Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Carina on February 4, 2010 at 5:25pm

Bill Geddings said:

I am so sorry! Phillip Lost a lot of weight. It is a very painful death. It sounds like something went wrong in that operating room! I worked in the hospital! I would do some investigation! If I can help in any way please let me know ok! Hang in there that is what we are here for!
Always,
Bill

Thank you so much Bill for paying attention to my post. One of the nurses in the intensive care unit told me that probably what happed was that they remove the tubes too soon. One of the doctors who did the endoscopy told me that they had to put the tubes back, because he was going nuts. This is what is really killing me, because I have no idea how much he suffered in that room, in the hands of strangers, he didn't see me there to give me support. I know that when they took him into that operating room he was short of breath, and he was connected to the oxygen. I know that the only way I can relief a little this pain I have is if one day I can understand if what happened to him is normal, and it happens to other people. The doctors, and the social worker in the hospital tell me that he was going to die anyway. Probably so, but he could have died in the company of the family who loved him so much, not in a cold operating room sorrounded by people he had no idea who they were.

Please, I beg you, since you worked in a hospital, tell me anything you can about this. Anything you know that justifies what happened to my husband. I blame the medical industry because when my husband was admitted to the hospital, they did a sonogram, blood text, and an MRI. At that point they knew that after 14 chemo treatments, the tumour didn't shrink, and a few little tumours were found in the liver. At this point, the doctors should have known that he was going to die, (they told me that after what happened in the operating room) if that was the case, why did they take him into that operating room for that endonscopy? So the young doctors could practiced? And more bills for the Insurance Co.? Why didn't the doctor informed me that the Chemo didn't work, and he grew tumours he didn't have in the liver? I would have stopped them from doing that endoscopy to my husband who had already suffered enough. He would had died with more dignity. I really feel as I took my husband to the death penalty that day. He looked scare that day, and I convinced him that probably that ugly fatigue, or anxiety he had, will stop after the endoscopy. Thank you again Bill.

Permalink Reply by Carina on February 4, 2010 at 5:31pm

OooPs! I am so sorry Bill, my mind is not in the right place. I just realized that you opened this thread to find support for yoursel, and here I am disturbing it with my own problem.

Someone please, tell me would be a good place for me to go with my problem, so people can help me?

Permalink Reply by Bill Geddings on February 4, 2010 at 7:57pm

Carina that is fine! This is why we all come to this site is to help each other! Keep writing you feelings on here! That is what has helped me the most! Everyone has been good to me and sent me replies on how to deal with things! It has helped me a lot and hope it will help you!
Always,
Bill

Permalink Reply by Andrew Koehn on February 4, 2010 at 9:24pm

Bill...like everyone else I'm sorry. It all sucks so bad...and we all know what you're going through. I own a business...lost my wife 5 months ago...have 4 kids...and I feel alone now. Again...like everyone else.

I DO have advice for you though. Write, dude. Write, write, write about what you're feeling...just like you did here. Get poetic...let it all out...and don't for one second worry about what others might think about what you have to say.

I have a blog called Thirty Seconds...and I will post it every time I reply to someone who has this plea..."HELP ME." I put it all out there for the world to see...and what I've found is that by sharing my stuff...and living despite the pain...and really feeling thankful for this life...the good and the bad...I'm helping others.

Reply to posts here...tell others what you're doing to get through...and you'll find that we will find you...and thank you for your honesty...and in some small way you won't feel alone.

Lastly...please watch this little video I made last week. It's called a "palendrome" and I had no idea what it was until some one sent me an example. You see...people will come out of nowhere for you...just like everyone here.

I'm not going to wish you luck. Unfortunately in my estimation you don't need luck...you need to see that you WILL get through...and you are going to be one wise...inspirational person. You will...but it takes a bit of courage and an openness to accepting what IS.

(Aw hell I'll wish you luck anyway...)

AK

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on February 5, 2010 at 6:16pm

Dear Bill,

The love of my life died on July 19, 2009. We were together 31 years, married 26 of those years. He was my soul mate, best friend, lover, and spouse. Like you and your loved one we went home under Hospice care and they are angels on this earth, no doubt. Douglas struggled with the pain, not just from the illness but the pain of leaving me behind. On the day he died I held him in my arms like a baby (he had lost over 110 lbs) and whispered into his ear, "I love you with all my heart and always will. You have completed your task on this earth and now it is time for you to move on to the next step. I will join you when my time comes and we will be together again. You are going ahead of me to get things all set up. It is okay to go, Douglas, because I will be okay. Your love for me has made me strong and I will survive." He closed his eyes and moved on with a smile on his lips. That is the last memory I have of this wonderful and gentle spirit.

For months I was numb, my chest felt like a cannonball had just gone through it. I cried almost 24/7 -- could not visit any stores, restaurants, or other facilities that we frequented. It took almost 5 months before I could go into the grocery store in our neighborhood. When I did I went up and down each aisle and cried when I saw his favorite cookies, chocolate milk, bread, dessert, etc. Is it any easier now that it has been almost 7 months? Yes and no. I still pick up his favorite things and end up returning them at the register. I think he puts those things in the basket to remind me that he is still with me in spirit. You see, Bill, you don't need to have the physical to keep loving someone. My Douglas is my hero and guardian angel. He will always be with me and everyday I get stronger. I know he is pushing me a little each day. Whenever I see a feather I know it is him hugging me with his new found wings -- and of course, a crooked halo!

Give yourself time and space. Don't apologize for crying or hurting. You are supposed to when you lose the love of your life. But I don't think of Douglas as lost, just absent in the physical sense. I have memories that no one can ever take away from me and for that I am grateful. His spirit is strong and I feel him holding my hand every day. Your day will come as well. Just take care of yourself and give it time. Everyone here is going through the same thing at different speed. But one thing we all have in common is this: We are friends and we have special loved ones looking out for us from above. Now that is a feeling called "heavenly" -- and I feel special!!

Take care and keep using this site. I will be thinking of you, Bill.

Peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Glenda F. Camp on February 5, 2010 at 8:41pm

Bill, I wish there were words of advice, better yet of comfort, to offer, but most words are empty right now. I have found that people rarely know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one. I lost my beloved soul mate after 26 years of marriage on November 9, 2009. He was 25 years older than I, so not many people understood the depth of our love for or commitment to each other. All of our life together was a "me and thee against the world" situation. So, I share your sense of being so alone. At the worst times I comfort myself with reminders of the beauty of our love and the joy of working and playing together for those 26 years, but I am having great difficulty, as I am sure you are, believing that he is really gone and that there is nothing I can do to "bring him back". He will always be with me in my heart, but knowing that does not make up for never again feeling the touch of his hand in mine. Advice? I'm not sure there is much. However, take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone on this journey. Glenda

Permalink Reply by Auntiekeke on February 5, 2010 at 11:19pm

Hi Bill,
I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer on November 23, 2009. This cancer sux! From diagnosis to death it was 9 months and 3 weeks. We never made it to hospice. I hope you have a good support system around you. You should contact hospice, local hospital or your local cancer care services for a grief support group meeting. I just started attending and even though I am the youngest widowed person attending (by 10 years) it helps to know that I'm not alone in my grief.

Take care, Kelly

Permalink Reply by Bill Geddings on February 6, 2010 at 8:57am

Glenda,
Thanks so much for responding! You are right, there really isn't words of comfort,but it Is great to be able to share the experience with all of you on here! At-least I don't feel so so alone with you guys! I sometimes wish I could just hold him one more time, but I know I can't now until God calls for me! It has been so hard starting over in a new town, new job, etc! People sometimes out there can be so cruel, telling me oh just get over it! You got to let it go! Refer to him as a it!! So therefore a lot of people don't want to talk to me, as if I'm too much trouble, to much baggage! Well I can't just forget him, but I am trying to go on, but it is not easy! Thanks for texting me!
Always,
Bill

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