Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ann on February 10, 2010 at 7:46pm

Terri,
My deepest condolences for your tragic loss. Don't worry about being a burden; call your friends, family and everyone. You need this human support at a very terrible time in your life and remember we're here for you, too. A book that helped me "The Death of a Husband" by Helen Lambin is available on Amazon. When I read it, I could relate to so many of her experiences, it was almost as if she penned the words I was thinking. God bless you, I'll say an extra prayer for you.

Permalink Reply by JOANNE B on February 10, 2010 at 8:01pm

Terri said:

Thank you Ann for reaching out to me. I miss my husband so much. I've never felt anything as remotely painful as this. But it's such a blessing to know that others care. Thank you again, Terri

Permalink Reply by JOANNE B on February 10, 2010 at 8:10pm

Im JOANNE BURDETT MY CONDOLENCES FOR YOUR LOSS...I FOUND AFTER THE FUNERAL PEOPLE GO ON WITH THERE LIVES ALSO A ADDED LONINESS FOR US...YOU WILL FEEL MANY ALONE TIMES BUT TRY TO REACH OUT AND PLAN TO GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING EVERYDAY..EVEN IF IT MEANS GOING TO THE STORES AND REACH OUT TO THER PEOPLE IN NEED...DONT BE ALONE IF YOU CAN HELP IT TRY GO WHEN ASK....THIS IS WHAT I FOUND OUT SO FAR GOING THRU IT DAY BY DAY...MY HUSBAND DON PASSED 11 MONTHS AGO OF CANCER SO DEVASTATING I KNOW....JOANNE

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on February 10, 2010 at 9:08pm

Terri, I'm so sorry for your loss. When I found this wonderful forum, I read as many posts as I could. In doing that I found that I am with people who understand my pain because we are all there in one stage or another. Reading everyones story helped me to understand what I am feeling and going through. I pray it helps you too.

Permalink Reply by Marie Farmer on February 10, 2010 at 9:17pm

Hello lonely, I am Marie Farmer, and my husband passed away 3 months ago. It has not been an easy road to travel these last 3 months. Because He died October 28, 2009, and the Mortgage Company send me papers to move out of our home the last of November. I had to be out by the 10th of December or let them have everything. I not only lost my husband, I lost our home too. But, things do get a little bit easier as time goes by. I have bad days and good days, but I do miss Sam everyday. Some days are harder than others. There are even times when I can feel his presents at times. But, you know something I still love him just as much maybe even more, and I know that in time this too will get better. But I will never ever forget my Husband Sam he will always be in my heart. With Valentine's Day coming up it is a very hard time for me because it was a big day for us. But I have his ashes and I will spend the day with him overall. I am here anytime you need to talk or you can e-mail me at "rerunn2002@yahoo.com" anytime. Just keep your faith and this too will come to pass. A friend rerunn2002.

Permalink Reply by Marie Farmer on February 10, 2010 at 9:27pm

Lonely I have also found out that I can work with my flowers or go visiting and it helps when I get to that point that I just want to cry all time. I am a 57 year old great-grandma and belief me it does get better in time. I do grief over Sam everyday, but he suffered so long with Cancer, COPD, Congestive Heart failure, and diabetics. When I get to the point that I just don't feel like I can go on any more I start thinking about how Sam suffer the last two years of his life. He was bed ridden for over a year at home and I was his full time care giver round the clock. I was with him to the very end. I was setting beside him holding his hand when Sam took his last breath of air and he went to sleep and didn't wake back up. But he had slipped into a coma three days before he died. So yes I miss him more than any words can say, and I want him back here with me every day. But not in the shape that he was in suffering like he did with all the pain. honey remember the good times, look at pictures of things that ya'll use to do. But most of all do not stay by yourself all time, get out around people it helps a lot. My prayers are with you. A friend, rerunn2002.

Permalink Reply by Carole on February 10, 2010 at 10:27pm

I have found that it is extremely important to get enough rem sleep (deep sleep) in order for your brain to function 'normally'. If you don't your brain starts to overwork and you start to have a lot of negative thoughts that you normally don't have and you panic easily. So first try getting some deep sleep. I take an advil pm, and a glass of wine.
peace of mind with you and my prayers,
Carole

Permalink Reply by jan on February 11, 2010 at 7:27am

Hi Terri.....I'm so sorry....I too lost my husband two months ago....I know what you mean about being lonely....I miss that feeling of him being here too...I talk to him alot and cry too! Everyone says it will get better...hang in there!

Permalink Reply by Denise MacCallum on February 11, 2010 at 9:35am

Hi Terri,
So sorry for the loss of your husband..I lost mine 4 months ago and I still can't believe at times that he's gone...It's the lonliness (your right) that is so hard....I miss him so much..We were together for 40 years...You should never feel like a burden to anyone..They all want to help it's just hard for them because they have no idea what your going through we do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please feel free to email me anytime...denmac50@comcast.net
Denise

Permalink Reply by Helen Carll on February 11, 2010 at 9:39am

Dear Terri, I lost my husband in June and life has not gotten better or easier. I already lost a brother and sister who lived nearby and two other siblings who live out of state do not keep in touch. I have my daughter and her family (my beautiful grandchildren) but everybody has obligations. My son lives out of state and we talk on the phone occasionally. My stepchildren do not call. Jim was my whole life; we did everything together and had no close friends because the ones we thought were friends were only good weather friends. We moved to a neighborhood where the neighbors keep to themselves. We did not know that when we moved there 5 years ago. I cannot even go to church because we did that together also. Jim was on oxygen for the last 6 years and people seem to shy away from people with disabilities. We found that out last year when we went to Florida and stayed in the same community where people he played golf with lived. They never came to see him. How sad it made him. Even his own family did not visit or help him even though they knew he was ailing. However, he pushed himself to do things with me and for me and strangers admired him for that. He should never have died so soon, but between the doctors and hospital you do not have a chance. I feel abandoned and nothing goes right. You are not alone. Sincerely. Helen p.s. He loved to play lottery but unfortunately did not win the big one. He wanted to help his family. He is so good. Why do the good people die and the uncaring, selfish, inconsiderate ones live their lives and enjoying it.

Permalink Reply by Julie on February 13, 2010 at 3:38pm

Hi Terri, please write to me at yeshuasgal2003@yahoo.com
(Julie)

Permalink Reply by Julie on February 13, 2010 at 3:40pm

Helen Carll said:

Dear Terri, I lost my husband in June and life has not gotten better or easier. I already lost a brother and sister who lived nearby and two other siblings who live out of state do not keep in touch. I have my daughter and her family (my beautiful grandchildren) but everybody has obligations. My son lives out of state and we talk on the phone occasionally. My stepchildren do not call. Jim was my whole life; we did everything together and had no close friends because the ones we thought were friends were only good weather friends. We moved to a neighborhood where the neighbors keep to themselves. We did not know that when we moved there 5 years ago. I cannot even go to church because we did that together also. Jim was on oxygen for the last 6 years and people seem to shy away from people with disabilities. We found that out last year when we went to Florida and stayed in the same community where people he played golf with lived. They never came to see him. How sad it made him. Even his own family did not visit or help him even though they knew he was ailing. However, he pushed himself to do things with me and for me and strangers admired him for that. He should never have died so soon, but between the doctors and hospital you do not have a chance. I feel abandoned and nothing goes right. You are not alone. Sincerely. Helen p.s. He loved to play lottery but unfortunately did not win the big one. He wanted to help his family. He is so good. Why do the good people die and the uncaring, selfish, inconsiderate ones live their lives and enjoying it.

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