Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Yaca Attwood on February 11, 2010 at 11:20am

Ah, but people do not want to be reminded of what COULD happen to them....yes, I will agree that widows/widowers are "out of sight, out of mind" in many, many churches - and that we make others unconfortable on an essential, visceral level.

Our dead are the huge elephant in the room that everyone squeezes by, and talks about EVERYTHING ELSE BUT THE ELEPHANT - our dead are the ones that make others squirm and change the subject - to be fair, our culture does not deal with death and loss very well, and most people do not know what to say and fear offending or hurting us.

It would help a lot of people could bring themselves to just say the word 'dead', or 'died'; if they'd just say the person's name - the hospice counselor is the only one, now, who is willing to listen to me talk about my husband who died on 29 June 2009 without squirming, becoming uncomfortable or changing the subject.....

Permalink Reply by Julie on February 13, 2010 at 3:28pm

Now that I have become a widow, it has changed my life. I never knew such pain before, and no one, except the widow, or widower, understands how this feels, yet they all equate it to other losses; losses of children, dad, moms, etc.
This IS different and I believe, the most painful loss one can suffer.

Permalink Reply by dianna on February 15, 2010 at 10:04am

Julie said:

Now that I have become a widow, it has changed my life. I never knew such pain before, and no one, except the widow, or widower, understands how this feels, yet they all equate it to other losses; losses of children, dad, moms, etc.
This IS different and I believe, the most painful loss one can suffer.

Permalink Reply by dianna on February 15, 2010 at 10:13am

I get what you are feeling. My life will never stop being touched and sustained because of my husband's life. I will never stop loving him or our lives together. Once a friend explained that when one's loss is a parent we lose the past, when it's a child we lose the future but when it's a spouse we lose the present. Since we must live in the present our circumstances are most altered. I take courage in the reality of a loving God who hasan even greater life ahead, one that all our longings are rooted in. Another wise person once explained that the acid of grief tests the coin of faith. I can see no other way to continue, I will my grief to be subject to a greater reality, Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Keep faith and believe there is much more to come in this life and the next.

dianna said:

Julie said:

Now that I have become a widow, it has changed my life. I never knew such pain before, and no one, except the widow, or widower, understands how this feels, yet they all equate it to other losses; losses of children, dad, moms, etc.
This IS different and I believe, the most painful loss one can suffer.

Permalink Reply by Julie on February 15, 2010 at 10:47am

This morning things are hitting me, as I realize all the things I will never do again with my beloved. I feel like just crawling back to bed today and hiding under the covers. Yes, my beloved is with Jesus now for eternity, and someday, I will be there too, but in the meantime, I miss my sweet, loving, intelligent, dear husband.