There was a tree lighting ceremony last night at hospice. All those that donate in memory of their loved one gets a star with his/her name on it on one of the three trees on the lawn. It was the first time that I have been back to the hospice. It was very festive with music, hula dancers and snacks. My family was with me. I went into the facility, and all the festivities outside faded away. I was in this place that I spent 11 days caring, loving and crying for my Bo. Two angels that took loving and tender care of my Bo were working that night. We hugged and cried and wish each other a happy holiday and they asked how I was doing. "Hanging in there" was all I could say through my tears. I wanted to look into the room he passed away in but the door was closed and I was told someone was in there. All for the best I guess because I was already in tears. I pray that I never have to go there again. I just wanted closure.

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Linda, I am so sorry for your loss. This is such a difficult time for all of us who are grieving our lost spouses. I'm glad you got some closure, and that two of Bo's "angels" were there to hug and cry with you. God bless you, and God bless us all.
Thank you Dear. You are all in my thoughts in this difficult time of the year when we are missing our loved ones more than ever. Yes, God Bless us all.

You deserve a round of applause for even going. I work at the hospital where my husband died. I haven't been back to the floor, one day I will go but I'm not ready now. My husband passed away 2/9/09. He was also a hospice patient. May God continue to bless you. Continue to hang in there.

Greetings, Linda,

The hospice that took care of my husband (he was only in hospice for four days; he died on 29 June 2009) had a similar type of ceremony called "Light Up A Life" in early October.

There were readings, musical selections, and then someone from the hospice read a biography of the loved one while a picture supplied by the family was shown. Then another person lit a candle in that loved one's memory.

I went...I was nervous about going, but I went. There were some others that were before they got to my husband, but when our wedding picture came up, and someone read the name 'Byron Raymond Perkins' - I simply broke down and cried.

His nurse was there, and she sat next to me, comforting me. After the ceremony, some light comfort food was served, and several people came up to me and told me that they were sorry about my loss. Among the first to reach me was the hospice's Bereavement Counselor, who has been visiting me 1-2 times per month. He said, "I heard you (he had been working the slide projector) - are you all right?" I was a little shaky, but I told him that I was okay - and I was.

I was proud, hearing my sweetie's accomplishments and about his life - and it meant so much to have them recognized, to have his life recognized, publicly.

I think it is perfectly okay and understandable that you don't wan't to go into the room where your beloved died - my husband was a clinical psychologist, and I had to close his office down - I had to consolidate all his patient files, shred confidential records (40 bags worth), deal with vendors and patients, make arrangements for the office equipment and furniture to be removed, and records to be sent to the Custodian of Record. One Sunday, I filled up an entire dumpster all by myself.

I _dreaded_ having to walk through the door of his office, to go into the room where he spent so much time with his patients. It was an immense relief when in early November, everything had been taken care of, and I no longer had to go to the building. His office is about 20 minutes from where we lived, but I have no desire to go anywhere near it!

Peace, blessings, healing and comfort be upon you - Yaca Attwood
Yaca, thank you for sharing. Bo's hospice is a small facility, about 20 rooms, but sadly, it is very, very busy. 2 or 3 pass away there everyday. The day Bo passed, two others did also. So it is impossible to call out the names of every loved one with stars on the tree. It was a very nice ceremony. I felt at peace when I got home. I love your signature. I need them all. I wish the same to you and everyone in this forum.

With Warm Aloha, Linda


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