Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Georgia on December 6, 2009 at 12:50am

Yes Olivia, I have had the same thing happen. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and tonight is a crying night. Yes, it does get better slowly but the grief pain still hits. My husband use to drive a maroon pickup and a small maroon car. Every time I see a cowboy hat on the dashboard of a pickup my heart goes up into my throat. Sometimes I just don't want to drive the road. I miss him so much. One day I was at a public event that we use to attend. I was seeing a man from the back and he looked so much like my husband and before I though, I nearly walked up and put my hand on his shoulder. His cowboy hat was like my husband and he was wearing a shirt colored like one of my husbands.--- I was always doing that to my husband. Yes, there are times I wish I could die and be with him. I also lost my youngest daughter 9 months after loosing my husband. So, there are times I feel like I am crawling on my hands and knees just to make it through a day. The Bishop of my church said he was amazed at how I was able to continue on. But, what else are we to do. I guess just keep crawling on our hands and knees and crying, and Praying for relief from the grief pain. I miss both my husband and my daughter so much I feel like I'm thinking in a fog so much of the time. God Bless you Olivia

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on December 6, 2009 at 2:23am

Dear Georgia,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, and daughter. Wow, loosing a daughter just months after your husband passed away, must be the most painful experience a human being have to go throught. You must be a very strong woman, and have so much faith in God. I am very pround of you, we should never give up no matter how bad is the situation in our lives. We should be thankful for what we have, no just blame God for what you don't have, like so many people do . I feel your pain Georgia, my heart goes out for you. I had a bad day today too, it was a crying and depressed day for me. I have only one daughter who lives with me, she tries everything to make me laugh and don't think much about the loss of my husband, who just passed away 5 weeks ago in October 26, 2009.But I miss him so much, specially near to the holidays, I just want my husband back, he was my soulmate and true love. I know exactly the way you feel Georgia. Every day is a struggle to just get up from bed. I often seems very distracted, and thoughful. Do you think the fact that both of us have seen someone just alike our deceased husbands, it is a way of them communicate with us? By saying that they are next to us? What happened to your husband, and your youngest daughter? If you don't mind me to ask.
I admire your courage and strength, keep up the Good work, and faith in our God :)
You are in my prayers, and thoughts. God bless you georgia!
Olivia




Georgia said:

Yes Olivia, I have had the same thing happen. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and tonight is a crying night. Yes, it does get better slowly but the grief pain still hits. My husband use to drive a maroon pickup and a small maroon car. Every time I see a cowboy hat on the dashboard of a pickup my heart goes up into my throat. Sometimes I just don't want to drive the road. I miss him so much. One day I was at a public event that we use to attend. I was seeing a man from the back and he looked so much like my husband and before I though, I nearly walked up and put my hand on his shoulder. His cowboy hat was like my husband and he was wearing a shirt colored like one of my husbands.--- I was always doing that to my husband. Yes, there are times I wish I could die and be with him. I also lost my youngest daughter 9 months after loosing my husband. So, there are times I feel like I am crawling on my hands and knees just to make it through a day. The Bishop of my church said he was amazed at how I was able to continue on. But, what else are we to do. I guess just keep crawling on our hands and knees and crying, and Praying for relief from the grief pain. I miss both my husband and my daughter so much I feel like I'm thinking in a fog so much of the time. God Bless you Olivia

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on December 7, 2009 at 1:35am

This is an interesting subject. When my husband was alive, people would say they saw him here or there and he was home at that times, so he has a double some where on this small island. I don't know what my reaction would be if I saw his double. Everywhere I go if I see a man the same height, weight and wears the same type of clothing my DH wore, I would stop and stare until he was out of my sight. My desire to see him one more time is overwhelming. I guess we all reach out for something, although it is not the real thing.

Linda B.

Permalink Reply by Renona Guyton on December 7, 2009 at 2:42am

I can relate, my cousin called me two days ago and told me she just saw someone that looked like my husband. Oh, how I wish it was him and he could just come home to me. I am holding on so tight that I just want him to call me on the phone or walk through the front door. I guess we do all reach out for something even if it isn't real. I just need something tangible to hold on to.

Linda said:

This is an interesting subject. When my husband was alive, people would say they saw him here or there and he was home at that times, so he has a double some where on this small island. I don't know what my reaction would be if I saw his double. Everywhere I go if I see a man the same height, weight and wears the same type of clothing my DH wore, I would stop and stare until he was out of my sight. My desire to see him one more time is overwhelming. I guess we all reach out for something, although it is not the real thing.

Linda B.

Permalink Reply by Georgia on December 8, 2009 at 1:03am

Yes Olivia, I firmly believe that they communicate with us. I know that my daughter felt that way too. Because, she and I talked shortly after my husband passed and she told me that.
My husband passed from a heart problem, and my daughter was murdered by her X boyfriend. He broke into her apartment through a downstairs window. She called 911 but they didn't make it there in time. But, they did catch him.
We have Jesus who died on the cross, that we might live. We have to remember the Atonement.
I believe we will be with our loved ones again. But, we must try hard to live our lives so Jesus would approve.
One day before my husband was sick, I told him I wanted to leave this earth before him. He said to me, It's not going to be that way, but I will be waiting for you when it's your turn. (he use to play the guitar and sing) He told me, he would be playing me a song when I arrived. I have to keep things like this in my heart. Sometimes my heart feels like it is cracking in half.
It's nice to talk with you Olivia.
God Bless, Georgia

Permalink Reply by Marie on December 8, 2009 at 2:34pm

Gear Olivia,

You are not crazy. That happens to me alot. My husband was a marathon runner and loved to be outside.

I can't count the number of times, usually when I'm driving, I'll see someone from behind that looks just like my Mark. I will actually slow down and strain my neck looking back as I drive by. And sometimes, they do look like him. Or I'll be driving and the driver next to me has the same car as my husband & the profile looks just like him.

After attending a zillion grief groups, I can tell you, just about every one has similar experiences. While I can't swear it's "normal," it sure is common among the grieving people. In some ways it's comforting. My favorite is when I have a good dream about him. The good dreams have only happened a few times, but I cherish them.

Many the Lord comfort and bless you,
Marie

Permalink Reply by Kathy Carpenter on December 15, 2009 at 3:33pm

I had a very similar experience about 8 months after my Greg died. I was driving to work and a man on a motorcycle turned onto the road in front of me. He looked so much like Greg from the back. His hair was cut straight across the back like Greg's hair. I cut Greg's hair for twelve years and knew exactly what it looked like in back. He was a big guy like Greg, wearing the same work clothes that Greg wore. I was mesmerized and just kept following behind him for miles, missing the exit to go to work. I finally had to stop, I was crying and couldn't see. I pulled off to the side of the road and let out what could only be described as a wail. I was sobbing and banging my fists on the steering wheel. I just experienced this horrendous, horrendous physical yearning to hold Greg one more time. The pain and feeling of loss was so great I did not think my heart would survive it. It took some time to get control of myself and get back on the road and go to work. A friend was at my desk when I got there and she knew I was in bad shape and she sat down and said talk to me and I told her I am losing my mind and explained what happened and she was wonderful, she listened and told me of her experiences with grief and that I was very normal.

Today is the 2 year anniversary of Greg's funeral. It makes Christmas hard, I still love him so much and miss him so much but I know he didn't want his death to destroy me. He told me that before he died. So I live my life everyday and try to remember the things that made me happy and made me laugh. He has 3 new grandchildren since he died and they are a source of joy for me and know he can see them and send his love to them. Grief is the hardest thing i have ever experienced but you do get better at dealing with it. My hopes are for you to come through it also when you are ready.

Permalink Reply by Clare Jaramillo on December 18, 2009 at 11:24am

Dear Olivia,
This happens to me all the time. My husband passed away whlle on a hunting trip in 2007. A few years earlier I insisted we buy him a new truck. It was a green Ford F-150. He took great pride in his truck. He would put American flags on each side in the windows and drive it around town. There is not a time that I don't see a truck exactly like his when I go out. Sometimes with the flags attached and a man driving which looks very similar to my husband. It's heartbreaking! It's been 25 months since my husbands passing but the pain is even worse now than when I was notified of his death. Everybody says to take one day at a time but nobody is yet to walk in my shoes. (or atleast it feels that way) I'm sorry for your loss and I'll be thinking of you during the holidays.
Clare