On April 10th I am having a Celebration of Life for Douglas who died July 19, 2009. I just finished the invitations (made them special in his honor) and they will be mailed tomorrow. All of this planning has kept me busy but as I was addressing the envelopes my eyes teared up and a wave of initial grief passed over me. As I think about it I was worried that this Celebration of Life would mean that I was moving on and would forget Douglas. I cannot imagine ever forgetting this wonderful and incredible person. It was his desire not to have a traditional funeral and that is why the Celebration of Life. Out of respect to his parents I did have a military funeral at the Veteran's Cemetery in Kent, WA. It was beautiful -- Marine color guard, 21-gun salute and taps. Douglas was cremated and the urn I had for this service was filled with special items of his plus some ashes. I have the majority of his ashes at home in a very special hand crafted urn and will dispose of them as he wished -- when I am ready! The other day I picked up the shadow box I had made that holds the flag, casings from the 21-gun salute, Marine emblems and plaque with his name, date of birth/death, and service to his country. When the young man brought it out from the back room I broke down in tears. I think I scared him! It is absolutely beautiful and you can bet it will be at the Celebration of Life ceremony along with the many balloons I had made with his picture. They will be released at the end of the ceremony (environmentally safe latex). So, as time marches on I am doing what others before me said would happen. I still love and miss him, I am enjoying the memories we made together in the 31 years we were an item, and I am forging ahead with my "new" normal. I thank all of you for your support and guidance. And I pray that all of us get through this and become the people our loved ones would want us to become.



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Dear Brigitte,

I think the celebration of your Dougla's life is such a beautiful tribute to your husband, the man that you shared so many years together. You will never forget your Douglas, and he knows that. He still alive in your heart, and memories forever!
Do not feel guilt about move on, your husband wants you to be happy and continue your life without him in this earth. I am sure he is watching you from heaven.
My husband John was an Veteran too. He had a family plot for him in a local, cemetery his wishes was to be buried next to his parents. VA also offered me the veterans national cemetery for his burial as well, it is located in Fort worth FL..too far from my home!
I received the american flag, and a certificate of honor from president Obama in my husband's honor....I am so pround of him!
I am not ready to visit his grave yet, I need to get stronger emotionaly....one day I will soon ....I hope.

God bless you!
Dear Brigitte,
What wonderful beautiful words.I wish I had said what you have put here.
When I came to this site all I wanted to do was die.I lost my wife in Oct.2009 and the pain, grief and despair was more than I could overcome,I perfered death than to live withour her.
I rejected any and all thoughts of things getting better.When someone here told me that in time it would be eaiser I thought they did not understand my pain and grief.I loved that lady like no other.
Well I am better.I can look at her pictures and not fall apart, I can smile and laugh now, I can remember our life together and the wonderful memories we made.
I am still in pain, I still grieve, I still cry, but I am going forward. I do not want to stop the pain and grief.I never want to forget one memory of that wonderful lady.I just want to live with all the joy, laughter and yes pain and grief that is part of this life we live.
Last month I posted, Something's got to give.Life or death is what I wanted.I choose life.
Like you Brigitte I want to celebrate her life, I want to tell people how wonderful she was and laugh and smile as I do that.
We never get over the grief and pain, never will.I miss her so much and it hurts so much but now I can celebrate her life instead of wallowing in my own misery as I was doing.
In my start here one lady told me that, Even tho I did not think so, even tho I did not want to hear it,, In time things would get better.
She was so right. Thank you all for helping me get better.
Dear Charles,

It is such a great feeling to celebrate our loved one. Everytime I start talking about Douglas I smile now, I even laugh at some of the antics he pulled, and I still cry when necessary. Eight months ago I never dreamed that I would be at this point in the grief process. Baby steps, that is what it takes to get to where I am now. The Celebration of Life is coming along great. Many friends are so eager to help with the planning. I am having it at a very special resort in my home state (Washington) and so the buffet will be hosted by the facility. But the music will be provided by his friends (Douglas was a musician and recording engineer) and we will dance and sing, wear our tie-dye and groove on out!

Do I miss him -- absolutely and always will. I have accepted that I miss the "physical" Douglas because the spiritual Douglas is and always has been with me. That will never go away. We have all been blessed to have loved and been loved by these incredible people. They are out of pain, watching over us (and you all know that that is a FULL time job -- some of us are more challenging then others!), and they are preparing a place for us once we have finished what we were meant to do on this earth. My Douglas finished his mission on July 17, 2009 -- he always had to be first! I am not searching for my task on earth but living every day to its fullest. That is what he did, what he wants me to do, and the Celebration of Life will continue once I join him.

Things get easier to accept and deal with as time marches on. We will cry, scream, laugh, and look confused, but we will all be doing it together. This group is excellent and I am so very thankful for each of you as I pass through the many stages of grief. Friends -- who could ask for better?

In peace,



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