I've got to ask this question.Are we prolonging our misery or helping each other?I've become addicted this web page.On the other hand I'm so comfortable discussing my feelings with other people that are in similar situations.I know I don't cry as often as I use to.Maybe I'm answering my own question.Any input?

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Kathleen I want to believe we are helping each other. I know in the few days since I have found this site it has helped me a lot. Only support, no criticism. We all know first hand how each other are feeling. It takes time and I think this is helping.
Take care Yvonne
I have been thinking about this very thing as well.I know at times I make myself sad.Its as tho I feel more comfortable grieving and being sad.
I have been thinking about putting all the pictures away and all the cards on display.There is still a life to be lived.My love wanted me to go on and be happy, find some one to love and be loved.At times I think that the more I cry and grieve shows how much I love her.
I want to be happy.I want love and intimacy.Nothing can make me love her less I know that. Her memories will always be with me.
Kathleen, You asked the question,, Now lets hear your answer and how you feel.
Charles,I really don't know.I met my husband when I was 14,I've been with him only for 46 years.I know nothing else.I never envisioned life without him.I guess I'm a dinosaur of sorts.We literally grew up together.Then we grew old together.But at 60 I don't feel ready to be put out to pasture.I do know that I personally am not ready for any sort of meat market out there.So for now I will keep his memories close.I do miss the human touch and companionship.I will know when it's time to move on.These wounds are still fresh.
Yvonne,Thank you for your input.I was worrying that I was dwelling too much on this subject.Should I be moving forward.I know This site Has helped me tremendously,too.Like you said,no criticism.Since my husband's death I've been all consumed about it.At least I know if and when I need help there is someone here to listen.Thanks everbody,Kathy
Well, it is an excellent question to ask...however, I think that so many widows/widowers, especially if they've just lost their spouse, need _somewhere_ to be able to say things that they are not able to say to friends/family....at least, this is a place where someone knows what it's like to sleep in a large bed alone, or hang onto a shirt, because it still has his/her smell to it, or burst into tears when a certain song comes on the radio.

At least here, there are people who aren't part of a happy couple, who know what the long moments of life are - the Saturday at 2 AM when you can't sleep, but there is no one to talk to, the 3 PM Sunday, when you're home alone, and no one is available....

I think this place is needed, for as long as each person needs it, and when that time comes, then people move on.....or come back; I've seen postings from people whose spouses died 6+ years ago, but the pain never completely leaves you, like Frodo was never completely free from the wounds he received along the way to Mordor....

I've found that the hospice Bereavement Counselor is now basically the only person that is willing to listen to me talk about Byron (he died on 29 June 2009), without squirming or wanting to change the subject...our culture doesn't do grief, very well, for the most part.

I have weeks, now, where I don't cry, but there are days when I do...I am beginning to think about wanting to be married again, someday (I are only a 1958 Baby), of having someone to go to dinner with, to laugh with, to share with.

But I will always, always love Byron Raymond Perkins, no matter what, and his death will always be a part of me, even if and when I remarry or what have you.

Peace, blessing, healing and wisdom be with you all - Yaca Attwood Perkins
WE all need a period of mourning, more for some and less for others.
My mom and Dad were married 40 years, my dad was sick with heart failure the last 10 years of his life.My mom was 55 when my dad died.My mom told me she was going to have some fun, travel, make new friends and she did.We were so happy for her.She lived 5 years, had a stroke and died at age 60.
It does make one think about the future.
Yaca,You are so right.Thank you,I needed that!I thought I was going nuts!Looking forward to seeing everybodies posts each day.To be in the the company of others that are suffering too.And you're right this is the only place that people don't try to change to subject.I will not feel guilty about this any longer.Kathy
Kathleen, Yvonne, Charles, Yacca, The question was asked, "Are we helping each other?' I can say you all have helped more than you can ever know. I guess it's because we feel so free to share with others who understand what each one is going trough and know that we won't be criticized for our thoughts or told that's it's time to move on. I have an idea I'm probably older than any of you and was married longer so I'm not sure I would ever be able to move on with someone else. Just to know that I occasionally have those nights and need a listening ear, it helps to clear my mind just to fire off a few words to you or sometimes, I don't write anything at all; I just read what you have written and many times, it's the same words I would have said. It's amazing what bonds we can form through these discussions.
Thank you so much for listening and caring.
To all of you,I really feel close to all of you and truly you have become an on line family.I was afraid I was becoming too dependant.I didn't mean to stir the pot but I needed to know.Ann,Lois,Yaca,Yvonne,Charles And Irene ,Thank you all,Kathy
Hi Kathleen, Just checking in on how a lot of us are doing.Its been almost five months for me now.I find I do smile more now days.When I look at the hundreds of pictures I have all over my walls I smile more.I also remember the wonderful 25 years we had with more joy now.Yes I cry most every day but not as much as before.I can talk about my love without breaking down, Believe me thats progress for me.I have no idea what my future holds but no matter what she will be by my side and in my heart as I travel this long road.
One thing that has kept me going is some words in her song to me...At times I may seem far away but never wonder where I am because I am always by your side.In the dark of the night those words keep me going.I miss her smile, her love, every minute of the day.I am better tho.One thing that keeps coming up from so many people that knew her and loved her,,, BOY SHE WAS REALLY SOMETHING.Those words make me smile every time.I have received so much help here from so many people.Thank you all. Charles
YES, YES, YES! I think this forum is helping each of us grieve. I visit everyday, to read and to post when I have something to contribute. I know I can talk about my Bo without the rolling of the eyes or changing of the subject I get when I mention his name. I've read all of your love stories and cried with each and every one of you. Mahalo (thank you) for being in my life and helping me through my grief. I hope that something I've said in a post has helped someone too.
With warm Aloha, Linda
Point taken.Having never lost a spouse before,I have experienced emotions that are all over the place.Just when I think I'm doing great,I'll have a major breakdown.But I know now,that everyone here is going through the same.On Saturday last,at a "celebration of life" for a close friend a major "storm" blew through! I sobbed more than at Hubby's services.Sort of a delayed reaction.But I know now this is to be expected.And as a very private person,I am no longer embarassed by these outbursts.Nor will I feel the need to apologize.So through you all I have been educated.As far as sanity goes,I guess this is it for now!Oh yea,another thing I learned is not to drink beer in public yet!!!sorrow and alcohol do not mix! Do not drink and grieve!!! LOL


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