Hello my husband passed away on Dec 16 I just recently visted his grave site I think that because that was the final place and it was so real so final is why it was hard for me to visit him. I know that he is a peace but I have not been able to dream about him as you have. When I went I just did it on the spur of the moment and I had my brother on the phone so I would not be alone. I told him hello that I was doing ok and that I loved him and missed him and was trying to handle everything as he would want me to.
It was hard but once the snow melts (I am in Ohio) I will decorate his area as I want it to look. It will take time but I know that in the summer i will go take my book, sit and read and play the radio for him. I am looking forward to spring/summer.Stay in prayer about it all.
I have my love's ashes here with me. I find it very comforting to have him near.
Listen to your heart. You will know when it's time and when it's ready for you to visit.
I'm not sure how to address your question because everyone is different.
My wife Loni was married before me and her husband Terry had passed away three years before Loni and I got married. She still had Terry's ashes in a red tool box in a tool shed out back of our house. I would always say hello to Terry when I went to the shed to get something or do some work out there. Weird right !
It was out of respect for Loni. I had told her what I would say when I was out there. I finally asked Loni about finishing what should be done with Terry's ashes, to have them scattered where ever they had planned to do so. She said it was probably the time to do so. I told Loni it was up to her and when she was ready and that I just wanted to bring it up and that I was not pushing it.
I really felt that it was time Loni took that next hard step and despose of Terry's ashes as it should be. I always encouraged Loni to talk of Terry when ever she wanted to, it was O.K. with me. He was a part of Loni's life for 30 years. You just don't stop thinking as if 30 years of your life didn't exist. I had 7 of the best years of my life with Loni, and I'll be darned if I am going to forget one minute of it . If I could I would be with Loni at her grave site often to just talk with her and laugh too, and of course tell her how much I miss her. Loni was creamated and scattered at sea. I still tell Loni every day how much i love her as I did when she was alive. Why stop now ! It was real then and it's real now ! Our 11 kitties come to me now like they use to go to Loni, and leave me messages to tell Loni. I know they really miss Loni, and I tell them Loni loves you still and I tell her you miss her, and then give them all the pets they want. It's comforting to me and it makes the kitties feel better too. They can not be left out of the griving process.
It's interesting to me to see how they are doing about losing Loni and how they deal with it. They are doing better than I am, and i can and will learn from them.
Most of them have come to me for their support and to be comforted. We all need someone to lean on, even me. I'm doing that also with someone I have never met, but call her my daughter. She calls me dad. We unoffically adopted her, and she adopted Loni and I as her mother and dad a little over a year ago.
Her real mother died a month ago from cancer. It happened fast. I plan on bringing her to my home from Boston to California this spring to spend a few weeks and show her Yosemite and the Big Trees ( redwoods ) and other places around here. It will do her a world of good and me to, just to be with each other for a while. She can stay here as long as she wants and has her own room. If she likes it here she can live here. I don't expect that though, she has a large family back east that she is very close to. Her real father never had anything to do with her that's why she wanted me to be her Dad. She's 40 years old and I'm 60 years old and never had the daughter I always wanted. So this has been working for us both for over a year now. Stranger things have happened to me during these 60 years ! This is cool with me ! And it just may be my way out from all the heart ache from losing Loni, or at least a bit of relief. Long story Huh !
I guess my point is take steps, or you will never get anywhere. Tom