Getting it off of my chest

I remember that feeling of being reunited with him after our 4 year separation, and how good it felt to be a family again. That feeling of being truley happy and in love with each other again. Staring into each others' eyes for hours. Looking at one another in awe.
What it felt like to be proud of the person that I was with, and knowing that he felt the same. And it sure did feel good to know that I was with a man that loved my daughter as much as I did. Just like his own, because she was his own. Being a family again. But now you're gone. I'm so sorry I didn't appreciate you like I should have. I so sorry that I didn't understand you as well as I do now. I'm sorry that during the last few months I disassociated myself emotionally. Looking back on it now, I know that I could see the end getting near, I wasn't strong enough to deal with the thought of losing you and that's why I distanced myself from you. In doing that, I abandoned you and broke your heart again. I'm so sorry I wasn't a better, stronger wife.
I hope that you forgive me.
I love and miss you.

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Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 20, 2010 at 7:10pm

Rachael,

I feel guilty sometimes too. We always think we could done more. We all do during the grieving process. It is normal. I used to write letters for my beloved husband. But I know that I did everything I could till the end(all his doctors tell me) I cared more about him than I did about myself. I gave him care, love, company, support everything I have. We never been separated during our 10 years married, we were always together, in the good and bad times. Actually, I always tried to be strong physically & emotionally because he was so sick and weak that I have to be strong for our family. I didn't want to put more burden on his shoulders. I have no reason to feel guilt......but sometimes I think how about if I have done something different, like drive faster to the emergency room, acting faster.... or anything else.
The truth is Rachael.....nothing I could have done...because was his time to go heaven.
God called your husband too. Don't feel guilt, was his time. Try to think in the good times that you both shared together. That always will be ALIVE!

What happened to him? What the cause of his death at such a young age?

God bless!

Permalink Reply by Rachael on February 20, 2010 at 8:31pm

Missmylove47 said:

Rachael,

I feel guilty sometimes too. We always think we could done more. We all do during the grieving process. It is normal. I used to write letters for my beloved husband. But I know that I did everything I could till the end(all his doctors tell me) I cared more about him than I did about myself. I gave him care, love, company, support everything I have. We never been separated during our 10 years married, we were always together, in the good and bad times. Actually, I always tried to be strong physically & emotionally because he was so sick and weak that I have to be strong for our family. I didn't want to put more burden on his shoulders. I have no reason to feel guilt......but sometimes I think how about if I have done something different, like drive faster to the emergency room, acting faster.... or anything else.
The truth is Rachael.....nothing I could have done...because was his time to go heaven.
God called your husband too. Don't feel guilt, was his time. Try to think in the good times that you both shared together. That always will be ALIVE!

What happened to him? What the cause of his death at such a young age?

God bless!

He had congestive heart failure. Basically, he wasn't able to get a transplant in time due to an infection that was causing a fever. He was on life support, so he couldn't tell the doctors that his tooth was the cause of his infection. By the time they had found it, the rest of his organs had started shutting down as well due to the lack of blood flow.

Permalink Reply by Missmylove47 on February 20, 2010 at 8:45pm

I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband suffered so much, he is a good place now. My husband was sick for such a long time too, is hard to see someone you love suffering on pain.

Rachael said:

Missmylove47 said:
Rachael,

I feel guilty sometimes too. We always think we could done more. We all do during the grieving process. It is normal. I used to write letters for my beloved husband. But I know that I did everything I could till the end(all his doctors tell me) I cared more about him than I did about myself. I gave him care, love, company, support everything I have. We never been separated during our 10 years married, we were always together, in the good and bad times. Actually, I always tried to be strong physically & emotionally because he was so sick and weak that I have to be strong for our family. I didn't want to put more burden on his shoulders. I have no reason to feel guilt......but sometimes I think how about if I have done something different, like drive faster to the emergency room, acting faster.... or anything else.
The truth is Rachael.....nothing I could have done...because was his time to go heaven.
God called your husband too. Don't feel guilt, was his time. Try to think in the good times that you both shared together. That always will be ALIVE!

What happened to him? What the cause of his death at such a young age?

God bless!

He had congestive heart failure. Basically, he wasn't able to get a transplant in time due to an infection that was causing a fever. He was on life support, so he couldn't tell the doctors that his tooth was the cause of his infection. By the time they had found it, the rest of his organs had started shutting down as well due to the lack of blood flow.