Here we are into a new year...Welcome to 2010! If only we could all make the world stop, turn back time and hit replay.

I want nothing more than to have a chance to do it all over again, only this time, do it the right way, the way we always knew it should be, no accidents, no leaving me alone. Not this life of loneliness and emptiness. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of trying to be everyone else's rock. I want to be taken care of again. I miss being taken care of, I miss being important to someone, I miss belonging to someone. I just want my fairytale life back!!!

The only thing I can say about it being a new year is that it is one year closer to being together again. That is my goal...everyday is one day closer to being together again...

I love you, my Bunzy!!

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Marlena,
I to am so sad this morning.I feel as tho Im leaving my love behind.Now I have to say she passed away last year.So far my pain, my grief is as much today as it was when she passed away.
You want him back to take care of you.I want my love back so I can take care of her.I could not wait for each day to begin so I could wait on her and take care of her.Her coffee in bed, her cereal, her lunch, and on and on.Without her my purpose in life has gone.So far I have not found one thing to help me get on with my life.No books, no well meaning friends, nothing.I do have my memories and the knowledge we will be together again in the next life.
Like you I miss that smile, that hug and kiss, that I love you from that one person that made life worthwhile.They say time makes it better.Im not so sure.
In one verse of our song it says,,At times I may seem far away but never wonder where I am because I am always by your side.That keeps me going to some degree.
The best to us all here.
Charles
Amen sister.I couldn't agree more.What I wouldn't give to feel his warm hand on the small of my back. may we all find some peace in 2010.Kathy
Last night was the first New Years Eve in 7 years that I did not get my kiss and a picture of that kiss..it was a tradition .. and it hurt like hell when it didn't happen. I chose to take my meds early, send the kids to have some fun with family, lock my door and sleep through the end of what was most definately the worst year of my life. As I look towards my future I will 100% agree that I am doing less living and a lot more " when will I be with Andrew again" ... Seems like it may be an eternity at this rate. I have so much legal things that will be happening in the next 25 days, and get to relive it all.. again. 2008 was hard, 2009 was heartbreaking and 2010 is starting off numb and empty ...
I can't move on and moving forward just doesn't feel right.. I miss my best friend, I miss my feeling of happiness.. and I miss my life that didn't exist until he was part of it.
Miss and love you always Sweetboy.. Andrew 3-17-78 - 4-16-2009
Well said! This is exactly how I feel. I don't want to be here, but I have to.
Charles,

I had not thought about having to say that my husband passed away - last year...ooh, I do not like the sound of that. It sounds so long ago and so far away. I am heading to 1 year fast and furiously, but I agree I feel as much grief today as I did early on. Although I can put on that happy face because everyone expects me to, I am crumbling inside.

Wishing you the best to carry on.

Marlena

Charles said:
Hi Marlena,
I to am so sad this morning.I feel as tho Im leaving my love behind.Now I have to say she passed away last year.So far my pain, my grief is as much today as it was when she passed away.
You want him back to take care of you.I want my love back so I can take care of her.I could not wait for each day to begin so I could wait on her and take care of her.Her coffee in bed, her cereal, her lunch, and on and on.Without her my purpose in life has gone.So far I have not found one thing to help me get on with my life.No books, no well meaning friends, nothing.I do have my memories and the knowledge we will be together again in the next life.
Like you I miss that smile, that hug and kiss, that I love you from that one person that made life worthwhile.They say time makes it better.Im not so sure.
In one verse of our song it says,,At times I may seem far away but never wonder where I am because I am always by your side.That keeps me going to some degree.
The best to us all here.
Charles
Teri,

You have been through so much. You have a right to do whatever you can to make it through each day. My heart breaks for you and all that your family is going through. You are in my thoughts as you go through all the "legal stuff" in the next few weeks.

I don't think that too many of us can see any kind of future for ouselves any time soon. We seem to be stuck in this place of grief that is so lonely and burdensome.

I hope that you are able to find even a small amount of peace and comfort in all the memories you shared with your Andrew.

Take care,

Marlena

Teri said:
Last night was the first New Years Eve in 7 years that I did not get my kiss and a picture of that kiss..it was a tradition .. and it hurt like hell when it didn't happen. I chose to take my meds early, send the kids to have some fun with family, lock my door and sleep through the end of what was most definately the worst year of my life. As I look towards my future I will 100% agree that I am doing less living and a lot more " when will I be with Andrew again" ... Seems like it may be an eternity at this rate. I have so much legal things that will be happening in the next 25 days, and get to relive it all.. again. 2008 was hard, 2009 was heartbreaking and 2010 is starting off numb and empty ...
I can't move on and moving forward just doesn't feel right.. I miss my best friend, I miss my feeling of happiness.. and I miss my life that didn't exist until he was part of it.
Miss and love you always Sweetboy.. Andrew 3-17-78 - 4-16-2009
this is my first post here - my husband died june 19 2009. We were blessed to have a wonderful hospice with us. After he died i KNEW that i needed to do something with my time and with my appreciation for the hospice. I now volunteer with them. I call the families on the weekend just to see how things are going. It's not a lot but it's what i can do to give back to the hospice and make the families have a great experience with hospice. I also decided that 2010 would be a year for me to try and do new things. I am very sad that my husband of 26 years isn't here to experience this with me. I also know that i can't bring him back, he's gone. There are days that i can't seem to get moving. Times that i cry. When that happens i get up and go do something,even if it's get on the computer, or go make a card. I won't sit and wallow. This is just me and who i am now.
Sarita,
You have a wonderful outlook. Many days I lack your ambition to get up and get moving. I do know that the busier I am the more positive I feel about life in general. I am glad my college courses have started up again, I am much more focused when school is in session...Christmas break really had me feeling sorry for myself. Time to get up and get moving again.

Thank you for offering a great perspective on continuing on. We all need to hear that it is possible to keep going without forgetting our love.

Marlena (and Tom)
Always and Forever
Hi,
I totally get what your saying, I lost my huby Bill Nov 11, 09 and I am so lost, the sadness ,emptiness and the loneliness, it just takes over my life, we didn't have the perfect life but we did love each other and to lose him unexcept at 55, is awful. All I want is to be with him, I talk to him all day and I still cry myself to sleep every night, and I hate the morning the most waking up and remember he's not with me, kills me all over again.
I am really sorry for your loss and wish I could say it would get better, but for me it seems harder each day. I wish I could give your fairytale back......
Hang in there.
Jill (without Bill)
Mariena, I feel the same way. We were supposed to go together. I have no regrets about the way we lived - just about him leaving without me. Everyday I tell God I'm waiting to join my husband, but He doesn't want me to leave yet. I don't know why, I sure wish He'd tell me. I'm like you - tired of the emptiness. I try to keep busy, as that helps, but the days seem so long. I have trouble getting interested in anything. I miss him so much - we had so much fun together. It's been almost 2 years and I still can't seem to find my way. The song "You say it best, when you say nothing at all" came on the radio and I just cried and cried. We didn't have to talk - we could just look at each other and feel the love. His eyes told me everything and his smile just melted me. I am so very thankful for all we had but I'm just human and would sure like to have him back - or join him. Thanks for listening!
Hi Marlena,

I so agree with what you say. Everyone says it will "get better" I feel it is worse. I lost my boyfriend whom I lived with for 5 1/2 years. He died in our beb one morning, Heart attack andI got to see this and call 911. It feels like nobdy understands seing that, It is supposed to be the same as someom=ne who hasdied of a disease. (like cancer...or when you actually have anidea. He was 47 I am 51. Didn't have much (monitarily), but we had each other. Now he is gone, I had to move to my hometownand live with my sister and her husband. I feel like a burden, yet I know on my income iit wilbea prayer in hell to be independent and go on...without someome's help. Everyday I wake up hoping this was a bad dream. Honestly I feel like a burden. Everyday something else goes wrong. I want to move back to where I live, but I fee; like I OWE everybody. Tom left me with nothing and my Mom talked me into moving back. I wish I knew what to do. Everything has gone wrong since he passed. Sodepressed it is hard for me to move forward. Does naybody have any suggestions???My Mom seems to thingk to be STRONG you just do, Well you can't help what you feel. FYI, I do not think I am a whimp, he passed, I moved out of town. left the only car in his name, and took a few belongings. I had a houde to live in before, haad a car had "things" and now itfeels like I am 13 again. If anybody can help, please. truthfully I wish I went with him.
Sorry for the typos. Tried to fix. Not in a good mood lately,

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