grieving

After 9 months of the loss of my wife, I am NOT coping well without her. Sorry, I did it wrong the first time Irene.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on February 2, 2010 at 9:26pm

Irene Parker said:

Randolph, You are right, not all women are good caregivers either. A friend of mines mom was in my store a few days ago. She was complaining about her husband having alzhiemers and how hard it was on her. I think she was just wanting sympathy...how dare she! When the person you love is sick it is NOT about you. When we found out Terry had cancer, I told him from day one he had one job, and that was to get well. My job was to take care of everything else. I wanted him to use all his energy on getting better. I remember some days being so exhausted I didn't know how I was going to get through the day, so I prayed to God for strength. No matter how tired I was, it was nothing compared to what he was going through fighting for his life. He would have done the same for me. I don't think it's that hard to be a good caregiver if you really love someone, do you?

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on February 2, 2010 at 9:32pm

God bless you Irene Parker. No, I dont think its hard to be a caregiver when you love somebody. You know, I have never asked God for help, I asked God to help others. I told God to take from me and give it to my wife for strength and I sincerely believed he did. But her body was finally worn out and she went. Thank God she had no pain and I was never angry. I was greedy though, I wanted more time with her. Forty- four plus years with her wasnt enough.

Permalink Reply by Charles on February 2, 2010 at 10:11pm

Irene,
So true,, When I took Doris to the hospital I thought she would respond to treatment as she had before and come back home worse but at least come back home.Thats why I bought the hospital bed for her and had it ready.Doris did not come back home, Doris was so sad when she knew she would not see the bedroom I fixed for us.Doris had been in and out of hospitals, Rehab. many times.I just took it for granted she would come back to me.
Only another care giver understands the pain and fatigue that we have.As broken hearted as I am I have so much to be thankful for.My health has held up so I could take care of her,, I am a light sleeper so when she needed me in the night I could respond fast.Most nights all she said was HONEY and I was up.We had the finances to buy.her wheel chair ect.A few times I got her in the truck, and I parked on the street at the medical supple store and brought walkers, stools,. out so she could choose what she wanted.Even then she was always smiling.So many friends and neighbors have said She was always smiling from her heart.
No wonder we are just devastated over losing Doris and Terry and so many wonderful people we have gotten to know here.Our broken hearts will never mend but we still must go on with life.
I am tired of being so sad but I canot seem to find the answer to get on with my life as I should.In time I will tho..Irene,, Help, Its been a bad day.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on February 2, 2010 at 10:23pm

Charles said:

Irene,
So true,, When I took Doris to the hospital I thought she would respond to treatment as she had before and come back home worse but at least come back home.Thats why I bought the hospital bed for her and had it ready.Doris did not come back home, Doris was so sad when she knew she would not see the bedroom I fixed for us.Doris had been in and out of hospitals, Rehab. many times.I just took it for granted she would come back to me.
Only another care giver understands the pain and fatigue that we have.As broken hearted as I am I have so much to be thankful for.My health has held up so I could take care of her,, I am a light sleeper so when she needed me in the night I could respond fast.Most nights all she said was HONEY and I was up.We had the finances to buy.her wheel chair ect.A few times I got her in the truck, and I parked on the street at the medical supple store and brought walkers, stools,. out so she could choose what she wanted.Even then she was always smiling.So many friends and neighbors have said She was always smiling from her heart.
No wonder we are just devastated over losing Doris and Terry and so many wonderful people we have gotten to know here.Our broken hearts will never mend but we still must go on with life.
I am tired of being so sad but I canot seem to find the answer to get on with my life as I should.In time I will tho..Irene,, Help, Its been a bad day.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on February 2, 2010 at 10:30pm

Hi Charles, I too was a light sleeper and heard my wife everytime there was a problem. It was always in her sleep and she would moan. A bad back forces me to sleep in a recliner and I was told at the ER nurses that a person who has a seizure during sleep, they usually never wake up. I wish I could give you advice but I cant. I ,too, am so sad and lonely. I dont know how to get on with my life alone either. But, you are not alone here, if thats any consolation. Nine months,15 days so far and still cant get a grip.

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on February 2, 2010 at 10:44pm

I so admire you Charles, Irene and Randolph, you all should be very proud of yourselves, caring for your spouses when they needed you the most. I am sure there is a special spot in heaven for folks like you. I know you did it out of pure love and devotion, but not all couples are so lucky. I do know though that if I had needed care Larry would have provided it for me as I would have him if I had had the chance.
Like you Charles I am tired of being sad. Its hard not having that special person around anymore.
Today I took our dog to the kennel. She was so excited. She misses Daddy too. It will be a nice change for her. Just to show you how perceptive our animals are here is a little story about our Toni. Actually, Toni has a sad little story that she uses to her advantage at the lodge. When we bought the lodge in 2005 we didn't have a dog, (our 17 year old Pomeranian passed the year before) so 2 days after opening a friend that was out on the lake found this poor little starved puppy on an island. Her mother was dead. She was so weak she couldn't walk more than 3 steps without sitting down. Anyway long story short we adopted her and all the guests feed her steaks, chicken breast, etc we even have some guests that prepare a special breakfast for her. She is queen of the mooches. LOL. Ok back to the original story. When Larry passed I came back home to make arrangements etc and had to leave Toni at the lodge. Our lodge is 5 hours from our home. When I went back to the lodge 4 days after the funeral, Toni wouldn't even look at me for a day and a half. She was angry with me because I had left her and Daddy wasn't there any more. So now tonight I am home alone and missing her.
Just a few random thoughts.
Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on April 7, 2010 at 5:04pm

Sending you hugs from Seattle, WA!

Peace,

Brigitte
Randolph L. Schrader said:

When my wife died,I died too.Her friends,her family,dissappeared after she died.
I lost a BIG part of my heart,soul and spirit when she died. I am not suicidal but I don't want to live anymore. Its not depression. Its sadness and lonliness and the useless feeling. It seems that my whole being has now been put out to pasture,never to be accessed again. Its like I am no longer needed.
I know only I can get a grip on it, but I sure could use a hug.
And how can you handle getting up between 1:40am and 2:40 am every morning for 9 months,(Even taking a sleeping aid)? Thats the time I left for home from the hospital after she died.