don't know how to do this life without him challenging me, laughing with me and helping me understanding the world we live in. I'm still minute by minute.

Permalink Reply by Marilyn on January 17, 2010 at 2:24am

There are many articles and books on near death experiences and heaven - one being 90 Minutes in Heaven. I've just read parts of this book many months while standing in a store - several months before my husband died. Many years ago I worked at a hospital and ate lunch one day with someone who claimed he could "cross over" to some degree (and back) and this is why he worked with dying AIDS patients. It may sound far fetched but you'd have to hear his comments before making a judgment. He said some people who are dying may "cross over" before they die to glimpse heaven. When this happens usually the person will die within a few months. Several years later my father had bypass surgery and many medical problems for years. Every day he sat in same recliner with a mean look on his face, depressed and angry at the world. One day I walked in and he had a big smile on his face and he kept saying "it was so beautiful, I want to go back". My mother said he had been driving her crazy all day because he insisted he had gone to heaven. I immediately thought of the conversation in the hospital. I asked my father what it was like and all he would say is "it was so wonderful that I can't even think of words to describe it". He looked like a different person - color back in his face, glowing with happiness, etc. A few months later he died. Such a drastic difference in his appearance, attitude and personality that it makes me inclined to think he went there. Wish I would get some confirmation from my husband though. There have been some strange things - but I wonder.... There's a new show on TV on near death experiences that just started. It's on Monday - called "I was dead" or something like that.

Permalink Reply by irina on January 26, 2010 at 8:42am

Hi, I remember I asked the same questions, the priest, during my first confession after my husband died because my husband has been married for 30 years before he married me. The priest (a roman catholic one) told me that in Heaven we are no longer husband and wife but we shall meet because I pray for him and he prays for me and because we were bounded by a sacramental bound. He also told me that the people we loved not only see us but also are with us every day of our life until our time comes and they come to show us the way to the other world. And if you open yourself, you can feel all this in your heart. For example, when my husband was with me I was always consulting him about everything, from how to dress to what to cook. Now I receive the answers in my heart without even beginning to ask him; sometimes my heart feels like hearing his voice.
The pain and the sorrow are not coming from these questions but from the fact that maybe there are still things that you haven't said to him or done with him. I try to speak with my husband every day, kneeling near the cross of his grave. I sometimes cry. Sometimes I am mad at him because he did not fight enough. Sometimes I wonder if he really loved me or maybe he loved his ex-wife more. Most of the times I remember that he sufferred a lot and I feel guilty because I kept asking him to fight cancer and to have the treatment for me. Almost every day I remember the way he used to love me; it was a very special way of loving because he was much older than me and the feelings were very deep, very profound. But all this happens because we did not have the opportunity to say good bye because he was sedated and intubated and then his heart stopped and everything finished.
I worry a lot because you can immagine that our 15 years together cannot compete with 30 years with his first wife; and sometimes I am even gelous; but in my heart I know that our love was stronger; I just try to find other reasons to suffer because loosing him is an unbearable sufference.
You must not worry. God knows everything and will make sure that you meet your husband in Heaven when the times come as He makes sure that your husband is with you here, on earth, for as long as you live.
God bless you! Irina

Permalink Reply by Tresa Sampson on February 5, 2010 at 1:30am

During the funeral of my husband the Marine Corp commander who did the last rites said,"If the Army and the Navy ever look upon on Heaven's scenes they will find the streets are guarded by the United States Marines Sergeant John Earl Sampson take your post." That is what my husband is doing guarding the streets of Heaven and waiting for me to join him. What a glorious day that will be.